天才儿童

我可算明白这么做人多不地道了
Yeah, I now really see how unhelpful that quality is.
这对我们非常重要 爸 求你了
This really means a lot to us, Dad. Please.
我很欣赏你们为这件事
I appreciate all the thought and work
付出的想法和行动 但我必须说
that you have put into this, but I-I have to say...
我同意了
yes.
真的吗 谢谢
Really? T-Thank you.
但说实话 我不同意
But really, the answer is no.
什么
What?
我知道我不答应你们就会讨厌我
I-I know you're gonna hate me for this,
所以我才想积攒一点好感
so I just wanted to bank some love.
你怎么回事
What is wrong with you?
你为了跟自己孩子抱抱居然能扯谎
You would lie to your children for a hug?
你们还中计了 来庆祝一下
And it worked. Let's celebrate.
随便吧
Whatever.
过几天 他们就会忘了这事
In a few days, they'll forget all about this.
我们记忆力强到可怕哦
We have photographic memories.
我还记得娘胎里的事
I remember things from the womb.
这不可能
That's not possible.
你以前常对我哼这个调
You used to sing that to me.
我当时就不喜欢
I didn't care for it.
你怎么来了
What are you doing here?
这种事不都是麦克管的吗
Doesn't Mike usually come to this kind of stuff?
他正在家证明一个
Oh, he's home proving a point to himself
会把他周末搅黄的观点
that's gonna ruin his weekend.
所以我才能和我家低能宝宝找点低能乐趣
So I get to have some mindless fun with my mindless child.
-这是在夸我哦 -没错
- That's a compliment. - Yeah.
如果你们是想找乐趣 你们来错地方了
Well, if you're looking for fun, you come to the wrong place.
这里就是扼杀乐趣
'Cause this is where fun comes to die,
再把乐趣裹上黄油炸 最后放进小袋子里的地方
then gets fried in butter and put in these little bags.
是啊 这里的气氛是有一点让人难以为继
Yeah. The vibe in here is a little untenable.
我才知道那是太垃圾的意思
I just learned that means bummer.
那都拜考特妮·卡曼斯基所赐
Well, you can thank Kourtney Kamanski for that.
她是家长教师协会的主席
She's the president of the PTA.
她为什么让那个女人数没爆好的玉米
Why is she making that woman count unpopped kernels?
她不知道这就是一个志愿帮忙的爆米花派对吗
I mean, doesn't she know this is just a volunteer popcorn party?
是啊 需要有人站出来告诉她
Hmm, yeah. Somebody need to tell her.
你应该去告诉她
You need to tell her.
这工作非你莫属
Oh, this is a perfect job for you.
绝对的 你一定能灭她威风
Oh, no. You can take her down.
为什么是我
Why me?
为什么大家都认为我喜欢吵架 喜欢当恶人
Why does everyone think I want to pick fights and be the bad guy?
不 没门
No. No.
我才不去
I am not doing this.
再说我相信她也没那么讨厌
Besides, I'm sure she's not that bad.
一共972粒玉米
That's 927 kernels.
很好
Good.
现在再数一遍 这次要数对
Now do it again and get it right this time.
这里是学校嘛 就该知道怎么数数啊
Well, it is a school. People should know how to count.
孩子们 你们谁饿了
Hey, guys. Who's hungry?
我做了我最拿手的三层芝士烤三明治
I made my famous three-cheese grilled cheese.
只不过里面只有两层芝士 还是用微波炉做的
Except it's only got two cheeses, it's microwaved
并且其中一片芝士是用爱做的
and one of the cheeses is love.
我猜猜 我们一拿起来吃
Let me guess, the second we reach for it,
你就会从我们嘴里扯出来
you rip it out of our mouths
因为你不认为我们足够成熟 能自己咀嚼 对吗
because you don't think we're mature enough to chew?
这位先生 我能像其他人一样咀嚼好吗
Yeah, well, I can chew with the best of them, mister.
好了 我明白 你们还在生我的气
Okay, I get it. You guys are still mad at me.
无所谓 没关系
Whatever, it-it's fine.
我们没生你的气 麦克尔
We're not mad at you, Michael.
根据我们的预测
Based on our projections,
我们的怒气要到明天才会完全显现
our anger won't fully actualize until tomorrow.
然后怨恨值从那时开始累积
Then the animosity builds from there.
到2024年 我就会待在我停在外面的车里
By 2024, I'll be watching you guys enjoy Thanksgiving
看着你们开心地过感恩节
from my parked car outside?
感恩吧
Be grateful.
到了2025年 你连车都没了
By 2025, you don't even have a car.
孩子们 拜托 听我说...
Hey, guys, guys. Come on. Look...
你们不觉得这样做有点不公平吗
Don't you think you're being a little unfair?
我们不公平
We're unfair?
你连看都没看 就把我们的提案安乐死了
You didn't even read this before euthanizing our idea.
这房♥子就是扼杀我们希望和梦想的地方
This house is a kill shelter for our hopes and dreams.
我们列出了可能涉及到的所有问题
We addressed every possible issue.
安全性 实用性
Safety, practicality.
我们甚至把财务部分命名为"与钱有关"
We even called the financial section "money stuff"
以便你们理解
so you'd understand.
这个数字代表什么
W-What is that number?
-那是一年的租金 -什么
- That's the rent for the year. - What?
那上面写着1万5千美金啊
That says $15,000.
你们为什么认为我们拿得出这笔钱啊
W-Why would you think we can afford that?
根据你们的估计收入 退休金
Well, based on your estimated income, 401k,
还有投资组合估值...
an approximation of your investment portfolio...
你说的这些我们一样也没有
We don't have any of that stuff.
所以我们没有钱租新公♥寓♥吗
So we don't have money for the new apartment?
没有啊
N-No, we don't.
这就是我之前拒绝你们的真正原因
And-and that is the real reason why I said no before.
如果你们想生我的气 没关系
Look, if you guys want to be mad at me, that-that's fine.
我完全理解 但是你们要知道
I totally understand. But just know that
你们不会比我更生我自己的气
you can never be more mad at me than I am at myself.
我已经到你们表上2024年的程度了
It's already 2024 on your chart...
怒火中烧啊
in here.
爸爸
Oh, Dad.
你心中是感到羞愧的
Your secret shame.
谢谢 小布
Thanks, Bri.
来吧 妮可 抱一个
Come on, Nicole, bring it in.
幸好拥抱是免费的
Luckily, hugs are free.
我再问个问题
Quick follow-up:
如果你说钱才是真正的问题
If you're saying the money's the real issue,
要是我和布莱恩能赚到钱呢
what if Brian and I could get it?
什么
What?
对啊
Yeah.
那间商住两用公♥寓♥能保留到周五
The live-work loft is on hold until Friday.
根据你所说的
Based off what you're saying,
如果我们弄到钱 你就会同意吗
if we get the money, you'd sign off?
听起来确实是我们现在的处境
That does seem to be where we're at.
但是 是的 我是说 没错
But yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah.
如果你们这两个从在娘胎开始
If the two of you, who have been burning money
就不断烧光我们钱的人
since the second I made you...
能在周五前弄到一万五 那我就同意
can make $15,000 by Friday, then, yeah.
搬家快乐哦
Happy housewarming!
-赞啦 -谢了 老爸
- Huzzah! - Thanks, Dad.
-没问题 -你最棒了
- Yeah. - You're the best.
不 你们才最棒
No, you-- you guy-- the best.
他站在那里 尽管做了蠢事 依然为自己骄傲
There he stood. Proud, despite his folly.
这是我记忆中第一次为自己父亲感到羞耻
It was the first time I recall feeling shame for my father.
但这绝不是最后一次
But it would not be the last.
马科 别满嘴都是吃的还说话
Marc, don't narrate with your mouth full.
爆米花干杯
Popcorn shot.
解醉酒
Hair of the dog.
滥用爆米花 这要记下来
Popcorn misuse. That's going in the log.
我懂这个表情
I know that look.
那次健身教练的老婆
That's the same look that came right before
拽掉你耳环之前 你就是这幅表情
the gym teacher's wife ripped your earrings out.
也许我是该说点什么
Well, maybe I should say a little something.
是的 这才对 这才是我的好姐妹
Yes! There she is. There's my girl.
-但是 -什么
- But... - Mmm?
我会好好说的
I am going to be nice.
好的 随便你
Okay, yeah. Whatever, you know.
就张嘴 看能说出什么话来 去吧
Just open your mouth. See what comes out. Go ahead.
考特妮
Hey... Kourtney.
我想和你谈谈
I just want to talk to you, you know?