佐恩之子（2016）

We are celebrating the union of Zorn, Defender of Zephyria,
我们齐聚于此 庆贺泽菲利亚的守卫者
Conqueror of the Tribes of Agon,
阿贡部族的征服者
Decapitator of the Dark Herdsmen of Grith,
暗牧之庇的斩首者——佐恩
to Edie... Bennett.
与伊蒂·班内特的结合
So, by the power bestowed by the god of war,
以战神赐力之名
I pronounce... I oppose this union.
我宣布... 我反对他们的结合
Sir Pent. You can't marry... A dead woman.
潘特先生 女人死了可就没法娶了
I'm sorry, honey. I know I promised not to disembowel
抱歉 亲爱的 我答应过你 婚礼上
anyone at our wedding, but he was about to explode your head.
不会再把人开膛破肚 可他刚才想打爆你的头
I love you, babe.
我爱你 宝贝儿
See? I'm glad we watched that.
你看 还好咱们俩看了这个视频
That's exactly how I want my hair for our ceremony.
咱们的典礼上我就想梳这样的发型
So, we're not gonna talk about how Zorn
所以咱都不用谈谈
just saved you from a murderous snake person
佐恩是怎么在你俩的婚礼上 从杀人蛇男手里
at your own wedding?
把你救下的吗
Oh, he was just an ex. We went on, like, three dates.
那就是个前任而已 我跟他也就约过三次会
Four if you count the initial kidnapping.
要是把最开始那次绑♥架♥算上 就是四次
You know, I've never seen you look at me that way.
你从来没用这样的眼神看过我
Would you call this a French braid?
你说这个是法式编发吗
No, that's a Dutch braid. Hmm.
不 这是荷兰式编发 嗯
I'd like to see Zorn correctly identify a braid.
我倒想看看佐恩怎么把发辫认对
I love you, Edie, and,
伊蒂 我爱你
hey, I love your Dutch braid. Son of a...
也爱你的荷兰式编发 妈了个...
Hey, Alan. Oh, hey, Layla. What's up?
嗨 阿伦 你好啊蕾拉 有事吗
I'm plant sitting for my aunt. She's away this week,
我正帮我阿姨照看盆栽 她这周不在家
and I was just wondering if maybe you wanted
我在想 明天你愿意过来
to come over tomorrow and hang out.
然后一起出去吗
Totally, yeah. Plants and no aunts?
当然愿意 有植物 没阿姨
That sounds like my kind of a party.
对我来说简直是欢乐派对
Cool. Well, I'll text you the address.
好 地址我一会发给你
Cool.
好
Oh, uh, by the way, it's-it's a beach house, so...
啊对了 是个海景房♥ 所以你记得
bring your swimsuit. Beach house?
带泳衣过来 海景房♥
See you later. Yup.
回见 好
Wait, isn't Dr. Klorpins in Zephyria?
等等 克洛平思医生不是在泽菲利亚吗
Yeah, well, that's what he wants the FBI to think, too...
这个嘛 他希望联邦调查局也是这么想的
and the CIA... and Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
还有中♥央♥情报局...和反酒驾母亲同盟
Zorn. You're looking well.
佐恩 你看着不错嘛
Someone must be taking his fish person oil.
某人一定是坚持服人鱼油
Keeps the muscles tight and the mind focused on eggs.
保持肌肉紧致 还有高昂的情欲
That is actually why I'm here.
我就是为这个来的
Well, there's a fish guy in room two.
二号♥屋里有只人鱼
Go on. Take a suck on his oil hole. All right.
去吧 对着他的油穴吸个痛快 好嘞
And this time maybe I'll let the fish guy return the favor.
这次可能会让人鱼报答我一下
Uh, hey, Dr. Klorpins, what-what is, uh, Zephyritol?
克洛平思医生 请问泽菲鱼油丸是什么
Oh, it's just a drug that changes Zephyrian bodies
哦 是一种药物 能使泽菲利亚人的身体
so that they look like regular bodies.
看起来跟正常人类一样
就不够美
因为你本来
And that really works?
真的有用吗
Like on any body part? I don't know,
对所有身体部位都有用吗
just like a random example, what about legs?
随便举个例子 比如说腿之类的
look like she has tentacles under her skirt?
她像是裙子底下长着触手吗
Then I guess it works.
那就是有效果了呗
Hey, uh, do you think I could have some?
那您能给我也来点儿吗
Sure, I got some free samples here somewhere.
当然 我这还有免费样品
Let's see, scalpel... oh, pus kit... ow!
我找找 手术刀...脓液试剂盒...好疼
There's got to be a better place to store old, dirty needles.
是得换个地方放用过的旧针头了
Here you go, squirt.
接着 小鬼
Ooh, all right, well, just give me my flu shot and a lollipop,
行了 给我打一针流感疫苗 再来个棒棒糖
and let's get the hell out of here.
然后咱们就走
Craig. Did you hear that?
克雷格 你听到了吗
Does this look like the face of someone who didn't hear that?
你看我这表情 像是没听到吗
You want to go check it out?
你要去看看什么情况吗
Does this feel like the heartbeat of someone
你摸摸我的心跳
who wants to go check something out?
像是有胆子去看吗
Okay, we've got to do something.
咱们总得做点什么
Okay, um, let's just stay in bed,
好 呃 咱们就待在床上吧
and if the murderer comes in here, then I'll-I'll, like,
要是杀手进屋来了 我...我 我就用一大团枕头毛
distract him with a cloud of feathers,
分散他的注意
and you make a run for it.
然后你趁机逃走
What are you doing?
你干嘛呢
Nothing. I just texted Zorn. Okay, well, fine.
没干啥 给佐恩发个短♥信♥ 好啊 挺好
We'll just call Zorn, let him swoop in,
那就叫佐恩来 让他闪亮登场
and I'll just sit here and be useless.
至于我 我♥干♥坐着当废物就行了
Ooh.
啊
Well, looks like it was a branch hitting your window.
看来是树枝打在你家窗户上了
Don't worry, though. I hacked it off, uprooted the tree,
不过不用担心 树枝我砍了 树也连根拔了
and salted the earth so nothing can ever grow there again.
还把土盐渍了 这一片以后啥都不会长了
Oh, I can break a stick, Edie.
伊蒂 折断树枝这事我也能干
If I had known that was the problem,
如果知道是树枝搞出的动静
I would've taken care of it myself.
那我自己就动手解决了
Oh, I know you would've, sweetie.
我知道你会的 亲爱的
Hey, just so you know, Craig, she's lying.
喂 克雷格 你也看出来了吧 她骗你呢
Yeah, well, just so you know, Zorn, you could be mean.
哦 那你也看出来了吧 佐恩 你这人真是嘴贱
I hate to sound like such a dreamer,
我也不想不切实际
but there's got to be a better way to shred documents.
但粉碎文件应该还有更好的办法吧
Actually, the machine you use to make your smoothies
其实 你拿来做沙冰的那台机器 严格意义上
is technically a paper... Todd! No one likes a knowitall.
就是碎纸机... 托德 当大明白遭人嫌
Zorn. Hey, hey, didn't you get my memo?
佐恩 你没看到我发的通知吗
Hey, Blake Erickson, the CEO of Sanitation Solutions,
卫浴公♥司♥的CEO布莱克·埃里克森先生
is coming in from Houston to visit our branch.
要从休斯顿过来视察咱们分公♥司♥
So I need everyone, especially you,
所以每个人 特别是你
to be on their best behavior.
都得拿出最好的表现
"'cause it's 'Run-Around' time somewhere."
"某处又到纵情时分"
Geez, relax, man. You're the most badass boss I know.
我天 放松点 你是我见过最好的老板了
Why are you so worried about this guy?
这人有什么可担心的
'Cause I think Erickson hates me. Last time he was here,
因为我感觉埃里克森讨厌我 上次他来的时候
I said I'd rather be dead in a ditch than alive
我说我宁可死在水沟里 都不想
watching a tennis match. Turns out he's a huge tennis fan
去看网球 结果他这人是个死忠网球迷
and his wife was found dead in a ditch.
而且他老婆就死在水沟里
Personally, I'd rather be dead in a ditch than at a tennis match.
我也觉得宁可死在水沟里 都不想看网球
I agree, but please don't say that
可不是 但等CEO到了
in front of our CEO when he gets here.
你可别当他面这么说
Okay, well, shut up a second. Zorn on the horn.
好 先别说话 我是佐恩
Well, well, well. No, I'd-I'd love to help you out,
好吧好吧 真不行 我很乐意帮你的忙
but I'm super busy here at work, okay? Whoops.
但我现在工作正忙着呢 知道吗 哎呦
No, he's not! Whoever this is, he'll be right there!
他忙个屁 不管您是哪位 他马上为您效劳
Hey, sorry it took me so long. Traffic on the freeway
不好意思久等了 高速上堵得厉害
was terribly hard to walk through on foot.
步行穿过很费劲
Zorn, I want you to train me to be more like you.
佐恩 我想请你培训我 让我变得更像你
Really? You need me to train you to hate... you?
真的 你要我训练你来...恨你
No, I want you to train me to be a warrior.
不 我想让你把我训练成一个战士
If I'm gonna marry Edie, I need to be able to protect her.
如果我要娶伊蒂 我就得有能力保护她
Being sweet, lovable Craig isn't enough.
做一个温柔体贴 人见人爱的克雷格还不够
I need to be tough, lovable Craig.
我要成为一个剽悍强壮 人见人爱的克雷格
She already has that man: Alangulon. The fruit of my loins!
她身边已经有这样的人了 阿伦古龙 吾之子嗣
Zorn, I want you to picture Alan
佐恩 想象一下阿伦
trying to stand up to a meth-crazed mugger.
奋力反抗一个嗑了药的劫匪的场景
All right, cool. I'll dust off the old imagination here,
好吧 让我把之前的想象擦掉
let me see what I got.
我来瞧瞧
Oh, my God! That junkie tore him to bits in seconds.
哦天啊 那瘾君子分分钟就把他撕成了碎片
I mean, that was like running a tomato through a band saw.
就跟带锯切番茄似的
Why... Why did you make me picture that?
为... 为什么你要让我想象这样的场景
So you see my point, Zorn. Fine.
所以你懂我的意思了 佐恩 好吧
I, Zorn, will make it my mission to train thee,
我 佐恩 将以战士的要求训练你 克雷格
Craig, in the ways of the warrior!
并将之当成我的使命
Here you go, kale salad,
你的菜 羽衣甘蓝沙拉
no Parmesan, extra lemon juice.
不加帕玛森奶酪 加柠檬汁
B.S.! He'll have a live pig,
别胡说 他要一只活猪
and don't you dare help him kill it when it arrives.
送上来的时候不许帮他杀