心碎度蜜月

我为蜜月狂
艾迪 最近怎么样 有什么新鲜事没
So, what's new, Eddie, Anything exciting,
我们店里刚进了一批 新的耐克高尔夫球杆
Yeah, we just got those new NikeSasQuatch drivers into the store,
这也算挺不错的
so that's been kind of cool!
让我换个问法 最近有没有操到过B
Let me rephrase the question! You been crushing any pussy,
没有 老爸 我没有没有操到过B
No, Dad, I haven't been crushing any pussy!
说真的呢 和谁交往
Seriously, who you booming,
说真的 爸爸 我没有交女朋友
Dad, seriously, I'm not "booming" anybody,
我现在很少约会
I'm just kind of dating a little right now!
我就不明白你了 你就是不想结婚
I don't get you! You refuse to get married,
可是你并不真的喜欢单身生活
yet you don't really enjoy the fruits of bachelor life!
你就像活在一个炼狱中
It's like you're living in a purgatory over here!
爸 我不是不想结婚
Dad, I don't refuse to get married!
我只是想找一个适合我的
It's just I wanna do it with the right person, okay,
对不起又来催你了 我只是希望你能快乐
I'm sorry to ride you, pal! I just want you to be happy!
我不希望你一个人过情人节
I hate you to be alone on Valentine's Day!
我不会的我要去参加一个婚礼
I won't be! I'm going to a wedding!
你这才像话
Oh! Now you're talking!
婚礼是一个结交女人的好地方
Weddings are a great place to meet women!
谁要结婚了
Who's getting married,
裘蒂
Jodi!
裘蒂
Jodi,
你怎么
What are you,
什么
What,
-你不是说真的吧 -爸 行了吧
-Are you serious, -Dad! Come on!
-艾迪 不要对自己这样 -我和她还是朋友
-Eddie, don't do this to yourself! -We're still friends!
我只是想说 看着你的前未婚妻在情人节结婚
I'm just saying, watching your ex-fiancee walk down the aisle
是不是会让人有点难受
on Valentine's Day might sting a little!
不 过去的都过去了
No! We're way past that!
真的 所有的事都过去了
Really! I mean, if anything, it's gonna be cathartic!
让我最后做个了断
Give me a little closure!
我觉得这是绝对的错误 或许是我太土
I think it's flat-out wrong, but maybe I'm just old-fashioned!
别去参加婚礼了 我们俩去拉斯维加斯
Come on, skip the wedding! You and me, we'll head to Vegas!
也许我们运气好能钓上几个小荡妹
Maybe we'll get lucky and tag-teama couple of broads!
是 钓妹妹
Yeah, I have to say the idea of a tag team
和我七十七岁的老爸一起 真是太诱人了
with my 77-year-old father is extremely tempting,
可是我已经说好要去参加婚礼了
but I already RSVP'd,
所以好意心领了算了吧
so! I appreciate the offer!
走吧
Come on, come on!
请给我来一杯啤酒
Hey, can I get a beer, please,
-再给我一杯鸡尾酒 -好的
-And I will get a Cosmopolitan! -No problem!
时尚 是那种专门给女士喝的
Cosmopolitan, Isn't that sort of a female-type drink,
对 是的 泰米让我喝这种酒的
Oh yeah! Yeah! Tammy turned me on to them!
她喝什么我就喝什么 所以
And I pretty much drink what she drinks, so!
真的吗
Oh! Really,
幸福老婆 幸福生活
Yeah! Happy wife, happy life!
说得好 幸福老婆 幸福生活 我喜欢
That's a good one! "Happy wife, happy life!" I like that!
-还有些押韵呢 一定是真的了 -谢谢你
-Rhymes! Must be true! -Yeah! Thank you!
快看裘蒂 她很看起来很棒 是吧
Wow! Look at Jodi! She looks great, huh,
是 她很迷人
Yeah, she looks really good!
而且她那种长相不容易显老
And she's got the kind of looks that are gonna last, you know,
看她老妈
Look at her mom!
性感母老虎
Oh, what a cougar!
母女俩都有优秀基因
Some good genes there!
行了吧
Hey! Come on!
你和裘蒂都订婚五年了
Look, you had five years to pull the trigger with Jodi, okay,
我记得你和她分手的理由有一大堆
And if I recall, you had plenty of reasons for calling it off!
是 我知道 我正在回忆那些理由都是什么
Yeah! I know! I'm just trying to remember what they were!
天 那可太多了
God, there was a million of them!
她不喜欢我的超棒的橄榄球联合会
She doesn't like my fantasy footballleague!
她从来不和我分享美食
She never shares her food!
她从来也不尝试新的东西
She doesn't try anything new!
你是怎么一回事 那不是我的声音
Man, what are you! That's not my voice!
是你说的 确实是你说的绝对是你说的 一点不差
That's you! That's exactly you! That's spot-on you!
我的声音可不像一只意大利耗子
I don't sound like an Italian mouse!
有点
Little bit!
我可没有这样说话
I do not-a talk-a like this!
没有 好吧 记得这一句
Oh, yeah, Okay, remember this one,
她不喜欢电影疯狂高尔夫
She hates-a Caddyshack-a!
是 你知道她为什么不喜欢疯狂高尔夫吗
Yeah, and you know why she hates-a Caddyshack,
因为她说里面的老鼠做得太假
Cause she said that the gopher looked too fake!
怎么样 够让你烦的了吧
Come on, that would bother you!
太烦了 是太烦了
Oh, totally! Totally!
就因为老鼠做的太假而放弃看那么有趣的电影
Throw away a chance at happiness because the gopher looks fake!
好了 兄弟 你从来都没结过婚
Come on, man! You've never been married!
可你都已经四十岁了
You're 40 years old!
艾迪 按照某种说法你应该闭上眼睛往下跳
Eddie, at some point you're just gonna have to close your eyes and jump!
我跳了 现在没人比我更快乐
I did it! I'm the happiest guy I know!
-艾迪 -你好
-Hey, Eddie! -Oh, hey!
-你好吗 -很好 你怎么样
-How are you, -I'm good! How are you doing,
很好 很好 你伤心了
Good, good! Are you sad,
没有
No!
那好 那好
Oh, good! Good!
麦克 我们得过去了 我们桌子的人都坐好了
Mac, come on, honey, we gotta go! Everyone's already at our table!
-你先走 美女 -这是给我的
-Lead the way, gorgeous! -Is that for me,
-不 是给他的 -不过现在归我了
-No, that's his! -Oh! Well, it's mine now!
艾迪 你在哪一桌
What table you at, Eddie,
我在三十四桌
I am at table 34!
-太不幸了 我们在十一桌 -我们在十一桌
-Oh, too bad! We're at 11! -We're at 11!
-好了 待会儿见 -好的
-Okay! See you later! -All right!
-等会找你跳舞 -好的
-Save me a dance! -Okay!
-别忘了 -不会的
-Don't forget! -I won't!
-麦克 走了 -再见 我得走了
-Mac, come on! -Bye! Gotta go!
干杯
Cheers?
就是这样的
And that was that?
-打扰一下 -怎么了
-Excuse me! -Yeah!
这个婚礼是你操办的吗
Hey, are you running this whole thing,
当然了
Oh, sure!
只要看到第一个同性恋 你就走过去
Walk up to the first homo you see
假定他就是婚礼协管员 是吧 很好
and assume he's the wedding coordinator, right, Nice!
-不 我不是那个意思 -少来这一套
-No, no! I didn't mean that! -Nice stereotype, buddy, nice!
是不是有人叫婚礼协管员了
Did I hear someone say "wedding coordinator",
那就是我了
That would be moi!
有什么要我帮忙的吗
So, how can I help you,
我想一定是弄错了 我在三十四桌
I think there's been a mistake, cause I'm at table 34,
可那是小孩儿的桌子
but that's the kids' table!
那不是小孩子的桌子
Oh, oh! That's not the kids' table!
那是单身人士的桌子 吃好
That's the singles' table! Enjoy!
老婆没能来
Wife couldn't make it, huh,
没老婆
No wife!
离婚了
Oh! Divorced,
不是
No!
那是女朋友
Girlfriend,
现在算是在两段恋情之间
Kind of in-between right now!
就好比在球场上打球 随时欢迎别人来和我一起打
Sort of playing the field and keeping my options open, you know,
先生
Hey, mister!
-怎么 -你是同性恋吗
-What, -Are you gay,
-不是 -好的 你欠我十美元
-No! -Yes? You owe me 10 bucks!
等一下 等一下 你是双性恋
Hold on, hold on! Are you bi,
不 不 我不是双性恋
No! No, I'm not bi!
看 打平了 我们都输了
See, It's a tie! We both lose!
你妻子去世了还是怎么了
Are you like a widow or something,
是 她去世了
Yeah! I'm a widow! That's! Yeah!
-抱歉 -他绝对是个同性恋
-Sorry! -He's full of it! He's gay!
不 我不是同性恋
No! I'm not gay!
-那我们玩五问五答的游戏 -那是什么
-Let's play five-in-five, then! -What is that,
我五秒内问你五个问题
It's where I ask you five questions in five seconds!
你如果不说谎也就不用花时间想
If you're telling the truth, then you shouldn't have to think!
我不想做你这个游戏 抱歉
Yeah! I don't wanna play your game! Sorry!
-快说 你老婆是怎么死的 -被谋杀了
-Quick! How'd your wife die, -Murdered!
-被怎样谋杀的 -碎冰锥