天才儿童

她寄来鞋垫后脚就不痛了
And not since she sent me the insoles.
我才不想跟她聊你的破脚呢
I don't want to talk about your stupid feet.
可是无论我说什么 她总有办法
But no matter what I say, she somehow always
把话题扯回你身上
brings it back to you.
有次我跟她提起卫生棉条
One time I mentioned tampons,
她仅用11个字 就又扯回你身上了
and she got it back to you in 11 words.
她怎么做到的
How'd she do that?
不用你说 我知道了
Never mind. I got it.
我们该回楼上去了
We should get back up there.
孩子们在和你♥爸♥妈独处呢
The kids are alone with your parents,
我们以后可能要多花几千块钱
probably racking up thousands of dollars
给他们看心理医生了
in future therapy.
我们往好的方面想想
Oh, hey, let's look on the bright side.
我根本都不认识我爷爷奶奶
I mean, I never even knew my grandparents.
既然还有机会 我们应该...
I mean, we should feel lucky that we still have...
羽衣甘蓝脆片是什么玩意
What the hell is a kale chip?
还剩两颗钉 你钉一颗 我钉一颗
Two nails left. One for you, one for me.
凯 你来了
Kay, there you are.
乖乖坐好
Sit your tush.
我们得聊聊 就我们婆媳俩
We need to talk, just us girls.
我家儿子还好吗
So... how's my boy?
穿了好几件外套呢 希尔
Wearing plenty of jackets, Syl.
挺好 那...
Oh, good. And...
自从鞋垫寄来 脚没再痛过
Feet are much better since the insoles.
那家伙脚背像芭蕾舞♥女♥演员一样娇贵呢
Arches like a ballerina, that one.
-他有没有... -嘿
- And is he... - Hey.
你这件外套真好看
That is a lovely jacket.
你从哪买♥♥的
Where did you get that from?
我在圣诞节后促销买♥♥的
Oh, I got it at an after-Christmas sale.
买♥♥那些特♥价♥衣服就像赌博一样
Those are always a gamble.
你肯定明白 你就在赌场工作
Of course, you know about that from your job at the casino.
说到工作 麦克的工作怎么样
Which reminds me, how is work for Mike?
妈 爷爷让我给他拿一瓶啤酒
Mom, Grandpa sent me in to bring him a beer
因为他说女人拿给他的啤酒更好喝
because he says it tastes better when a woman brings it to him.
那句话是我教他的
I taught him that.
一定要让男人一直依赖你
It's important to keep them helpless.
这样吧 我给他拿啤酒
You know, why don't I bring it to him,
妮可 你可以在这
and, Nicole, you can stay here
跟奶奶聊聊爸爸最近在做什么
and fill in Grandma on what Dad's been doing.
但我想看祖父把拼图拼完
But I want to see Grandpa's face when we finish the puzzle
发现地球是圆的时 脸上是什么表情
and he sees that the Earth is round.
我听说愿意帮家人忙的女儿们
I heard daughters who take one for the team
会重新得到她们的卧室
sometimes get their bedrooms back.
除了你的贿赂 还要再加那件我想要的西服外套
I see your bribe and raise you that blazer I wanted.
成交 你失策了
Done. You're slipping.
你本来可以要到整套套装的
You could have had me for the full pantsuit.
你本来只用还我卧室的
You could have had me for just the bedroom.
该死的
Damn it.
凯
Kay!
你忘给杰拿啤酒了
You forgot Jay's beer.
是的 我没打算拿
Yeah, I'm not doing that.
小家伙 你要来帮我们拼拼图[谜团]吗
Hey, buddy, why don't you come help us with the puzzle?
没有任何拼图比那个终极谜团更吸引人
No puzzle is quite so fascinating as the final puzzle.
死亡
Death.
你那个孩子可真吓人啊 儿子
That's a real spooky kid you got there, son.
天呐 小布
Geez. So, Bri,
跟我说说 跟女孩子相处得怎么样
tell me, how's it going with the girls?
她们有为你痴狂吗
You driving 'em wild?
我不知道 因为我从没跟她们说过话
I'm not sure, 'cause I've never spoken to them.
你现在会开车了 情况就不一样了
Well, that's all gonna change now that you're driving.
我不会开车
Oh, I'm not driving.
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
我们不要谈那个话题了 对了爸爸
We don't need to get into that. Oh, hey, Dad,
那家看着像影院的药店一直都是药店吗
was that CVS that looks like a movie theater always a CVS?
不 一开始是金斯兄弟百货商场...
Oh, no, no. First it was a Gimbels...
别引诱我谈商店话题
Don't bait me with store talk.
我要听这件事
I want to ar about this thing.
我在25岁之前都不会开车的
I'm not driving until I'm 25.
那时大脑边缘系统才会完全发育好
That's when the limbic system is developed enough
可以全面处理危险情况
to fully process risk.
你刚才说的话虽然有那么多科学术语
You know, with all the science in that sentence,
但仍然是我听过最蠢的话
it's still the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
如果你是担心我出行的问题
Well, if getting around is the concern,
我有解决办法
I have that taken care of.
不不不 等一下
Oh, no, no, no, hold on.
不用给爷爷看那个的
We don't need to show Grandpa that.
给我看什么
Show Grandpa what?
这就是未来的交通工具
This is the future of transportation.
他骑着这玩意 到死那天都还是处♥男♥
That is the future of dying a virgin.
我知道你们在想什么 没错
I know what you're thinking, and the answer is yes.
这的确是可穿的安全气囊
This is a wearable airbag.
他这样你没意见吗
You're okay with this?
"没意见"这个词太重了
"Okay" is a strong word.
儿子 男人必须会开车
Son, a man has to drive.
总不能带女孩坐优步去汽车影院啊
You can't take a girl to the drive-in in an Uber.
那还怎么约会
I mean, how's that supposed to work?
"亲爱的 我要去买♥♥点爆米花
"Honey, I'm gonna go get some popcorn.
你要吃什么吗 司机维克多"
Anything for you, Viktor?"
他不想学开车 好吗
He doesn't want to learn how to drive. Okay?
我不会强迫我的孩子
And I'm not gonna force my kids
做他们不想做的事
to do something they don't want to do.
好吧 如果你做不到
Okay, fine. If you can't handle it,
那我来出马
I'll take care of it.
-等一下 等一下 -怎么了
- Whoa, h-hold on, hold on. - What?
不 你不能教我的孩子开车
No, you're-you're not teaching my kid how to drive.
如果要教 也该由我来教
If anyone is teaching him, it's gonna be me.
你当然"有资格"教啦
Sure you are.
这个笑话几乎有凯的鸭子笑话那么好笑
That's almost as funny as Kay's duck joke.
不不 我来教 知道吗
No. No, no, no, I'm doing it. Okay?
小布 你听到了吗 孩子
Hey, Bri, you hear that, buddy?
-你♥爸♥要教你怎么开车 -什么
- Your dad's teaching you to drive. - What?
孩子 你这算是开门红啊
Boy, you're off to a bang-up start, huh?
你有没有折叠刀 把你儿子救出来
You got a, uh, pocket knife to pop your son?
你肯定没有
Of course you don't.
你怎么摆脱奶奶的
Hey. How'd you get rid of Grandma?
你是告诉她巴诺书店有麦可·布雷的签名唱片吗
Did you tell her Michael Bublé's signing CDs at the Barnes & Noble?
不是 她给我们预约了美甲
No. She's making us a nail appointment.
亲爱的 不
Oh, sweetie, no.
你会困在水疗椅上
You will be strapped to a spa chair
不得不听奶奶拷问你你♥爸♥的事
while Grandma grills you about Dad.
那不是做美甲 那是挟持人♥质♥
That is not a nail appointment, that's a hostage situation.
事实上 她都没怎么提过老爸
Actually, she's barely mentioned Dad.
真的
Really?
那你们这段时间都在谈什么
So what have you been talking about this whole time?
许多事情 她的生活 我的生活
A lot of things. Her life, my life.
我们给她朋友玛姬打了电♥话♥ 她可逗了
We called her friend Margee. She's a real hoot.
这个词我还是跟玛姬学的
That's a phrase I picked up from Margee.
好消息
Good news.
给我做指甲的卡米拉保释了 她能给我们排时间
My nail lady Carmela's out on parole, and she can fit us in.
你可以讲完凯文·斯莱特里的故事了
Then you can finish your story about Kevin Slattery.
凯文·斯莱特里是谁
Who's Kevin Slattery?
谁也不是 奶奶
Oh, nobody. Grandma.
对哦
Oh, right.
我们该走了
We should go anyway.
我们在卡米拉那做完指甲 我还约了做美黑
When we're done at Carmela's, I booked us a spray tan.
我认识个人挺便宜的
I know a guy who does it cheap
他就在殡仪馆的停车场做
in the parking lot of a funeral home.
你因为你女儿跟她奶奶
So you're mad that your daughter
一起玩得很开心而不爽吗
is spending quality time with her grandmother?
不 我是气她们不带上我
No, I'm mad they're doing it without me.