一路绕行（2016）

The Detour S02E07

Part 1 June 26, 2021, 8:59 a.m.

哪里
有音响
一个月后

主演
亲亲桑蕊拉
督视期
最后一天
欧尼说诸事不顺时挺住
支持你的
服务类动物
支持你的
服务类动物
在接受测试之前我要强调一下是主动接受
Before I take this test... willingly, I might add...
你得告诉我你的真实身份 Edie
you want to tell me who you really are, Edie
"美国小便局"
"U.S. Piss"?
USPIS 和"正义"谐音
"USPIS." It rhymes with "Justice."
不它和"尿意"谐音
No, it doesn't. It rhymes with "Juspice."
美国邮政检查局
The United States Postal Inspection Service
是美国最早的执法部门
is the oldest law-enforcement agency in America,
由一个叫本杰明·富兰克林的人创建的
created by one Benjamin Franklin.
知道这个人么 - 不知道
Ever heard of him? - No.
那我猜你们从来没去过百老汇
Then I guess you guys don't go to Broadway.
这有什么关系吗
What does that have to do with anything?
哦不好意思
Oh, I'm sorry.
那部火了一整年一票难求的音乐剧
It's only the hottest ticket in town for like a year.
第三幕下半场就讲的是邮局
And the second half of the third act is all about the mail.
*邮局邮局我们不会失信*
*Mail, mail, we cannot fail*
*无论刮风下雨还是酷暑寒冰*
*Through snow, rain, heat, or the hail*
*穿越大城小镇*
*From big cities to small towns*
*这些邮差在他们的岗位*
*Nothing will keep these couriers*
*步履不停*
*From their appointed rounds*
*既然你想要一切清晰*
*I know you like to be frank*
*把这个带去银行足矣*
*So you can take this to the bank*
*这儿并不需要你的出席* - *为什么这么说*
*I don't remember requiring your attendance* - *Why's that?*
*我们在起草*
*'Cause we're drafting*
*这该死的独♥立♥宣言*
*The goddamn Declaration of Independence*
*他们在起草宣言重要至极*
*They were, and it's important*
*但这邮件对我来说重要无比*
*but so was the mail. It mattered to me*
*但是他们只关心总统*
*But all they cared about was the presidency*
好奇怪啊
I mean, it's really diverse.
有种群魔乱舞的感觉
Like, almost distractingly so.
*不根本不必*
*No, necessary*
*关乎国家命运*
*Too big to functionary*
*不过是小小的邮包要运*
*It's simply mail to carry*
*听着*
*Now, that's it*
*我马上叫警♥察♥过来*
*Call the constabulary*
*我们就像猫鼠游戏*
*We were like Tom and Jerry*
*事情愈演愈烈*
*This shit is getting scary*
*有点耐心请你等等*
*Bear with me, man, just wait*
虽然还可以但值这么多票钱吗
It's good. Is it worth the money?
我的天明显不值 - *我们必须相信它于我们有利*
No. God, no. - *We must just trust that it is beneficial*
*转瞬间我变成*
*And just like that, I became*
*美国第二高薪的官员*
*The second-highest paid U.S. Government official*
*我们是邮政部门*
*We're going postal*
*联邦的部门*
*It was federal*
*连接海天之间的路程*
*Coast to coastal*
*他们叫我邮政大臣*
*They called me Postmaster General*
*邮政*
*Postal*
*没错我们要成为邮政部门*
*Yeah, we're going postal*
*要成为邮政部门*
*We're going postal*
*成为邮政部门*
*We're going postal*
*邮政部门*
*Postal*
*先生们你们不安焦虑*
*Gents, I know you're nervous*
*但是我们会保护到底*
*But we'll protect it*
*相信美国邮政检查局*
*With the U.S. Postal Inspection Service*
*再多提一句邮件*
*One more word about the mail*
*我就让你们死*
*I swear I'll send you to your grave*
*托马斯·杰弗逊老兄放轻松*
*Thomas Jefferson, relax, man*
*草你的奴隶去*
*Go bang your slave*
*没错主人*
*Yes, massa*
<摇滚校园>四十年前就这么玩过了吧
Didn't "Schoolhouse Rock" Do this like 40 years ago?
我搞不懂这些人为什么鼓掌喝彩
I don't know what they're applauding,
为了老气古装还是垃圾说唱
the anachronisms or the shitty rap.
哇哦
Whoo!
哦我们看了
Oh, yeah, we saw that.
然后呢
And?
它
It...
有点过誉了
It was just a little overrated.
它赢了14座托尼奖
It won 14 Tony's!
你能赢几座啊
How many Tonys have you won?!
哈啊
Huh?!
哦我的天哪
Oh, my goodness.
闻闻这个小脑袋
Smell that head.
啊哦
Aww.
呃你喜欢的不是脑袋的味道
Yeah, it's not the smell of the head you love.
你喜欢的是那个爽身粉味
It's the smell of talc you love.
亲爱的我们真的不再要一个吗
Babe, are we sure we don't want another one?
现在说这个有点晚了吧
Isn't it a little late?
我记得你不是已经结扎了吗
I thought you already got your vasectomy.
没有我去咨♥询♥了一下
No, I got my consultation.
但在纽约得再等一个月
There's a one-month waiting period in New York.
没错为了防止买♥♥家后悔
Yeah, it's to prevent buyer's remorse.
不如说是钳断后悔
Yeah. More like pliers remorse.
嘿你们在聊什么
Hey. What are you guys talking about?
我们刚刚在谈论你♥爸♥什么时候结扎
Well, uh, we were just discussing your father's vasectomy.
每个人都应该结扎
Every man should get one.
为什么老是女人结扎呢
Why is it always up to the woman to get it?
难道我们把一个十磅重的保龄球
We don't do enough pushing a 10-pound bowling ball
从阴♥道♥排出来还不够吗
out of our vagina?
聊的有点太直白了吧
We've had some frank talks.
你们这些白人
White people.
这东西应该在TBS上放
This shit should be on TBS.
很有意思
Very funny.
你们他妈在干嘛
What the hell is going on?
哦我的天这家人太有意思了
Oh, my God. This family is too funny.
嘿给她看看这个小男孩
Hey, show her the part where the boy
让隔壁小女孩给他第一次撸管的那段
gets his first hand job from the girl next door.
别告诉我你们看那个了
Please, don't tell me you watched that.
哇哦哇哦
Whoa! Whoa!
射的到处都是还停不了了
It's going everywhere! It won't stop!
其实这不是最搞笑的部分
Well, you know what,that actually wasn't the funny part.
那其实是他爸爸的袜子他爸爸不知道里面是什么
It was the dad's sock. And he didn't know what it was.
他就在想这是什么洗发水吗
And he was like, "What is this? Shampoo?"
洗发水怎么会在我袜子里呢
What's shampoo doing in my sock?"
他就蘸了一点来闻
And then he started sniffing it.
这不是什么下流的情景喜剧
This isn't some raunchy sitcom we're watching!
这是我们两个月以来
This is two months of surveillance footage
试图关联这个家庭和美邮检头号♥公敌的全部镜头
trying to connect this family to USPIS enemy number one...
该死的"大金枪鱼"
the goddamn Big Tuna!
哇哦知道了你也太激动了
Wow! Okay. That's so intense.
你知道的吧我们只是邮政警♥察♥
You do realize we're just the mail police, right?
你跟我出来
You, outside!
邮件比你想象的要危险的多
The mail is a lot more dangerous than you think.
男性侵略者可能还有点危险邮件侵略者就算了
You know, maybe male predators, but not mail predators.
你懂我的意思么
You know what I mean?
让我来教教你蠢货
Let me educate you, rook.
14名美邮检成员在工作岗位上牺牲
14 USPIS members have been killed in the line of duty.
从什么时候起
Since when?
从它成立以来
Since the beginning.
1776年
Like 1776?
14个人已经很多了
14 is too many.
他们中的8个是自杀
And eight of those were suicides.
因为工作对他们来说太难
Because this job was so rough on them,
把他们逼上绝路
it pushed them to end it all.
我们有一个月整的时间
We have exactly one month to get something
来获取和这个女人有关的线索