驯鹿宝贝（2024）

空间
Space.
你想远离我?
Fr... from me?
你想分手吗?
From us?
你在胡说什么啊? 我们根本没在一起过 真♥他♥妈♥见鬼
Oh, what are you talking about? There is no us! Fucking hell.
无论我跟你说什么
I can say anything to you, can't I,
你都只会选择性地听自己想听的话
and you'll just pick and choose the bits you want to hear.
瞧你这副样子
I mean, look at you,
这么看着我 就好像...
staring at me like...
好像什么?
Like what?
我是说...
I mean...
你真的认为我们在交往 是吗?
you believe it, don't you?
玛莎
Martha.
我要跟你分手
I'm breaking up with you.
不
Oh no.
不要啊
Oh no.
不要 求你了 别跟我分手
Oh no, please. No, don't.
不要分手
Oh no, oh no, oh no.
求你了
Please.
- 我不会再去那里了 - 不 别这样好吗?玛莎
- I'll stop, I'll stop. - No, don't do that, Martha, okay?
听我说 好吗? 你听我说
- Don't. Just listen to me, okay? Listen. - Oh no.
别把这当成一种失去 把它视为收获吧
Don't think of this as something you lost. Think of it as something you gained.
如果你现在放手
If you stop now
再也别联♥系♥我
and never contact me again,
还能留下美好的回忆 不是吗?
it's almost been perfect, hasn't it?
一段耐人寻味的 童话般的回忆
This fairy tale to look back on.
但要不想让童话破灭
But for it to remain a fairy tale,
你现在就得注重分手后的界限
you now need to respect the boundaries of the breakup.
你不想破坏童话的结局 对吧?
You wouldn't wanna spoil that fairy-tale ending, would you?
不想
No.
不想
No.
我不会的 弗兰基
I wouldn't, Frankie.
我不会破坏我们曾经拥有的一切
I won't do nothing to harm what we had.
失落、空嘘... 我知道你也系认真的 你的眼神...
看来介次要真的说再见了
我爱你 小驯鹿 泥永远在我心里
从我的iPhone发送
好的 各位 听好了
Okay, guys. All right, listen up.
欢迎进入半决赛 你们每人有五分钟的表演时间
Welcome to the semifinals. You each have five minutes.
红灯会在计时结束前15秒开始闪烁
The red light will flash 15 seconds before the end,
谁超过了指定的时间 就会被取消资格
and if you go over your allotted time, you will be disqualified.
- 这位是主持人格兰达 - 大家好
- Now, Glenda here is your compère. - Sup, guys?
你们有任何要求 或者不明白的地方 都可以找她
So any requests, specific introductions, she's your man.
好了 祝各位好运
Right. Good luck, everyone.
我在心里将这场演出当作了 我所有问题的答案
I had built this gig up in my head as the answer to all my problems.
只要晋级决赛
Getting to the final might be enough
或许我就能走出过去几年的阴影
to drag me out of the hell of the past few years.
没有了玛莎的纠缠 我真的感觉前路已经畅通无阻了
And with Martha gone, it really felt like there was nothing in my way.
直到...
That was until...
泰瑞
Teri.
- 搞什么呀? - 不客气
- What the hell? - Warm welcome.
不 只是...
No, no, it's just...
我已经好几周没见到你了
I haven't seen you for weeks.
- 你来这里做什么? - 来观看演出
- What are you doing here? - Coming to see the show.
- 你开玩笑的吧? - 不能更认真了
- You can't be serious. Deadly.
我想做个彻底的了结
If anything's gonna give me closure,
看你在好几百人面前一败涂地 这方法再合适不过了
it's seeing you fail spectacularly in front of hundreds of people.
20个人够吗?
Will 20 do?
抱歉 这些是?
And, sorry, these are?
我的朋友
Oh. My friends.
他们来防止我再次因为某个渣男
They're here to stop me sliding into a familiar pattern
而做出各种丢脸的事情
of shame-based behavior with horrible men.
幸会
Nice to meet you.
好吧 要说我先前没觉得紧张 现在我真的紧张起来了
Well, if I wasn't nervous before, I am now.
很好 我们可是很难取悦的哦
Good. We're very hard to please.
快来 哥们 我要开门了
Come on, bro. I need to open the doors.
好的 抱歉 我马上过去 好吗? 很快就好
Yeah, sorry. I'll... I'll be right up, okay? I'll be two seconds, yeah?
抱歉 我也不知为何刚才说要留下 我得上去了 祝你们愉快
Sorry, I don't know why I opted to stay. I'm gonna go too. Enjoy the show.
所以爸爸 如果你在看演出...
So, Dad, if you're watching this...
- 天哪 真要命 天啊 - ...穿条裤子吧
- Oh, Jesus. Oh, fucking hell. Jesus. - ...put on some trousers.
待会儿要我介绍一下你吗?
You want an introduction?
要的 你能说我有点疯癫吗?
Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can you introduce me as a little bit mad?
给观众一点心理准备 因为我的演出有些与众不同
It might help set up the audience for something a little bit different.
当然 下一个就到你了 祝你好运 伙计
Sure. You're on next. Good luck, mate.
好的 谢谢
- 好样的 很棒的表演 - 怎么样 精彩吗 女士们先生们?
- Well done. That was great. How good was that?
好的 接下来这位艺人真是个疯子
Okay. Now, your next act is mental.
他一直在后台跟踪骚扰我们 大伙儿都吓得够呛
He's been stalking about backstage, freaking us all out.
这也太夸张了
That's too much.
所以 大伙儿最好看紧自己的女儿...
So you're gonna have to lock up your daughters.
她把我说成个变♥态♥了
Makes me sound like a pervert.
- ...让我们欢迎他上台... - 见鬼
Please welcome to the stage... - Fuck's sake!
- ...唐尼·邓恩 - 好吧 来了
...Donny Dunn! - All right, yeah.
对 那个...
Yeah, that's...
对 抱歉 不用看那么紧的
Uh, yeah, sorry. Uh, leave those doors unlocked.
这不是玩笑
That's... Yep, that's not a joke.
就是那个...我不会跟踪你们的女儿 这话说得我像是个...
It's just... I'm not after your daughters. That makes me sound like a... a...
我不是变♥态♥
I'm not a pervert.
其实我觉得这句话很奇怪 "看紧你们的女儿"
I've always found that phrase weird. "Lock up your daughters."
难道要把全城的女人关起来 而不去解决那个变♥态♥吗?
Like they lock up all the women in town, instead of dealing with the one pervert.
结果不是适得其反吗?
Talk about counterproductive.
好吧 我假设那是个变♥态♥ 他也有可能
I... I assume he's a pervert anyway. I mean, he could be, like, a... like a...
是个连环杀人犯 或者对年轻姑娘
serial killer or something, you know, with a
有特殊嗜好的
particular penchant for, uh,
禽兽
young girls.
所以 对 我不会跟踪你们的女儿 只是想事先声明这点
So, yeah, not after your daughters. Uh, just wanna make that clear up top.
我来自苏格兰 所以我渴望的是你们的糕点
I'm from Scotland originally, so it's your pastries I'm after.
我知道我听起来不像苏格兰人
I know I don't sound Scottish,
但作为证据 瞧我这副德行吧
but if you need proof, just look at the state of me.
我才刚满16岁哦
I've just turned 16.
好的 很好 对 好了 我要开始搞笑了
All right, good. Yeah. All right, let's do some jokes.
唐尼·邓恩
Donny Dunn.
三个礼拜前 我女朋友来找我
So three weeks ago, my girlfriend came up to me,
她说想试试跟我玩双修
and she says she really wants to try tantric sex,
就是那种延迟性高♥潮♥的房♥中术
the art of delaying an orgasm.
我回答说:"嘿 我跟你交往了五年
So I replied, "Hey, I've been going out with you for five years,
你一次高♥潮♥都没到过
and you haven't come once."
还想要我怎样?"
"What more do you want from me?"
唐尼·邓恩
Donny Dunn.
两周前 我女朋友来找我说
Two weeks ago, my girlfriend came up to me and said,
"我觉得我们俩不合适"
"I just think we're not working as lovers."
我回答道:"噢 拜托
To which I replied, "Oh, come on."
之前你不想做我表妹了 也是这么说的"
"That's what you said about the cousins thing."
唐尼·邓恩
Donny Dunn.
那之后又过了一周 她来找我说
Then one week after that, she came up to me and she said,
"我想离开你"
"I'm thinking of leaving you."
我的回答是
To which I replied,
"求你了 不要"
"Please. No."
唐尼·邓恩
Donny Dunn.
好吧 对了 我们来上道具吧 好的
All right, um, yeah. Let's do some... Let's do some prop stuff. All right.
♪ 钟情于你 ♪
♪ Especially for you ♪
♪ 多想你知道 我饱受煎熬 ♪
♪ I wanna let you know What I was going through ♪
♪ 分开的日子里 不停思念你 ♪
♪ All the time we were apart I thought of you ♪
谢谢 那我继续了
Thanks for that. Moving on.
我好想你
I miss you.
我也想你 陌生的女士
Um, I miss you too, random stranger.
我才不是什么陌生人 我是你的前女友
I'm not a random stranger. I'm your ex.
别这么无情呀
Don't be so cruel.
你刚才说的前女友是谁?
Who's that girl you were talking about?
是你脸书上那个琪莉吗?
Is that Keeley from your Facebook?
不 那是我虚构出来的人物 有一种东西叫小说 知道吗?
No, it's a little thing called fiction, actually.
你看《权力的游戏》时
Just so you know, when you watch Game of Thrones,
知道里面那些不是真的龙吧?
those aren't real dragons, you do realize that?
真搞不懂他们为什么都在笑 你讲的笑话烂透了