大英烦事多（2015）

“我知道你觉得应该是先到先得 但是我 说实话”
"I can appreciate that you think that that's the case, but I, honestly..."
“我先来的 你胆敢先点单”
"I was! Don't you start!"
两个人可以作证 我和酒保都认为
Two people are saying it -- me and the barman recognise that I was here
是我比你先来 而在我们对话的这段时间里
before you, and in the time we've had this conversation,
我本来已经能拿到我的酒水然后他就能为你服务了
I could have got my drinks and he could be serving you,
所以你的所作所为只是延长了我们等待的时间
so all you're doing is prolonging this wait for the drink.
嗜酒的英国人平均一年要喝掉300品脱的酒
The average British drinker has around 300 pints a year.
有这么多酒要喝完 哪有时间可以浪费
That's a lot to get through and there's no time to waste,
所以如果等待上酒的时间比平时更长
so we become frustrated
我们就会变得沮丧
when we have to wait even longer for our drinks than usual.
你可以来一杯海盗喝的提神饮料或者传教士喝的酒
You can have a Pirate's Pick-Me-Up or a Missionary's Downfall,
一杯咖啡酒之吻或者 对了 来杯农场主的潘趣酒吧 这才是真正的绝杀
a Kahlua Kiss or -- bingo! -- a Planter's Punch, that's a real knockout!
另外一件我不喜欢的事就是在你排队等候酒水时
Another thing I hate is when you're queuing up for a pint
他们都点了 像是最复杂的鸡尾酒
and they all order, like, the most complicated cocktail and then the barman
然后酒保就得看着教程 弄明白怎么做大家点的鸡尾酒
has to look at the bloody menu to see how to make said cocktail,
然后你就在那看着他准备每一杯酒
and then you're there watching him prepare each one and he's like...
- 切碎薄荷 - 对 切碎薄荷
- Chopping mint. - Yeah, chopping mint...
- 应该在我们到之前切碎它啊 - 点燃一个橙子 或者之类的水果
- Chop it before we get there. - .. Setting fire to an orange, or something like that,
橙子会变蓝 然后那些家伙会说 “噢 我可以拍张照么”
so it goes blue, and then the bird's like, "Oh, can I take a photo of it?"
不要拍照 我们等着要喝酒呢
Don't take a photo of it!We want to get a pint!
我觉得需要来个鸡尾酒专吧 有一个服务员
I think there should be a cocktail,like, bar, so there's one person
然后他的位置前摆上写着“鸡尾酒”的牌子
and it just says "Cocktails"above where they stand,
如果你想要鸡尾酒你就得去那个位置
and if you want cocktails you have to go to that bit.
- 他们可以戴着一个写着“鸡尾酒”字样的帽子 - 也许 是的 - 鸡尾酒帽
- They could have a hat with "Cocktails" written on it. - Maybe, yeah. - Cocktail hat.
他们可以从帽子里拿出装饰用的小雨伞
They could have all those little umbrellas coming out of it.
所以 酒吧之旅可能会是生气沮丧交杂
So, a trip to the bar can be laced with anger and frustration.
英国人一个月要花35分钟花在等待服务上
Brits spend 35 minutes a month waiting to be served.
幸运的是 我们已经想出了一套在世界其他地区
Luckily, we've come up with a uniquely complicated system,
并不多见的独到复杂的系统 来确保
not commonly found in the rest of the world, to ensure
购买♥♥酒水的压力是公平分配的
the burden of buying drinks is spread fairly,
但是这样的系统也会自带压力
but this brings its own pressures.
你不会想得到
You don't want to get the reputation
最后一轮买♥♥酒人的名声
of being the last person to buy a round.
我的意思是 在酒吧里有一半的时间是在嘲笑
I mean, half the time is spent in pubs laughing at Brian
拿出了钱包的布莱恩 “噢 清醒一下吧 布莱恩
who's got his wallet out, "Oh,blow the cobwebs off, Brian.
那钱包自从1♥1♥4♥2年以来就没见过天日”
"Oh, that hasn't seen the light of day since 1♥1♥4♥2."
尽管轮流买♥♥酒系统建立在英国的
Although the round system is founded on the British
礼仪价值 公平和节约的观念上
values of etiquette, fairness and money saving,
但也不能保证每个人都遵守规矩
not everyone can be relied upon to stick to the rules.
我有自己的小算盘
What I try to do is I have round tactics,
所以我喜欢去 我喜欢买♥♥第一轮 因为
so I like to go in... I like to get the first round in, because...
提前进去 让他们知道你在那儿
Early doors, let them know you're there.
让他们知道你在那里 然后 慢慢地人会多起来
Let them know you're there and, also as well, it gets slowly busier,
所以我试着在人多起来前挤到吧台旁
so I try to get one in before it gets too busy
你的伙伴在那里 表现得就像
and your mates are there and it's like,
“天哪 到吧台需要排25分钟的队” 就好像 “太好了
"Cor, 25 minutes to queue for that bar." It's like, "Yeah, good.
“你们其他四个人得排这么久的队 才会再次轮到我去买♥♥酒”
"There's another four of you have got to do this until it gets back round to me."
另一种策略是 如果你知道自己要去一个更贵的地方
The other one is if you know you're going somewhere more expensive...
- 是的 - 在第一个酒吧 在第一轮进去买♥♥酒
- Yeah. - .. get the round in, in the first pub.
我告诉你 我不喜欢那些来得比较晚的人
I tell you what... I don't like people who come into the pub
看到你拿着一整杯酒
a little bit later and they can see you've got a full pint
就走向你说 “噢 很顺利 对吧”
and they go to you, "Oh, you're all right there, are you?"
知道或希望你会说 “如你所见
And knowing or hoping that you'll go, "As you can see,
我已经拿到了一杯酒 所以我不需要你再去弄一杯来了”
"I've literally got a full pint,so I don't need you to get one."
但是有时候我喜欢这样说 “知道吗
But sometimes I like to go, "Do you know what?
我还想要一杯酒 帮帮忙 省得我再去一次
"I'll have another one. Save me going again, actually,
去吧 你去排着吧”
"so, yeah, you just get that one in."
当一些酒鬼不按照规矩来的时候
When fellow drinkers aren't following the rules,
英国人会用含蓄的话来确保他们履行自己的义务
Brits use special coded phrases to make sure they pull their weight.
在英国 “轮到谁了”
In Britain, "Whose round is it?"
意味着 “轮到你了”
Means, "It's your round!"
我的酒差不多喝光了
I've more or less finished my drink
- 所以你在想 “得有人提下这个” - 是的
- and you're thinking, "Someone needs to say this." - Yeah.
所以遇到这种情况你得这么说
So you have to do that thing where you go,
“噢 我可能得需要另外一轮了”
"Oh, I might get another round in,"
- 这是为了提示某些人 让他们说 “哦 不要担心 轮到我了” - 是的
- to prompt someone else to go, "Oh, don't worry, it's my turn." - Yes.
如果有人信了你的虚张声势 那么你就能连续得到两杯酒了
And then if they call your bluff,and you've got two in a row!
但是即使是绝对的公正
But even when it's scrupulously fair,
在轮流买♥♥酒中还会有其他的危险
there are other dangers involved in round buying.
在一战期间 法律限制了购买♥♥回合
During the First World War,legal restrictions were placed
为了防止饮酒过度削弱战争时期的军力
on buying rounds to stop excessive drinking hampering the war effort.
在一轮买♥♥酒里最糟糕的是 买♥♥下一轮的家伙喝得非常慢
The worst in a round is if, you know, the person who's the next round is drinking really slowly,
或者是你喝得很慢 因为你刚干了一杯
or if it's you who's drinking really slowly, because you're just downing
因为你不想被排在这一轮外
drinks because you don't want to be the person not in the round.
所以 基本来说 每个人喝酒的速度都像
So, basically, everyone ends up drinking at the rate
酒鬼似的 因为他们决定了这一轮会持续多久
of the alcoholic because they dictate the round.
他们就像 “干” “好吧 我们都干了 我们得再去拿一杯”
They're like, "Done!" "All right, we're all done then. We have to get another drink."
在轮流买♥♥酒机制中 普遍认为我们至少要喝够
In the round system, it's assumed we'll enjoy at least as many
与参与人数持平的回合数
drinks as there are participants.
五个人 五品脱 在英国喝酒全是为了公正
Five people, five pints. Drinking in Britain is all about fairness.
我们喜欢的观点是只需要付自己喝酒的钱 而不用付其他的
We like the idea of paying for what we drink and nothing more.
但是逐渐地 现代酒吧参照餐馆的模式
But increasingly, modern pubs and bars are following the example
鼓励我们付小费
of restaurants by encouraging us to tip,
这意味着甚至在你觉得自己已经付过钱之后 问题还会继续存在
which means the obstacles continue even after you think you've paid.
我的父亲 祝福他 我的父亲说
My dad, bless him, my dad says,
“好吧 我只会给提供完美服务的服务生小费”
"Well, I only tip someone if the service has been fantastic."
还有“不 我会有根有据地给他们小费 我会给他们小费
And, "No, I will tip them accordingly. I will tip them...
嘿 服务不错的话 小费给你多点”
"Hey, give me good service,get a good tip."
小费将谢谢这个词数值化
A tip puts a numerical value on saying thank-you,
这会让英国人觉得尴尬和粗俗
which Brits find awkward and vulgar.
有的餐厅试图通过把小费加在账单里来避免这种情况
Some restaurants try to circumvent this by adding the tip to the bill,
但是这会造成不满
but this can cause resentment.
有次我走进一家餐厅 然后服务费
Once I went into this restaurant and there was, like, the service charge
已经加到了账单上 我就抱怨
was added to the bill and I complained,
因为我是在自助餐厅里 我就想 “我是自己为自己服务的啊
because I was in a buffet, and I was thinking, "I AM the service.
我已经走去那个桌子那15次了
"I've been going up to that table 15 times.
为什么我还要付服务费
"Why am I now paying for the service charge?
你甚至连个盘子都没有拿给我 所有的盘子都堆在那个角落”
"You didn't even bring me a plate. The plates were all piled up there in the corner."
在其他国家 比如说美国
In other countries, such as America,
付小费的观念是根深蒂固的
the idea of tipping is deeply ingrained.
然而 吃东西比赛和把帽子反着戴也是一样根深蒂固
But then, so are eating contests and wearing a cap backwards.
对于出国旅游的英国人
The differences between these systems can prove a culture shock
这些制度差异可以表现为文化冲击
for Brits travelling abroad.
我们去了美国
We'd go on up to the States,
我知道那儿有给小费的惯例
and I know there's a tipping mentality,
但是你回来 至少要花上两到三天
but you come back, takes a good...at least two or three days
去习惯我们与美国人不同的服务理念
to get used to our notion of service in comparison to the Americans.
我经常把包从服务员身上夺过来
I'll often wrestle bags off a porter,
不是因为我想要拿着包 只是因为这样会省掉我
not because I want to carry them, just because it'll save
不知道该给多少小费的尴尬
the embarrassment of not knowing how much to give him.
你去美国
You go to America,
只是在外面转悠 一整天都得往外给钱 不是吗
you just walk round giving money out all day, don't you?
你下车时 得像这样 “给你 5英镑 ”
You get out the car and you go, "Here, have a ￡5,"
然后你去旅店 “嘿 拿点小费吧”
and then you get to your hotel,"Go on, have another one."
然后你去结账 或者登记入住时 他们会说
And then you get to the checkout,or the check-in, and they say,
“需要斯塔夫罗斯带你去房♥间 顺便带你参观一下吗”
"Would you like Stavros to take you to your room and show you round?"
“不 我自己来就行”但是无论如何他都会上来
"No, I'm fine." But he'll come up anyway
然后一直在那里徘徊
and then he stands there lingering.
如果我是和我老婆一起 这个时候我的做法是 去上厕所
If I'm with me wife, what I do at that point, I go to the toilet
然后她就会对我发脾气 我会去上厕所 甚至不是真的上厕所
and then she plays hell with me,I go to the toilet and I won't
我就待在洗手间里 而她在经历着尴尬时刻
even go, I'll just stand in the bathroom while she has that awkward
服务员站在那 一分钱没拿到就被打发走了
minute where he's stood there and he gets sent off with nothing.
我完全不能理解小费这事 不多说了
I don't understand tipping, full stop.
所以 我们意识到尽管我们外出时
So, we've learnt that even though we have all manner of VBPs
有各种各样的糟心事要解决 但足智多谋的英国人
to cope with upon leaving the house,the ever-resourceful Brits
已经准备了一些规矩和制度来帮助解决问题
have put rules and systems in place to try and help,
就像轮流买♥♥酒和规矩地排队
like buying rounds and queuing properly, and we're
我们共同确保所付小费不会超出控制范围
collectively making sure that tipping doesn't get out of control.
噢 瞧 我的酒喝完了 轮到谁了
Oh, look at that, my pint's run dry. Whose round is it?
到目前为止 我们一直着眼于英国特有的
So far, we've been looking at the very British problems