Miguel Wants to Fight（2023）

他是个好人,这意味著第一条规则是,
He's a good person, which means the first rule is,
米格尔只能与应得的人战斗。
Miguel can only fight someone who deserves it.
你不能像欺凌者那样不分青红皂白地挑选一些孩子。
You can't just pick some kid indiscriminately the way a bully would.
需要有某种正义的参与。
There needs to be some kind of justice involved.
我喜欢。我喜欢。- 我也有点喜欢。
I like that. I like that. - I kind of like that too.
规则可能会使这很好。对吗？
Rules might make this good. Right?
是的。好的,我有一个。
Yeah. Okay, I got one.
如果你想和某人打架,米格尔不能打第一拳。
If you wanna fight someone, Miguel can't throw the first punch.
为什么我不能打第一拳？
Why can't I throw the first punch?
好吧,考虑一下。
Okay, think about it.
打架的过程和实际打架一样重要。
The process of getting into a fight is just as important as the actual fight.
战斗前的积累是你所有能量增加的地方,
That pre-fight buildup is where all your energy increases,
你的肾上腺素飙升,
and your adrenaline hits,
你的心开始跳动,你的血液变得滚烫,
and your heart gets going, and your blood gets hot,
你的鸡♥巴♥对蒙娜丽莎来说变硬了。
and your dick gets hard for the Mona Lisa.
来吧。- 还有一条规则。
Come on. - One more rule.
远离达米安·德尔加多。
Stay away from Damien Delgado.
嘿！
Hey!
狗屎！
Shit!
嘿嘿,放轻松。好吧？哦,天哪！
Hey, take-- take it easy. All right? STUDENT: Oh, my God!
放轻松。就拿——
Just take it easy. Just take--
显然我不会和达米安·德尔加多战斗。
Obviously I'm not gonna fight Damien Delgado.
是阿德里安。这就是我要战斗的人。
It's Adrian. That's who I'm gonna fight.
是的,现在,阿德里安又瘦又快。
Yeah, now, Adrian is lean and fast.
右。
Right.
所以？所以？
So? So?
所以你即将打架,你需要做好准备。
So you're about to get into a fight and you need to be prepared.
你需要这样的策略——
You need strategy like--
比如李小龙。
like Bruce Lee.
天哪。嗯。
Holy shit. Mm-hmm.
多年来我一直在用海绵来对抗这些东西,靠渗透来战斗。
I've been sponging this stuff for years, fighting by osmosis.
我的意思是,我可能是一个偶然的大♥师♥。
I mean, I might be an accidental master.
或。可能不是,但也许。
Maybe. Probably not, but maybe.
听著,我想让你想像这场战斗。
Look, I want you to imagine the fight.
最好的战士事先想像他们的胜利。
The best fighters visualize their victories beforehand.
他们看到自己赢了,所以他们赢了。
They see themselves winning, so they win.
他们也赢了,因为这是他们的工作,他们为此训练,
They also win because it's their job and they train for it,
他们为此得到报酬。
and they get paid to do it.
而且他们的动机不是勃起复雠。
And they're not motivated by erection vengeance.
李小龙在《驯龙高手》中被激励停止卖♥♥淫。
Bruce Lee was motivated to stop prostitution in Enter the Dragon.
我的意思是,所以他们都涉及勃起,大卫。
I mean, so they both kind of involve erections, David.
看,这很好。使用所有这些。好？
See, that's good. Use all of this. Okay?
现在,闭上眼睛,进入那条龙。
Now, close your eyes and enter that dragon.
好。
Okay.
斯里尼！
Srini!
去！
Go!
我靠。米格尔得到了一个骨头。
Holy shit. Miguel got a boner.
呵呵！
H'yah!
你为什么穿得像《杀死比尔》中的小妞？
Why are you dressed like the chick from Kill Bill?
它来自死亡游戏,愚蠢。
It's from Game of Death, stupid.
裤裆周围有点紧,兄弟。
Little tight around the crotch, bro.
啊,啊,啊,啊,啊,啊,啊,
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
你为什么要打他的屁♥股♥？
Why are you punching him in the butt?
啊,啊,啊！
Ah, ah, ah!
嘿,小心！
Hey, watch out!
我饶了你,因为我是个好人。
I've spared you because I'm a good person.
你现在有一个骨头。
You've got a boner right now.
呜呜！
Huah!
医 管 局！这不是骨头！
Ha! It was not a boner!
ALL:你做到了,米格尔！
ALL: You did it, Miguel!
我认为这奏效了。
I think that worked.
我准备好了。
I'm ready.
看,兄弟,再说一次,
Look, bro, just so it's said one more time,
兄弟,如果你不想,你不必这样做。
you don't have to do this if you don't want to, bro.
是的,我听到了,但我要对这个家伙进行愤怒的拳头。
Yeah, I hear you, but I'm gonna go Fists of Fury on this guy.
比如李小龙和李连杰的版本。
Like Bruce Lee and Jet Li versions.
好的。好吧,确保保持头部移♥动♥。
All right. Well, make sure to keep your head moving.
你们都准备好了？是的。我今天早上吃了一个松饼。
You all set? Yep. I ate a muffin this morning.
什么样的？-蓝莓。
What kind? - Blueberry.
好,好。那是——这是所有松饼中最强的。
Good, good. That's the-- That's the strongest of all the muffins.
好的,兄弟,那么这里的计划是什么？
All right, bro, so what's the plan here?
嗯,我通常在第三节课后看到阿德里安,所以那是我试试他的时候。
Well, I usually see Adrian after third period, so that's when I'll try him.
总是在走廊里看到他和他的朋友们都喜欢——
Always see him in the hallway with his friends being all like--
英俊？
Handsome?
时间不长。- 哦,我的上帝,我喜欢它。
Not for long. - Oh, my God, I love it.
老师:大家早上好。
TEACHER: Good morning, everyone.
[时钟滴答声]拳击播音员:在这个角落里,
[clock ticking] BOXING ANNOUNCER: And in this corner,
最好的朋友,锡拉丘兹最硬汉。
the best friend, the toughest guy in Syracuse.
他太强硬了。
He is so tough.
米格尔！
Migueeeel!
创意写作类型包括诗歌♥、戏剧、个人散文、
Types of creative writing include poetry, plays, personal essays,
等等,等等,等等,等等,等等。
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
嘿,米格尔。你要打他的屁♥股♥？
Hey, Miguel. You gonna beat his ass?
是的。
Yes.
我得走了,罗德里格斯女士。
I gotta go, Ms. Rodriguez.
我们下次再看《蝇王》。
We'll get into Lord of the Flies next time.
注意他的眼睛,好吗？- 你明白了,兄弟。
Watch his eyes, all right? - You got it, bro.
我正要放下这个英俊的婊♥子♥。
I'm about to drop this handsome bitch.
他用左脚向前走,小心那快速刺击。
He steps with that left foot forward, be careful of that quick jab.
哦,如果他把左脚向前走,他会被他妈的打出去。
Oh, if he steps that left foot forward, he's gonna get punched the fuck out.
他在哪儿？
Where's he at?
哦。他在那儿。
Ooh. There he is.
哟,我以为你们都在玩,但他真的很帅。
Yo, I thought y'all was playing, but he is for real handsome.
好。
Okay.
拳击播音员:现在,进入拳击场,
BOXING ANNOUNCER: And now, entering the ring,
一个天生的战士,总是支援他最好的朋友。
a born fighter who always has his best friend's back.
就像我之前说的,他是锡拉丘兹最强硬的人。
And just like I was saying earlier, he's the toughest guy in Syracuse.
女士们,先生们,让我们做好准备——
Ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to--
哦,什么鬼,兄弟？
Oh, what the fuck, bro?
什么？
What?
该死。
Oh, shit.
你有演员表吗？
You got a cast?
博娜丽莎,怎么了,伙计？还在课堂上变得角质？
Bona Lisa, what's up, man? Still getting horny in class?
想签下我的演员吗？
Wanna sign my cast?
博娜丽莎！
Bona Lisa!
那现在怎么办？- 你仍然可以和他战斗。
So now what? - You can still fight him.
你不能和一个断臂的孩子打架。
You can't fight a kid with a broken arm.
是的,当然可以。断腿,这是禁区。
Yeah, sure you can. A broken leg, that's off limits.
断了脖子,那是不行的,但是断了胳膊呢？
A broken neck, that's a no-go, but a broken arm?
我的意思是,如果你真的考虑一下,
I mean, if you really think about it,
这件事对阿德里安来说有点像一个优势。
that thing is kind of like an advantage for Adrian.
那东西就像武器。
That thing's like a weapon.
你欠你的同学打他的屁♥股♥。他很危险。
You kind of owe it to your classmates to beat his ass. He's dangerous.
不,伙计,我出去了。
Nah, man, I'm out.
伟大。
Great.
所以让我们选择其他人。
So let's pick someone else.
啊。-什么？
Ah. - What?
棒。但是,米格尔,
Awesome. But, Miguel,
我们需要对你做一些工作。
we need to do some work on you.
别再问那么多问题了。你必须集中精力。
Stop asking so many questions. You gotta focus.
等等,那我们在这里做什么？
Wait, so what are we doing here?
问题是你太好了。-谢谢？
The problem is you're too nice. - Thank you?
虽然友善对生活有好处,但对打架不利。
While being nice is good for, like, life, it's not good for fights.
所以我们需要对你不好。-右。
So we need to un-nice you. - Right.
这就是我们在这里所做的。- 这是计划。
Which is what we're doing here. - This is the plan.
所以我会随机指出某人,你必须对他们刻薄。
So I'm gonna point to someone at random and you have to be mean to them.
等等,但这似乎不是一个伟大的计划。
Wait, but that seems like not that great of a plan.
大卫,你怎么看这个？
David, what do you think about this?
我认为这一切都没有任何意义,伙计。
I think that none of this has made any sense, man.
但我也觉得我有点想看这个。
But I also think I kind of want to see this one.