天才儿童

你们是认真的吗
Are you serious?
他们不过是另个版本的你们
But they're just different versions of you.
我们现在就想杀了你们
We could kill you right now.
但那样就会被迫跟着丽塔和欧文
But then we'd be stuck with Rita and Irwin.
我们掉进了你们设好的圈套
We're in a trap of your own design.
随便啦 反正我也不需要你们
Whatever! I don't need you guys anyway!
有好多人愿意和我一起看摔跤呢
I've got plenty of people who will watch wrestling with me.
你生前也是人 对吧
You used to be people, right?
嘿 小蕾
Hey, Leils.
嗨 爸爸 嗨 珍
Hi, Dad. Hi, Jen.
有一个自己的盛大派对 很激动吧
So, you excited for your big party?
想好要干什么了吗
You know what you want to do for it yet?
没呢 妮可说我的派对该为她的
No. Nicole said my party should be
超级政♥治♥行动委员会筹款 一千块一盘
a $1,000-a-plate fundraiser for her super PAC.
不
No, don't...
别听妮可的
Don't listen to what Nicole says.
孩子 这是你的派对 要做你喜欢的
Kiddo, this-this party needs to be about you and what you like.
我不知道我喜欢什么
I don't know what I like.
我好像什么都喜欢
I could like anything.
我连布莱恩都喜欢 他可是难相处的绝世怪咖
I even like Brian, and he's a lot.
我不是想左右你的判断啦
Well, um, I mean, I don't want to influence you, but...
但也许你会喜欢摔跤
maybe wrestling is something you would like.
我有过最棒的一次生日派对
You know, one of the best birthdays I ever had
就是摔跤主题的
was a wrestling theme.
但摔跤是你喜欢的事情 对吗
But is wrestling your thing?
你说我要找到自己喜欢的事
'Cause you said I need my own thing.
但那没关系的啊
No, but that's okay. You know,
有时 父母喜欢某样东西
sometimes, sometimes parents like something first
他们的孩子就会耳濡目染 也喜欢上
and then their kids like it.
比如妈妈
Like Mom.
我先喜欢妈妈的
I liked Mom first,
现在你也喜欢她了 对不对
and now you like her, right?
我真的好爱妈妈
I love Mom.
太好了
Great!
那我们就办个摔跤派对
Then we will have a wrestling party
看《美国摔角联盟》
and watch SmackDown
然后永远不告诉妈妈这件事
and never tell her about any of this.
好好玩
Fun!
爸爸 我喜欢躺在莫莉身上抱着你
Daddy, I love cuddling with you when I'm on Molly.
总而言之 在养育本奈特家的小孩时
So, in conclusion, when raising a Bennett child,
爱是重中之重
the most important thing Is love.
再强调一次 爱是缩写
And, again, LOVE is
代表法律援助
legal aid,
组织支持
organizational support,
仅供研究的害虫
vermin-- for research--
和鸡蛋
and eggs.
我们喜欢吃鸡蛋
We like eggs.
还有什么问题吗
Any questions?
请说 欧文
Yes. Irwin.
你说你父母死后 你们就归我们管了是什么意思
What the hell do you mean we get you when your parents die?
你们不知道
You two don't know
他们在遗嘱上把你们列为我们的法定监护人吗
you're our legal guardians in their will?
我不知道一无所有的人还会写遗嘱啊
I didn't know people who have nothing have wills.
那样的话 恭喜你们
Well, in that case, congratulations.
你们肯定很激动吧
This must be very exciting for you.
激动个鬼啊
It's not.
我们已经有三个小孩了
We already have three kids.
你以为我会想每天听你们扯淡吗
You think I want this full-time?
等等 我们知道我们不想要你们
Wait, we knew we didn't want you.
但你们竟然不想要我们
But you don't want us?
无意冒犯 但是你们
No offense, but you guys
是我们见过最难伺候的小孩
are the most high-maintenance pains in the asses we know.
-对吧 宝贝 -没错
- Right, babe? - Right.
布莱恩 你就是行走的喷嚏
Brian, you're a walking sneeze.
妮可
And, Nicole,
我敢肯定你就是未来世界派来
I'm pretty sure you were sent back from the future
杀约翰·康纳的终结者
to kill John Connor.
电影《终结者》中人类反抗军首领
而马科一直坐在那边磨刀呢
And Marc's been over there sharpening a knife this whole time.
我一会要做墨西哥烤肉
I'm making fajitas later.
那情况还不算糟
Oh. Well, that's not so bad.
但这把刀不是做烤肉用的
But that's not what the knife is for.
-不 宝贝 -你坐那边
- No, babe. - You go over there.
宝贝
Babe.
嗨 妮妮
Hey, Nik.
想和我一起看一堆
Want to read a bunch of made-up gossip
瞎编的王室家族八卦吗
about the royal family with me?
他们又养了一只皇家狗 显然
There's a new royal dog, and, apparently,
那只狗只是宫里第二婊的
she's only the second biggest bitch in the palace.
这堆杂♥志♥是我们没钱买♥♥苹果的原因吗
Is this stack of magazines why we don't have apples?
水果放两天就烂了
Fruit goes bad in two days.
这个红发小伙可是"熟"了17年了
This little red number's been ripe for 17 years.
他还没杀了他的哥哥
He hasn't even killed his brother yet
夺取王位
to take over the throne.
可真没用
Such a turnoff.
妈妈 在我的摔跤派对上
Hey, Mom. For my wrestling party,
会有互殴的场面吗
do we have any cans of whoop ass?
你的摔跤派对吗
For your wrestling party?
你怎么会想到开摔跤派对
How did you come up with that?
爸爸教过我如果你问我 我该怎么回答
Oh, Daddy told me what to say if you ask me.
他说
He said,
"这个很重要
"This is important.
如果妈妈问起来
If Mommy asks,
就说这个主意跟我无关"
I had nothing to do with it."
"因为你知道她有多不讲理"
"Cause you know how irrational she can be."
然后他说
Then he said,
"别提起不讲理那部分"
"Don't say the irrational part."
糟了
Oops.
听着 你不用因为你♥爸♥爸喜欢摔跤
Look, you don't have to do wrestling
就硬办摔跤主题啊
because your dad likes it.
你可以选任何你喜欢的事做
You can pick whatever you want.
比如呢
Like what?
那就要靠你自己想了
That's for you to o figure out.
我就在这看我的杂♥志♥
I'll just be here reading my magazines.
这上面写的是现实中的公主
About real-life princesses.
你是说真的吗
Are you for serious?
当然了
Oh, yeah.
有一整个家族呢
Yeah, there's a whole family of them.
有王冠和城♥堡♥
There are crowns and castles
还有表亲 长得像会说话的老鼠
and cousins that look like talking mice.
给你 你自己看
Here. See for yourself.
这位可人儿是谁啊
Mmm, who's that strawberry?
你好 红发帅哥 我是蕾拉
Hey, Red. I'm Leila.
你到底什么时候才要告诉我和丽塔
So, when exactly were you gonna tell me and Rita
你们要把孩子丢给我们
that you were leaving us your kids?
这是要临终托孤
Was this supposed to be some deathbed thing
所以我们不能拒绝吗
so that we couldn't say no?
我告诉过你的
I told you.
记得吗 我们有一次出去
Remember, we were out and you dared me to drink
你逼我喝一瓶辣酱 我说好吧
a bottle of hot sauce and I said, "Okay,
但如果我死了 孩子就交给你
but if I die, you get my kids."
该死 然后我们击掌了
Damn it. And then we high-fived.
这在新泽西就相当于有法律效力了
And that's legally binding in the state of New Jersey.
这片地区我们唯一的亲戚的就是凯的表弟塞巴斯蒂安
The only family we have in the area is Kay's cousin Sebastian.
孩子们都不认识他 他一个人住在农场
The kids don't even know him. He lives alone on a farm.
得了吧 麦克
Yeah, but come on, Mike.
我们可不懂怎么养四个白人小孩
We don't know anything about raising four white kids.
现在我们要开始买♥♥谷物饼干
So, what, now we got to start buying Wheat Thins
并且搞明白哈卷是谁了吗
and figure out what a Harry Styles is?
听着 你不用担心 欧文
Look, I don't think you need to worry, Irwin, okay?
我们近期没死掉的打算