鸟姐妹（2019）

Hey, that thing I said earlier about you being
约会过的第一个非植物
The first non-plant I've dated.
我觉得听上去可能怪怪的
I feel like that came out sounding wrong.
我的意思就是我真的很喜欢你
I just really like you.
喜欢你的全部 -感人
All of you. -Aw.
看来你真的很忙
Anyways, I can see you're busy.
我就先撤了 -我一点都不忙呢
I'll be on my way. -Uh, I'm not busy at all.
多跟我说说你喜欢我的理由
Tell me more of the things you like about me.
快问问我关于我的私人问题
Ask me personal questions about myself
那些只有我知道的“私人问题”-赶紧停手吧
That only I would know. -No!
我受够了
I've had it! Enough!
我看了泌尿科 神经科 排泄科
I've seen a urologist, a neurologist, a cloacologist.
你们这些专家就只看一个个的部分
All of you are experts on all these individual parts,
但我的身体仿佛一个银河系 她远不止一颗星球
But my body is a galaxy, not just one planet.
无论我哪里出了问题 都在影响我都整个身心
Whatever is wrong with me is affecting my entire body and mind
这里难道没有一个能检查我全身
Isn't there someone here who can look at my whole being
连接全科的医生吗
And connect all the parts?
我们找不到你压力的源头
♪ we can't find the source of your distress ♪
大家猜猜 你到底怎么了
♪ what's your deal? It's anybody's guess ♪
尽管你所有的问题都是生理和周期性的
♪ though all your problems are physical and cyclical ♪
你是否考虑过你的大脑可能非♥典♥型
♪ have you considered that your brain could be atypical? ♪
荷尔蒙和焦虑在作祟
♪ it's hormones, it's anxiety ♪
你的骨盆神秘深邃
♪ your pelvis is a mystery ♪
你可以试试减肥十磅
♪ you could try losing ten pounds ♪
什么 我才不需要减肥呢
What? I don't need to lose weight.
体重不是我的问题
That's not my issue.
我们对所有病人都这么说 没觉得伤人
♪ that's what we say to every patient and it never hurts ♪
我觉得这太伤人了
I think it does hurt. It's very harmful.
减九磅试试
♪ lost nine pounds? ♪
多减一磅试试
♪ try one more ♪
减十一磅试试
♪ lost 11 pounds? ♪
这就太棒了
♪ that's extra good ♪
减六磅 增五磅
♪ lose six pounds, gain five more ♪
每个人最后分数都要一样
♪ everybody's got to have an equal score ♪
还有这些检测 诊断和疫苗之外
♪ and the thing you most need to know ♪
你最需要知道的事情
♪ aside from all the tests and diagnoses and vaccines ♪
最需要知道的是什么事情呢
Yes? What is it?
是这个非常重要的这一条信息
♪ is this very important bit of info ♪
听好了 我现在就告诉你
♪ listen up, I'll tell you now ♪
你准备好了吗
♪ are you ready? ♪
我是蜂后
♪ I'm the queen ♪
我是蜂后 我也是蜂后
♪ I'm the queen ♪ -♪ I'm the queen ♪
我是蜂后 我也是蜂后
♪ I'm the queen, I'm the queen ♪
蜂后蜂后蜂后 我们都是蜂后
♪ queen, queen, queen, queen. ♪
闭嘴吧 太浪费时间了
Shut up. This is a huge waste of time.
你们的态度都很差
All of you have terrible bedside manners,
我来了这里以后 你们一点忙都没帮上
You've been very unhelpful,
你们的歌♥喉都很棒
And you all are extremely talented vocalists.
所以你们都不应该做医生
And none of you should be doctors.
你们都应该去
You all should have followed
逐梦演艺圈
Your performing arts dreams instead.
现在 都给我站好 我才是你们的皇后
Now, behold. I am your queen.
费吉刚走
Whew, figgy's just left.
我们聊得很开心
We had a good chat.
他看上去人超好
He seems kind of awesome.
爱死他了
Love him.
我迫不及待想向他介绍我自己了
I can't wait for him to meet me.
真实的我
The real me.
你的戏服现在可以脱了吗
So are you gonna take off that costume now?
贝蒂 我花了很长时间才进入角色
Bertie, it took me a long time to get into character,
我也需要很长时间才能从角色里走出来
And it's gonna take me a long time to get out.
我准备现在去夜店转转
So I'm gonna go hit the clubs.
你们都需要听从我的命令
You all must obey my wishes!
图卡 你在干嘛
Tuca?
作为你们的蜂后 我命令你们所有人
As your queen, I command you all
停止浪费我的时间
To stop wasting my time
然后告诉我 我哪里生病了
And just tell me what's wrong with me!
否则我把你们都拖出去疾风斩了
Or else I'll have you all beheaded.
听懂了吗 疾“蜂”斩
Get it? Bee-headed?
啊 好痛 -图卡
Oh! Aah! -Tuca.
我们得带你去个正经医院
We've got to get you to a real hospital.
听到了吗 赶紧带着你们的蜂后
You heard her, take your queen
去个正经医院
To a... real hospital.
好的 就是拍个CT片[猫片] 很快的
Okay, this is just a quick cat scan.
求你别蜇我
Please don't sting me.
是你
You.
你怎么能这么对图卡
How could you do that to tuca?
哦 对哦
Oh, right.
你是图卡的朋友
You're tuca's friend.
是叫乔其纱吗
Georgette?
我叫贝蒂 -哦是吗 你看着很像那种叫作乔其纱的人
Bertie. -Really? You look like a georgette to me.
我觉得我还没糊涂到忘记自己的名字 -好吧
I think I know my own name. -Huh.
那乔其纱是谁
Then who's georgette?
别聊乔其纱了
Forget about georgette!
图卡好几个月都在担心你
Tuca was upset about you for months,
然后你就突然消失了 你什么素质啊
And you just disappeared. I mean, who does that?
她对我来说 太作了 我得把时间留给我自己
She was too much for me. I had to take care of myself.
你知道吗 图卡肯定不会这么说
You know, tuca would never say this,
因为她太优雅了 但是我会替她说
Because she has too much grace, but...
去死吧 烂屁♥眼♥ 阴♥道♥ 还有泄殖腔
Get bent. In the butthole, vagina, and cloaca.
我只有一个泄殖腔
I only have a cloaca.
为啥我下面需要三个洞呢
Why would I need three holes down there?
哦 我叫卡拉
Ooh, my name is kara.
我可太牛了呢
I'm so fancy.
我所有的屎尿屁都是一个洞里出来的
I do all my pee-pee poo-poos out of one hole.
我有点分不清我们俩到底谁是这世界上更奇葩的那个
I've lost the thread on which one of us is the weird one in this world.
这就是你的检测报告
So those are the results.
如果你之后还有问题
If you have any follow-up questions,
可以拨♥打♥这个电♥话♥
You can call this number.
好的 谢谢医生
Okay. Thank you.
嘿 阿姨
Hey, auntie.
图卡 你今天来得很早啊
Tuca, you're visiting early today.
其实我是在这里做检查
Actually, I was here getting some tests, trying to figure out
想知道为什么每个月我都有那么几天很难受
Why I feel so bad each month.
我人生第一次觉得我可以找到答案
For the first time, I thought maybe I could find an answer
然后我就能感觉好那么一点了 你懂吗
And feel just a little bit better, you know?
我什么事都可以做
I'll try anything.
我可以每顿饭都拿芹菜汁灌肠
I'll butt-chug celery juice at every meal.
我才不管呢
I don't care.
我只想知道 我到底该怎么办
I just want to know what to do.
我也有一样的难言之隐 宝贝
I have the same affliction, darling.
也许这就是为什么我这么婊里婊气的
Maybe that's why I'm such a bitch.
除了“你有一个卑鄙的子♥宫♥”以外没人给过我答案
I never got any explanation other than my "mean uterus"
还有“你有一个爱炫耀的卵巢”
And my "showoff-y ovaries."
你在现在这个年纪就想好好照顾自己 真是好样的
Good for you trying to take care of yourself.
我很久以前就放弃寻找答案了
I gave up on finding an answer long, long ago.
不过你有考虑过减肥十磅吗
But have you thought about losing ten pounds?
快点 快点
Hurry, hurry.
跟上你的家里人 小蓝珠
Catch up to your family, blue beads.
掉队的人会在冬夜死去
Stragglers die of exposure in the cold of night.
嘿 检查结果怎么样
Hey, how'd it go?
检查结果不是正常就是不确定
All the tests came back normal or inconclusive.
别灰心 我们可以试试自然疗法
Aw, we could try a naturopath.
要不试试整合疗法医师
An integrative holistic healer?
不了 贝蒂 我放弃了
Nah, bertie, I quit.
这次爆发马上会过去
This flare-up will end soon, and I'll feel fine
我会恢复一段时间 然后它又会回来继续烦我
For a few days or weeks until it comes back.
现在我只想回家
Right now, I just want to go home.
我们赶紧走吧 免得遇到那个不想遇到的人
Let's get out of here before we run into you-know-who.
好吧 你今晚会和费吉仔见面吗
Okay. Hmm, are you gonna see figgy tonight?
我也不知道