一路绕行（2016）

The Detour S02E03

Part 4 June 26, 2021, 8:59 a.m.

这墙太薄了
These walls are so thin.
听着他好像多痛苦似的
Sounds like he's in pain!
恶心啊
Ugh!
哦哦吼吼
Oh! Oh-ho-ho.
哇哦
Oh, wow.
你是假装高♥潮♥了吗
Did you just fake an orgasm?
没有 - 我觉得你装了
No. - Yeah, I think you did.
我我没有我真的爽了
I... I didn't. I had an orgasm.
我只是没射出来
I just didn't ejaculate.
我一直在练习这个本领
It's a thing I've been working on.
好吧如果你不好好射出来
Okay, well, if you're not gonna finish off properly,
我就要召唤出"上校"
I'm gonna have to get the Colonel
让他给你下达命令了
to give you a direct order.
谁 - Kegel上校
Who? - Colonel Kegel.
Ke 哦
Ke... Oh!
哦爽
Oh, oh.
哦爽吧 - 什
Oh, yeah. - Wha...
爽吧
Yeah.
这是什么花样
What is that?!
这就是"上校"
That was the Colonel.
"上校"掌管着一艘很酷(紧)的
The Colonel runs a very... tight...
"船"
ship.
哦我的天哪
Oh... my God!
陆军上校不管船的
Colonels aren't in charge of boats.
不管吗
Aren't they?
你一直都会这么玩儿吗
Oh! Have you always known how to do that?
一直都会
I have.
天哪那你为什么没这么做过
God, why don't you do this all the time?!
我留着一手 - 留了14年
I was saving it? - For 14 years?!
等一个特别的时刻嘛 - 哦爽
For a special occasion. - Oh, f...
射给我吧求你了
Oh, come on, please.
射一管而已给我吧
One shot, man, please.
我就要一次内♥射♥而已
I just want one.
不我想结扎
No, I want a vasectomy.
我想要个婴儿床这很怪吗
I want a crib. Is that weird?
我想给孩子准备幼儿园用品
I want to shop for preschools.
我想带他们体验第一次剪发
I want to take them to their first haircut
然后带回一缕胎毛
and then take a piece of the hair
把它们粘在胶带上夹在书里
and put some tape on it and put it in a book.
我不想我想射在你背上然后去意大利
No, I want to cum on your back and go to Italy.
哦我的天哪
Oh, my God!
真是太爽了
God, it's so good!
天哪感觉就像一只海星
God, it feels like a starfish
努力从一个玻璃桌上够下一枚二十五分的硬币
trying to pick up a quarter off a glass table!
这是爽的意思吗
Is that a good thing?
太爽了
It's so good!
太爽了我的天哪
It's so good! My God!
哦不谢天谢地
Oh, no. Oh, thank God.
好了下去下去下去下去 - 别管它别管
Okay, off, off, off, off! - Ignore it, ignore it.
不行我不能不管 - 现在是半夜
No, I can't ignore it. - It's the middle of the night.
这时候有事的话更重要啊
That's when it's most important.
没事的 - 快起来
It's fine. - Come on.
看吧门铃不响了停了
Okay, see? It stopped. It stopped.
好吧 - 宝贝宝贝宝贝
Okay. - Baby, baby, baby,
别浪费时间了射一管给我好吗
quit dicking around and put one inside me, okay?
妈妈我需要一个乳臭未干的宝宝来嗅他的头
Mama needs a fresh new baby head to smell.
来吧来吧你能做到的 - 伙计们
Come on. Come on, you can do this. - Guys,
别做了我要进来了
stop doing it! I'm coming in!
那个助产士
The... The doula!
她堵在隧♥道♥里了我们需要你们帮忙
She's stuck in tunnel traffic! We need your help!
好的好的当然当然当然当然
Okay, okay, sure, sure, sure, sure.
我会去的我会去的我跟你一起去
Yeah, I'll come, I'll come. I'll come with you.
不我不是要跟你一起去(高♥潮♥) 下去下去下去快点
No, I'm not coming with you. Get off. Off, off, come on.
快点 - 天哪
Come on. - Oh, my God.
哦爽死了
Oh, shit.
啊 - 什么
Ahh. - What?!
不是吧你
No!
是的 - 太浪费了
Yeah. - What a waste.
跟你说了我练过的
Told you. I've been working on it.
混♥蛋♥
Dick.
你能递给我只袜子或者别的什么东西吗
Can you hand me a sock or something.
我给你拿只袜子 - 下面一片狼藉
I'll get a sock. - Just a mess.
你可以的宝贝
You got it, babe.
稳住呼吸吸气 2 3 4 5 呼气
Keep breathing. In, 2, 3, 4, 5, out.
2 3 4 5
2, 3, 4, 5.
我虽然不是医生但是我觉得我们该把你送去医院
I'm not a doctor, but I think we should get you to a hospital.
不去
No!
像我一样的女人们不借助任何专业生产帮助
Women like me have been birthing without professional help
已经有一千年的历史了
for a millennia.
是的没错
Okay. Yes.
我们开始录了
We're rolling.
如果你们不需要帮助我为什么要在这儿
If you don't need help, why am I here?
Harris呢
Where's Harris?
他那边有事走不开
Uh, he's got his own set of problems.
他那我们要做什么 - 你搞的定的
He... What are we gonna do? - You got this.
我搞不定 - 你本来可以成为医生的
I do not got this. - You could've been a doctor.
你你说得对你说得对
You... You're right. You're right.
好吧 - 说得没错
Oh, well... - Absolutely.
先做重要的事我们先给这块区域消毒行吗
First things first... Let's sterilize the area, okay?
我要用到热水
I'm gonna need hot water.
还需要毛巾洗手液还有手套
I'm gonna need towels, hand sanitizer, and gloves.
可能还要用到手术刀 - 什用它干嘛
Maybe a scalpel. - Wha... For what?
做会阴侧切宝贝能不能行了
For an episiotomy, babe, okay?
让我们把你弄出这个浴缸吧
Let's get you out of this tub.
这缸热水太脏了 - 不行这是我必需的水
This is a hot mess. - No, it's the water I need.
它使阴♥道♥滑润使我平静使身体净化
It soothes, it calms, it purifies,
而且它减缓羊膜囊转化成
and it eases the transition from the amniotic sac into...
嗷
Ohh!
把我弄出去把我弄出去
Get me out of here! Get me out of here!
来帮忙快快 - 我不
Okay, help, come on. Come on. - I don't...
我们扶着她我去小心点
Let's get her. Oh, shit. Careful.
小心 - 噢
Careful. - Ohh!
我的天哪兄弟搭把手行吗
Oh, my God. Buddy, a little help?
让阳痿的录音师来帮忙吗算了吧
From the impotent sound recordist?! Next!
我要滑倒了
I'm slipping!
不不要
No! No!
哦喔
Oh! Ohh!
嗷吼吼
Ohh-ho-ho!
啊啊啊啊啊
Aaaaah-ha-ha-ha!
她的"生产酱汁"到我嘴里了
Her birth gravy went in my mouth!
这些都是纯天然的 - 嗷嗷
It's all natural! - Oh! Oh!
你能拉我起来吗
Can you help me up?
这就是我做剖腹产的原因
This is why I had a C-section.
我受不了受不了
I can't. I can't.
从我身上下去
Get off me! Aah!
你要帮忙吗 - 离我远点
Do you need help? - Get away from me!
这都是些什么
What is this?!
Nate 来帮忙
Nate! Help!
你干什么呢
What are you doing?
你又在干什么啊
What are you doing?!
嘿我一直在想
Hey, I've been thinking...
你知道的三个轮子的自行车
You know how there's no such thing
是不存在的 - 当然存在
as a three-wheeled bicycle? - Sure there is.
它叫三轮车
It's called a tricycle.
而且第三个轮子的确增加了稳定性
And the third wheel really brings some stability.
过分了他们现在去楼上做了吗
Oh, come on! They're doing it upstairs now?!
嗷嗷
Ooh. Ooh.
你按的这块儿能量场很好
This spot has good aura.
我能感觉到我的子♥宫♥镇静多了
Yeah, yeah, I can feel my uterus is calmer.
我我真的能放松下来
I - I can relax here.