国际瀑布城

而且在他们的篮球场上
and they don't have a fucking jumbotron
没有他妈的大屏幕
at their fucking basketball games.
像这种事你就应该写下来
This is one of those things you should be writing down.
所以你明天有什么计划
So what are your plans tomorrow?
我还没想好
I haven't really thought about it.
清洁女工什么时候来
What time do the cleaning ladies come?
大概十点半吧
Like 10:30 or so.
那我大概会在九点四十五分接到叫醒电♥话♥
I'll probably get a wake up call like 9:45.
尽量赶在关门前吃顿自助早餐
Try to make it to the breakfast buffet before they close.
为了吃块华夫饼吗
To have a waffle?
是的
Yeah.
然后上路
And then get on the road.
去看你儿子
To see Sean.
肖恩吗
Your son?
这个刺青代表父亲那个代表儿子
That one means father and that one means son.
是日语
Japanese.
为什么
Why?
因为我太他妈有创意了
Because I'm so fucking original.
你接下来怎么打算
What are your plans?
我毫无头绪
I have no idea.
那可真酷啊
How cool is that?
也许你应该拿走那瓶伏特加
Um, maybe you should take that vodka.
我觉得你比我更需要它
I think you're going to need it more than me.
把这个也拿上吧
You should probably have this too.
我不能收下那个
I can't take that.
我告诉你了 我退休了
I told you, I'm retired.
我知道 但是那些是属于你的笑话
I know, but those are your jokes.
但如果我把它们给你就不是了
But not if I give them to you.
而且 你甚至不会真的用它们 知道吗
Plus, you won't even really use them, you know?
你想出来的东西都是你自己的
The stuff that you come up with is going to be your own.
比九百个关于蠢蛋和傻帽的笑话好多了
Way better than 900 jokes about boners and buttholes.
收下吧
Just take it.
我能给你点建议吗
And if I can just give you one little thing of advice.
下面这条来自蒂姆·弗莱彻
Now, this is coming from Tim Fletcher,
目前在明尼苏达州的国际瀑布城
currently headlining at a hotel
的一家酒店当表演嘉宾
in International Falls, Minnesota, so.
听起来不像真的
Grain of salt.
如果你经历了这些 说实话就好
If you go through with this... just tell the truth...
不管真♥相♥多么可怕
no matter how ugly it is.
做你自己
Be yourself.
因为你很真实而且真♥他♥妈♥的搞笑
Because you're authentic and you're fucking funny.
我能再来一次吗
Maybe I could get one more.
我是打算说手活的
I was going to say handjob.
我知道
I know.
再见 蒂姆
Bye, Tim.
再见 迪
Bye, Dee.
喂 是我
Hey, um, it's me.
我知道现在很晚了但我想跟他说句话
I know it's late but I was hoping I could talk to him.
你能告诉他我爱他吗
Can you just please tell him that I love him.
告诉他我很抱歉 好吗
And, uh, tell him I'm sorry, okay?
我希望他喜欢那个麋鹿
I hope he likes the moose.
好吧
Okay.
对不起
I'm sorry.
你觉得我有趣吗
Do you think I'm funny?
当然
Yeah.
我觉得你非常有趣
Yeah, I think you're funny.
还很漂亮还有
And you're beautiful and, and...
你很有趣
y... you're funny, uh.
我不是要离开你
I'm not leaving you.
说离开不准确
That's not how this is going to be described.
我们离婚吧
We're ending our marriage
因为我们都知道一切都结束了
because we both know that it's over.
我们可以卖♥♥掉房♥子或者你可以住在这儿
We can sell the house or you can live in it,
但我不会再住在这里了
but I'm not going to live here anymore.
我们共同享有女儿们的抚养权
We'll share custody of the girls.
我们可以一起告诉她们
We can tell them together.
我们会和她们学校的老师和辅♥导♥员
We'll talk to their teachers and their counselors
或者别的什么人谈谈
or whatever, at school.
我不会利用你的不忠
I'm not using your infidelity...
作为任何事情的筹码
as leverage for anything,
但你现在该说点什么
except your silence in this moment.
去你的 加里
Fuck you, Gary.
我也不高兴
I wasn't happy either.
我们至少可以一起谈谈
We could've at least talked about it.
很抱歉我假装很快乐
I'm sorry I pretended to be happier than I was.
一想到你以为我那么蠢
To think that you thought I was that stupid.
你知道吗
You know...
我说 拜托
I mean, God.
这太
It's so...
我的天
God, okay.
好了
Okay.
我不需要真的请你去睡沙发 对吧
I don't have to actually ask you to sleep on the couch, right?
那他有没有说什么
So, did he say anything that
可能会让你觉得他
might've made you think that he...
-没 并没有 -很好
- No, no. - Perfect.
但是 我知道这是他最后一次演出了
No, I mean, I knew that it was his last show
-作为一个喜剧演员 -很好
- as a comedian. - Perfect.
我知道他有药 但他说
And I knew he had the pills, but he said
-那是他前妻的 所以 -很好
- that they were his ex-wife's, so, uh... - Perfect.
我是说 你根本
I mean, you just...
我根本没想到
I just didn't think.
当然了 你怎么会想到
Well, how could you?
这事太疯狂了
It's a crazy thing.
有人在春天冰化之前
When someone closes up their own fishing hole
就把自己的钓鱼洞堵死了
before the, uh, spring thaw.
-这的确很令人悲伤 -是
- You know, it's, it's sad. - Yeah. Yeah.
-他留下字条了吗 -没有
- Did he leave a note? - No.
也许你该拿着这个
Uh, maybe you should have this.
这个是他的
It, uh, it belonged to him.
-这是什么 -这是他的笑话本
- What is it? - Uh, it's his joke book.
里面有 类似于 笑话点子和想法
Has, like, jokes and ideas and thoughts.
那么 就像一本日记
So, like a diary?
算是日志吧
Uh, a journal.
这很好 你有没有看过里面的内容
Perfect. Have you, have you looked at any of it?
有 大概所有都看了
Uh, yeah, pretty much all of it.
有没有我需要看的
Anything I need to see?
大概没有
Probably not.
那么 既然他送给了你
Well, if he gave it to you then...
很抱歉你得经历这一切
Sorry you had to go through all this and all.
我还需要什么的话 会给你家打电♥话♥
I need anything else, I'll give you a call at home.
事实上 我现在住在这里
Uh, you know, actually, I'm, I'm staying here.
就几天而已
Yeah, no, it's just for a few days.
在我找到新地方住之前
You know, until I can find a place.
明白
Okay.
替我向加里问好
Say hi to Gary for me.
警戒线 严禁穿越
你个混♥蛋♥
You fucking asshole.
你好
Hey, uh.
他的私人物品在哪呢
What about his personal things?
他们马上就来勘察现场了
Oh, well, they'll be right up for those.
几个小时就能结束
We should be all done within a couple of hours
然后客房♥部就能进来了
and then housekeeping can come on in.
这里不是很乱
There wasn't a big mess or anything,
只是床单上有一些呕吐物
just a little throw up on the sheets.
但我建议你跟他们说声
But you might want to tell them to give it
需要出示额外通行证
an extra pass, you know.
你个混♥蛋♥
You fucking asshole.
这边 亲爱的
Come along, dear.
欢迎来到国际瀑布城
Oh, welcome to International Falls.
-登记入住吗 -你好
- Checking in? - Hi.
是的 一间房♥