天堂镇警局（2018）
Paradise PD
第一季
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天堂镇警局（2018）
Paradise PD S01E09
Part 2
Sept. 30, 2020, 10:10 a.m.
Chief, Thanksgiving is an insult to my people.
局长 感恩节对我们的人来说是种侮辱
What? I thought fat people loved Thanksgiving!
什么 我以为胖子喜欢感恩节
No, I mean Indians, stupid!
不 我是说印第安人 傻子
You need to cancel that parade right now.
你必须马上取消游♥行♥
This is very important to me, Chief.
这对我来说很重要 局长
Hold on! I'm trying to give a fuck.
等等 我正试着在乎这事
Nope. Not happening.
不 不在乎
If you racist crackers won't help,
如果你们这些种族歧视的混♥蛋♥不帮忙
I'm going to the reservation.
我就去保留地
My people and I will stop that parade together.
我的人和我会一起阻止游♥行♥的
Hey, why are you wearing a necklace made of sporks
你为什么带着用叉匙和
and packets of Arby's Horsey Sauce?
阿贝兹马酱餐厅的酱料包做的项链
Because my people use every part of the combo meal.
因为我的人会利用餐厅套餐里的所有东西
Why the long face? Comedy Central cancel your show again?
为什么耷拉着脑袋 喜剧中心又砍了你的剧
I told you, they're park rangers, we're cops.
我说过 他们是公园管♥理♥员♥ 我们是警♥察♥
Totally different.
差别大了
Anyway, Denzel,
对了 丹泽
I'm sad because I'll never get my family back together again.
我伤心是因为我永远不能让我的家庭完整了
I'm Tucker Carlson,
我是塔克·卡尔森
with another report on the gypsy threat in your town.
为您带来另一则关于吉普赛人入侵的消息
Stay tuned to learn how their gypsy magic
稍后为您带来 吉普赛人是如何
inverted my already tiny penis.
用魔法反转我的迷你老二
That's it.
就是这个
Hello? Boogee, boogee.
你好 吓人 吓人
Karen Crawford, this is a gypsy.
凯伦·克劳福德 我是吉普赛人
Oh, dear God. No!
天哪 不要啊
I'm coming to... suck the wax from your ears
我要来吸出你的耳屎
to make overpriced candles to sell at the Farmers Market.
做成昂贵的蜡烛 在农贸市场上卖♥♥
How do you know where I live? The crystal ball shows all.
你怎么知道我住哪里 水晶球知晓一切
I sure hope there's not some anti-gypsy safe house
肯定没有什么反吉普赛人安全屋
for you to hide in.
可以让你躲藏
Karen, what the hell?
凯伦 什么情况
Randall! The gypsies! They're coming for me!
兰德尔 吉普赛人 他们要来抓我
Damn you, dead-eyed gypsies!
该死 死鱼眼吉普赛人
You are not gonna pluck any pubes from our dirty underwear
你们休想从我家的脏内衣里找出任何阴毛
and replace us with doppelgangers today.
并用分身取代我们
Or try to sell us loose cigarettes!
或试图卖♥♥我们散装烟
Yay, we're all together! Come on in, Mom.
我们终于在一起啦 快进来 妈妈
We were just watching Tucker.
我们正在看塔克的新闻
Now, a lot of liberal naysayers
很多自♥由♥党反对者
are claiming I made up this whole gypsy threat
认为吉普赛威胁事件是我编造的
as an excuse for my tiny inverted penis, but that's fake news.
作为我老二又小又倒勾的借口 但那不是假新闻
The gypsies are the reason I can't shower at the gym.
吉普赛人是我不能在健身房♥洗澡的原因
The gypsies are the reason I pee all over my balls.
是我尿在蛋蛋上的原因
The gypsies are the reason
那些吉普赛人
my crotch looks like a button on a fluffy sofa.
是我胯下看上去像沙发垫扣子的原因
It's the gypsies, people, wake up!
都怪吉普赛人 醒醒吧 无知群众
Now that we're all together again,
既然我们又团聚了
how about we play Monopoly like we used to?
不如我们玩大富翁吧 像以前一样
I'll take the Thimble! I called it.
那我要 套管 归我了
Karen, I am always, always... the cock-sucking thimble.
凯伦 我一直一直用吸鸡♥巴♥的套管
The top hat's cool, too, Dad.
高帽也不错 爸
Fuck you! And fuck your shitty top hat! You know what?
操 去你的狗屎高帽 你猜怎么着
If you want the thimble, take it. You can use it as a condom!
如果你想要套管 拿去吧 用它做避孕套
Happy? Now no one gets it!
满意了吗 没人能用套管
I'm gonna choke you up! Karen, don't make me
我要掐死你 凯伦 别逼我
All right, all right, we'll play a new game!
行 行 我们玩个新游戏
Twister!
扭扭乐
I was thinking we'd play Mousetrap!
我在想 可以玩老鼠夹蛋蛋
Fuck you, and fuck both Parker Brothers, right in the ass!
操 也操派克兄弟 气死爷了
Mom, seriously, didn't you and Dad truly care about each other once?
妈 说真的 你们以前在乎对方吗
Why did you fall in love with him?
你当初怎么爱上他的
Because he was handsome and brave. And he saved my life.
因为他又帅又勇敢 还救了我的命
All right. Bad news, people.
大伙儿 坏消息
We only have enough time to save one of you.
我们只有时间救一个人
And there's only one fair way to do it.
而且只有一个办法能保证公平
I'm gonna save the hottest one.
我要救最性感的那个
Not you, old lady! You're gross.
不是你 老婆子 真恶心
Nope. I'm not into Asian dudes.
不 我不喜欢亚洲男人
Not the baby. I'm not Kevin Spacey. Ha-ha!
不救婴儿 我又不是凯文·史派西
She's beautiful...
她太美了
You... you saved me.
你救了我
So, are you single?
你是单身吗
Now I am.
现在是了
How...
怎么
the hell do y'all walk in these moccasins?
你们怎么都穿着莫卡辛鞋
Me am Big Dusty, I travel far.
我是大达斯廷 我去过很多地方
It has been many moon pies.
有很多月饼
I demand um justice for what white men done to our people.
我要为白人对我们的所作所为寻回争议
We must rise up like little Indians that could
我们要像印第安人一样抗♥议♥
to stop that Thanksgiving Day parade, y'all.
来阻止感恩节游♥行♥ 大家一起
But we like the parade.
但是我们喜欢游♥行♥
What? Look what white man has done to you.
什么 看看白人都对你做过什么
He replace um tepees with trailers,
他们用活动房♥屋取代了你们的帐篷
our dark buffalo with Mark Ruffalo.
用马克·鲁法洛[演员]取代了黑野牛
We gotta stop that parade! I'll lead our war chant.
我们必须阻止游♥行♥ 我来领唱战歌♥
Come on, y'all.
来吧 大家一起
You know the words!
你们知道这么唱的
Big Dusty um very wise. We make you leader, but first,
你很睿智 你来当领袖 但首先
you spend night in sacred sweat lodge.
你得在神圣蒸汗屋里呆一个晚上
This am great honor!
是我的荣幸
Ooh, that stink like heap big coyote fart.
这闻起来像一股狼臭屁
Hey, I think there's more than sweat in this lodge!
我觉得这里面不止有汗
Why's it all blue? Gah, why do I have my mouth open?!
为什么是蓝色的 我怎么张嘴了
Now, explain to me again why you dressed me up like Johnny Depp.
再解释一遍为何把我打扮成约翰尼·德普
You don't look that shitty.
你没看起来这么糟糕
Pretend to be a gypsy, sneak inside and scare Mom.
假装你是吉普赛人 溜进去吓唬妈妈
Dad will rescue her and they'll fall in love all over again.
爸爸会英雄救美 重获芳心
I'll do it for ten grand cash.
做这个 你得给我一万元
I'll give you a $12 bottle of Drakkar Noir.
我给你一个价值12元的黑色达卡香水
Done.
成交
How's my breath?
我闻起来怎么样
Persian.
波斯味
Very Persian.
十分波斯味
I'm a... A gypsy!
我是 一个吉普赛人
No! How did you get past the garlic in the walls? Randall!
你怎么越过墙上的大蒜的 兰德尔
Agh! A g-g-g-gypsy! Oh...
啊 吉普赛人
Stay away from him, you gypsy hell witch!
离他远点 你这个吉普赛臭婊♥子♥
Karen, you... you saved my life.
凯伦 你救了我
Yes, it worked!
奏效了
Wow, Hobo-Cop, you really like that Drakkar Noir, huh?
流浪警♥察♥ 你真的很喜欢黑色达卡
Who's Hobo-Cop? I'm Johnny Depp.
谁是流浪警♥察♥ 我是约翰尼·德普
Holy cow! You do dress like shit.
天呐 你穿的确实像坨屎
What a fine bird. Feathers are so soft.
真是只好鸟 羽毛真软
They almost feel like felt.
感觉就像毛毯
And they almost look stitched on. You know, by God...
像被缝过一样 你懂的 由上帝缝制
our heavenly tailor,
这位远在天国的裁缝
'cause this is absolutely a real turkey right here.
因为这肯定是只真火鸡
Now, help me get this son of a bitch in the oven.
现在帮忙把这个臭东西塞进烤箱
It's not gonna fit.
闯不进去的
This is like watching Ron Jeremy try to screw someone fat.
这就好像看罗恩·杰里米操一个肥仔
Hell, we'll do the same thing he would.
该死 我们就和他做一样的事吧
Just jam the head in there.
就把头塞进去就行
We just got to crank the oven up to about 700.
我们就把炉子调到700华氏度
I love the smell of a cooking goose.
我喜欢闻烤鹅的味道
Always smells like burning human hair.
永远和烤头发一个味
I love Thanksgiving.
真喜欢感恩节
Gave my first blowjob on a Thanksgiving.
就是在感恩节 我第一次被口♥交♥
More pancakes?
还需要烙饼吗
Snookie-wookie, they're so soft and fluffy.
哎呀妈呀 真是又松又软
天堂镇警局（2018）
Paradise PD
剧集 | 天堂镇警局（2018） | 导航列表