我还是我：迈克尔·J·福克斯（2023）

1990年,佛罗里达州
Florida, 1990.
我醒来时,宿醉得很厉害
I woke up with a ferocious hangover.
我把左手放在鼻樑上遮挡阳光
I placed my left hand across the bridge of my nose to block the sunlight.
飞蛾在我的右面颊上拍翼
A moth's wing fluttered against my right cheek.
我把手放在面前
I put my hand in front of my face
想把这小怪兽弹到房♥间的远处
so I could finger-flick the little beastie across the room.
我就在那时留意到尾指
That's when I noticed my pinkie.
它自己郁动
Auto animated.
“天啊,这只是我的手指”
"For Christ's sake, it's just your freaking finger."
但不由得我控制
But it wasn't mine.
弊了,就像是属于别人
Shit. It was somebody else's.
我撞到头吗?
Had I hit my head?
昨晚一切的画面很模煳
The tape of the previous night's events was grainy at best.
活地夏里逊前一晚来过酒吧
Woody Harrelson was in the bar the night before.
或者我们又上演了知名的醉酒打架
Maybe we'd had one of our legendary drunken fights.
但我对溷战零印象
But I couldn't recall any such melee.
我记得保镖曾扶起我,把我靠在门边
I did recall how my bodyguard had to prop me up against the doorframe
摸索我的套房♥门匙
while he fumbled the key into the door of my suite.
但我不记得有碰撞过,可恶
But I didn't feel any bumps. Fuck.
米高...
Michael, Michael!
这是史上最当红的明星
Here is as hot as you get in the history of this business.
得奖者是米高J.霍士
And the winner is Michael J. Fox.
我们在拍摄
We're rolling.
面对所有相反的证据
In the face of all evidence to the contrary...
完全不动,打板-我陷入极度恐惧之中
Very, very still. Mark. - ...I was in an acid bath of fear...
(荷里活医生)
对事业感到严重不安
and professional insecurity.
颤抖是一个讯息
The trembling was a message...
预示我的未来
from the future.
现在大家都话,自己的人生故事自己讲
Everyone talks now about owning their narrative.
但很可怜的是
So, the sad sack story is,
“米高J.霍士有这个只会恶化的病,他大受打击”
"Michael J. Fox gets this debilitating disease, and it crushes him."
对,很闷
Yeah, that's boring.
我的头髮大概在49岁时变得卷曲
My hair went curly, like, at like, like, at 49.
以前从不卷曲,忽然间就...
It never was curly, and all of a sudden it went--
我有朝早在圣芭芭拉醒来发现头髮变得卷曲
I woke up one morning in Santa Barbara and my hair was curly.
我觉得很好看-我可以搽些定型啫喱上去
I think it's a good look. - I can put some jam in it.
不-我可以戴帽
No. - I can put a hat on.
我只是太在意自己在纪录片的外表
It's just caring too much about what I look like for a documentary.
对,是你
Yeah. It's you.
够了,望住我
Okay, now look at me.
可以了
There you go.
我进来-弊了
Coming in. - Uh-oh.
怎麽了?各位,它在某个时候
Wha-- Guys, at a certain point it's just--
就不会再变型-就是这样
it just is what it is. - Just right here.
唏-唏
Hey. - Hey.
你好吗?-我很好
How you doing? - Yeah, I'm doing good.
看看我
Watch me.
你今日目前过得怎样?-目前?
How's your day going so far? - So far?
目前很成功
So far it's successful.
人人都知你有柏金逊症
Everyone knows you have Parkinson's,
但他们见你行路就会说:“惨了”
but when they see you walking, they're like, "Oh, fuck."
对
Yeah.
好吧,停低休息
Good. Stop and reset.
很好,开始吧
Good. There we go.
我的步姿吓人
The walking thing really freaks people out.
小心
Look.
但我不会向你们掩饰
But I won't hide it from you.
唏-唏
Hey. - Hey.
你想做就做得到
And you can do with it what you will.
若你可怜我,是不会影响我情绪的
If you pity me, it's never gonna get to me.
我不可怜,我有重要事要做
I'm not pathetic. I'm-- I got shit going on.
嗨,你好
Hi, how you doing?
慢慢来
Take your time.
我是个强悍的男子汉
I'm a tough son of a bitch.
我像曱甴,饱歷风浪
I'm a cockroach, and I've been through a lot of stuff.
曱甴是打不死的-打不死的
You can't kill a cockroach. - Can't kill a cockroach.
很好,慢慢来...
Nice and slowly, nice and slowly.
对了,做得好
There you go. Beautiful.
唏,你好吗?-很好,你呢?
Hey, how are you? - Good. How are you?
很好,停低休息
Good. Stop and reset.
霍士先生
Mr. Fox.
还是跌倒了
That happened.
你没事吧?-没事,我没事,谢谢
You got it? - All right-- I'm okay. Thank you.
好吧,幸会啊,先生
Okay. Nice to meet you, sir.
幸会,你迷人到令我跌倒了
Nice to meet you. You knocked me off my feet.
《我仍是我:米高霍士》
未有柏金逊症前,静止是甚麽意思?
Before Parkinson's, what did it mean to be still?
我不知道
I wouldn't know.
我不知道,我就是停不下来
I wouldn't know. I was never still.
我不能假装记得两岁时的情绪状态
I can't pretend to remember my two-year-old state of mind.
身高只到膝头略比湿沙滩毛巾重些少,而且出奇地快
Knee-high, weighing little more than a wet beach towel, and slippery quick.
但我从后门跑出去应该不是
But it's likely that my motive in wandering out the back door
为了逃走
was not to escape.
更有可能是我不懂分辨界线
More likely, I failed to recognize boundaries.
电♥话♥在几分钟后响起
When the phone rang a few minutes later,
糖果店老板尝试忍♥笑
the proprietor of the candy store tried to contain his amusement.
“你个仔在这里”
"Got your son here."
我即刻想像得到,我妈不敢相信我跑掉了
I can easily picture my mother in utter disbelief that I'd bolted.
“给他糖吧
"Let him have a candy or something.
我老公会来接他和付钱”
My husband will be right there to pick him up and pay for it."
“他有钱啊”
"He's got money."
“其实他有很多钱”
"He's got quite a bit of money, as a matter of fact."
我小时候没有静止下来的信念
As a kid, I lacked the faith required to be still.
是我人生其中一个最大的讽刺
It is one of the great ironies in my life.
我无法静止下来,直至我...
I couldn't be still until I could literally...
不能再静止下来
no longer keep still.
我的妹妹出世时,我没有妒忌
When my baby sister arrived, I wasn't jealous.
我才不管,越多人越热闹
What the hell, the more the merrier.
但当我六岁,而她叁岁时我们的个子一样高
But by the time I was six and she was three, we were the same size.
我特别记得曾被问我们是否龙凤胎
I have a specific memory of being asked if we were twins,
但当听到我的孖生妹妹其实比我小叁岁时
but once told that my twin was actually three years younger,
大家的反应都变了
people's reactions changed.
我发现原来自己应该更高大
I realized that I was expected to be bigger.
我第一次听闻此事
This was a new one on me.
我不能变得“更高大”
I couldn't do "bigger."
(10岁)
我在班中最矮小
I was the shortest in my class.
矮过其他曲棍球队友
Shorter than any of the people I played hockey with.
总是我瓹窿瓹罅拾球
I was the guy who'd climb down into the grate and get the ball.
(11岁)
但我习惯了被欺负,我个子小
But I used to get my ass kicked. I was a little guy.
(12岁)
我被塞入储物柜
I'd get stuffed in lockers.
(16岁)
若高佬们故意追住你来打
If big guys are purposely coming after you, and then fucking hammering you...
但我总是靠自己逃离任何或会欺凌我的人
But I'd always relied on my ability to run from any potential bully.
正当我觉得日子很苦的时候
Just when the earth seemed to be sliding out from beneath me,
我遇上自己的立足点
I stumbled onto a foothold.
(戏剧学会)
戏剧班
Drama class.
女生们都会参加
That's where the girls were.
我某次饰演侏儒妖
And I was Rumpelstiltskin in a play.
你饰演侏儒妖?-正是,没错
You were Rumpelstiltskin? - I was Rumpelstiltskin, yeah.
而且你看似是逆龄了五岁
You also looked five years younger.
对,我就像小精灵
Yeah, I was just a little elf.
又可爱又似精灵,我是可爱小精灵
I was cute and elfin. I was a cute elf.
可爱小精灵
A cute elf.
你在戏剧班可以担当大角
In drama class, you could be big.
在戏剧班,想演甚麽都可以
In drama class, you could be anything.
但我总是傻头傻脑,问我老爸就知道
But my head was up my ass if you asked my father.
我爸为人务实,坚决保护家人避开浪漫的幻想
Dad was a pragmatist, determined to protect his family from romantic fantasy.
他小时候也有梦想但最终被现实生活淹没了
He'd had dreams as a young boy, but they'd been effectively knocked out of him.
他满腔怒火