珍禽假意（2001）

All right, we're in position.
收到
Copy that.
敬玫瑰冠鸊鷉
To rose crested grebe.
敬“海雀”的呼唤
To the call of The Auk.
见鬼
Jesus.
阿大
Dave.
阿大，老伙计
Dave, old man.
阿大
Dave!
还记得吗？咱们的小计划
Remember? Our little plan.
伙计们，瞧，是阿大
Hey, boys, look, it's Dave!
从哪弄来的好车，阿大?
Where'd you get the cool car, Dave?
喂，阿大
Hey, Dave!
阿大
Dave.
嗯?
Mmm?
我不禁注意到
I couldn't help noticing,
你在昨晚饭局上
last night at dinner you were…
不知怎么的
somehow, uh…
该怎么说呢?
How can I say it?
动情了
Affected.
没错
Yeah.
被打动了，那个
Affected by, uh…
被爱丽丝
By Alice.
爱丽丝？怎么会?
Alice? In what way?
这些外来女子
These women from out there,
海鸥峡的
from Gull Tickle,
会对男人产生巨大的诱惑
can have a powerful effect on a man.
我结婚了，老方
I am married, Phonce.
结了
I am.
结过
Was.
结着
I am.
阿大，我想我找到要找的了
Dave, I think I found what we're looking for.
坎贝尔的道奇鸟
Campbell's Dodger Bird.
嗯
Yes.
原产于瓦努阿图
And it's from Vanuatu.
一种南太平洋的鸟来这里干嘛?
What would a bird from the South Pacific be doing here?
我想是
I suppose…
在一年一度从椰岛迁徙的
blown off course during its annual migration
途中偏离了航线
from the steamy land of the coconuts.
但这不是重点，阿大
But that's not the point, Dave.
你接着往下读就会注意到，它极为罕见
If you read on, you'll notice that it is extremely rare.
太离谱的话，就没人会把它当真了
If it's too wacky, no one will take it seriously.
嗯，也许你是对的
Yeah. Perhaps you're right, Dave.
可我还是觉得这鸟铁定有不小的魅惑力
But still I feel that the bird must have a certain measure of sex appeal.
促销手段，阿大，促销
Marketing, Dave, marketing.
可怜的老海雀
You poor old auk.
- 又有候选者了，老方? - 不，阿大
-Another candidate then, Phonce? -No, Dave,
就是这种鸟了
this is the bird.
“塔斯克的硫磺鸭
"Tasker's Sulphureous Duck.
“凤头潜鸭
"Aythya flagitius (fuligula).
“分布范围：从卡罗莱纳州到纽芬兰的沿海水域
"Range: The Carolina's to the coastal waters of Newfoundland.
“与普通硫磺鸭不同
"Distinct from the common Sulphureous
“其拥有独特的黄色斑纹和白色颊点
"by its unusual yellow markings and white cheek spots.
“现已濒临灭绝
"Now extremely rare.
“最终由汉斯·斯皮达尔博士于1985年3月
"Last spotted by Dr. Hans Speidal near Fox Bite, Newfoundland
“在纽芬兰福克斯港附近发现”
"in March 1985."
非它莫属了，阿大
It's spot on, Dave.
非它莫属，你看，瞧，它会潜水
It's spot on. Look, look. Look, it's a diver.
是一种生活在海里的潜鸭
It's a salt water diving duck.
你就报料称，在餐厅旁的海湾见到它
You just report having seen it on the bay by the restaurant,
咱们的事就成了
and we are in business.
- 好，但我… - 你就瞧好吧，阿大
-Yes. But I… -You just watch, Dave.
这地方会变得人山人海
They'll be tramping all over the place.
观鸟者会对你大献殷勤
You'll be maggedy with bird watchers.
瞧，会有人说
Look, one fellow will say,
“你看到了吗?”
"Did you see that?"
而另一个人说:“对，我好像看到了什么”
And another fellow'll say, "Yeah, I think I seen something."
群体性癔症，阿大
Mass hysteria, Dave.
从众心理
Psychology of the mob.
听话，孩子
All right, my son.
哦不
Oh, no.
- 方老爹 - 好了，阿大
-Phonce, father… -Uh, Dave.
棒球场旁边有个电♥话♥亭
There's a phone booth down by the baseball diamond.
瞧，没人会看见，而且很僻静
Now, nobody will see you there. And it's nice and quiet.
我们干嘛不用这里的电♥话♥打呢?
Why can't we make the phone call from here?
因为啊
Because, uh,
我们要掩护自己
we got to cover our backs.
而他们，他们可能有某种…
And they… they probably got some sort of a…
电♥话♥追踪机制，追查到广播公♥司♥
call-tracing mechanism down to the CBC.
以防万一有疯子打进电♥话♥
Just in case some lunatic calls in.
说自己正打算干掉该死的省长
Says he's planning on skull fucking the premier.
快点，阿大，要赶不上了
Come on, Dave, we're running behind.
老方，我得上个厕所
Phonce, I have to use the washroom.
- 只是紧张，阿大，快来 - 不
-That's just nerves, Dave, come on. -Oh, no,
- 我想我憋不住了 - 不，没时间了
-I think I have to. -No, there's no time!
好了，这是
All right, well, here's the…
对鸟的描述
description of the bird.
生理特征与生活习性
Anatomical features and behavior.
- 它叫什么来着? - 加油，阿大，好好干
-What's it called again? -Perfect, Dave, perfect.
记住了
Now, remember,
要想成功，你得让他们认出这种鸟
for this to work you want them to identify the bird.
- 你的无知是我们的杀手锏 - 这没用的
-Your ignorance is our trump card. -This is not gonna work.
哎哟，会很有效的，出发吧
Ah… It'll work like a charm. Now go on.
赶紧的，好戏要开场了
Come on. The show's about to start.
大家好
Hello, everyone!
巴斯特·布兰登为您带来《有禽周报》
Buster Bradlen here with Avian Week.
我们今天的特邀嘉宾是杰克·汤姆林森博士
Our guest expert today is Dr. Jack Tomlinson.
那么，汤姆林森博士
Well, Dr. Tomlinson,
本次寒潮一定惊到了咱们的小小鸟
that cold snap must've given our feathered friends a start.
大多数常客都对此见怪不怪了
Most regular visitors are prepared for this kind of thing,
而且这是一时的，可能伴随着一些
and it was short-lived. There was probably some…
- 杀戮 - 大自然是残酷的，对吗?
-kill off. -Nature can be cruel, eh?
- 呃，我不会概括为… - 我们的电♥话♥是5765271
-Well, I wouldn't characterize… -Our number, 576-5271.
外地听众请拨♥打♥
Out-of-town callers dial…
1800767转“鸟报”
1800-767-bird.
我们今天接进的首位听众来自
And our first caller of today is from…
卡帕海登，请讲，你上线了
Cappahayden. Go ahead, you're on the air.
杰克博士?
Dr. Jack?
是我
Yeah?
前两天我进了树林，对吧?
I was in the woods the other day, right,
然后，我看到一只啄木鸟
and, uh, I saw this woodpecker
并且，觉得它毛茸茸的
and I figured it was an hairy,
- 但它有黄色脑袋 - 黄色头冠
-but he had a yellow head… -A yellow cap.
没错
Yeah.
好吧，有一些异常罕见
Well, there are some rare aberrant,
发育未全、毛茸茸的啄木鸟长了黄冠
immature, hairy woodpeckers with the cap.
还真令人激动
That would be exciting.
你确定它不是三趾吗?
Are you sure it wasn't three-toed?
我无法近距离地分辨
I couldn't get close enough to tell.
我朝它开了一枪，是真的
I took a shot at him, that I did.
但没打中
But I missed.
嗯，也许正好趁此机会吐槽一下
Well, this might be a good time to bring something up,
关于人们开枪打鸟
the matter of people shooting at birds
以便能近距离地去观察
so as to get a closer look.
不，不是
Uh, no. No.
知道吗？在讨论啄木鸟的同时，汤姆林森博士
And you know, while we're on woodpeckers, Dr. Tomlinson,
我一直很好奇
I have often wondered
卡♥通♥《伍迪》是什么物种?
what species was Woody?
4号♥线，请讲，你上线了
Line 4, go ahead. You're on the air.
4号♥线，你在放送中
Line 4, you're on the air.
- 好吧，似乎掉线了 - 哦不，我在呢
-Well, seems we lost that one. -Oh, no. No, I'm here.
那个，我在呢，4号♥线