我还是我：迈克尔·J·福克斯（2023）

(1996年7月4日,早上6时55分)
妈妈,我要试...
Mom, I'm gonna try...
是时候了
It's time.
我要点做?
So, what do I do?
转左-它似乎摇摆不定
Left turn. - I think it's wobbling.
但你掂的,做得好
You got it though. You got it. You own it.
加油啊,做得好,继续去...
You're on it. You're on it. Go, go, go. Keep going. Go, go, go.
我下定决心
I made up my mind.
(《城市大赢家》试播集,冷开场)
(《城市大赢家》试播集)
我要重返电视荧幕
I was going home to television.
(盖利大卫高柏格与比尔罗伦斯作品)
当时我心想:“对,无事比得上步入片场
And I thought, "Yeah, there's nothing like to walk out into a set
讲句对白,然后观众就捧腹大笑”
and drop a line and have them go fucking crazy."
我觉得既然《每日新报》说有人见到我们食饭
I just figured, since the Daily News says we were seen eating dinner,
不如我们就去吧
we might as well do it.
其实《邮报》说我们上♥床♥
You know, the Post says we're sleeping together.
有最新的公众评分吗?-拿去吧,米克
Did you get the last approval ratings? - Right here, Mike.
大获好评,收视率反映长远成功
The reviews were terrific, and ratings suggested long-term success.
(1996年2月27日,下午1时28分)
工作时间跟家庭节奏不谋而合
With schedules that meshed perfectly with the rhythms of my family.
史佳勒,行过来吧
Schuyler, walk to me.
情况简直是完美
And the situation was near perfect.
叫“杜撰”,即是说服力
It's called "Spin." Power of persuasion.
我想人们相信甚麽,他们都会信
Making people believe what I want them to believe.
这是我的工作,我的专长
It's what I do. It is my gift.
你很犀利
You were amazing.
对,过奖了
Yeah, no problem.
我觉得假装很好玩
It was fun pretending.
好吧,市长準备好就罢♥工♥发言未?
All right, the mayor prepared to speak about the strike?
我通宵做好了,米克
I worked on it all night, Mike.
好吧,先生,我们要提早开始
All right, sir. We're going on earlier than we thought.
每週在现场观众面前做戏的压力
The stress with doing a weekly show in front of a studio audience
令我的症状恶化了
was exacerbating my symptoms.
我整隻左臂都颤抖
The whole of my left arm would be tremoring,
勐烈得我整个人都颤抖
forceful enough to shake my entire body.
整个人都扭曲起来
It would just twist you.
我会躺在地上扭曲和等待
Then I'd lie on the floor twisting and waiting,
同时有观众在外面等我演戏
and I'd have an audience outside waiting for me to go do a scene.
我不仅听到他们的脚步声,还感觉得到
I could not only hear their feet shuffling, I could feel them.
请坐低吧
Please, join us.
与此同时,我在盘算
All the while, I was doing the math.
上次服药是几时?药效几时过?
How long since the last pill? How long until it wears off?
若发生警号♥时
If the warning came
而我还在拍四、五分钟的场景
when I was in the middle of a four- to five-minute scene,
我就会无办法延迟症状
there wasn't anything I could do to stave off the return of my symptoms.
费德、祖,一如以往,很高兴见到你们
Fred, Joe, pleasure to see you guys, as always.
我只是在想
I was just thinking...
但除了我家人,依然无人知道
And still, no one outside of my family knew.
我活在谎言之中
I'm living a lie.
无法继续这样了,一定要停止
Can't go on with this. This has gotta stop.
你开始感觉到人们望着你
You start to feel people looking at you,
目不转睛地批判你
staring, judging,
看穿你的灵魂深处
gazing into the very recesses of your soul.
对,已开机-已开机
Yeah, speed. - Roll cameras.
(城市大赢家A.卡迪夫执导,D.昆兰摄指)
準备好了,米高
We're ready, Michael.
等等,怎样?-很好
Wait, how's that? - Good.
可以了
Here we go.
(米高J.霍士)
(城市大赢家)
对我来说,最难受是要抑压
To me, the worst thing is restraint,
最难受的是被囚禁着,而且无从逃脱
and the worst thing is to be confined and not be able to have a way out.
我很多时心想:“我无法走出困局”
And there were times when I went, "There's no way out of this."
(逢週叁晚上8时播出)
我在牆上打出一个个拳头般大的洞
I'd spruce up the walls with fist-sized holes.
秘密藏得越久越有害
You're only as sick as your secrets.
若你感到自在就可以放手
If you feel comfortable, you can let go of the bar.
否则就尝试右手放松
If you don't, try and keep the pressure off that right hand.
好吧,有我在
Good. I'm here.
很好,稍为向右移♥动♥右脚
Good. Move your right foot to the right a little bit.
再多一点,做得好
Even more. There you go.
之后怎麽了?
So, what happened?
看看你能否停留不动
Let's see if you can stay here.
我又伤到自己了
I fucking hurt myself again.
我在地毡上绊倒,跌断了手
I tripped over a carpet, and I broke my hand,
我隻手要镶入铁钉
and I had pins put in my hand.
但铁钉周围受到感染
But the area around the pins got infected,
然后医生提议可选择砍掉手指
and then there was the option of just taking my finger off.
之后我跌断手臂
And then I broke my arm.
我身边的人说:“你要小心”
And the people around me were going, "You gotta be careful."
我说:“跟小心与否无关
I said, "This has nothing to do with being careful.
这种情况就是会发生
This is just, like-- This happens.
有柏金逊症就会绊倒和跌低”
You have Parkinson's, you trip over shit, and you fall down."
尝试再挺起胸膛
Try and lift your chest just a little bit more.
做得好
There you go.
做得好,你是否...-别逼米克埋牆角
Nice job. Do you-- - Don't put Mikey in a corner.
我找你谈这些痛苦经歷时
When I find you talking about the shitty stuff,
我发现你封闭自己,避而不谈
I see you sort of get close to it and then dart away.
右手要小心
Careful with this right hand.
对,没错
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
好,坐吧-我没事
Good. Have a seat. - I'm okay.
你想...肯定?-没错
You want-- You sure? - Yeah.
我不能用我的...-明白
This is where I can't use my-- - Right.
你看,核心肌群还有力,是腹外斜肌
See, the core is still there. Those are obliques.
对-好吧,感觉如何?
Yeah. - Right. How you feeling?
还可以
Okay.
我访问了你无数个钟
I've interviewed you for hours and hours and hours.
你从未对我讲过:“我很痛”
You've never told me once, "I'm in pain."
我很痛-是吗?
I'm in pain. - You are?
我非常痛
I'm in intense pain.
五、四、叁、二、一,放松
Five, four, three, two, one. And relax.
我这样很痛-肩膀?这里?
That's making it really hurt. - The shoulder? Here?
每次颤抖都像地动山摇
Every tremor is like a seismic jolt.
你想坐直吗?-想啊
Do you wanna sit upright? - Yeah, I do.
想坐櫈吗?
Do you wanna sit in the chair?
甚麽都好,不是这样就好-好吧
Anything but what I'm doing right now. - Okay.
但你为何不说...
But why wouldn't you tell me--
我们要倾谈-我没机会讲
This is about us talking... - Well, it didn't come up.
和讲真话,你为何不讲你痛?
...and telling the truth. Why wouldn't you tell me about your pain?
我没机会讲,我不会用来打开新话题
It didn't come up. I'm not gonna lead with it.
很好,不要突然坐下
Good. Don't plop.
慢慢来,很好
No jolts. Good.
我没事
I'm okay.
我想有改善-明白
I just wanna feel better. - Yeah.
我觉得自己似乎可以清楚知道...
And it seems to me I can see clearly--
要怎样做才会有改善
more clearly the things I need to do to feel better.
但这是因为米高J.霍士的形象
But it's this Michael J. Fox stuff.
很多人话我知,我令他们更加好受
People express to me that I make them feel better,
我激励他们做了原本不会做的事
I make them do things they might not otherwise do.
那是史上最有力量的事情
And that's the most powerful thing you could ever feel,
而且是很重大的责任
and that's a huge responsibility.
我不想犯错-明白
And I don't want to fuck it up. - Right.
有时你可以暂时不做米高J.霍士的
It's okay not to be Michael J. Fox sometimes.
米高J.霍士一直没公开一件事
Michael J. Fox kept something very private.
是关乎他的健康
Something about his health.
现在他公开了自己患柏金逊症一事
Now he's gone public with the fact that he has Parkinson's disease.
美国史上最受欢迎的演员之一米高J.霍士
Michael J. Fox, one of America's best-loved actors
刚决定公开宣布一直在对抗柏金逊症
has decided to publicly announce that he's been battling Parkinson's disease.
娱乐圈大为震惊,因为他刚宣布
...shocked the entertainment world when he announced
一直在对抗柏金逊症
he has been battling Parkinson's disease.
并已抗病七年
...and has had it for seven years.
米高,我们整週都在听闻
Michael, all this week we have been hearing
你不幸身患重病
that you have this devastating disease,
而且危及性命,你要为生命而抗战