心碎度蜜月

-How, -Ice pick!
-抓到凶手了吗 -是的
-They get the guy, -Yeah!
-凶手叫什么名子 -罗纳德
-What was his name, -Ronald!
布拉德·皮特和拉塞尔·克罗 谁更性感
Brad Pitt, Russell Crowe! Who's hotter,
布拉德·皮特
Brad Pitt!
-什么 我以为你们 -露馅了吧
-What, I thought you! -Yeah, we got you!
不 我以为你们是指 谁事业更成功
No, I thought you meant who's hotter career-wise!
你真是被耍了
You're totally busted!
-同性恋 -同性恋
-Gay! -Gay!
你们才是同性恋
You're gay!
我只是想让你们都知道
And I just want you all to know that
裘蒂是我唯一爱过的女人
Jodi is the only woman I've ever loved!
我想感谢她让我进入她童话般的生活
And I wanna thank her for letting me into her fairytale life!
这并不意味着在我遇见白马王子之前
And that's not to say I didn't have to kiss a few frogs
就没有和癞蛤♥蟆♥好过
before I met my prince!
坎特罗 你听见了吗
Cantrow? Did you hear that,
但是 迈克尔真的是我梦寐以求的丈夫
But seriously, Michael has been the answer to all my prayers!
坦白地说 他也是我爸爸唯一认可的一个
And quite frankly, he's the only guy my father ever approved of!
因为在约我女儿出去的人里
And that's because he's the first guy she ever went out with
他是第一个不那么混♥蛋♥的
who wasn't a total asshole!
好了 好了 感谢你们大家能赶来
All right, all right, okay! Look, thank you all for coming!
我们今天要好好玩一玩 对吧
We're gonna have some fun today, right,
抓住他 他抢了我的手提包 来人 抓住他
Stop him, he's got my purse? Somebody stop him?
站住 站住 让你站住
Hey, stop? Hey, stop? Stop?
滚 没你的事
Fuck off, man? This has nothing to do with you?
冷静 伙计 把手提包给我
Calm down, buddy, give me the purse!
退后 我对天发誓 我要把你头切下来
Back off, man? I swear to God, I'll cut your fucking head off?
-给我 -我要撕烂了你
-Give me the! -I will snap you?
不 伙计 这是我的包
No, man, that's mine! It's mine? Hey, man, man,
这是我的是我的 我的
it's mine! It's mine?
这是我的
It's mine?
妈的
Shit!
他妈的
Shit?
老天 你没事吧
Oh, God, are you okay,
很痛 他向我喷催泪瓦斯
No, it stings! He Maced me!
这只是我的香水
It's just my perfume!
妈的 我真不能相信
Shit, I can't believe this?
我所有的东西都在里面 信♥用♥卡♥ 钱包
I've got everything in there! My credit card, my wallet!
所有的东西都在那包里 驾照 钥匙
Everything is in that bag! My license, my keys,
我的生活
my life!
是 那个人看起来像疯子
Yeah, that guy, he's like a freak!
我的意思是 我我试着拦住他 但是
I mean, I just! I tried to stop him, but!
对不起 我差点就抓住他了
Sorry! I almost had him!
不 不是你的错
No, no, it's not your fault!
我应该 打他一拳 或者别的什么 对不起
I should have, like, punched him or something! I'm sorry!
谢谢 你能帮我真是太好了
Thank you! It was really cool of you to get involved!
-让我帮你捡起来 -谢谢
-Here! Let me help you with this stuff! -Oh, thank you!
对不起 我不是想
Oh! I'm sorry! I don't wanna!
我不知道怎样才不失礼
I don't know what the protocol there is!
好的 我了解 没关系
It's okay! I got it! No problem!
很不错的内衣 好 你可以走了
Okay! Nice undergarment there! So, there you go!
你住在这附近
So, you live around here,
是的 是的 其实离这只有几条街
Yes, I do! Yeah, I do! I actually live a couple blocks down!
就在湾城体育用品店那边
Over by Bay City Sports,
湾城体育用品店 我
Bay City Sports, I!
一个大的体育用品店类似一个体育用品商场
Yeah, a big sports! Sort of sporting goods emporium,
在凡奈斯大道那边
over on Van Ness!
-对 对 我知道在哪 -其实那是我的店
-Yeah, yeah, yeah! I think I know that! -I actually own the place, so!
-好极了 -是 是 挺有意思
-Oh, cool! -Yeah! Yeah, it's fun!
-太好了 我的车来了 -是你的车 好吧
-That's great! Oh, this is me! -That's you, Okay!
我没钱了 钱包被抢走了
I don't have any money! He took my wallet!
等一下 给你 我这有
Wait a minute! Here! I got it!
不 我不是想 你做得够多了
Oh, no! I wasn't saying it to! You've done enough! Really!
不 拿着 请收下 我这有五元零钱 走吧
No! Here! Please! Please! I got a five-spot! Here you go!
走吧 拿着 我银行里
Go ahead! Take it! I got like
存着好几百元呢 没事的
hundreds of dollars in the bank, so I'm good!
那我可不能要你的钱
I can't take it, then!
不 我开玩笑的 我没事的
No, I'm kidding! I do fine!
我不是有钱人 但过得也很舒服
I mean, I'm not rich, I'm comfortable!
没事 你快走快上车吧
I'm good! Go ahead! Get on the thing!
-我收下了 -没问题
-Got it! -All right!
-没事的 -谢谢你
-Take it easy! -Thank you!
没关系
All right!
你叫什么名字
Hey, what's your name,
莱拉
Lila?
莱拉 我叫艾迪艾迪·坎特罗
Lila, I'm Eddie? Eddie! Eddie Cantrow?
好的
Okay?
马的
Shit!
这是你女朋友的
Oh, yeah! This is your girl, Eddie!
我常说从一个女人的内♥裤♥可以了解她很多
I've always said you can tell a lot about a woman by her panties!
你什么时候说过
When have you ever said that,
我说得像新闻联播一样多 你都没注意听而已
I've said it like a mantra! You just don't pay attention!
你拿到她电♥话♥号♥码没
So, did you get her digits,
没有
No, I didn't get her digits!
她刚被抢了 我可不想趁人之危
The girl had just gotten mugged! I wasn't gonna hit on her!
你看她 性感 友善
Wait a second! She's hot, friendly,
今天是情人节 她还是一个人
it's Valentine's Day, she's all alone!
她内♥裤♥上印着你最喜欢的歌♥手
She has David Bowie, your all-time favorite musician
大卫·鲍威的头像
pasted on her undies!
你却不想约她出来
And you don't think to ask her out,
是因为那里发生的事太多了
It was! A lot was going on!
我眼睛刚被喷了香水 很痛
I mean, I had just gotten sprayed in the eye by a very sting-y perfume!
我当时都晕了 我
I was disoriented! I was!
你就没想过追着电车
And it never occurred to you to chase the trolley down the street,
摇着她的内♥裤♥ 喊着她的名字
waving her underwear and calling out her name,
不 我的意思是这个女孩实在是太迷人了
No? I mean, look, this girl was incredibly gorgeous!
她绝不可能还是单身
There's no way in hell she's single!
我肯定她有一个比方说
I'm sure she's got, like,
有亿万财产的男朋友
a dot-combillionaire boyfriend!
一个亿万富翁会让她
A billionaire who makes her do the wash
在情人节去自助洗衣店洗衣服
at a laundromat on Valentine's Day!
行了吧 艾迪 她没有男朋友 是你太胆小了
Come on, Eddie? She was available! You wimped out!
我老婆电♥话♥
Oh, that's my wife!
好
Okay!
亲爱的
Hey, honey!
好
Yeah!
好的 当然 马上就去
Okay, sure, you got it! Right away!
好的 我得尽点丈夫的责任
All right, guys! I'm on husband duty!
大姨妈刚到我家
Aunt Flo just arrived at our house!
谁是大姨妈
Who's Aunt Flo,
泰米来月经了 我得去给她买♥♥点夹心冰淇淋
Tammy just got her period, so gotta pick her up some Maxibons!
有没有什么事情她要你去办
Is there anything that she asks you to do that
你不会马上就去办的
you don't jump to attention for,
没有 怎么 我想让她高兴所
No! Why, I wanna make her happy!
以我也想办法长了点刘海
That's why I grew out the bangs!
真可惜 你让那个女孩走了
Sorry you let that girl go,
艾迪 你像个护花使者
Eddie! Sounded like a keeper!
-谢谢你 我感觉好多了 -不用客气
-Thank you, makes me feel better! -You're welcome!
他说到点子上了
He speak the truth!
你要做的就是约她出去喝咖啡 或者就吃一片派
All you had to do was ask her out for coffee or a goddamn piece of pie!
对 一块派 吃块派就能把她搞定
Oh, pie! Yeah, pie really would've clinched the deal, Dad!
我只是想说你碰巧捡到这样的内♥裤♥
I'm just saying, when you happen on ass-floss like these,
你怎么能就这样让机会溜走
you don't let them get away!
我还要去做牙根管手术呢 你保重
I'm late for a root canal! Be good!
好了 埃尔菲 我们开始
All right, Ralphie, let's go!
妈的 艾迪 我哪做的不对
Shit! Eddie, what am I doing wrong,
首先 你不要挥对方的第一个球
All right! First of all, don't ever swing at the first pitch!
你得有耐心
You gotta be patient!
但是球就在正中♥央♥
But the ball was right down the middle!
其实更高一些 更往里点
It was a little high and inside!
娘娘腔 你有没有空去打高尔夫球