天才儿童

We don't plan on dying anytime soon.
刚才那玉米片好吃吗
Hmm. How's that nacho taste? Good?
你以后再也不准吃不健康的玉米片了
'Cause it's the last one you're ever gonna eat.
我们得让你好好活着
We got to keep you alive, man.
踩着玉米片打滑摔死也是另一种好死法
And slipping on a nacho is another good way to die.
我要去厨房♥拿点纸巾
I'm going to the kitchen to get some paper towels.
小蕾
Oh. Hey, Leils.
我给你的派对准备了个惊喜
I have a surprise for your party.
你准备好了吗
Are you ready for this?
尖叫声呢
What?!
所以我们说话那阵子
So you've been wearing that under your clothes
你衣服底下一直穿着这套吗
the whole time we've been talking?
我也给你准备了一套
I got you a matching one, too,
这样我们在派对就能一起穿了
so we can both wear them at the party.
但我不想办摔角派对了
But I'm not doing a wrestling party anymore.
你在说什么
Wait. Wha-What are you talking about?
那要办什么派对
Then what kind of party is it?
侬好 蕾拉
'Ello, Leila.
看我为你准备的裙子
Look at this dress I got for your...
您老再见
Cheerio.
你认真的吗
Are you for serious?
蕾拉决定好派对主题了
Leila decided for her party,
她想做王室婚礼主题
she wants to do a royal wedding theme.
是吗
Oh, did she?
她自己想出来的吗
And she came up with that idea all on her own?
是啊 就像她自己想出摔角主题一样
Yeah, just like she came up with wrestling... all on her own.
你凭什么以为
What makes you think I had anything
我跟摔角主题有关系
to do with the wrestling idea?
好吧 我知道我穿这样很有嫌疑
Yeah, okay, I know how this looks.
我想你并不知道 麦克
I don't think you do, Mike.
尤其从后面看起来是什么美景
And definitely not from the back.
面对现实吧 麦克 蕾拉想当公主
Face it, Mike. Leila wants to be a princess.
她想要王冠 裙子和盛典
She wants the crown and the dress and the pageantry.
何不让她决定呢
You know what? Why don't we let her decide?
小蕾 你是想要穿着华服 开拘禁的茶会
Leils, would you like a frilly, uptight tea party,
还是可以让你这样做的派对
or a party where you can do this?
给我来个过肩摔
Flip me over and body slam me.
-我说了我得保住你小命 -害怕了吗
- I said I need you alive! - Oh, are you scared?
麦克 我不能帮你养孩子 我没这么多戏服
Mike, I can't raise your kids. I don't have enough costumes!
那就说晚安吧
Oh, then say good night!
太紧了 我没在闹
It's too tight! I'm not playing!
摔角大♥师♥失控了
Michael Mania is running wild! Aah!
我要被迫接收这些孩子了
I'm gonna end up with those kids.
你的背怎么样了
How's your back?
没事了 你该看看另一个人伤成什么样
It's fine. You should see the other guy.
是啊 欧文抱你到沙发上时
Yeah, you scratched Irwin pretty bad
你把他的背都抓破了
when he carried you to the couch.
听着 我很抱歉
Look, I'm sorry.
我不该劝蕾拉办摔角派对
I shouldn't have talked Leila into wrestling.
我就是想 如果这个派对成功了
I just thought that maybe if this party worked out,
我们父女就有共同爱好了
we could have a thing together.
我知道
I know.
但这不该是这个派对的重点
But that is not what this part was supposed to be about.
-这是专属于蕾拉的一天 -我早想到了
- This was Leila's day. - I am way ahead of you.
我已经取消了摔角馆的预约
I already canceled the reservation at the wrestling gym
这样你们就能办公主派对了
so you guys can have your princess party.
我是英雄吧
So, you know... hero.
什么 不是英雄
What? No, no, not hero!
我对于把我的想法强加于她感到很愧疚
I felt bad about forcing my party on her
所以也取消了茶馆
so I canceled the tea room.
所以现在什么安排都没了吗
So now we don't have anything?
没了 我们得在明早之前凑出点什么
No! We have to scrape something together by tomorrow morning.
好吧 其实这跟摔跤一样
Okay. You know, th-thi-this is just like in wrestling.
你觉得已经结束的那一刻 英雄崛起了
You know? The moment you think it's over, the hero rises.
你该走了 我现在卡住了起不来
You should go. I'm stuck here now.
那哥们叫塞巴斯蒂安
So, the dude's name is Sebastian.
他是你妈妈的表弟 他住在农场里
He's your mom's cousin, and he lives on a farm.
-最棒的是 他不是我们 -没错
- And best of all, he's not us. - No.
农场 有趣
Farm. Interesting.
能安静独处 没有干扰
Quiet solitude, no distractions.
而且我们将会被虫子和鸡蛋围绕
And we'll be swimming in vermin and eggs!
问个问题
Question:
这农场里有玉米迷宫吗
is there a corn maze on this farm?
如果有 会通向疯狂吗
And if so, does it lead to madness?
塞巴斯蒂安听上去不错 我们要了
Sebastian sounds great. We'll take it.
不 不 不 我们不用说服你们
No, no, no, no, we don't have to convince you.
-我们得说服他 -那应该不会很难
- We got to convince him. - That shouldn't be hard.
我们只需把给你们的展示报告再给他做一遍
We'll just give him the same presentation we gave you.
只需插入一些我们和家畜嬉戏的图片
We'll just cut in some images of us frolicking with livestock.
不 我们断了他农场的电
No, we cut off power to his farm.
他就会孤立无助 变得偏执
He'll be isolated, paranoid.
陷入那种绝境的男人什么都会同意的
A man like that is bound to say yes to anything.
不 你们有什么毛病
No! What is wrong with you?
暂时关掉你们的大脑 做一下人类行不行
Just turn off your brains for a second and just be people.
我们接下来这么做
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
我们要邀请塞巴斯蒂安
We're going to invite Sebastian
来参加蕾拉的派对 并说服他
to Leila's party and win him over.
是的 而且不是通过展示报告或恐吓战术
Yes, and not with presentations or scare tactics.
-你们得用自身魅力打动他 -你觉得我们没有魅力吗
- You got to charm the guy. - You don't think we're charming?
当然没有 尤其当你们说什么
No, not when you're talking
被虫子和鸡蛋围绕时
about swimming in vermin and eggs.
好了 所有人闭嘴
All right, everybody zip it!
我们要教你们怎么假扮成人类
We're gonna teach you how to pass for people.
你先来 老头衫
You're up first, Old-Man Sweater.
最新消息
Quick update.
我觉得我爱上丽塔了
I think I'm falling in love with Rita.
这是蕾拉想要的派对吗
This is the party that Leila wanted?
我还以为她是正常的那个孩子
I thought she was the normal one.
这是我们短时间内能做到最好的了
It's the best we could do on short notice.
不过我承认 我磕止痛药嗨起来时
Though I do admit, that pile of mattresses looked
的确觉得那堆床垫很像跳跳床
a lot more like a bouncy house when I was on pain meds.
派对商店只有圣帕迪节的清♥仓♥物品
The party store only had St. Paddy's Day clearance stuff.
我们能从原来的派对上保留下来的
The only things we could save from the original parties were
只有公主裙和我雇的摔跤手
some princess costumes and the wrestler I hired.
嘿 大屠♥杀♥ 很高兴见到你
Hey. Bloodbath. Nice to meet you.
我觉得变装服可能搞混了
I think there was a mix-up with the costumes.
不 你穿对了
No, you got it.
今天你是大屠♥杀♥公主
Today you're Princess Bloodbath.
有个小问题
Hey, quick question.
你觉得我穿这条裙子时腿美不美
You think my legs look okay in this dress?
你看起来很漂亮
You look beautiful.
天啊 宝贝 孩子们
Oh, God. Babe, the kids--
他们在和塞巴斯蒂安表弟讲话
they're talking to Cousin Sebastian.
好 看起来挺正常
Okay, it looks normal.
-是啊 -等等 马科的脸怎么了
- Yeah. - Wait. What's Marc's face doing?
他准备咬他呢吧
He's gearing up to bite him.
不 亲爱的 他在笑 他们在假装人类 宝贝
No. Honey, he's smiling! They're acting human, babe!
他们真的在做我们教他们的事
They're actually doing what we taught them.
布莱恩一个尴尬的中世纪鞠躬都没做
Brian hasn't done one awkward medieval bow.
就是啊 做那个我们教的动作
I know. Oh, do that thing we taught you.
你可以做到的 宝贝
You can do it, baby.
-太棒了 -她眨眼了
- Yes! - She blinked!
-是的是的 -她眨眼了
- Yes! Yes! - She blinked.
她以后的人生都懂得这招了 宝贝
She's gonna use that for the rest of her life, babe.
我们教会她的 是我们教会她的
We taught her that. We taught her that!
真该夸夸我们
I got to give us credit.
虽然时间紧迫 但我们最后做得不错
We did a pretty good job pulling this off.
都看不出来这本来是个色情蛋糕
You can't even tell this was an erotic cake.
我能看出来 但我有"看万物皆是奶"的天赋
Well, I can, but I can find boobs in anything.
好了 各位 该吃蛋糕了
Okay, everybody, it's cake time.
*祝...*