难处之人（2015）

Difficult People S01E03

Part 5 May 24, 2021, 9:07 a.m.

and it's not venereal.
而且可不是因为性病才这样的
Hey, hi, how are ya?
你怎么样啊?
I'm Billy, I saw Bridget Everett's show
我是比利前几天刚看了布丽姬·埃弗雷特的节目
the other night and your songs are amazing.
你的歌♥好好听啊
I know, right? I'm Julie Kessler.
是吧? 我是朱莉·凯斯勒
I'm such a fan of yours,
是你的死忠粉儿
I wouldn't even know where to begin.
我都不知道要从何说起了
Julie Kessler, don't you write
朱莉·凯斯勒你不是
recaps of TV shows?
写电视节目概述评论的吗?
Yes! You wrote something
是的! 你在《名声大噪》上
really nasty about us on Smash.
把我们写得可差劲了
Well, if I said anything mean about it,
要是我那时候说了什么坏话
I'm sure I was just upset
肯定只是因为
that Ivy didn't get the role of Marilyn.
艾薇没有得到玛里琳这个角色我特别失望
Do you have any idea
你知不知道
how hard we work on those songs?
我们在那些歌♥上下了多少功夫?
And then it's so easy for you
而对你们这些人来说
people to just trash 'em.
把它们当垃圾真是不能再容易了
It wasn't that easy,
也没那么容易啦
I had 300 words due that day by noon.
那天中午我赶了三百字
You here to write some more shit about me online?
你来这儿是不是要在网上写点儿东西黑我
I'm here because the pledge breaks
我在这儿是因为筹款间歇实在是太无聊了
are so boring I decided to help my boyfriend.
所以我决定来帮帮我的男朋友
Oh, great, so now I'm boring.
好极了所以是我很无聊咯
You know what, I'm leaving.
那我走了
What, Mr. Shaiman, no!
什么赛门先生别走!
Tell Harvey and Cheyenne
跟哈韦和夏恩说
I'll meet them at the M&M's store.
我在M&M商店等他们
Oh, thanks a lot, mouse pad.
真是谢谢你啊小鼠标垫
Now with Shaiman gone I have nothing lined up
现在赛门走了下一个筹款间歇
for the next pledge break.
我什么都没得放了
I was just trying to help.
我只是想帮忙嘛
And yet?
还有呢?
Shit.
妈的
Okay, I can fix this.
我能处理好
What if we do your PBS roast idea?
用你的PBS烤肉计划怎么样?
We can't just... we have nothing prepared.
我们不能...我们什么都没准备啊
It's making fun of PBS celebrities.
不过取笑PBS的明星们嘛
We can do it in our sleep.
我们闭着眼都能做啊
Doesn't that go against your whole resolution
那不是有悖于
about being nicer to celebrities?
你要对明星好点儿的决定吗?
Fuck celebrities, I mean,
去他妈的明星吧
except for Wendy Williams.
当然温迪·威廉姆斯除外
Look, you need me and Arthur needs you.
看你需要我亚瑟也需要你
Arthur.
亚瑟
We have an idea.
我们有个主意
Welcome to the first ever PBS roast.
欢迎来到首届PBS烤肉节
Now before we move on, I just want to acknowledge
在我们开始之前呢我想先感谢一下
all of our viewers who are taking time
电视机前所有的观众们
out of not having sex to watch our show.
放弃了性生活来看我们的节目
Thank you so much.
非常感谢你们
Your balls are bluer than Cookie Monster's.
你们的球比甜饼怪还要蓝（芝麻街中的卡♥通♥人物）
And speaking of Sesame Street,
说到芝麻街呢（幼儿教育电视节目）
Maria from Sesame Street
来自芝麻街的玛丽娅
was supposed to be here tonight
今晚本应该到场的
but Charlie Rose wouldn't let her
但是查理•罗斯并不答应
have the night off from cleaning his apartment.
让她度过一个不用打扫公♥寓♥的夜晚
And speaking of Charlie Rose,
说道查理•罗斯呢
this isn't a joke or anything,
这也不是开玩笑啦
but he just seems like a really mean pervert to me,
不过我觉得他看起来就像个性变♥态♥
like the kind of guy that only likes porn
就像是那种只喜欢看后入女性
where a lady is getting it from behind
还要把女性的头按在马桶里的
and her head is in the toilet.
性♥虐♥类小黄♥片♥的人
And I hate to take things into a negative place,
我也不想把事情搞得这么僵
but PBS, I have a beef with you.
不过 PBS 我得跟你们好好谈谈
Why did you cancel Shining Time Station?
为啥把《闪亮的时间站》给砍了？
If there's one thing children love
要是说这里边孩子们会喜欢的
it's having Ringo Starr yell at them about trains.
那就只有林格·斯塔对他们吼叫着讲火车的时候可以算数了
There are so many good shows
有那么多好看的节目
you guys don't play anymore.
可是你们一个都没播过
What about The Frugal Gourmet?
还有《节俭做美食》
Remember that show?
还记得这个节目吗?
That was one of my grandmother's favorites.
那可曾是我奶奶最喜欢的节目
You know, the original title
《节俭做美食》最开始的名字
of The Frugal Gourmet was The Cheap Cut.
叫《越减越便宜》
Or Mr. Bean, everybody loves Mr. Bean.
还有憨豆先生人人都喜欢憨豆先生啊
Hey, Billy, you know, that's what I call my clitoris?
比利你知道我管我的小鲍鱼也叫这个名儿吗？
Oh, wow! Maggie Smith
哇! 玛吉·史密斯
knows what I'm talking about.
一定知道我在说什么
Well, despite an FCC fine
抛开FCC（联邦通信委员会）的罚款
and an email from Gabby firing me,
和加比炒了我的那封邮件不谈
which she later retracted,
而且她后来又撤回了
you guys really saved my patoot.
你们俩真的拯救了我的节目
Yes. Arthur, this video has
当然啦亚瑟这段视频
over 100,000 views already.
已经有过10万的点击量了
Not since the days of Too Many Cooks.
从《人多反误事》之后就再没这么高过了
Do you remember Too Many Cooks?
你们还记得《人多反误事》吗?
No. This video has gotten
并不这个视频所筹到的捐款
so many donations that PBS raised
是PBS有史以来
more money than we ever have.
筹款最对的一次
Over $1,143!
1♥1♥4♥3美元呢!
Oh, Arthur, I'm so proud of you.
亚瑟我真为你骄傲
And I promise going forward,
我答应你要向前看了
I'm gonna give you the five days
我会给你你要求的
a year that you need.
一年五天的自♥由♥时间
Oh, thank you, porcupine,
谢谢你小箭猪
but those days are over for this year.
不过今年难过的日子都过去了
Welcome home. I'll make dinner tonight.
欢迎回家今晚我给你们做饭
Mm-mm, no, we have tickets to Abra Cadouglas,
不用啦我们有阿布拉·卡多格拉的票
then we have to go to that Simpsons party.
看完我们还要去辛普森的派对呢
When did you get tickets for Abra Cadouglas?
你从哪儿搞到的阿布拉·卡多格拉的票？
Well, it was my big play to get Fred back,
本来是我为了追回弗雷德准备的
then he never replied to my email.
但是他都没回我邮件
Fuck Fred. Fuck Fred!
去他妈的弗雷德吧去他妈的弗雷德!
Now if I want to go to a magic show
如果我还愿意跟一个男同去看魔术表演的话
with a gay guy, the only one left
唯一的人选只有
is Neil Patrick Harris.
尼尔·帕特里克·哈里斯
My God, this place is packed.
天哪这地方真是不能再挤了
It's a good thing you got tickets
感恩你能在阿布拉·卡多格拉
before Abra Cadouglas exploded apparently.
被抢爆之前搞到票
Oh, my God, is that Martha Stewart
天哪别告诉我那是玛莎·斯图尔特（美国女性财富人物）
and Nathan Lane?
和内森·连恩（曾为《狮子王》《阿童木》等配音）
I guess Abra's the toast of the town.
看来整个镇子的人都喜欢阿布拉啊
Oh, my God. What?
我的天呐怎么了?
That's Fred.
弗雷德也在
And he brought a date.
还带了个伴儿
The nerve of him.
真♥他♥妈♥有胆
I hate them both. No, no, no,
我讨厌他们俩没事儿啦
you don't have to hate them.
你不用讨厌他们
It's my fault.
是我的错
I was being nice to celebrities
我光顾着对明星友善一点儿
and mean to guys I date.
却对我的约会对象太刻薄了
I should be doing the reverse.
我应该反过来的
Don't be so hard on yourself.
别苛责你自己啦
Ooh! Here we go.
噢! 要开始啦
She's sober, she's magical,
她冷静充满魔力
she's Abra Cadouglas!
她就是阿布拉·卡多格拉!
The road to recovery is long
痊愈之路很长
and so is this scarf.
这条围巾也一样
Oh, it never ends, it never ends.
又臭又长永无尽头