笑料一火车（1998）

Subjects like buggery. You may have read about it in the newspapers.
有时它有其他花名 比如 "如火的爱" 再比如 "做点火腿三明治"
Sometimes it's called other names,like "hot love", or "making a ham sandwich ".
有些人甚至告诉你 它真的"挺"有意思的
Some people may even tell you that it's fun.
谁知道呢 也许你的朋友琢磨着搞你"挺"有意思呢
Who knows, maybe one of your friends thinks it might be fun to bugger you.
Charlie的女朋友真的是个"女"朋友吗
Is Charlie's girlfriend really a girlfriend?
还是 丫压根就是个男的
Or is she another man?
毕竟 你只在Plymouth见过她一次
After all, you only met her that one time in Plymouth,
舞厅里灯光昏暗 哦 是啊
when the light in the discotheque was very poor. Oh, yes.
鸡♥奸♥
"真的只是一丁丁的有趣啦"
科迪兹城♥堡♥
-你有火吗 -有的
- Hast du Feuer? - Ja, komme ich（德文）
别动 别出声 明白吗 嘘
Stay still.Don"t make a sound. OK? Sh.
去他妈的 我日 日
BIoody hell! Bollocks! Bollocks!
不好意思 干 干 干 干 干啊
Sorry. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
掐我 掐我 掐我 掐我
Pinch me. Pinch me.Pinch me. Pinch me. Tss...
哦 你这是干啥呢 去他妈的
Oh, what is the point? Bloody hell!
阿嚏
Atchoo!
哦 看在上帝的份儿上 这他妈就是 我♥干♥ 我♥干♥ 我♥干♥ 我♥干♥ 干咧
Oh, for goodness'sake, it's just...Bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody hell! Bloody...
我-日-！天哪
I-I-I-I... God!
我去拿一下那个手绢
I'II just get that handkerchief.
-没事的 我就去一下下 -别去
- It's all right. I'II just be a sec. - No.
我真♥他♥妈♥的倒霉啊
Of all the beastly Iuck...
真是一团糟啊 当然啦 接着 Arthur Askey（英国喜剧演员）就转过来对我说
Complete pandemonium. Of course, it was then that dear Arthur Askey turned to me
"没事的 宝贝 你要是扮演Richard IV（英剧《黑爵士》中人物）一定特顺手呀"
and said, "It's all right, darling, if you ever play Richard IV, it'll come in very handy!"
那是一定的 你没见着Arthur是如何不愿离开那椅子的吧
Of course, you couldn't see that dear Arthur was clinging on to that chair for dear life.
是啊 丫一定摔断脖子 对不对
Yes, he would have broken his bloody neck, wouldn’t he?
但 我还要借着这个机会说 能和你共事真是太好了
But I would Iike to take this opportunity to say that it was wonderful working with you.
-我也是 亲爱的 -您非常的与众不同
- And you, darling. - You"re a very special Iady.
不仅是你格外的有趣 而且 你还是一位拥有金子般心灵的好演员
Not only are you tremendous fun, but you"re a marvellous actress with a heart of gold.
-上帝保佑你 亲爱的 谢谢 -上帝保佑你 谢谢
- BIess you, my darling. Thank you.
- BIess you. Thank you.
女士们 先生们 John Winstanley
Ladies and gentlemen, John Winstanley.
谢谢你 John 好了 在这样的成功之后 你又去西区舞台上参演了
Thank you, John. Well, after that success,you went on to star in the West End
无数的戏剧 电影和电视剧集
in numerous plays and many films and television shows.
但这时 你的人生投下了一片阴影 你的丈夫Billy 生了重病
But there was a cloud on the horizon, when your husband Billy became seriously ill.
Billy生的是一种很少见的疾病 柏辽兹综合征
Billy developed a rare disease -Berlioz Syndrome.
早期症状主要为轻微流感 但是很快他的脑部就萎缩到橙子大小
The early symptoms resembled mild flu, but soon his brain shrunk to the size of an orange
脓和黏液顺着耳朵流出来 头骨上出现长长的裂缝
and pus and mucus began to ooze out of his ears. Before long, cracks appeared in his skull.
血液与筋膜进入消化系统
Blood and membrane entered his digestive system.
眼眶上满黏着液体 毛发在头腔内部生长
Fluid congealed in his eye sockets, and he began to grow hair internally.
手指甲与脚趾甲脱落
His finger and toenails fell out.
腋窝的活动范围缩小为之前的十分之一
His armpits began to function at ten per cent of their previous capacity.
神经细胞与头腔内部毛囊细胞纠缠在一起
His nerve cells became entangled with the internal hair follicles,
性器官勃起伴随着极度折磨的痛苦
while any erection was accompanied by excruciating and unbearable pain.
性生活方面他也不能再满足你了
He was unable to satisfy you sexually.
同时 他还得了破伤风 手部与腿部的骨骼呈现液化状态
He also developed lockjaw and the bones in his arms and legs liquefied.
丧失了进食 进水 排汗与排泄的生理机能
He was unable to eat, drink,sweat, or defecate,
而且脸部一天二十四小时向外排汽
and steam pumped out of his face 24 hours a day.
他的血肉溶成一球
Every one of his features merged into the other .
皮肤从骨骼上脱落 堆在地板上
The skin fell off his bones and crumpled on the floor.
最终 在1962年 医生不得不在肠线上重造了个躯壳给他
Finally, in 1962, the doctors were forced to reconstruct his entire body from catgut.
-但也不光是坏消息 -是啊 也有好事
- But it wasn"t all bad news. - That"s right.
那一年 我刚好同Junie Whitfield（英国女演员）合作 做我第一个情景喜剧
That was the year that I did my first sitcom with Junie Whitfield.
-这真是有意思 -自从安了这三台机器
- This is very interesting. - Since we had these machines installed,
工厂生产力上升了 我们都很满意
productivity in this factory has gone up,so we're very happy.
真的吗 你们所有的东西都是在这里印刷的 是吗
Really? And you print all sorts of things here, don't you?
是的 当然 我们尽力满足顾客的所有需求
Yes, we do.We look after all your printing needs.
-你们有多少雇员 -现在这个车间里差不多有十五个
- How many people do you employ here? - About 15 at the moment, in this unit.
-这个城里差不多总共有50到60个 -你们有欧洲客人吗
- In the town we"re responsible for 50 or 60. - Do you have many European customers?
是的 特别是北欧那边的 瑞典哪 丹麦哪 你知道的
Yes, Scandinavia, particularly. Sweden. Denmark, you know.
唔 这儿真是个很成功的英国工厂哪
Mm-hm. It really is a great British success story.
当然 当然
Yes, it is.
我希望出口税上的减免对你们有帮助 嗷
I hope you"ve found the reduction in export duty helpful. Ow.
-对不起 部长 您还好吗 -还好
- Sorry, Minister. Are you OK? - Yes.
-我刚用锅砸了您一下 -好吧
- I just hit you with this. - Right.
-部长 我觉得我们应该继续走 -好的 走着吧
- Minister, I think we should move on. - OK. Right.
我对这个挺感兴趣的 因为作为一...
I'm just interested in this, because as a...
嗷 哦
Ow! Ooh.
-我真的觉得我们应该继续 -好的 我们迟到了吗
- I really think we should move on. - OK, we're running Iate?
不是 是因为Purves砸您的头
No, it's just that Mr Purves is hitting you on the head.
是的 是的 当然啦
Yes. Yes, of course.
好吧 非常感谢你领着我们参观工厂
OK, well, thank you so much for showing us round the factory.
-我的荣幸 -真不 嗷！
- It"s been my pleasure. - It"s fasc... Ow!
嗷！嗷！
Ow! Ow!
嗷！嗷！
Ow! Ow!
嗷！嗷！
Ow! Ow!
嗷！
Ow!
嗷！
Ow!
嗷！嗷！
Ow! Ow!
嗷！嗷！
Ow! Ow!
嗷！
Ow!
嗷！
Ow!
-好的 谢谢 -谢谢 John 很高兴见着你
- Right, thank you. - Thanks, John. Good to see you again.
-我们继续吧 部长 -当然 John 当然
- Shall we move on, Minister? - Yes, John, yeah.
好了 伙计们这个时刻终于到来了 我们训练了那么久就是为了现在 这可不是闹着玩的
OK, guys, this is it. This is what we've trained for. 18 months, it's no game.
这是非常严肃的事情 任何人想要退出 现在就退出
This is deadly serious.Anyone want to step out now, step out now.
我们要完成这项工作 迅速 冷静 利索
Get the job done, get it done quick,clinical, clean.
好了
OK.
快！快！
Go! Go!
快! 快! 快! 快! 快! 快!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
让乘客先下车
Let the passengers off first.
哦 等等 这是伦敦北部一站吗
Oh, hang on, is this East Finchley?
伙计们 伙计们
Guys! Guys!
我们觉得要个孩子可以让我们之间更亲密
We thought having a baby might help cement our relationship.
嗯 现在这个时代 同性恋是可以合法领养的了
Well, as it stands at the moment,gay men can legally adopt,
但恐怕远远不是那么简单
but I'm afraid it's far from simple.
首先你们要说服当局你们有能力照料一个孩子
You"d have to first satisfy the authorities that you're able to look after a child
是照料孩子的合适人选
and fit to look after a child.
-我们并没有考虑领养 -这可离我们的想法太远啦
- We haven't been considering adoption. - That would be much further down the Iine.
好吧 好吧 那这种情况下你们一定得考虑代♥孕♥了
Right, OK, in that case you must be thinking of surrogacy.
嗯 这又是我们保底的选择
Um, again, that would be an option that would be very much a last resort.
我们还在尝试那些普通的方法
We"re still trying the usual methods.
-我们总是上♥床♥ -是 但
- We make Iove all the time. - Yeah, uh...
我们所有的体♥位♥都试过了 但就是造不出个孩子来
We"ve tried every position,but we just can't seem to make a baby.
所以我们想着能不能用一些催生的疗法 或者
So we thought perhaps something along the lines of fertility treatment, or...
好吧 嗯
Right. Um...
对不起 我不是 不是很明白
Sorry, I don't quite, uh... underst...
你们是不是想要怀上孩子
Are you actually trying to conceive a child?.
眼下我们就是挺失望的 我们 尽管总是上♥床♥ 我们就是
We're just frustrated that at this stage we... Despite making love all the time, we just...
我们俩谁也怀不上孕
Neither of us can manage to get pregnant.
但你们都是男的
But you're both men.
-你是在说男的就不能成为父亲了 是吗 -我不明白
- Are you saying men can"t be fathers? - I don"t understand.
不 很明显 我的意思是 男人能成为父亲 但是男人不能 唔 怀孕
No, obviously, I mean, men can be fathers,but men can't, uh, get pregnant.
你知道的 你没有子♥宫♥啊
You know, I mean you... you don't have a womb.
额
Well..
我们已经打算给小宝宝空出来个房♥间呢
We were thinking of turning the spare room into a room for the baby.
不是房♥间 是子♥宫♥
No, not a room, a womb.
我把这个给你写下来吧
Let me write it down for you.
-子♥宫♥ -那是啥
- "Womb." - What's that?
那它是 是像一个标签?
Is it, um... is it like a Womble?
抱歉 我好像帮不了你了
I really don't think I'm going to be able to help you, I'm sorry.
哦 好吧
Oh, well.
那我们就要去别的地方了
We'II have to go elsewhere, then, I suppose.
上一下网试试
Try the internet.
-甜心儿 玩儿的开心吗 -当然 我们玩了击鼓传花
- Hello, sugar, did you have a nice time? - Yeah, we played pass the parcel.
是吗 你一定是Lucy吧 是的 我们要带你回家 那就来吧
Did you? You must be Lucy, then? Yeah,we're going to take you home? Come on then.
Lucy是这吗 33号♥
There we are, Lucy, number 33,that's right, isn't it?
嗨
Hi.
-Vaughan先生 -是的 嗨 亲爱的聚会怎么样?
- Mr Vaughan? - Yeah, yeah. Hi, darling, good party?
是的 进来坐一下吗
Good-oh. Would you Iike to come in?
不了
No.
呃 不了 Jessica还在车里