一路绕行（2016）

The Detour S02E10

Part 3 June 26, 2021, 8:59 a.m.

我没法搞啊太疼了 - 好了好了
I can't. This hurts so bad. - Here, here.
好点了吧怎么样 - 我的天
Is this better? Hmm? Hmm? - Oh, God.
哦天啊我什么都看不到了 - 这样好点了吗
Oh, God, I can't see anything. - Is that better?
好了 - 我的天
There. - Oh, my God!
老天 - 我的天这样舒服太多了
God. - Oh, my God, that feels so much better.
呼
Whew.
哦上帝啊
Oh, God.
你在高♥潮♥吗
Are you having an orgasm?
才不这比高♥潮♥感觉爽多了
No. This feels so much better than an orgasm.
那么你们来介绍一下自己吧
So, tell me about yourselves.
你们是怎样的人
As people.
你有女朋友吗
ou got a girlfriend?
她不喜欢那种叫法
She doesn't like to be called that,
但我们进展挺快的
But we're moving pretty fast.
我们不喜欢贴标签 - 我恋爱了
We don't like labels. - I'm in love.
我喜欢的人两千多岁了他有长头发还有胡子
He's over 2,000 years old, has long hair, and a beard.
他一直在我身边
He's a constant in my life.
你不好奇他叫什么吗
You don't want to know his name?
我已经认定他是假的了
I just assumed he was fake.
我是在说耶稣我爱上耶稣了
It's Jesus. I'm in love with Jesus.
哦那我没想错嘛
Oh. So I was right.
我睡了多久了
How long have I been asleep?
什么 - 哦
What? - Ooh.
你可是在开车啊 - 是啊但
You were driving. - Yeah, but...
我最多也就睡过了几个高速路标嘛对吧
A couple highway markers, tops. Right?
你是说英里标吗
You mean mile markers?
你看到的上一个写着什么
What was the last one you saw?
17吧我记得
17, I think?
你睡过了三英里
You've been asleep for three miles?
好吧好吧但那只是
Okay, okay. But that's...
但那只是两分半的车程啊在这时速
But that's only two and half minutes at this sp...
你应该负责让我醒着的
You were supposed to keep me awake!
别打我啊又不是我的错
Don't slap me. It's not my fault.
老天靠边停换我开
God. Pull over. Let me drive.
不行你不在驾驶的状态
No. You are in no condition to drive.
我不在你说的没错
I'm... You're right.
嘿你打我一下 - 啥
Hey. Hit me. - What?
对着脸打 - 我♥干♥嘛要打你啊
Hit me in the face. - Why would I do that?
让我保持清醒啊 - 我可会把你打晕的
To keep me awake. - I would knock you out.
又没让你真的用力打我就扇一巴掌像一般人那样
Don't hit me hit me, just slap me, like normal people.
我只会用力打人
It's the only way I know how to hit... hard.
老天啊
God.
你知道也有其他让你醒着的办法的
You know there's other ways to stay awake.
感觉怎么样有什么用吗
How's that feel? Doing anything for you?
没有啊没什么用啊
No, it's... Not really.
太高了吗
Too high?
太太低了
Too... Too low.
太太低了差远了 - 什么哦
Way, way too low. - What? - Oh.
哦那好吧
Oh, okay.
这是你的
There's your...
那是我拉链 - 那是
My zipper. - That's...
那是我的拉链
That's my zipper.
这样有刺♥激♥到你吗 - 并没有
Is that stimulating you? - No.
这样会让你清醒吗 - 只让我想尿了
Is it keeping you awake? - It's making me have to pee.
那还算有成果嘛
Then we accomplished something.
耶 Nate加一分
Yay, one for Nate.
靠边停车你去尿吧我们换换气
Let's pull over and pee and we'll get some fresh air.
我不会停的 - 什么叫你不会停的
I'm not stopping. - What do you mean you're not stopping?
就是我不打算停啊就 - 但你得尿啊
I'm not stopping. Just... - You have to pee.
那就找个啥往里尿吧
Find me something to pee in, then.
那得找个有这么大的东西给你尿啊
It's going to have to be, like, this big for you to pee in it.
才不呢哪里要那么大
No, it's way smaller.
我尿的可紧凑了哥们
My stream is tight, man.
我的天啊你现在像个精神病
Oh, my God. You're acting like a mental patient.
宝贝快点快点快点
Babe, let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
我不懂你想让我看什么 - 我找不
I don't know what you want me to see. - I can't...
后面啥都没有啊 - 好咯那行
There's nothing back here. - Okay, fine, you know what.
我要尿了我就往这儿尿好了
I'm gonna do it. I'm just gonna do it in this.
你要干什么不要啊
You what? No.
宝贝你就靠边停一下嘛 - 我就要了我不会停车的
Babe, pull over. - Yeah. I'm not pulling over.
来把住方向盘 - 这杯子不够大
Here, hold the wheel. - That cup's not big enough.
够装的我算过了够的
It's fine. I've done the math. It's fine.
这玩意儿有定速巡航吗
Does this thing have cruise control?
我的天真的不敢相信你这么做
Oh, my God. I can't believe you're doing this.
好了这是为了孩子们
Okay. It's for the kids.
你这也就能省个一分钟停车吧
This is gonna save us a minute. Pull over.
这是为了我的孩子们 - 天哪
It's for my children. - God.
杯子很快就会尿满
It's gonna fill up too fast.
然后碰到你的手指你会崩溃
It's gonna hit your fingers, you're gonna freak out,
然后洒自己一身
And you're gonna spill it all over your pants
还有你的座位会闻起来像公交车
And your seat and it's gonna smell like a bus in here.
没人可以说我不是个好妈妈
No one can say I'm not a good mom.
为什么因为你正尿在杯子里吗
Why, because you're pissing in a cup?
不因为我在做该做的事
No, because I'm doing what needs to be done.
天呐你真倔
God, you're stubborn.
爽 - 这
Oh, God. - That's...
你可以别尿了吗太满了
Would you stop? It's so full.
好了天呐天呐 - 天呐
Okay. Oh, God. Oh, God. - God.
好烫啊
Oh, it's so hot.
你都洒在我运动衫上了
You spilled it all over my sweatshirt!
抱歉 - 你都吃过些什么
Sorry. - What have you been eating?
焦糖爆米花 - 那
Caramel corn. - That's...
你应该得了肾功能衰竭之类的
You've got some sort of kidney failure or something.
哦亲爱的
Oh, babe.
干啥 - 就是很难闻啊
What? - It just smells bad.
抱歉 - 好了吗
Sorry. - Got it?
好了 - 行
Yeah, I got it. - Okay.
你在干什等等你在干什么
What are you do... Wait, what are you doing?
怎么了
What?
别就留在那儿处理掉啊
Don't just leave it there. Get rid of it.
你想让我放在哪儿
Where would you like me to put it?
扔出窗外
Throw it out the window.
我不会扔到窗外的好吗
I'm not gonna throw it out the window, okay?
风会吹回来然后全吹在我脸上
The wind will hit it, it'll whip back in my face.
那就扔快点 - 遵命女王陛下
Then do it quickly! - Okay, your majesty!
你怎么会觉得窗是开着的呢亲爱的
Why would you think the window was open, honey?
闻起来是像爆米花
It does smell like popcorn.
记得那个Rob医生吗
Remember that guy Doctor Rob?
很诡异对吧
That was weird, right?
我记得他好像就住在这个出口边上
I think he lived, like, right off this exit.
真好奇他知不知道那些俄♥国♥妞一直在给他下毒
Wonder if he ever got wise to those Russian chicks poisoning him?
要死我没跟你说过对不对
Oh, shit. I never told you that, right?
她们在他的甜茶里偷偷加防冻剂
They were slipping antifreeze into his sweet tea.
我们可不可以安静一会
Can we just not talk for a little while?
就一会儿
Just for a bit.
就一会会儿的安静
Just a little bit of quiet.
一会儿
Little bit.
好的
Okay.
卧♥槽♥ 你干嘛
God! What?
你应该让我保持清醒的
You were supposed to keep me awake.
你想让我做什么啊
What would you like me to do, okay?
你又不喜欢我给你手♥淫♥
You didn't enjoy my finger blasting.
你可以和我聊天啊
I don't know, talk to me?
聊什么
About what?
没东西可聊了
There's nothing left to talk about.
我认识你14年了而且天天见
I've known you for 14 years and seen you every day.
我的天
God.
靠边停吧我们加点油什么的
God. Just pull over. We'll get some gas or something.
我才不相信只能开两小时这种鬼话
I don't buy that whole two-hour thing.
那就意味着这车每加仑油只能开六英里
That would mean this thing only gets six miles a gallon.