心碎度蜜月

Hey, pussy dick, can you break away for nine holes,
我有事要做 爸
You know what, I'm in the middle of something, Dad!
听我说 所有人都想打出本垒打
Listen, everybody wants to hit homers, right,
但事实上自♥由♥上垒一样好
But the fact is, a walk's as good as a hit!
-真的 -是的
-It is, -Yeah!
这是我听过的最差劲的建议
That's the worst piece of adviceI ever heard!
-看见球你就挥棒击球 猛♥男♥ -别 等等
-Swing at the next one, slugger! -No, wait!
你想让我击球还是再等等
You want me to swing or wait,
听我的 我比他年纪大 挥棒击球
Listen to me, I'm older than him! Swing?
-等等 -击球
-Wait! -Swing?
爸 现在你教坏他了
No, Dad, now you're screwing him up!
老天
Oh, my God!
-爸 就是她 -谁
-Dad, that's her! -Who,
就是我跟你说过的那个女孩 莱拉
That's the girl I was telling you about, Lila!
你得走了
You gotta get out of here!
-走 走吧 走吧 -别紧张 我不会揭你老底
-Go! Go, go, go! -Relax! I'm not gonna blow your cover!
但是把内♥裤♥放在脸上确实是个好主意
But it's nice to put a face to the panties!
你从哪弄来的
Where did you get those,
你能不能镇静一下 不是我要用
Will you calm down, They're not for me!
我只想拿到俱乐部去
I was just gonna bring them by the club?
怎么了 男人不能吹嘘他自己的小孩儿吗
What, A guy can't brag about his own kid,
-不 爸爸 -给我 给我
-No, Dad! Dad! -Give me! Give me!
我在旁边找一件毛衫
I was in the neighborhood looking for a fleece!
哪一个好
What do you think,
品味真不赖
Excellent taste!
这是我老爸
That's my dad!
老爸
Hi, Dad!
很高兴见到你 莱拉
Nice to meet you, Lila!
你怎么知道我的名字
How do you know my name,
好吧 让我揭露个秘密
Okay, cat's out of the bag!
我儿子在人行道上捡到了你的短裤
My son found your panties on the side walk,
我们这一周都在说你
and we've been talking about you all week!
艾迪 把内♥裤♥还给她吧
Eddie, give her back her undies, will you,
给你 我一直替你保管着
Here you go! I was watching those for you,
希望你来我这把它拿走 你真的来了
hoping you'd come in and claim them! It worked out!
-好的 -现在好了
-Okay! -We're good now!
-谢谢你 -不用谢
-Thank you! -You're welcome!
我的活干完了
Okay! My work here is done!
我得走了
Let me go!
他真可爱
He's so cute!
是 他是很可爱
Yeah, he is! He's a cutie!
-你觉得怎么样 -你想用它做什么
-So, what do you think, -Well, what are you looking to do,
你想穿着它去远足 还是在城里散步 或是
You looking to just go hiking, or bopping around town, or
可能两者都有
Little bit of both, probably!
那好 这两个都是易干的面料 这种料很好
Okay, well, they're both quick-dry material, which is good,
它能把皮肤上的汗吸走
cause it wicks away the sweat from the surface,
让汗水很快蒸发掉
allows it to evaporate quickly!
要是让我选 我会选巴塔哥尼亚牌的
But if I was gonna go with one, I'd probably go with the Patagonia,
因为它是百分之百的 再生面料
cause it's 100% recycled material!
你是派迷吗
Hey, you a pie fan,
派迷 你喜欢派吗 对 是派 一种食物
A fan of pie, Do you like pie, The! Pie, Food, Pie!
派 比如苹果派 是的 我喜欢派
Oh, pie! Like apple pie, and! Yeah, I love pie!
去城外
Get out of town!
你是环境研究员
So you're an environmental researcher!
你为什么听起来这么惊讶
Why do you sound so surprised,
不 只是 你知道 你看起来不像是
No, it's just, I mean, you know, you don't really look like
那种典型的科学家
the prototypical scientist type!
也不是真正的科学研究 更像是
Well, it's not really that scientific! It's more, you know!
-只是做些调查 -对 我知道 只是调查
-It's just researching! -Right! I know! Just research!
是的 是
Well, it is!
你肯定把它讲得比实际上简单很多 为了
Well, I'm sure you make it sound much simpler than it is, but!
为了我们这种蠢人 你知道 卖♥♥棒球手套的能明白
For us knuckle heads who, you know, sell baseball gloves!
不 你不是蠢人
No, you're not a knuckle head!
艾迪
Eddie!
我可以和你讲实话吗
Can I be honest with you,
当然
Yeah, sure!
我不是真的想要买♥♥今天那件毛衫
I didn't really need that fleece that I bought today!
我今天来这里只为见你
I came in the store today to see you!
真的
Really,
-是的 -太好了
-Yeah! -Oh, cool!
我的意思是如果你想退掉毛衫 没问题 真的
I mean, if you wanna return the fleece, it's fine, seriously!
不 艾迪 不是 我不是想退掉
Oh, no, Eddie, I don't! I don't wanna return it!
好吧 我想那衣服没什么问题吧
Okay, but just know that that's okay, too!
没问题 我很喜欢
No, I love it!
我是说除了这款之外 别的
I mean, aside from all of this other!
艾迪 我觉得它非常适合我
Eddie, I think it's perfect for me!
你不生气吧
You're not mad,
我当然不生气
Of course I'm not mad!
我不想做任何让你感觉 不舒服的事情 好啦
I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with! Come on!
我知道我很笨 我的意思是
I know it's silly! I mean,
不是因为我还是处♥女♥或别的什么
it's not like I'm a virgin or anything!
莱拉 你不需要向我解释 好吧 真的
Lila, you don't owe meany explanations, okay, Really!
我知道 但是我只想让你明白 我的苦心
I know, but I just want you to understand where I'm coming from!
我只是
I just!
我见过很多人因为匆忙 发生性关系而破坏了一段恋情
I've seen how sleeping together too soon can ruin a relationship,
我不想我们冒这个险
and I don't wanna risk what we have!
因为 我们现在真的 真的太好了
cause what we have is really, really nice!
我记得我们没有着急 对吧
Last time I checked, we're not in a race, right,
太好了
Cool!
-好吧 -好吧
-All right! -All right!
-晚安 -晚安
-Good night! -Night!
睡个好觉
Sleep well!
会的
I will!
艾迪 电♥话♥ 三线 是莱拉
Eddie, phone call, Line 3! It's Lila!
亲爱的 你怎么样
Hey, baby, how you doing,
怎么了
What's wrong,
他们想让你在鹿特丹住多久
How long do they want you to live in Rotterdam,
我不知道 得看改组的进度
I don't know, it depends on the restructuring!
-至少两年 -两年
-I mean, at least two years! -Two years,
可能更长
Maybe more!
两年
Two years,
为什么到德国
Why Germany,
是荷兰
Holland!
你就不会跟他们说 我不想去 我不能去
Can't you just tell them, "I won't do it! I can't do it!
我想做一个研究员但是我不能 我不能去
"I wanna be a researcher, but I'm not, you know, I'm not gonna!"
埃迪 这是我的职业 我不能那么说
Eddie, this is my career! I can't say that!
我明白 但是你就不能 就说 你知道
I understand that, but can't you, like, just say, you know!
就没有别人谁想去的
Isn't there somebody else who wants to go,
没有 就只有我和另一个研究人员 他结婚了
No, it's either me or this other researcher, and he's married!
那又怎样
So what,
已婚的不作调动 这是规矩
So, they don't move married people! It's policy!
这有什么不好
So what are the negatives,
你看 第一点 我才认识她六个星期
Well, for one thing, I've only known her for six weeks!
那可是半个夏天了 艾迪
That's half a summer, Eddie!
我和你妈约会了三次就向她求婚了
I proposed to your mother after three dates!
她带给我人生中最快乐的十♥八♥年♥
She gave me 18 of the best years of my life!
你和裘蒂订婚以后拖了五年 对你有什么好处
You were engaged to Jodi for five years! What good did that do you,
好吧 不过还有别的一些事情
All right, yeah, but there's other stuff, too!
比如
Such as,
她没有什么幽默感
She doesn't have a great sense of humor!
你是不是疯了
Are you out of your mind,
幽默是男人的天性 笨蛋
Funny's a male gene, you idiot!
你没注意过吗 每一个真正幽默的女孩
Haven't you ever noticed, whenever you see a really funny girl
都是有点像男人的
she's a little mannish,
好好想想 莉莉·汤姆林
Think about it! Lily Tomlin,
艾伦·德杰尼勒斯 萝西·欧唐诺
Evelyn DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell!
关于艾伦·德杰尼勒斯 我要保留意见
Oh, I got a thing for Ellen DeGeneres, though!
是 我承认
I do! I have to admit it!
我觉得她很棒很性感 屁♥股♥真漂亮
I think she's great! I think she's hot! Great ass!
想想看
Check it out!
行了 别管那些了 好吗 她很完美