美猴王（2023）

打败了一百个妖怪
One hundred demons defeated.
哇 真是了不起的成就
Wow. What an accomplishment.
众仙可以张开双手欢迎我了
The Immortal Ones can welcome me with open arms now.
就现在
I said now!
现在 喂 这玩意儿开了吗
Now? Hello? This thing on?
他们来了 快看 农民
They're here! See, peasants!
看这我升♥天♥吧
Behold as I ascend!
你
You!
你不是英雄 你是小偷
You are no hero! You're a thief!
你不是神仙
Aw, you're not the Immortal Ones.
糟糕
Uh-oh.
那是我的
That is mine!
怎么了 金箍棒 你认识这傻子
What's wrong, Stick? You know this chump?
金箍棒 你从没跟我说过话
Stick? You never talked to me.
喂 你到底是谁
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Who are you anyway?
我是海底统治者…
I am the undersea ruler of the--
什么 -看他的脸
What? -Oh, look at his face.
湿度低 干燥气候
Low humidity. Arid climate.
别看我 不 马上回来
Don't look at me! No, no, no. Be right back.
真令人振奋
So invigorating.
龙之帝国的海底统治者 -什么 拜托
…undersea ruler of the dragon kingdom. -What? Come on.
而你 先生 偷了我的金箍棒
And you, sir, stole my stick.
我没有 我在海底捡到的
No, I didn't. I found it at the bottom of the ocean.
就在俗气的宫殿中间
Right in the middle of some tacky palace.
俗气 一旦我夺回我的金箍棒
Tacky? Once I reclaim my stick,
你和这些吸空气的都将承受我的…
you and all these air-breathers will suffer my… my…
又来
Again?
干燥气候 不 别看
Arid climate. No. Look away!
…承受我的震怒
…suffer my wrath!
应该有道闪电的 就在这儿
There's supposed to be a lightning crash. And there it is.
嘿 八保 我们怎么知道到金箍棒底下了
Hey, Babbo, how will we know when we're under the stick?
简单 金箍棒会在我们上面
Easy. The stick will be right above us.
我们怎么确定拿了正确的棍子
How will we know we took the right stick?
只有一个选择
There's only one choice.
但如果我们选错了呢 八保
But what if we choose wrong, Babbo?
看看那盔甲
Look at that armor.
谁会穿铜镶金啊
Who even wears brass with gold?
伙计 我知道 你喜欢我的金箍棒 大家都喜欢金箍棒
Look, buddy, I hear ya. You love my stick. Everyone loves the stick.
但没人比我更能欣赏金箍棒
But no one appreciates the stick like I do.
安静 金箍棒 大人们在说话呢
Quiet! The grown-ups are talking.
现在你毁了我的专有仪式
And now you're ruining my exclusive ceremony.
重点是 金箍棒哪儿都不会去
Point is, Stick is not going anywhere.
对不对 金箍棒
Ain't that right, Stick?
兄弟
Buddy?
糟糕 -嘿 他们是不是…
Uh-oh. -Hey, are they with--
金箍棒 坚强点 我来了
Stick, stay strong! I'm coming!
糟了
Oh no!
坚持住 金箍棒
Hang on, Stick!
什么
What?
八保 我要吐了
Babbo, I'm gonna get sick!
金箍棒 往左
Stick, left!
往右
And to the right!
哈哈 你错过了
Ha ha! You missed!
金箍棒 亲爱的 我是龙
Stick, darling, it's Dragon.
他是我的 -跳进浴缸
He's mine! -Jump in the tub!
他只听我的 碎皮
He only listens to me, flaky.
我没见着它多爱你啊
I don't see a ring on it, honey!
好痒 剥落了
Itching! Flaking!
当然了 雪崩
Of course! An avalanche.
玩得开心吧
Hit the brake! - Fun ride, huh?
大家再见
See ya!
八保 -诅咒你 重力
Babbo! - Curse you, gravity!
美猴王所向披靡
Ha ha! Monkey King reigns supreme!
金箍棒
Stick!
接住我
Catch me!
我的宫殿不俗气
My palace is not tacky!
抓住你了
Gotcha!
龙王
Dragon King?
别怕 小姑娘 坏人跑掉了
Fear not, little girl. The villain is gone.
也许你没我想的那么没用
Maybe you're not as useless as I thought.
那我可以跟着你吗
So, do I have the job?
不行
Nope.
拜托
Oh, come on.
20分钟了 还没收到玉帝的邀请
Twenty minutes, and still no invite from the Jade Emperor.
我缺了什么
What am I missing?
永生吗 当然了 不死才能做神仙
Immortality! Of course. It's right in the name.
要成为神仙 我需要不死之身
To become an Immortal One, I need immortality!
也许我能帮上忙
Maybe I can help.
好了 孩子 你看到没
Okay, look, kid. You see this?
你的手掌
Your palm?
不 没错 但不是这个意思 这是我
No! I mean, yes. But no. This here is me.
好吗
Okay?
这个小东西就是你
And this tiny thing is you.
明白吗
Get it now?
我是宇宙之掌
I'm the universe hand,
而你是这个微不足道的没用的小石子
and you're an insignificant, useless pebble.
就算是小石子也能激起千层浪
Even a tiny pebble can make a big ripple, you know.
小石子当然会这么说
That's just what a tiny pebble would say.
好了 金箍棒 得到永生要去哪里
So, Stick, immortality, where do we go?
真的吗
Really?
但要怎么过去
But how do we get there?
墓地 怪瘆人的
A graveyard? Spooky.
墓…
Grave… Gra…
墓地 -你不识字
Graveyard. -You can't read.
我当然会
Of course I can.
那是草 那是天空 那是石头 看到了吗 正在阅读
That's grass. That's the sky. That's a rock. See? Reading.
墓地在那边 -显然是
Graveyard's that way. -Obviously.
不 我们不需要她
No, no, no, no, no. We don't need her.
他想要我来 是不是 -回家吧 孩子
He wants me to come. Doesn't he? -Just go home, kid.
我不能回家 那里有麻烦
I can't go home. There's trouble back there, and it made me do some things.
逼我做了一些我不该做的事
Things I probably shouldn't have done.
你杀了人 -没有
You killed someone? -No!
我总着能做大事 像你一样
I just wanna do big things someday. Like you.
我知道 不 我… 没错 但是…
I know. No. I-- Yes, but--
我们需要识多少字呢
How much reading could we possibly need?
好吧 我说好吧
Fine. I said fine!
助理女孩 你要来吗
So, assistant girl, you coming or what?
现在去哪
So, where to next?
你会知道的
Oh, you'll see.
进去 我们 怎么进去
In there? Us? How?
这个 这就像是贵宾通行证
This. It's like an all-access VIP pass.
任何地方 任何维度 就连死人的国度都能进
Any realm, any dimension. Even the Land of the Dead.
但你没死
But you're not dead.
如果一切顺利 就永远不会死了
And if all goes well, never will be.
好 要融入的话就得打扮一下
Okay. If we're gonna fit in, we gotta dress the part.
什么鬼
What the heck?
不是鬼
Not heck.
是地府
Hell.
跟上
Try to keep up.
我们应该在这里吗
Are we even supposed to be here?
绝对不该 是不是很棒
Absolutely not. Isn't it great?
看 你命里该死的那一天
See, the day you're supposed to die
被记录在生死卷里
is recorded in the Scroll of Life and Death.
但如果我的名字被划掉了
But if my name should somehow get crossed out,
没有死亡登记 猜猜谁永生了
then no death registered, and guess who's immortal?
我
Me!
还有一件事 死在地府就留在地府了 所以别死
One more thing. Die in hell, stay in hell. So don't die.
这是个坏主意
This is a bad idea.
下一个
Next.
装得像幽灵一样
Act like a ghost.