闪谷（2022）

Come on, we are moving out of this fucking house now.
我不明白
I don't understand.
前几天你还说一切都很顺利
The other day, you said everything was great.
你写的东西特别棒
You were doing the best writing of your life.
我们还在浴缸里来了一发
We had bath sex.
等你知道浴缸里曾经发生过什么
Well, when you find out what happened in that tub,
你就会吓个半死
you're gonna be scarred for life.
是谁屎在里面了吗
Was it a feces?
昨天晚上 我自己在这
Okay, last night, I was down here alone,
然后投影机突然
and this projector came on
自己开机了 -好吧
all by itself. - Okay.
我知道你肯定会说这肯定是有原因的
Okay, I know you're gonna say there's an explanation for it,
但你看看这个
but explain this.
好吧
Okay?
现在当然不好用了
Course it doesn't work now.
但当时我看到了罗斯玛丽过生日的片段
But there was footage of Rosemary at a birthday party
就在这房♥子里 然后她 她的脸被烧没了
in this house, and then her-her face burned up.
她是真实存在的
Oh. - She's real.
她在浴缸里自杀了 特里 我们不能再住这了
She killed herself in our tub. Terry, we can't stay here.
帕特 我刚刚辞职了
Pat, I just quit my goddamn job.
我们现在不能再把钱搭在房♥子上了
Now is not the time to take a loss on this house.
好吧 如果你不帮我
Okay, if you're not gonna help me,
那我去找专业人士
then I will seek a professional.
啥专业人士
Professional what?
您好 请问您是巫师吗
Excuse me, Wiccan?
我需要驱鬼
I need to get rid of a ghost.
好 是心灵导师推荐你来的吗
Okay, were you sent here by a spiritual advisor?
点评上找的
Yelp.
要驱的是哪种鬼
And what type of an entity are we dealing with?
一个女鬼
Um, a lady ghost.
所谓的鬼分好多种形式
There's a lot of different types of spirits.
有灵能鬼 促狭鬼 魅魔 恶魔
I mean, you have orbs, poltergeists, succubi, demons,
有的其实都算不上是鬼
which aren't even ghosts at all.
首先 我很高兴
Okay, first of all, I fucking love
你觉得这些东西都很平常
how normal this is to you.
她叫罗斯玛丽
Uh, her name is Rosemary.
以前也住在这房♥子里
She used to live in my house.
她一直在帮我写书
She was helping me write my book.
我要怎么把她驱走 -为什么要赶她走呢
So how do I burn her out? - Why do you want her out?
因为她是个鬼啊
'Cause she's a fucking ghost.
你有 有那种护身符什么的吗
So do you have, like, a-a-- an amulet or something?
或者鼠尾草呢
Mm. - What about sage?
我听说 我听说那东西挺管用的
I heard--I've heard good things about that.
鼠尾草可能会管用
Yeah, sage could definitely work,
但也可能会惹恼她
but it could also just make her angry.
她生气了会怎么样
Okay, well what happens if she gets angry?
鬼生气了会怎么样
There's about 1,000 movies
你看过电影的吧
about what happens when a ghost gets angry.
我只是想她离开我家
I just want her the fuck out.
如果你想她离开
Well, if you want her the fuck out,
那你就得弄明白她想要什么
then you need to find out what the fuck she wants.
好吧 我去弄清楚她想要什么
Okay, I will find out what the fuck she wants.
为什么干点事就这么难呢
Ugh, why does everything have to be so hard?
在点评上给我们点赞喔
Like us on Yelp.
来见识一下菲尔普斯家的提基酒吧
Say aloha to the Phelps family tiki bar.
额滴神哪
Wow! - Hmm?
不是吧
Ah, come on!
帕特发现的
Yeah, Pat found it.
这 这简直了
This is-- this is insane.
要不是我把你当朋友 我肯定嫉妒死了
If you weren't my best friend, I'd hate you.
行了 莱尔德
Come on, Laird.
嘿 我 我想让你
Hey, um, I-I was wondering
帮我个忙 -没问题
if I could have a favor. - Sure.
下周我得出席监护权听证会 我前妻埃里卡
I have a custody hearing next week, and my ex, Erika,
她认为我还在吸大♥麻♥
she thinks I still smoke weed.
你需要品德证人是吧
You need a character witness?
不是不是
Oh, no, no, no.
我想把大♥麻♥给你
I just want you to take my weed.
反正我也不打算再抽了
I've been meaning to stop anyway.
这东西碰着你丁丁了吧 -没有没有
Was this touching your dick? - Oh, no, no, no.
装袋子里呢 别这样嘛 现在归你了
It was in the baggie. Oh, come on, now it's yours.
跟这吧多配啊
It's perfect. It goes with the bar.
给 这个给你
Here. That's for you.
杰西卡·哈恩
Jessica Hahn?
赞了 你从哪弄来的
Yes, please. Where did you get this?
我儿子的树屋里
It was in my kids' tree house.
不是吧 你们还有树屋
No, you do-- you have a tree house?
特里 如果你不跟我讲点
Terry, if you don't tell me something
你的烦心事 我们就没法做朋友了
about your life that sucks, we can't be friends.
莱尔德 每个人都有自己的问题
Oh, Laird, everybody's got their shit.
好吧 你的是什么呢
All right, what's yours?
不不不 不要这样
No, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.
不要憋在心里 你会生病的
Don't keep it in. You'll get sick.
你想来杯
Hey, can I interest you
不含酒精的接骨木花酒吗
in a nonalcoholic elderflower cordial?
你想在树屋里抽大♥麻♥吗
You wanna smoke weed in the tree house?
来吧 抽
Yeah, let's do that. - Mm.
我来拿
Yeah, I got it.
你在做什么 家庭作业吗
What are you doing? Homework?
我妈妈让我参加高考
My mother's making me take a college entry exam.
她真是个 -算了
She's such a--never mind.
你知道为什么祖父母和孙辈相处得很好吗
You know why grandparents and grandchildren get along?
因为他们有共同的敌人
Because they have a common enemy.
你妈妈肯定跟你说过很多关于我的故事
I'm sure your mother's told you lots of stories about me.
并没有
She hasn't, actually.
那是因为她是个自恋狂
Yeah, that's because she's a narcissist.
我写了一本小说 猜猜是关于什么的
I wrote a novel. Guess what it's about.
是关于你吗 -是我
Is it about you? - It's about me.
非常有趣
It's very interesting.
我该好好学会习了
You know, I should actually get back to work, so--
我是个舞者 然后我怀孕了
I was a dancer, and then I got pregnant,
我不想把孩子留下 不如这样吧
and I didn't wanna keep the baby at--you know what?
我去找一下小说 我想你会喜欢的
Let me find the novel. I think you'll like it.
走吧 杀手 -我们要用十字弓钓鱼
Let's go, killer. - We're going crossbow fishing.
来吧 汤米
Come on, Tommy
给我留一支箭
Save an arrow for me.
我们第一次见面时进展顺利
Things were great when we first met.
帕特刚把她的书卖♥♥了 她很有趣
Pat had just sold her book. She was fun.
她很有活力 我是不是说得太多了
She was alive. Am I talking too much?
人们都说我一嗑药就爱说话
People say I get all chatty when I get high.
不 兄弟 我只是在享受
No, man, I'm just enjoying my buzz
然后看螳螂做♥爱♥
and watching that praying mantis have sex.
这可是个难题 莱尔德
That's a knot in the wood, Laird.
我完事了 -好
I'm done. - Okay.
嗯
Yeah.
总之 帕特和我结婚了 有了孩子
Anyway, Pat and I got married, had kids.
我升职了
Mm. - I got a promotion.
帕特遇到了写作瓶颈
Oh. - Pat got writer's block.
快进几年
Fast-forward a few years,
我坐在孩子们的树屋里
and I'm sitting in my kids' tree house,
和一个我一点都不了解的人嗑药
getting stoned with a dude I barely know.
是啊 我很遗憾你超级性感的妻子生了孩子
Wow, yeah, I-I'm so sorry your super hot wife had kids
而你升职了
and you got a promotion.
嗯
Yeah.
告诉我这件事需要很大的勇气吧
That took a lot of courage to tell me.
帕特有外遇了
Pat had an affair.
所以我们才搬家
That's--that's the reason we moved.
为了重新开始
Get a fresh start.
抱歉 兄弟
I'm sorry, man. - Mm.
感同身受 我妻子也是这样
Been there. My wife did that.
嗯