周年快乐（2018）

我懂你的意思 很好 但我不要回家
I see what you're doing, and it's awesome, but I'm not going home.
我不想跟不懂轻重缓急的人做生意
I wouldn't want to be in business with someone who didn't understand that notion.
-你懂我的意思吗 山姆？ -对 女士
- Do you understand that notion, Sam? - Yes, ma'am.
我会迅速回来 快到让你吓一跳
I'll be so quick you won't know that I'm gone.
4点半我就要去幼稚园接小孩
Preschool pickup is at 4:30.
4点半 没问题
4:30. That's so easy.
-真抱歉 -你下地狱吧
- I am so sorry. - Die in a fire.
好的
Yes.
我们认为成本…
We-We-We feel our costs are…
白色衣物洗好了
Oh, the whites are done.
莫莉
Mollie!
天啊…这是什么味道？
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What the fuck is that?
你还好吗？
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, are you okay? Are you all right?
对 我回来拿剩下的东西
Yeah, I came back to get the rest of my stuff,
然后我从没听过唐尼 如此疯狂地吠叫…
and then Donny was barking crazier than ever, and…
原来的确有一只动物 -是臭鼬 -对
…turns out there is a creature.- It's a skunk. - Yeah.
-不会有事的 好吗？ -好
- It's gonna be okay, all right? - Yeah.
-好吗？ -好
- Yeah? - Yeah.
我没有哭 只是…
Um, I'm not crying. I'm just… It's the…
臭味薰得我的眼睛好不舒服
It's the smell that's making my eyes water.
我知道 我的舌头也不舒服
I know. I can feel it on my tongue.
我上网查过 我们应该用蕃茄汁替它洗澡
I googled it, and it says that we're supposed to bathe him in tomato juice.
但唯一准备好被臭鼬喷到的人
But turns out the only person who's prepared for a skunking
是我的祖母
is my grandma.
有一样东西能派上用场
I think we have something.
（血腥玛莉果汁）
对 你最乖了
Aw. Yeah, that's a good boy.
-乖 -我按住它了
- Hey. - I got him.
-不… -我按住它了
- No, no. - I got him.
不要动啦 野兽
Hold still, beast.
天啊 不行 它在舔
God. Oh, no, he's licking it.
不行 唐尼
No, Donny, no.
不行 唐尼 你知道这样多恶心吗？
No, Donny, no. Do you have a notion of how disgusting what you're doing is?
不晓得 但这样很好 对吗？
I don't know. I guess that's good, right?
对
Yeah.
要不要我去拿伏特加？然后倒进去？
Should I get the vodka? Just throw it in the tub?
待会就能洗掉了…
It'll come out. It'll come out.
流下来了
Oh, it drips down.
不要…
No, no.
你看起来像魔女嘉莉
You look like Carrie.
你在干什么？这不是嘉莉 只是一个很害怕的人
What is that? That's not Carrie. That's just a scared person.
唐尼
Donny! Oh.
不会吧
Oh, no.
-它上♥床♥了 -不
- He's on the bed. - Oh, no!
它全身躺在床上 还像这样扭 我们的房♥间里沾满了蕃茄汁
He's 100 percent on the bed going like this.Tomato shit all over our fucking room.
-时间到了 -什么？
- Time's up. - What?
不行 还这么湿
Oh, no, that's soaking.
你不能穿 否则会感冒 而且全身冻僵
You can't wear that. You'll catch a cold or something, freeze your tits off.
抱歉 我以为你们在…
I'm sorry, I thought you were…
艾德？
Ed?
没什么 他们毁了我的上衣
It's nothing. They ruined my top.
天啊 那是订制♥服♥吗？
Oh, my God. Is that Couture?
原本是
It was.
你们继续忙吧
Oh, I'll let you get back to it.
她似乎是好女人
She seemed lovely.
我们要有孩子了
We're having a baby.
-真好 恭喜 -是啊
- Yeah. Mazel tov. - Yeah.
抽出避孕？
Pullout?
若我记得的话
When I remember.
是啊
Yeah.
来击掌 今天的表现真好
Very well done today.
天啊 你觉得能排第几名？
Oh, my God. How do you think that ranks?
太爽了
It was very good.
我认为是前三名 老实说前三名差不多
I would probably say top three. Honestly, I gotta put it in the top three.
真的吗？才前三名？
Really? That's all?
-才前三名？ -哪一次更爽？
- That's all? - What beats it?
蒙特西托
Montecito.
是啊
Yeah.
天啊 你一定会喜欢这间饭店
Oh, my God. You're gonna love this hotel.
他们提供专属的度假小屋
They give you your own entire casita.
听起来像是上流生意人住的地方
Sounds like a place that a fancy businessman would stay
晚上还找来非常贵的伴♥游♥女郎
and, like, order a very expensive escort for the evening.
-对 就是这种地方 -是啊
- Yes, this is the place. Yes. - Yeah.
我们就这么办
Let's do it.
你要召♥妓♥吗？
You want to get a hooker?
不是啦 我要假扮妓♥女♥
No, no, I want to be the hooker.
你则是潇洒却邪恶的避险基金经理
And you're the elegantly depraved hedge fund guy.
是吗？
Yeah?
晚安 妓♥女♥ 很高兴… 太蠢了 我很邪恶
Good evening, prostitute. It's good… That's stupid. Think depraved.
我是坏男人 就像《新少棒闯天下》里的华特马殊
I'm bad news. I'm Walter Matthau Bad News Bears.
你常来吗？
Come here often?
不对 她是来我的房♥间 而且从没来过
No, she's coming to your room. She's never been there before.
我跟比你胖两倍的女人上♥床♥过
I've fucked women twice your size.
这样没道理
No, that doesn't add up.
你的屁♥眼♥准备营业了吗？
Is that butthole open for business?
那个屁♥眼♥…还是翘臀？说美臀好了
Is that butthole…? Is that tokus…? No, tushy.
要我插入你的美臀吗？
Does that tushy need a banging?
所以我也是坏男孩
I guess I'm a bad boy too.
对 我逃漏税
Yeah, I cheat on my taxes.
赌500美元我能跟你上♥床♥
Bet you 500 bucks I can fuck you.
这本来就是妓♥女♥的工作啊 太怪的赌注了
That's basically what a prostitute is. Like a weird bet.
（儿童维他命）
谢谢
Thanks.
你好
Hi.
天啊
Oh, gosh.
我不是妓♥女♥ 只是跟我的男友玩角色扮演
I'm not actually a hooker. I'm just doing this for fun with my boyfriend.
这样更糟糕吗？
Is that worse?
要住宿吗？
Checking in?
你好 我要17号♥度假屋的钥匙
Hi. I need the key for Casita 17.
好的 那位…先生说过你会来
Yes. The… gentleman mentioned you'd be arriving.
尚路易会带你去
Jean Louis will direct you.
尚路…
Jean Lou…
好的 棒透了
Yes. Perfect.
钱在玄关柜上
The money's on the dresser.
请享受
Enjoy.
算一下
Count it.
一张钞票、两张钞票
One monies, two money,
三张钞票…全都是钱
three money, all the money.
所以你准备了什么？
What do you have for me?
太美了 你去哪里买♥♥…
That's amazing. Where did you get…?
你要穿那样跟我做♥爱♥吗？
Are we gonna have sex like that?
好耶…
Ah. Okay, yeah. Okay, okay.
是啊 那绝对是前两名
Oh!Yeah, it's definitely top two.
我从来没把钱拿回来 凤♥凰♥女
Mmm. You know, I never got my money back, Pretty Woman.
喂 那是我应得的
Hey. I earned that shit.
完全没错
You sure fucking did.
-山姆 -什么事？
- Hey, Sam? - Yeah?
关于今早的事我很抱歉
I'm sorry about this morning.
我的想法就是这样
It's just the way that my mind works.
我也想改 但没办法
I wish it didn't, but it does.
我知道
I know.
-我只想快乐 -我要你快乐
- I just want to be happy. - I want you to be happy.
我们应该怎么办？
What are we gonna do?
不知道
I don't know.
但你不能永远占着茅坑不拉屎
At a certain point, you gotta shit or get off the pot.
对 否则会长痔疮 这样最惨
Yeah. Otherwise you get hemorrhoids, and that's worse than anything.
虾皮那边的情况如何？
How'd it go with Shoppy?
我该走了
I gotta go.
（艾瑞克：这样很扯 但我无法停止想你）
（我需要再见到你）
（现在不是时候）
（回忆录香水）
天啊…
Oh, my…