鸟姐妹（2019）

♪ Architecture analogy. ♪
咦惹 我还以为斑斑只是和我们在一起的时候很无聊
Yeesh, and I thought Speckle was depressed when we were together.
总之 点点 好妹妹
Anyways, Dottie, good sister.
戈登 好男人 就是有点点可疑
Gordon, nice man, but a little bit suspicious.
拜拜
Bye-bye.
斑斑 我知道你为什么这么消沉了
Speckle, I figured out why you're depressed.
你担心钱的问题 但我可以养家
You're stressed about money, but I can support us.
我现在是养家糊口的人
I'm a breadwinner now.
♪都是钱的问题♪ -♪噢 下谷物雨吧 ♪
♪ All about that money ♪ - ♪ Oh, make it grain. ♪
你说得对 之前我甚至没考虑钱的问题
You're right. I wasn't even thinking about money,
可是现在需要你来挣钱
but you'll need to support us,
这会给你带来压力 影响你的事业心
which will put pressure on you and limit your career ambitions.
我成了吃白饭的
I've become a mooch.
我成了负担 吸血鬼
I'm dead weight, a leech.
糟糕
Oops.
嘿 各位 不是说分手不重要哈
Hey, everyone. Not that it matters anymore,
因为我和斑斑铁定分手了
because we are definitely broken up,
但是你们有没有成功地让他振作起来呢
but if you ever succeeded in cheering Speckle up,
你们是怎么做的
how did you do that?
不要错误回答 现在是头脑风暴模式
No wrong answers. We're in brainstorm mode.
斑斑在分手之后就会有最好的状态
Speckle's always his best self after a breakup.
我们分开之后 斑斑投入到电♥话♥推销中
After we split, Speckle devoted himself to cold-calling
给他梦想清单上的每一家建筑公♥司♥推销自己
every architecture firm on his dream list,
然后他就被录用了
and he got hired.
我们分手后 他开始在社区里骑很久的三轮脚踏车
When we broke up, he started taking long tricycle rides around the neighborhood.
我认为这是让他喜欢上建筑的原因
I think it's what made him fall in love with houses.
和他分手是好事 贝蒂
It's a good thing you broke it off, Bertie.
这意味着他要开始往上走了
That means he'll be on the upswing.
妹子 这就是你能为他做的最好的事
No, girl, it's the best thing you could have done for him.
啥?！
What?!
各位注意下我好吗
Can I get everyone's attention?
喂
Hello?
是时候了
It's that time.
该接蜥蜴了
Time to catch the lizard.
单身的女士们来舞池好吗
Can I get all the single ladies to the dance floor?
不管谁抓到了蜥蜴
Now, whoever catches the lizard
都能把它吃掉 然后下一个结婚
gets to eat the lizard and also get married next.
但主要还是那美味的蜥蜴肉
But it's mostly about that sweet lizard meat.
噢 哇 看那 噢噢 冷静点 讨厌鬼
Oh, whoa there. Oh-oh, settle down, sucker.
嘿 图卡 你还记得我说斑斑很消沉吗
Hey, Tuca, you know how I said Speckle is depressed?
我记得你说的所有事情 贝蒂
I remember everything you say, Bertie.
我把它们放到了脑海中的贝蒂之书里
I put it in my mental Bertie book.
就像以前你说过 你会抓到婚礼蜥蜴
Like that time you said you'd catch the wedding lizard
然后让我吃掉
and let me have all the meat.
我可没说过
I never said that.
确切地说 如果我抓到了 我会狼吞虎咽地吃光
In fact, if I catch it, I will devour it.
我们能谈斑斑了吗
Can we talk about Speckle?
他的前任们认为 只有甩了他才能让他振作起来
His exes think the only way to cheer him up is to dump him.
当然了 斑斑是个爱闹剧的傻妞
Of course. Speckle's a silly bitch who loves drama.
如果她们是对的怎么办
What if they're right?
如果我自以为在帮他 但其实在拖他的后腿呢
What if I think I'm helping him but I'm just holding him back?
嗯哼 我和费吉也有类似的麻烦
Huh. I'm in a similar mess with Figgy.
我能不能一边帮他
Is it helpful for me to support him
一边满脑子想着在那张婚宴桌子下面和他大干一场
while all I can think about is banging him under that banquet table?
没错 我掩饰得很好
That's right, I did a masterful job of hiding it,
但我想在他头上挂个轮胎秋千 然后荡到他的裤裆里 贝蒂
but I want to hang a tire swing from his head and swing into him crotch first, Bertie.
该拿这些人怎么办呢
What are we gonna do with these dudes?
我不知道
I have no answers.
抱歉 我听到了你们聊天 我想说 我很困惑时
Sorry to eavesdrop, but when I'm feeling confused,
我就去买♥♥顶新帽子
I buy a new hat.
而且 我们应该支持伴侣渡过艰难时期
Also, you should support your partners through the rocky times.
你怎么会来这个婚礼
What are you even doing at this wedding?
我是贝丝 戈登的牙医和双打搭档
I'm Beth, Gordon's dentist and doubles partner.
好吧 这样就说得通为什么邀请你了
Then it makes a lot of sense that you were invited.
请继续
Please continue.
好的 比如 我女朋友卡拉
Okay, for example, my girlfriend Kara,
我们刚开始约会的时候 她有很大的问题
she had huge issues when we started dating.
不会吧 -什么?
No kidding. - What?
我说别停下...说这个故事
No quitting... telling this anecdote.
不会的 才刚开始呢
I won't. I just started.
卡拉控制欲很强 不愿道歉
Kara was really controlling and unapologetic,
但有一天她顿悟了
but then she had an aha moment.
她承认自己想玩失踪 逃避我
She admitted she was about to ghost me,
但没能坚持下去
but she couldn't go through with it.
噢? -她还说
Oh? - She said that,
虽然她看起来对别人的感受漠不关心
although she can seem nonchalant about other people's feelings,
但心里其实很在乎
on the inside she's very chalant.
所以 我们去看了心理医生 把她的问题解决了
So, we went to therapy and worked through her issues.
我猜她很反感去看心理医生吧
I bet she hated being dragged to a shrink.
其实是她的建议
It was her idea.
是不是很棒
Isn't that neat?
这其实就是人的特点
That's the thing about people.
我们无法逼他人改变 但有时候他们自己会迈出这一步
You can't force them to change, but sometimes they just do.
噢 那位鹅妹子终于抓到了蜥蜴
Ooh, that goose finally caught the lizard.
终于可以切蛋糕了
Now we can move on to cake.
祝你们好运
Good luck with your fellas.
你回来了 太好了 呃呕
I'm glad you're back. Eesh.
我现在真的很焦躁不安
I am feeling really twitchy.
我从来没不带套搞过婚礼
I've never raw-dogged a wedding before.
我是说 没有清醒参加过婚礼
I mean, been sober at one.
感到不舒服的时候我就会尝试新的俚语
I'm always trying new slang when I'm feeling uncomfortable.
总之 这个蛋糕''碉堡''了
Anyways, this cake is bitchin'.
噢 好想赶快再喝到酒
Oh, I can't wait until I can drink again.
好吧 如果你再也不喝了呢
Okay, but what if you didn't drink again?
干脆戒了 你可以的 我也做到了
Just quit. You can do it. I quat.
你完全不知道我环视这间屋子时看到的是什么吧
You have no idea what I see when I look out at this room, do you?
被浪费的四万块钱吗
About $40,000 of wasted money?
不是 你看
No. Look.
我们看到的东西很不一样
We see things very differently.
你看到的是什么 让我看看
What do you see? Show me.
我懂了
I think I get it now.
你对酒精的感觉
You feel the same way about alcohol
和我对翘臀的感觉一样
as I do about juicy butts.
确实 真遗憾
I do, unfortunately.
你处理自己酒瘾的时候不该谈恋爱
You shouldn't be in a relationship while you're dealing with this.
啊 是的
Ah, yes.
所以我很高兴你坚持我们只做朋友
That's why I'm so glad you were firm about us being just friends.
我确实很坚定 是吧
I was firm, wasn't I?
是呢 而且 作为一名合格的防骚扰教练
Yup, and as a certified harassment prevention instructor,
我很擅长保持界限
I'm amazing at keeping boundaries.
当你说''只做朋友''后
As soon as you said, "Just friends,"
就立刻板上钉钉了
that set it in stone.
我绝不会把你当成朋友以外的人
I'll never view you as anything other than platonic.
我甚至不会看到你
I don't even see you.
好吧 很好
Yup. That's great.
这正是我想要的
That's exactly what I want.
还有人想吃我的蛋糕吗
Does anyone want the rest of my cake?
我饱了
I'm full.
没关系 我改变主意了
Never mind, I changed my mind.
我要吃蛋糕 -我和你一起吃
I'm gonna eat it. - I'll share that cake with you.
等等 你不是和我的房♥子在一起了吗
Wait, I thought you were with my building.
我还给你送了新婚礼物 没有吗
I sent you a wedding present, no?
我们很喜欢那些窗帘 但我们已经分开了
A-And we loved the curtains, but we've separated,
不仅是因为它建在市中心
and not just because it's built downtown.
而且它的结构还有问题
There were structural problems.
它不能让我性满足
It couldn't please me sexually.
电梯太多 电梯井不够
Too much elevator, not enough shaft.
宝贝 妈妈在和朋友聊天
Honey, mama's talking to her friend.
现在你不和贝蒂在一起了
Now that you're not with Bertie anymore,
也许我们俩可以复合
maybe we can get back together.
不行 拜托 退退退