一路绕行（2016）

The Detour S02E05

Part 1 June 26, 2021, 8:59 a.m.

告诉我她的名字我审了你好几个小时了
Give me her name! I've asked you for hours on end.
给我个名字
Give me a name!
什么名都行
Anything. And I...
好吧 Parker先生
All right Mr. Parker.
别再假装无辜了
You can cut the bullshit babe-in-the-woods routine.
我们非常肯定你什么都知道 - 不懂你说什么
We know you know everything. - What are you talking about?
他知道所有关于假结婚诈骗绿卡
He's known all along about the fraudulent green-card marriages
还有假身份证的事
and the fake I.D.S.
不可能我问他的时候你真该看看他的表情
No. You should have seen his face when I told him.
一年前的庭审记录里都写着呢
It came out in the goddamn court documents over a year ago.
觉得你很聪明是吧
Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you?
觉得你俩坚不可摧是吧
The two of you... that you can't be broken.
我们走着瞧
Well, we'll see about that.
万圣节快乐
Happy Halloween!
这真的假的
Is that real or fake?
这么胖不能是假的
He's too fat to be fake.
伙计你有毛病吗
What the hell is your problem, pal?
万圣节嘛
Come on. It's Halloween.
就应该吓人一点儿嘛对不
It's supposed to be scary, okay?
来拿糖吧
Get some candy.
你可以信任我的我快当爹了
You can trust me. I'm gonna be a dad soon.
你会是个糟糕的爸爸
You're gonna be a terrible father.
混♥蛋♥
Dick.
我
I...
圣诞节不该这样么
It's Halloween.
戈登医生在此
The doctor's here!
弱爆了 - 啥瞎说
That's lame. - What? No.
其实接上电才吓人但是
It's a lot scarier with it plugged in, but...
好吧恭喜你成功
Well, congratulations for handing out
发了零颗糖
exactly zero pieces of candy.
起码你没浪费这些糖
Well, at least you're not letting it go to waste.
哦开玩笑嘛
Oh, come on. It was a joke.
在我最爱的万圣节这天
Relax... ing with candy is what you should be doing
放松点嗯吃糖放松就是你该做的
on my favourite holiday.
你忘了你是个成年人
Except you're an actual adult now,
有责任的成年人
with actual responsibilities,
所以嘿有了别出门
so... hey, I know... don't go out.
我要出去喝一杯
I'm going for one drink.
亲爱的你从来不会只喝一杯
Honey, it's never just one drink.
就一杯我保证
It's one drink! I promise!
我就想我的孩子们跟爸爸第一次见面时
I just want my babies to meet a sober, vibrant man
见到的是个朝气蓬勃没酒气的爹
when they meet their dad for the first time.
比预产已经晚四周了他们还在里面准备呢
You're four weeks out. They're still cooking.
再说了双D肯定不会早产
Besides, the Double D's aren't coming early, okay?
双胞胎从来不 - 双D 恶心
Twins never do. - "Double D's." Ugh.
怎么会多可爱的名字 - 就是恶心
What? No, come on. It's cute. - It's gross.
Delilah 这名字多棒
Delilah? That's great.
是是但是我
Yes, but I am n...
我还是不觉得
And... No, I am not...
Don Cherry Parker
Don Cherry Parker.
噢噢
Oooh. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
哎呀糟糕亲爱的我错了我错了
Oh, shoot. Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
我没事
No, no. It's okay, it's okay.
不是因为你他们踢我呢
It's not you. They're just kicking.
他们太坏了
They're being dicks.
哦跟他们爹一样
Oh. Just like their dad.
他们的大老爹
Their big ol' dad.
别 - 混混老爹
No. - Dicky, dicky dad.
太热了亲亲更热走开
It's too hot. It's too hot for kisses. Go.
等下这次是让我走开的走开还是不准我走开的走开
Wait, is that, like, "Go" Go, or..."don't go" Go?
对啦让你走开的走开
Yeah! Go! Go!
去酒吧喝两杯玩玩保龄
Go have drinks at a bar and play the bowling.
你想让我待家里
What, you want me to just stay home?
给你搓搓小胖脚
Rub your fat feet?
好主意 - 好嘞
That sounds great. - Fine.
我留下来给你搓你的胖脚丫
I'll stay here and I'll rub your fat feet.
谢谢你宝贝儿
Thank you, babe.
现在我知道糖都哪儿去了
Now I know where all the candy goes.
但讲真看起来好像他们剁了你的脚
But seriously, it's like they cut your feet off
然后接了对史莱克的脚上去
and put Shrek's feet on.
你知道吗你卷牙膏管的时候
You know when you roll up a tube of toothpaste
然后你把牙膏都挤到最下面了
and you squish it all down at the bottom?
你的脚看着
Your feet... look...
亲爱的
Babe?
你不能睡着了吧
No! You did not just fall asl...
啊 - 哦我的天
Boo! - Oh, Jesus Christ!
你们为什么这样
Why would you do that?!
吓屎我了
Scared the shit out of me!
*在地平线之后*
*Somewhere behind the skyline*
*我猜有个地方*
*There is a place I'm thinking'*
我觉得这是违法的
I think this might be illegal.
这怎么能是违法呢
How is it illegal?
这是12盅一口闷
It's 12 shots, man.
这只是一杯酒
It's one drink.
呕吼
Whoo!
偶吼吼吼
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
骡子耳朵
Mule ears!
好啦冷静
Okay, okay. Calm down.
宪法第一修正案没有音量旋钮哈
Hey, the First Amendment doesn't have a volume knob,
乔治华盛顿
George Washington.
我不是乔治华盛顿
I'm not George Washington.
你是谁德国小侏儒
Who are you... Rumpelstiltskin?
性感穆♥斯♥林♥圣诞公公
Sexy Muslim Santa Claus?
我是邓布利多
I'm Albus Dumbledore.
你是谁贝蒂小姐
Who are you... Betty Boop?
我是Margaret Sanger
I'm Margaret Sanger.
那是谁
I-I don't know who that is.
节育的创始人
Founding mother of birth control?
啊对
Oh. Right. Oh, oh, that.
是啦是啦其实我知道
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I know.
有趣的是我马上就要当爸爸了
You know, it's funny, I'm, uh... I'm planning a parenthood right now.
嗯 - 对
Mm. - Yeah.
除了我不用像你们那样要生产
Except I'm gonna go through with it, unlike what you guys do.
你其实蛮帅的但是个蠢货
You're kind of cute, but a bit of a dipshit.
蠢货好好笑
"Dipshit." That's hilarious.
这形容很适合你
It suits you so well.
耶
Yeah.
你怎么样 Gene
What's up, Gene?
喜欢我这个造型不
Hey, you like this getup, or what?
你扮的谁 - 我也不知道
Who are you supposed to be? - I don't know.
就是那些弱智电影里面孩子们都觉得搞笑的怪咖
It's from some dumb-ass movie these kids all think is funny.
耶好搞笑
Yeah, it's hilarious, right?
Pedro是谁
Who's Pedro?
某个傻傻的墨西哥人具体不清楚
Some dumb-ass Mexican. I don't know.
嗨美女们
Hey, girls.
我是狮虎
I'm a Liger.
哦糟了
Oh, son of a bitch.
Nate
Nate?
我觉得我又尿床了
I think I peed myself again.
哦闻着不是尿
Oh, that's not pee.
绝对不是尿
That's not pee.
Nate Nata 不是尿
Nate? Nate! That's not pee!
Nate
Nate!
Naaaaate
Naaaaate!
我们来点一口闷吗 - 好耶
Should we do some shots? - Yes!
我觉得我呃要回家了
I think I'm, uh, ready to call it a night, so...
我的娃快出生了俩娃
I got a baby on the way... two of them.
你老婆不介意你跟美女一起玩吗
Your wife doesn't mind that you're hanging out with hotties?
他没结婚呢
Oh, he's not married.
趁年轻还可以多玩玩 Natey
You got to get out while the gettin's good, Natey.