天堂镇警局（2018）

Paradise PD S01E05

Part 2 Sept. 30, 2020, 10:09 a.m.

Are you telling me
你是说
that milk can take down these geeks but we can't?
奶能干掉这些呆子而我们不能
Just checking to see if you needed any more info
我就是来看看你们你需不需要更多
that I won't divulge,
我不会泄露的信息
unless you put on this Princess Leia slave outfit,
除非你穿上这身莉亚公主奴隶装
and beat it out of me with this Tusken Raider gaffi stick.
用这个塔斯肯袭击者加德菲打我
Fine, but it'll cost you a hundred bucks.
好但要一百元
I'm in!
我也要
Now, Chief said I got to pick one of y'all let go,
警长说我可以选一个放走
and I can only think of one fair way to do it.
我只想到一种公平的方法
I'm Officer Dusty,
我是达斯廷警官
and welcome to Felony Feud!
欢迎来到重罪知识问答
Now, the felon with the most points at the end of the game
比赛结束时获得最多分的重罪犯
will win his freedom!
会赢得自♥由♥
We asked 100 inmates:
我们问了100个囚犯
What's the first thing you're gonna do when you get out of jail?
你出狱要做的第一件事是什么
I'm going to stab you in your fat fucking neck.
我会捅你的肥脖子
Show me, "Stab in my fat fucking neck".
给我看"捅我的肥脖子"
Survey says...
调查结果说...
Ding! You're on the board, Tuco. This show sucks!
答对了图科加十分这节目太烂了
Steve Harvey's really going to ship.
史蒂夫·哈维时代不再
That was an awesome first date, right?
那是一场很棒的初次约会对吗
Yeah, I never knew two hours of Bible study
是的我从不知道两个小时的圣经学习
could get me so hard.
能让我这么硬
Bullet! I like you a lot, but we cannot do that.
子弹我很喜欢你但我们不能那么做
We're Christians!
我们是基♥督♥教♥徒♥
Really? What can we do? Handjobs are cool, right?
真的吗我们能做什么可以手♥淫♥吗
No. I'm pretty sure the Bible says that's a sin.
不我很确定《圣经》上说那是罪过
We have to do exactly what the Bible says.
我们必须按《圣经》说的做
Can I see that? Excuse me, I have to take a shit.
我能看看吗不好意思我去拉个屎
I never realized that the tenth commandment was:
我从没意识到旧约十诫是
"Thou shall not covet and hand-jobs are cool by me."
"贪恋他人所有物和手♥淫♥是可以的"
Seems to me you've gotta try to be a better Christian.
在我看来你得努力做一个更好的基♥督♥教♥徒♥
I can't believe we've been outsmarted
我无法相信
by a bunch of D&D dorks.
我们没有一群玩龙与地下城的人聪明
This is the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me.
这是最让我丢脸的事了
And earlier today,
今天早些时候
I walked in on your balls deep in a watermelon.
我走进去的时候你在操西瓜
It was a honeydew! I'm not a pervert!
是蜜瓜我不是个变♥态♥
Speaking on pervs, where's Kevin?
说到变♥态♥ 凯文去哪了
I didn't invite Kevin,
我没邀请凯文
I tried the big boy-hair-down-there speech and...
我尝试和他进行了关于阴毛的对话
after that I'm out of stuff to talk about.
在那之后我就没话说了
Well, since we've been wasting our time
我们在这个龙与地下城的案子上
on this D&D case, there's been ten--
浪费时间而外面还有10起...
Eleven murders. Maybe we can focus on those.
11起谋杀案也许我们应该关注那些案子
Nah, I'm too sad.
不我太悲伤了
I need you to deliver another one of these cheese-free pizzas.
我需要你去送另一份无奶酪披萨
Kid on the phone said his name was "Quo Hein Dragon's Bane",
电♥话♥里的孩子说他叫"龙的克星"
and his constitution for cheese is only a level two.
他的体质对奶酪的耐受度只有两级
What the hell does that even mean?
那他妈是什么意思
Merkin, the Mage, rolls a 20!
梅尔金魔法师 20点
Critical hit!
致命一击
His level four Arcane Bolt
他的四级神秘电光
rips into the Osteomancer's decaying flesh,
撕开斯泰奥芒塞的腐肉
sending the rotting beast back to hell
把那腐烂的野兽送回地狱
from whence it came. Yeah!
回到它来的地方太棒了
Merkin is incredible.
梅尔金太厉害了
He rolls 20s 82% of the time
他有百分之八十二的几率扔出了20点以上
and I heard he almost touched a girl's bra strap once.
我听说有一次他几乎摸到了一个女孩的肩带
Did somebody order a cheese-free pizza?
有人叫了无奶酪披萨吗
That's awesome.
太棒了
Cheese makes my bowel
奶酪让我的肠道
alignment turn from neutral good to chaotic evil.
从中立的善良变成邪恶的混♥蛋♥
I don't deliver cheese-free pizza.
我不是送无奶酪披萨的
I deliver cheese-free justice, motherfuckers!
我是送无奶酪正义的狗♥娘♥养♥的
Nerds!
呆子
And you must be Merkin, the--
你一定是梅尔金...
Kevin!
凯文
I've found four more. What do you want to do with them, Chief?
我又找到四个你想怎么处理他们警长
I wanna show these geeks
我想给这些呆子看看
what a level eight lightning bolt feels like.
8级闪电术是什么样
Suffering Succotash!
妈妈咪呀
I gotta say it, Kevin. You dicked me.
我得说凯文你耍了我
You dicked your daddy raw.
你真是耍的你爹团团转
Can't believe you were one of those D&D nerds the whole time.
真无法相信你一直就是龙与地下城呆子里的一员
And then you double-dickey-donged me
然后你还通过给你的小伙伴传消息
by tipping off your little friends.
二次耍了我
What's gonna happen to them?
他们会怎么样
Preacher Paul will give them a slap
保罗牧师会
on their limp wrists and send them home.
抽他们的手腕送他们回家
No one can ever know that you were involved in this, Kevin.
不会有人知道你与此事有关凯文
No more D&D. Ever!
你永远不能再玩龙与地下城了
It's not fair! D&D is the only thing that's made me happy
这不公平自从你和妈妈离婚之后
since you and mom split up.
只有龙与地下城能让我开心
Plus, I'm really good.
而且我玩的真的很好
I learn everything reading about this guy.
我从这个人身上学到了一切
Waldeck White Staff, the greatest D&D player that ever lived.
沃尔德克·怀特·斯塔夫世界上最强的玩家
He invented the Reverse Rogue Roll.
他发明了反向游荡转
A technique that allowed him to roll a 20 99% of the time.
一种让人有99%的几率掷到20点的技术
I've been studying his technique and I've almost perfected it.
我一直在学习这种技术而且已经臻于完美了
Oh, really?
是吗
You know, some kids make their dads proud
你知道吗有些孩子让父亲骄傲
by going to an Ivy League school,
是因为他们去了常春藤大学
or becoming as astronaut,
或是飞向了宇宙
but you can move your hand like this...
但你你会掷骰子
Good job, son! Really?
干得好儿子真的吗
Fuck, no!
当然不
Maybe I wouldn't have to play D&D
也许你多花点时间陪我的话
if you spend some time with me.
我就不会玩《龙与地下城》了
You know, maybe you're right, Kevin.
也许你是对的凯文
I haven't tried very hard to connect with you.
我并没有努力地去了解你
Tell you what, let's find something we can do together
让我们找一找
that we both enjoy.
我们都喜欢做的事情吧
I thought this would be awesome, but it's just uncomfortable.
我以为这样会很酷但真的让人感到不太舒服
Yeah.
是的
Especially since that's a tape of you and Mom.
特别是发现你和妈妈的录像带的
Well, porn's hard to come by
自从教堂屏蔽了小镇的网络后
since the church shutdown the town's Internet.
黄♥片♥真的太难找了
Preacher Paul said the disneyjunior.Com turned his son gay.
保罗牧师觉得迪士尼的网站让他的儿子变成了同性恋
Are you close? I'm not sure.
你快出来了吗我不确定
I've lost feeling 20 minutes ago. I'm starting to smell smoke.
我二十分钟前就没感觉了现在感觉都冒烟了
Oh, no! What can I do?
不会吧我该怎么做
Becky, your throat might cool it down a little. No!
贝姬也许你能喉咙能让它冷静下来不行
Oral sex is a sin!
口♥交♥是犯罪
Pat Robertson said so on The 700 Club,
帕特·罗伯逊牧师在《700俱乐部》里说过
and whatever Pat Robertson says, goes.
他说什么都是正确的
And I've got to take another shit.
我得再去拉个屎
Football is so lame. Let's see what's going on in The club.
橄榄球太无聊了让我们看看俱乐部的节目吧
Remember, I preached this every Sunday, brothers and sisters.
兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥ 我在每周日传教
God wants you to give blowjobs
上帝希望你们
as much as humanly possible.
尽可能地多多口♥交♥
Because the more you give blowjobs,
因为你口♥活♥儿越多
the more you will be rewarded in heaven, blowjobs.
在天堂里就能得到更多的回报
Good thing I've showered,
我正好洗过澡了
just in case Pat Robertson said you should give me a BJ.
万一帕特·罗伯逊让你给我来个"口♥活♥儿"呢
Is Sico Sword Hand home?
舞剑手西克在家吗
I don't know any Armenians.
我不认识任何亚美尼亚人
Oh, I mean Eric.
我是说埃里克
No, Eric is gone.
不在他走了