小丑梦摇篮（2016）

- Connect Four? - There you go. Yeah.
-看起来不错 -是跳棋那样的吗
- That's interesting. - Oh, is that checkers?
是那种立起来的跳棋
It's kind of like checkers but standing up.
-我才不想要 -是啊 这游戏有点弱智
- Oh, I don't want that. - Yeah, it's stupid.
你的孩子什么样的性格
What do your kids like?
一个争强好胜 另一个满脑子鬼点子
Well, one's competitive, and one's very creative.
双胞胎 想想吧
Twins. Go figure.
-噢 -听起来他们好像很聪明
- Oh. - They sound really smart.
"头脑风暴"怎么样
Um, how about Cranium?
就它了 扔进去吧
I'll take it. Just throw it in there.
-好了 -谢了
- All right. - Thank you.
别客气 玩的愉快
You're welcome. Have a fun game night.
肯定的 绝对是头脑风暴
"Cranium" It is. We will.
-真不错 -谢谢你
- All right, excellent. - Thank you.
保重
Take care.
这是你的破车轮胎
Here's your dumb monocycle.
这样就对了
There we go.
另外我在你的所有东西上都踩了几脚
Plus I rubbed my feet on everything that you own,
所以你的东西现在都有股脚臭味
so everything that you own smells like feet.
-我还在你袜子上放了屁 -是吗
- I also farted on your socks. - Did you?
我冲着你恶心的臭袜子上放了屁
I farted on your dirty socks,
所以你的臭袜子不仅有袜子的臭味还有我的屁臭
so your dirty socks smell like dirty socks and farts.
戴尔 你真不错
Dale, good for you.
好了 我要去小憩了
Anyway, I'm gonna take a nap.
啦 嘀 哒 快看啊 我是奇普▪巴斯克兹
La-di-da! Look at me! I'm Chip Baskets!
我是在法国受过训练的小丑
I'm a French trained clown.
我喜欢把法式炸薯条插♥进♥我的屁♥股♥里
I like to stick french fries up my ass.
我不喜欢我的双胞胎兄弟
I'm not appreciative of my twin brother,
因为我超级自私
because I'm too selfish!
不要弄疼我了
Hey! Don't hurt me!
奇普 你就是坨屎
Chip, you're a piece of shit.
滚开 你这只肥猪
Get over, you fat pig!
嗨 亚当斯先生
Hi, Mr. Adams.
都还好吗
Everything okay?
很好很好 亚当斯先生
Everything's fine, Mr. Adams.
-那你妈在家吗 -没 她出去了
- Okay, your mom home? - No, she's out!
好的 告诉她 我注意到
Okay, well, tell her I noticed
她的喷水龙头已经漏了一天了
her sprinklers were going off in the middle of the day,
-而我们现在很缺水 -谢谢您了
- and we're in a drought. - Thank you.
在家庭危机时 我们不需要言辞说教
We don't need a lecture right now during a family emergency.
你不必向我道歉
You don't have to apologize to me,
向加利福尼亚道歉吧
apologize to the state of California.
没问题 回你的狗屁游戏里去吧
Okay! Go back into your stupid video games
还有你的儿童色情片
and your child porn.
你落在我手里了
Your butt is mine!
我要揍扁你
Your ass is grass, son!
这显示的是无效
It says declined.
无效
Declined?
让我再试试
Let me try it again.
无效
"Declined."
还是无效
Still says declined.
那不可能的
Well, that can't be right.
让我打个电♥话♥给银行
Let me call the bank.
所以您的付款显示
So your billing indicates
因您近期有些不寻常的旅行消费
you did some recent out of the ordinary travel,
所以你的账户被银行标记了
so your account was flagged.
没错 我去了卡马里奥 那里真不错
Uh, yes, I went to Camarillo. It was, uh, lovely.
很显然 您在那里花了一万美元
Apparently there was a $10,000 hold for,
用作监狱保释费
it says here, bail at a prison?
是的 没错 没错
Yes, yes, yes.
好的 很庆幸那是您本人消费
Okay. Good to know that was you.
如果您的信♥用♥卡♥可以开始使用了 我们将尽快通知您
We'll notify you shortly when your card is up and running.
-为您带来不便敬请谅解 -谢谢
- Sorry for the inconvenience. - Thank you.
我们很看重对顾客的服务 如果您不介意...
We cherish our customer service, so if you wouldn't mind...
-玛莎 -噢 巴斯克兹太太
- Hi, Martha. - Oh, hi, Mrs. Baskets.
你怎么进来的
How did you get in here?
走进来的
Walked.
那好的，很开心见到你
Well, um, it's good to see you.
我以前从未来过好市多的后台
I never been backstage at Costco before.
真是棒啊
It's fantastic.
哇 你在这里工作
You work here? Whoo!
我的信♥用♥卡♥出了些问题
Anyway, I just have some snafu with my credit card.
你知道的 现代芯片 然后一扫 然后...
You know, modern chips, and sliding them, and...
噢
Oh.
所以我想 这样如何
So I thought, "What about this?"
回来
Come back.
-带上玛莎去吃午餐 -噢
- Take Martha to lunch! - Oh, wow.
那听起来真的不错 巴斯克兹太太
That's really nice, Mrs. Baskets,
可是我现在在上班
but I'm actually working right now.
他们不会在乎你是不是要去吃午餐
These people don't care if you go have lunch.
你们不在意 是吧
You guys don't care, do you?
看吧 他们根本不在意
See? They don't care.
而且我听到了有人说是
I heard a yes.
玛莎 热狗餐台现在可是
Martha, the hot dog patio right now
琳琅满目
is beautiful.
走吧 咱们去开开心心吃点
Come on, let's have a little fun.
你知道那首 "女孩们要找乐子" 的歌♥吧
You know that song, "Girls Gotta Have Fun"?
是 "女孩们只想玩乐" 吗
Uh. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"?
没错 就是那个
Yeah, that was it.
-好的 -棒 走吧
- Okay. - Yay! Come on!
好吧 我收拾收拾
Okay, great. Let me get my stuff.
你毁了所有事情 不是吗
You ruin everything, don't you?
这让你想起了小时候是吗 围着桌子追你
This remind you of childhood? Chasing you around a table,
因为你老是把事情搞砸
'cause you always screw thing up?
玛莎本应是我的女朋友
Martha was gonna be my girlfriend
直到你横插一脚
until you came along.
戴尔 她先是我的朋友
Dale, she was my friend first.
-玛莎是个有性需求的女人 -不 不是这样的
- Martha's a woman that needs. - No, she's not.
没错 就是这样
Oh, yes, she is.
因为我们啪啪啪时
Because when we were doing the old in-and-out,
她享受极了
she loved it.
我还和你的法国娇妻啪啪啪过
I also had sex with your little Frenchie wife.
-不 你没有 -我有
- No, you didn't. - Yeah, I did.
我假装成你 然后和她滚床单
I pretended to be you and had sex with her.
好了 我知道你在撒谎 她才不会和我啪啪啪
Now I know you're lying. She would never have sex with me.
那可真是可悲啊 奇普
Well, that's just sad, Chip.
我知道
Yeah, I know.
真的可悲
That's really sad.
好吧 如果我说我和你的妻子妮可上过床
Well, I had sex with your wife, Nicole.
你会怎么想
What do you think about that?
你和妮可...
You had sex...
上了床
with Nicole?
不 很显然我是逗你的 我...
No, obviously that's not true. I just...
你很喜欢开玩笑 是吗
You like to joke around, do you?
你怎么能对我做这样的事
How could you do this to me?
我的人生才不是你所谓的某种玩笑
My life is not some kind of joke!
-戴尔 -不是玩笑
- Dale! - Not a joke!
戴尔 戴尔
Dale! Dale!
你要把马桶拉断了
You're dislodging the toilet!
粪水蹦出来了
Shit water!
天呐 去你的
Oh, my god! God damn it!
玛莎 你能保守秘密吗
Martha, can you keep a secret?
不行 实际上我有点大嘴巴
Um, no, I'm actually a bit of a snitch.
无所谓啦 我遇见了一个人
Who cares? I met someone.
-你有男朋友了 -不 不 不是那回事儿
- You have a boyfriend? - Oh, no, nothing like that.
但是有那种感觉
But there was a vibe.
什么样的感觉
What kind of vibe?
我们去罗纳德▪里根图书馆时
We went to the Ronald Reagan Library,
他把他的手搭在了我的背上
and he put his hand on my back.
-哇哦 -怎么了
- Wow. - What?
那一般说明他想跟你上♥床♥