国际瀑布城

我是说 没有确诊
I mean, not diagnosed.
这些其实是我妻子的
These are actually my wife's.
我接儿子的时候从她那儿偷的
I steal them from her when I pick up my son,
一点点偷的
little by little.
掺进我的男士维生素里 和促睾素一起
Put them in my men's multivitamin with testosterone booster.
-鬼鬼祟祟的 -是啊
- Sneaky. - Yeah.
-能给我半个吗 -我跟你说
- Can I have half of one? - Tell you what.
我给你一整个
I'll give you a whole one
你自己想分多少分多少
and you can portion it out however you see fit.
谢谢
Thank you.
我丈夫出轨了
My husband's cheating on me.
他听起来真混♥蛋♥
Well, then he sounds like a real asshole.
我也好不到哪去
Yeah, I'm one to talk.
他知道你知道吗
Does he know that you know?
不 一切照旧
Nope, it's just been business as usual.
这样多久了
For how long?
快一年了
Almost a year.
真的吗
Really?
是的 我就看着它不断发生
Yeah, I've been watching it continue to happen
像电视剧一样
like a television show.
我还以为我已经很会折磨自己了
I thought I was good at nurturing misery.
你怎么发现的
How'd you find out?
家里的电脑能登录他的邮箱 我
He left an email open on the family computer and I've been...
-好吧 -每天都会看他的邮件
- Okay. - ...checking his account daily.
无意冒犯 但你丈夫听起来有点笨
No offense, but your husband doesn't sound too bright.
没关系
None taken.
我必须接这个电♥话♥
Um, I actually have to take this.
没事 你在这坐一会儿吧
Oh. That's okay, you stay right here.
好
Okay.
喂 你搞什么 我一直在打
Hey, what the fuck? I've been trying to get...
那为什么不回短♥信♥
Well, how about a text message then?
操 你不是吧
Well, for fuck's sake.
我住的酒店
I'm checking in.
我不知道
I don't know, um.
我可以续住一晚
I can overnight the checks.
我说 我会续住
I said I'll overnight them.
他已经睡着了吗
Is he asleep already?
糟了 那是今天吗
Oh, fuck. That was today?
我错过了吗
I missed it?
是的 当然 我给他买♥♥了一个毛绒小驼鹿
No, I will, yeah, I got him a little, like, stuffed moose.
明尼苏达州的小驼鹿
A moose from Minnesota.
别
No.
别叫醒他
No, don't wake him.
他穿什么睡的
What's he sleeping in?
不 哪件睡衣
No, which pajamas.
他最喜欢这些
Aw, he loves those.
告诉他我打过电♥话♥ 好吗
Can you just tell him that I called?
好的 拜
All right, bye.
所以 是哪件
So, which ones?
什么
What?
是哪件睡衣
Which pajamas?
恐龙睡衣
Oh, um, the dinosaurs.
因为你超爱恐龙
Because you're crazy about dinosaurs.
你能帮我个忙吗
Will you do me a favor?
说说看
Maybe.
你能踩烂我的手♥机♥吗
Can you stomp on my cellphone?
什么
What?
你看 你穿着这么好看的靴子
Well, you're wearing those sweet fucking boots
而且我现在真的不想穿鞋
and I don't really feel like putting my shoes back on,
这对我很重要
and it would mean a lot to me
你能不能把这个该死的手♥机♥踩得稀巴烂
if you would stomp the fucking shit out of this goddamn cellphone.
她不喜欢你的计划吗
Not happy with your plan?
算是吧
Something like that.
-你是认真的吗 -我是认真的
- Oh, you're serious? - Oh, I'm serious.
我会照做的
I'll do it.
那正是我想要的
I want you to.
我觉得你只是想看看我会不会
I think you just want to see if I'll do it,
但我告诉你我会做 我会的
but I'm, I'm telling you I will, I will do it.
那就别废话 赶紧
Then quit talking about it and fuck...
不敢相信你竟然真的做了
I can't believe you just fucking did that.
是呀
Well.
-那是我的手♥机♥ -我说了我真的会踩
- That's my phone! - I call bluffs!
幸好我也是真的让你踩
You're lucky I wasn't bluffing.
你要接吗
Do you need to get that?
是的
Yeah.
那我该
Should I...
-是的 请你回避一下 -好吧
- Yeah, you probably should go. - Oh.
不 别走 就坐那儿吧
No, no, actually, just sit right there, please.
你再倒点酒喝着 好吗
And for God's sakes, pour yourself a drink, would you?
好
Okay, yeah.
喂
Hey.
没有
Uh, no.
你为什么打给前台
Well, why'd you call the front desk?
她回来是因为她感觉好些了
No, well, she came back because she was feeling better
所以就回来继续上班
and she just came back to finish her shift, so.
不 我 我在回家的路上了
No, I'm, I'm on my way home now.
那好吧
Yeah, okay.
好吧 拜
Okay, bye.
好吧
Yeah, um, hey, ah.
我 我刚刚说谎了
That was, um, that was, that was a lie.
我其实还在酒店 和一个男人一起
I'm actually still here and, um, I'm, I'm with a man
他很有趣而且他会帮我
and he's hilarious and he's going to help me
想个方法杀了你女朋友 你个死种马
figure out a way to kill your girlfriend, you fucking prick!
好吧 这下谎言成真了
Well, this bullshit just got real.
我来讲讲我喜欢明尼苏达州的什么
I tell you what I like about Minnesota.
我喜欢你们会穿很多件衣服
I like all the layers of clothing that you guys wear.
真的
I really do.
因为 你们知道我想念这个国家的什么吗
Because, because you know what I miss in this country?
我想念 羞耻感
I miss shame.
他们把衣服做成你的尺码
Just 'cause they make it in your size
并不意味着你就要穿它
does not mean that you should wear it.
对吧 你们懂的 如果你
Right? You know, I mean, if you got,
如果你背上有乳♥沟♥
if you got cleavage on your back,
你要遮住它
you cover it up.
如果你前面长了个好看的屁♥股♥
If you got a nice butt on your front,
你要遮住它
you cover it up.
不 先生 我不想看这个
No, sir! I don't want to look at that.
所以你为什么不喜欢另类喜剧演员
So, why don't you like alt comics?
我从没说过我不喜欢另类喜剧演员
I never said I don't like alt comics.
-所以你喜欢他们 -不 我讨厌他们
- Oh, so you like them. - No, I hate them.
-为什么 -为什么吗
- Why? - Why?
-对 -因为他们比我年轻
- Yeah. - Because they're younger than me
-还比我帅 -这都不是原因 告诉我
- and they're cooler than me. - That's not why. Tell me.
因为他们取笑别人和别人的笑话
Because they joke of everyone and their jokes
-他们的笑话很烂 对吧 -对
- is that they're telling a bad joke, right? - Yeah.
所以
So
我们只是在嘲笑自己经历的蠢事
we're just laughing at this dumb thing that we're experiencing
而不是
instead of like...
真的做了蠢事吗
Experiencing it?
对
Right. Ah.
我是说我们只是取笑蠢事来制♥造♥笑点
I mean, if we just keep making fun of making fun of shit,
而不是真的在取笑蠢事
instead of actually making fun of shit,
-我们在干什么 -我认为我们在观察事物
- what are we doing? - I think we're observing things
比如我们眼前发生的事情
that are like, right in front of our face,
而忽视真正发生的事情
instead of just what's actually happening.
我不知道
Uh, I don't know.
不懂你说的 你们的华夫饼机在哪
You lost me. Where's your waffle maker?
在那 墙角下面
Um, over there, and the batter's underneath.
你知道CFNM是什么吗
Hey, do you know what, um, CFNM is?
CFNM吗 是某种小黄♥片♥吗
CFNM? Uh. Oh, is that like a porn thing?