方格斯的奇幻旅程（2015）

这是一种心理扭曲 多见于年轻人
It is a perversion suffered mostly by the young.
有同样想法的污魔青年们
Like-minded Bogey youths
偷偷聚在一起分享违禁物品
gather furtively to share items of contraband.
尝肥皂 吸爽身粉
Soap is tasted, talcum powder is inhaled,
抚摸柔软的家具罩
soft furniture coverings are caressed.
极端情况下 还会拆开巧克力
In extreme cases, chocolate is unwrapped.
对那些尚未沉迷
For those not yet addicted,
只是稍有点"干净人癖"的怪物来说
but merely Dry Curious,
这是相当危险的一步
this is a perilous step too far.
有什么好玩的东西吗
Anything tasty down there?
你到底想怎样 爸爸
What do you actually want, Dad?
我想要你快乐起来
I want you to be happy.
每当我有事情不确定时
Whenever I'm a bit uncertain about things,
你知道我会干啥吗
you know what I do?
我躺在臭水沟里
I lie in a ditch.
让脏水浸透我身体的每一个缝隙
I let the filthy water run into every crevice of my body.
那有用吗 - 不是一直有用 不是
Does that work? - Not always. No.
但是如果我从沟里爬出来 满身残渣
But if I climb out of the ditch, all richly basted with scum
我仍然感到幻灭
and I still feel disenchanted,
我就会去玩粘猪
I go pigsticking.
你想去试试吗
Do you want to give it a go?
来点成年人的娱乐
Bit of adult entertainment.
你够大了
You're old enough.
生活中越小越好的例子不多 这是其一
One of the few instances in life when smaller is better.
小猪能粘得更牢 看到吧
You get a good stick with a little one, you see?
轮到你了
Your turn.
然后它们会滑下来 你看
Then they slide down, you see.
最后还粘在墙上的获胜
Last one stuck to the wall wins.
几小时玩不够
Hours of fun.
我记得有次和老滚玩 大概是在
I remember this one game with Wallow, back in, ooh...
爸爸 这太悲惨了吧
Dad, this is tragic.
这就是我所期待的东西吗
Is this what I have to look forward to?
儿子 不会比这好更多了
Son, it doesn't get much better than this.
那正是我害怕的地方 - 我不明白
That's what scares me. - I don't understand.
我知道
I know.
你理解不了是因为我和你不一样
You don't understand me because I'm not like you.
霉德 你是我屁♥股♥缝里的有毒污垢
Mould, you are the noxious grime between my buttocks.
你是我身上臭烘烘的溃疡
You are the stinking canker beneath my...
我们还能假装多久呢
How long can we go on pretending?
爸爸
Dad.
我有"干净人癖"
I'm Dry Curious.
没错 你的儿子是个"闻雏菊的"
That's right. Your son is a daisy-sniffer.
别人会怎么议论你
What are they going to say to that down at King Baugeas?
霉德
Mould.
霉德
Mould!
我的儿子才不会
No son of mine...
也许 就是这么回事吧
Well, maybe, that's it, isn't it?
也许我就不是当你儿子的料
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be your son.
我希望你的靴子不是干净的 污魔小子
I hope your boots aren't clean, young bogey-mi-lad,
我刚刚把地板抹脏
I've only just finished scummaging this floor.
你好 亲爱的
Hello, drear.
我去上班了
Off to work.
拿一下我的东西
Just need my things.
方格菌 - 不想聊
Fungus. - Can't talk.
现在不想聊
Can't talk.
父子关系啊
Fathers and sons.
永恒的难题
Eternal conundrum.
你以为自己为他做了个好榜样 可转头一看
You think you're leading by example and then you turn 'round
人家根本都没瞧你
and find they haven't even been looking!
真是白费力气
Total waste of effort.
让你屁都放不出来
Makes you downfarted.
说老实话 你想知道这还有什么意义
Quite frankly, you wonder what's the point.
哦 我这是怎么了
Oh, what's the matter with me?
工作 方格菌
Work, Fungus.
集中精神工作
Focus on the work.
工作永远都会在那里
The work will always be there.
它会吗
Or will it?
要是客户们厌倦了我的惊吓服务怎么办
What if my clients tire of my grisly ministrations?
要是我不干这个工作了会怎样
What if I do not do what I do?
除了哲学聊以慰藉 我将一无所有
I would have nothing but the arid consolations of philosophy.
吾腐坏 故我在
Me putrescent, ergo sum.
"我发臭 故我在"
"I stink, therefore I am."
哦 Harry
Oh, Harry.
Harry Harry
Harry! Harry!
那是什么
What's that?
不过然后 你看这样的情况发生了
But then, there you see, that happens,
感觉像是上♥床♥睡觉时
and it's like getting into bed
发现枕头上有一坨可爱的便便
and finding a lovely poo on your pillow.
可笑的担心 方格菌
Oh, this silly worry, Fungus,
这只是个开头罢了
it's the thin end of the bum wedge.
你一定得振作起来 老渣滓
You've got to pull yourself up by your jockstraps, old scab.
想想霉杜吧
Think about Mildew.
我的鼻孔亲近过的最难闻的女污魔怪
Foulest smelling bogey woman I ever clapped nostrils on.
她从没来过地面
She's never been topside,
她这辈子一次都没上来过 没错
not once in her whole life, and damn right.
地表世界不适合我老婆
The Surface is no place
这样自爱的邋遢女魔怪
for a self-respecting slattern like my wife.
想想霉德吧
Think about Mould.
这就是他想要的东西
This is what he wants.
这些恶劣不堪的整洁和美丽
All this appalling tidiness and beauty.
好看多了
I spruced it up a bit.
哦 糟糕
Oh, bog on a bike!
啊 哦 哦
Ah, oh! Ooh!
这沟不怎么样 但是在这场比赛里 方格菌
Not quite a ditch, I suppose, but in this game, Fungus,
你得接受生活把你抛向何处
you've got to take what life throws you into.
保持冷静
Keep calm
继续前进
and trump on.
Basienka 就这样了吗
Basienka. Is that it?
哦 天哪 - 出什么事了
Oh. Good heavens! - What's going on?
你就是个懦弱神经质的神棍 Harry
You are scaredy spooky superstitious, Harry!
我们的床上有灵外质
There was ectoplasm in our bed.
哦是吗 Harry 灵外质
Is what it was, Harry? Ectoplasm?
是 灵外质
Yes, ectoplasm.
又一家邻居搬走了
Another set of neighbours gone.
我以为我们会非常喜欢他们
I think we could have really liked them
如果我们有机会认识的话
if we'd only got to know them.
噢 干什么
Ow! What?
你干嘛要 什么
Why would you... What's the...
噢 或许不是
Oh, maybe not.
老天爷啊
Bless my rotting thundercrackers!
看看你的指甲 它们是白的
Look at your fingernails. They're white.
晚饭怎么了吗 是闻起来不够糟糕吗
What's the matter with your dinner? Doesn't it smell bad?
哦 我的天
Oh, my bog!
我知道这个味道
I know this.
是薰衣草
That's lavender.
是你身上的味儿
And it's coming from you.
是你的气味 霉德
Your Funk, Mould.
是你的气味
That's your Funk.
你来告诉她 还是我自己说
You going to tell her, or am I?
跟我说什么 你病了吗
Tell me what? Are you ill?
也可以这么说吧
One way of putting it.
拿上外套
Get your coat.
我要给你看些东西
I want to show you something.
坐
Sit.
以女王陛下和污魔王国正义之名 全体起立
All rise for Her Toxicity, sludge Snotsoup, Justice of all Bogeydom.
现在开庭
This court is now in session.
让锈迹斑斑的污魔正义之轮
Let the rusty wheels of Bogey justice
磕磕碜碜地运转起来吧
turn in judderingly inefficient circles.
陈述罪犯的罪行
Describe the sins of the guilty.
是被告 法官大人
The accused, Your Horror.