版税（2020）

版税
第一季 第四集
地方不错
Nice place.
谢了 是新的
Oh, thanks. It's new.
天呐
Geez.
-你很失望 -没有
- You're disappointed. - No.
你说
You said,
"呃" 就像是"呃 好小"
"Huh," Like, "Huh, that's small."
我没有这么说
I didn't say that.
好吧 起来
All right, come on.
我们谈谈
Let's talk about this.
必须要谈吗
Do we really need to?
对 必须谈
Yes, we do.
我能看出别人在嘲笑我
I can tell when I'm being laughed at.
不 我没有笑
Oh, no, I wasn't laughing.
我现在在笑
I'm-I'm laughing a little now,
因为你为这点事小题大做
'cause you're making such a big deal out of this.
莎拉
Sara?
谁是这里最牛逼的人
Who's the baddest guy in town?
是你绝不希望在暗巷里遇到的人
The one cat you don't want to meet in a dark alley,
毫无疑问充满了男子气概
whose masculinity is beyond question?
我不知道 是你吗
I don't know. You?
-是金刚 -好吧
- It's King Kong. - Okay.
你怀疑吗
You doubt that?
不不 金刚 他很厉害
No, no, no. King Kong, he's tough.
说的没错 那些小丑去它的小岛上
You're damn right-- those clowns that went to his island
吃尽了苦头才知道
found that out the hard way.
狂妄自大的他们 竟然绑住了金刚
And in their hubris, they chained up a king
还把他展示给全世界的人 供人嘲笑
and put him on display for the whole world to point and laugh.
光想想就令我生气
It pisses me off just thinking about it.
好吧
Okay.
你要说什么
Where is this going?
我要给你上个数学课
I got a little math lesson for you.
成年雄性猩猩平均身高为168公分
The average male gorilla is about flve and a half feet tall.
金刚站立时大约有900公分
Kong stands somewhere in the ballpark of 30 feet,
是成年雄性猩猩平均身高的五倍
five times the size of the average male gorilla.
而猩猩的老二
Now... A gorilla's penis
勃起时有2.5公分长
is one inch long, erect.
不会吧
No way.
如果你不信可以自己查
Look it up if you don't believe me.
按照这个逻辑 可以推理出
Following that logic, it stands to reason that
金刚的老二勃起有12.5公分
King Kong's erect penis is five inches long.
也就是说我 一个叫格伦的人
That would mean that I, just a guy named Glen,
和牛逼哄哄的金刚
have the same-sized penis
有一样大的老二
as King motherfucking Kong.
酷
Cool.
现在我们能做♥爱♥了吗
Can we have sex now?
嗯 现在可以了
Yes. Now we can.
这是我经历过最古怪的事情了
It was one of the weirdest things I've ever experienced.
哥们 格伦很酷
Dude, Glen's awesome.
对 我也很喜欢他 但是
Yeah, I like him a lot, but, man,
我从没见过有人对这么愚蠢的事
I have never seen someone get so self-conscious
如此局促不安
about something so stupid.
再说他忽略了新电影
Plus he's ignoring the new movies.
我在这算数字呢
I'm crunching the numbers over here,
新金刚的老二大概有50公分
and new Kong's penis is, like, 20 inches long.
这一切都不让我认为你的男友格伦更酷
All this doesn't make me think your boyfriend Glen is any cooler.
只让我为金刚感到悲哀
It just makes me feel bad for King Kong.
对 而且这让你重新思考整部电影
Yeah, and it makes you rethink the whole movie.
也许这就是它为什么爬上帝国大厦的原因
Maybe that's why he climbed the Empire State.
都只为了证明自己有多强大
All to prove to himself how mighty he is.
对 就好像是...
Yeah, it's like...
*我不想自己想的这么大*
*I'm not as big as I'd like to be*
*他们来我的丛林*
*They came to my jungle*
*他们嘲笑我*
*They laughed at me.*
这种类型的
Something like that?
好吧 别闹了
Okay, let's stop.
我们干点真正的活吧 好吗
Let's get some real work done, okay?
*并伟岸如刚*
*And mighty as Kong.*
很不错
That's good.
莎拉 这可能是我们写过最好的歌♥了
Sara, that might be the best song we've ever written.
只是我们不能发行
Oh, too bad we can never actually release it.
-什么 为什么 -如果格伦听到了
- Wha. ...? Why, why not? - If Glen ever heard this,
他就会知道我在嘲笑
he'd know that I'm making fun of the thing
他引以为耻的东西
that he's most ashamed of.
-所以呢 -所以他会甩了我
- So? - So, he'd break up with me.
我得再次强调
I cannot stress this enough.
这首歌♥绝对不能见天日
This song can never see the light of day.
绝不行
Ever.
懂了吗
Got it?
这是1945年的罗曼尼·康帝得红酒
Now, that there's a Romanee-Conti from 1945.
我花了五万二买♥♥的
Paid $52,000 for it.
天呐
Holy shit.
没错
Yep.
肯德拉告诉我
So, uh, Kendra tells me
你们一直在制♥作♥很不错的曲子
you've been chuming out some pretty cool tunes.
我就想着过来看看
Thought I'd come around,
是否能给我撒一点魔法粉
see if I can catch me some of that pixie dust.
干杯 老兄
Cheers, man.
干杯
Cheers.
我真是不敢相信
I-I... I-I just can't believe it.
我正在和乡村摇滚传奇菲利普·柯姆斯喝红酒
I'm hanging out with country/rock legend Philip Combs.
我真是你的大粉丝
I'm such a huge fan.
你觉得红酒如何 皮尔斯
So how's the wine, Pierce?
值五万二吗
Is it worth 52 grand?
说真的 我不知道
I-I honestly, I don't know
是否有东西值五万二
if anything's really worth, uh, 52 grand.
那我把木塞塞回去
Well, let me cork it back up.
皮尔斯
Hey, Pierce.
你知道鸭子的老二跟螺旋开瓶起子一样吗
Did you know a duck's penis is shaped like a corkscrew?
-真的吗 -对 不信你可以去查查
- Really? - Yeah, look it up if you don't believe me.
你知道金刚的老二只有12.5公分吗
Hey, did you know that King Kong's penis is five inches?
-不了个是吧 -是真的
- Shut the shit up. - Yeah.
莎拉和我还为此写了一首歌♥
Sara and I wrote a song about it, actually.
这我很想听听
Now, that's something I'd love to hear.
没问题
Oh, yeah, sure.
糟了
Oh, shit.
我刚记起来
I... I just remembered.
我不能给任何人听这首歌♥
I'm-I'm not supposed to play it for anybody.
拜托 老兄
Oh, come on, man.
我不行 菲尔 抱歉
I-I can't, Phil. I'm sorry.
我答应了莎拉
I made a promise to Sara.
有一半的曲子是她的
Half the song is hers.
那就弹你那部分
Well, just play me your half.
好的
Okay.
洛克茜酒吧
道格西区游吟诗人
你想做♥爱♥吗
Hey, you want to have sex?
我很乐意
I'd love to--
等等
Wait, hang on.
是皮尔斯
It's Pierce.
-喂 -你好 莎拉
- Hello? - Hey, Sara.
-我是菲利普·柯姆斯 -天呐
- Philip Combs here. - Oh, my God!
我不知道您会打来
I wasn't expecting this.
你一直藏着掖着你的实力呢 对吧 小姑娘
You've been holding out on the world, haven't you, girl?
-你说什么 -你想困住金刚
- Excuse me? - You tried to cage the king!
我想在下一张专辑里发行《伟岸如刚》
I want "Mighty as Kong" on my next album.
我们不打算发行这首歌♥
We weren't planning on releasing that song.
对 皮尔斯告诉我你不想参与发行
Yeah, Pierce told me you don't want to part with it.
为了帮你省去麻烦 我愿意给你五万二
So, for your trouble, I'm willing to give you $52,000
或一瓶红酒
or one bottle of wine.
拿钱 莎拉 他想出手自己手里的红酒
Take the money, Sara. He's trying to get rid of the bottle of wine.