百货战警2

外面有一批安防的专家
There is an audience out there of security professionals
付钱来听你演讲
that paid good money to hear you speak.
他们想听你说
They want to hear you.
这不是真的 他们没付过钱 但是他们值得你做到最好
That's not true. They didn't pay anything, but they do deserve your best.
他们值得 他们值得
They deserve it. They deserve it.
上吧 兄弟
Yeah, come on, man.
放松 宝贝 放松
Just loosen up, baby, loosen up.
来了 我就来了
Coming at you! I'm gonna be coming.
给他们看看 给他们看看
Bring it to them, bring it to them.
我紧张了 我紧张了
I'm getting tight. I'm getting tight.
我不能呼吸了
I can't breathe, man.
那是陈皮鸡
That's orange chicken.
我要说什么 我要说什么
What am I gonna say? What am I gonna say?
我需要空气 需要空气 需要空气
I got to get air. I got to get air, I got to get air.
我需要空气
I got to get some air.
我需要空气 我需要空气
I got to get air, I got to get air.
这好多了
This is nice.
脉搏正常了
And pulse back in range.
好了
Okay.
谢谢
Thank you.
出去
Get out of here.
好了
All right.
嘿 别 别 往那走
Hey! Nope, nope, move along.
走开 往那走
Get away. Move along.
走开 小麦啤
Get away from me. Hefeweizen!
走开
Get out of here!
走开
Get out of here.
走
Get out!
天哪
My God!
你能叫人来吗
Is there someone you can call?
能帮帮忙吗 叫人来
Can you help me? Can you call backup?
我脖子伤到了 脖子伤到了
I hurt my neck, I hurt my neck.
好了
Okay.
谢谢你的帮助
Hey, thanks for all your help.
你在这
There you are.
-我们就要宣布你的名字了 -好的
-We're about to announce you. -Okay.
快点 玛雅
Come on, Maya.
谢谢
Thanks.
这派对不错 是谁的屋子
Cool party. Whose suite is this?
管房♥子的人都是我的朋友
The housekeepers are all good friends of mine.
他们会告诉我哪些有钱人会早走 所以...
They let me know when the high rollers check out early, so...
-你还好吧 -都很好
-You okay? -Yeah. Everything's great.
我待会回来 我有东西给你
I'll be right back. I got something for you.
我想你会喜欢的
I think you're gonna like it.
耶
Yeah!
谢谢 谢谢
Very kind, very kind.
女生们先生们 我知道你们来这是为了见尼克帕内罗
Ladies and gentlemen, I know you're here to see Nick Panero
来做演讲
deliver the keynote speech.
然后 因为一些意外
However, due to circumstances beyond our control,
我们今夜请来了另一位发言人
we've had to bring in a different speaker tonight.
我懂 我也很遗憾
Yeah, I know, I'm disappointed, too.
然后 用善意温暖的掌声
So, instead, how about a nice, warm Expo welcome
欢迎保罗布拉特长官
for Officer Paul Blart.
谢谢 钢德曼特长官
Thank you, Officer Gundermutt.
这里很热吗
Is it warm in here,
还是我的制♥服♥是在罗斯切特大潮店做的 我很荣幸
or am I ordering my next uniform from Rochester Big and Humid?
我很荣幸可以站在这里
I am honored to be here,
站在这么多 在过去表现得很出色的人面前
in the presence of the greats from the past.
看着这些脸 就会让我想起 很多人都问过我的问题
Just looking at these faces reminds me of the questions so many people ask.
我们为什么要干这行
Why do we do it?
入职那天就知道 你得不到回报
Why walk a beat knowing that on a typical day
为什么还要选择这条路
you'll get zero pats on the back?
你们知道将得到什么
But you know what you will get?
全是嘲笑
A whole lot of ridicule.
你来这干嘛
What are you doing here?
我以为小亲亲正在表演呢
I thought Mini Kiss was playing.
你来这干嘛
What are you doing here?
我明白 人们对我们下手很容易
I get it. We're easy targets.
人们找我们 态度阴沉 吝音 醉醇醇的
People call us heavy, skinny, lumpy.
他们说我们的皮肤粗糙
They point out our bad skin.
我们的共同点什么
What is it that we all have in common?
约瑟夫康拉德
In the words of Joseph Conrad,
他写过一些关于帆船的很厚的书
who wrote some really long books about sailing and stuff,
他说 "活着因为我们有梦
"We live as we dream.
"自己的梦"
"Alone."
最后我还是做了发言人
Turns out I am giving the keynote after all,
你在现场 对我很重要 花生
so it'd mean a lot if you could be there, peanut.
你该跟我讲的
You were supposed to tell me
-如果计划有变 -冷静
-if the schedule got moved. -Let's calm down.
没人跟我讲过
And no one told me anything.
打扰了 再见
I'm sorry. Bye.
抓住她
Get her.
当人们问我"你为什么要做这个"
And yet, when people ask me, "Why do you do it?"
我笑了
I have to laugh.
因为他们认为我有得选
'Cause they think I have a choice.
我没有
I don't.
跟你们一样 我没有选择安防
I, like you, didn't choose security.
是安防选择了我
Security chose me!
每天早上 我一条腿一条腿的穿上裤子
Every morning, I pull my pants on one leg at a time,
穿上我的软底鞋
and I slip on my soft-soled shoes,
我听到你们也听到的声音
and I hear the same calling you do.
"今天帮帮别人"
"Help someone today."
快点 爸爸
Come on, Dad.
"今天帮帮别人"
"Help someone today."
说起来容易 不是吗
Sounds easy, doesn't it?
如果当保安如此容易 那人人都能做了
But if being a security officer was easy, anybody could do it.
就是人人都能做
Anyone can do it.
只有特定的人才行
Takes a certain breed.
当事情不对劲的时候 有些人可以看出征兆
Someone who has Spidey-senses when things are going wrong.
在这个岗位上 你可以遇到各种人
Sure, you can meet all kinds of people in this line of work.
小偷 扒手
Your shoplifters, your pickpockets,
吃白饭的
your freeloaders
在布鲁克斯通的按♥摩♥椅上偷睡午觉的
stealing a nap in a Brookstone massage chair.
-这些人最坏了 -别吓着我
-They're the worst. -Don't get me started.
有位老妇人 她在停车场F层找不到车了
And there's the old lady who can't find her car in Parking Level F
因为她本就没有车
'cause she doesn't have a car.
停车场也没有F层
And there is no Parking Level F.
只到D层
It only goes up to D.
突然 你们心自问
And all of a sudden you're asking yourself,
"你为什么要做这个"
"Why do I do it?"
直到有个小男孩 眼里都是泪水 抓住你的袖子
Till the little boy, tears in his eyes, is tugging on your sleeve.
他对你说
He says to you,
"先生 先生 先生
"Mister, mister, mister.
"我找不到我妈妈了"
"Can't find my mommy."
这就是你做这份工作的原因
That's why you do it.
-耶 -耶
-Yeah. -Yeah.
我以此作结
I will close with this.
如果你认为生活的目标是服务自我
If you believe the purpose of life is to only serve yourself,
那你就没有目标
then you have no purpose.
今天帮帮别人
Help someone today!
-太棒了 -你做得好 做得好
-Jackpot! -You nailed it! You nailed it!
就是这样 布拉特
Way to go, Blart!
好 保罗布拉特
You go, Paul Blart!
玛雅 我知道你在生我的气
Maya, look, I know you're mad at me.
-爸爸 -可是听我说
-Dad! -But hear me out.
-我很难受 -我需要你的帮助
-Look, I feel just terrible. -I need your help!
我需要你的帮助 我就想说这个
Yeah, and I need your help. This is what I'm trying to say.
爸爸 我在总统套房♥里看到了些东西
Dad! I saw something in the Presidential Suite
是不该看到的东西
I guess I wasn't supposed to see.
-他们现在在追我 -谁
-And now they're after me. -Who?