圣诞节前夜（2015）

So the logical solution is to lower us half a floor
让电梯降到楼层间
by accessing the reserve cable.
这里没有备用电缆
There's no such thing as a reserve cable,
但想得倒是挺好的
but nice try.
别敷衍我
Don't patronize me,
我们遇到的问题都一样
we all have the same problem,
就一个 问题解决的比率提高
one problem, increasing the ratio of problem solvers
咱们遇到问题得到解决的几率也随之提高
to said problem inevitably improves our chances
所以这都要亏功于那些成为基数的"问题"吗
of solving that problem in less time.
先生 我们正努力...
Sir, we are working very hard...
办法一 既然电梯的灯没关
possibility number one, a secondary source of power
那说明还是有备用电源的
as evidenced by the backup lights is available
可能要把电源平均分配
and while probably insufficient to simultaneously power
供给大楼内所有电梯使用 是有点不切实际
every elevator in the building, might be fed
但只支撑这个还是绰绰有余的
exclusively to one.
世界上七十五亿人
Seven and a half billion people in the world
你偏偏惹毛一个唯一能
and you manage to piss off the one man who could
帮我们的人
possibly help us.
世界上人口数其实是七十一亿六千三百
There are only 7.163 billion people in the world.
我记住了
Point taken.
那是个雾色弥漫的黑夜
It was dark, it was misty,
不巧汽车没油
it was no night to be running out of gas
被困在四下无人的公路上
on a lonely country road.
丈夫把他妻子锁在车里
The husband locked his wife in the car
自己下车寻求帮助
while he went for help.
但是他回来时 发现妻子已经死在车里了
But when he came back, she was dead
并且在她身边
and there was someone he'd never seen before
他发现了还有一个陌生人
in the car with her.
然而车门没有被开过
But the doors had not been opened,
车窗也没有打开
the windows had not been rolled down.
- 车里... - 那是个婴儿
- The car... - it was a baby.
为什么不能带着发卷给印度姑娘照相
Why can't you take a picture of an Indian woman with hair curlers?
照相要用相机
You need a camera to take a picture,
发卷不行
not hair curlers.
找一个空的红酒瓶 往里面丢个硬币
Take an empty wine bottle, drop a coin it
再拿个木塞把瓶口封住
and put a cork in the top of the bottle.
怎么在不动木塞的情况下 把硬币拿出来
How can you get the coin out without removing the cork?
但凡问题 总会有答案的
There's no such thing as a question without an answer.
可能你暂时还不知道 但总是会有答案的
You might not know it now, but it's out there,
等着你发现
waiting to be found.
希望你能发现
Wanting to be found.
而且答案总是很简单
It's almost always simple.
简单得甚至没有意义
So simple, it's almost silly.
当你真的找到答案
And when you find it,
那种感觉难以言喻
well, there's no feeling like it in the world.
我老婆要骂死我了
My wife's gonna kill me.
要是我爸知道我被炒鱿鱼
My dad's gonna kill me when he finds out
他绝对会搞死我
I was fired.
是解雇
Laid off.
他是个有钱的开♥发♥商
He's a big time developer.
他只关心工作和利益
All he cares about is work and money.
他正在建有五层阁楼的摩天大楼
He's building a skyscraper with a five floor penthouse,
就为了他自己
just for him.
自从我有这份工作 我总共解雇了两百三十八人
You know, I've had to lay off 238 people since I
这你知道吗
started this job?
我还有了一张表 上面列了所有被解雇员工的名字
I have list at home of everybody I've ever laid off.
我也不知道干嘛要留着这张表
I don't know why I keep it.
可能假装你还很关心吧
Probably helps you to pretend you really care.
你就是圣人了吗
What are you a Saint?
比方说在新闻上看到飓风破坏的报道
It's like watching tornado coverage on the news,
你知道本应同情那些遇难者
you know you should feel bad but then you just
但是你一换台 就觉得幸好倒霉的不是你
change the channel and thank god it wasn't you.
你知道那些上司怎么称呼你们这群员工吗
You know what the execs call you employees?
爱心熊
Care bears.
想知道其他人怎么叫你的吗
Know what they call you?
白雪公主 因为你无聊散漫的样子
Snow white because you're so bored
看起来好像是死人一样
and disengaged that you might as well be dead.
白雪公主
Snow white?
戴夫还叫你大脚怪
Yeah, Dave called you sasquatch,
但他总是不按正常人思维思考
but he never made any sense.
戴夫 戴夫有一晚
Dave, you know Dave slept
还睡过我家沙发
on my couch one night?
就是两年前公♥司♥举办圣诞派对那一天
Yeah, company Christmas party two years ago.
戴夫 代驾司机戴夫
Dave, designated driver Dave,
酩酊大醉 叫了辆出租 爬了进去
gets so sloshed, calls a cab, climbs inside,
然后居然忘了自己住哪
and can't remember where he lives.
酒店就把我的地址给了司机
The hotel gives him my address since I'm the guy
毕竟是我花钱办的派对
who paid for the party,
他到了我家 全然不知道自己
he shows up at my house, he's got no idea he's
走错了地方
at the wrong place.
他带我和我妻子跳起了华尔兹
He waltzes in on my wife and me,
所以我们把他带出去扔在了沙发上
so we take him out and put him on the couch.
第二天早晨我们起床之后 他就消失了
Next morning we get up, he's gone without a trace.
毯子也叠好了 什么都整理好了
Blanket's folded up, the whole bit,
好像他从没来过
like he was never there.
他从没提起过这事儿 我也没有
And he never said a word about it and neither did I,
但从此之后每年圣诞节 我们家门前
but every Christmas, there's a plate of sugar cookies
都会放着一盘甜饼干
arrives on our doorstep.
驯鹿形状的小甜饼干
Little reindeer sugar cookies
我知道那是戴夫放的
and I know it's Dave bringing them.
那不是戴夫放的
That's not Dave.
是会计干的
It's accounting.
他们在里面加了眼药水
They put eyedrops in them,
让你腹泻
diarrhea.
这解释了很多事
That explains a lot.
这是你遇到最糟糕的事 对吗
Oh, I know, it's just the worst thing ever, isn't it?
- 很好 - 好吧
- Perfect. - Okay.
好了
All right.
哇哦
Wow.
我们开始吧
Let's do it.
先生
Sir?
你好 我在这儿
Hello? Yes, I'm in here!
我们正试着把你弄下来
We're trying to get you down.
一个街区外发生了停电
There's a power outage a block away
看上去还要持续一段时间
and it looks like it might be awhile.
快把门给我打开
Just open the damn door!
你在楼层之间 先生
You're between floors, sir,
- 就算我们能... - 到底还有什么
- even if we could... - Is there anything
是你会做的
you know how to do?
先生 我正在尝试...
Sir, I'm trying my...
你被炒了 听见没有
you're fired! That's what you are!
喂
Hello?
喂 快回来
Hello? Come back here!
喂 喂
Hello? Hello?
该死的
Oh, shit!
把我
Get me
弄出去
out of here!
像这样
Like this.
这还没我脸大
Well, it's not as big as my face.
你得再用点力
You gotta push harder.
你个小矮子
Ow! You little runt.
哇哦 哇哦
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
我差点尿了
I almost started to pee.
想点儿别的
Think of something else.
想想汽车
Think about cars.
你觉得她开什么样的车
What kind of car do you think she drives?
她是做什么的 主治医师
What's she do, chief?
她在管弦乐队里弹竖琴
She's a harpist in the orchestra.
那她肯定开着一辆大家伙
So she's gotta drive something big
装着竖琴到处跑
enough to haul the harp around.
她多大了 三十五岁