天才儿童

关于这里的运作方式
About how things are run around here.
在她继续说下去之前 我就想划清界限
Before she keeps talking, I would like to go on record
我不认识这个贱♥人♥
that I don't know this bitch.
搞什么
What was that?
听着 我明白作为负责人很难
Look, I know it's hard being the one in charge.
你帮大家维持秩序
You know, you're the one keeping everyone in line.
但你的付出换来的 却是大家因此而讨厌你
And the thanks you get is everyone hates you for it.
什么
What?
大家都讨厌我吗
Everyone hates me?
显而易见
Well, obviously,
你不是这里最受欢迎的人
you're not the most popular person here,
但你肯定意识到了
but you must have known that.
你都把瑞切尔弄哭了
I mean, you made Rachael cry.
我以为那是因为她丈夫出轨了
I thought that's because her husband is cheating on her.
-算了 -不
- Never mind. - No.
我现在明白了
I understand now.
我不需要待在一个大家都讨厌我的地方
I don't need to be somewhere I'm not wanted.
祝你好运 能筹够钱
Good luck raising the money
把浣熊们从音乐室赶出来
to get the raccoons out of the music room.
太棒了
Yes!
这才是我的好姐妹
That is my girl!
所以你狠狠打击了考特妮 是吗
So, you really laid into Kourtney, huh?
-蕾拉说你"虐得她怀疑人生" -纯属意外啦
- Leila said you "owned her ass." - It was an accidental owning.
我是想好好说的
I was trying to be nice.
对儿
Two pair.
从好的方面看 现在考特妮走了
On the bright side, now that Kourtney's gone,
也许明天能好玩些
tomorrow might actually be fun.
是的 而且就算不好玩
Yeah. And if it's not,
你总能找到其他陌生人让你辱骂
you can always find another stranger to yell at.
态度倒是很强硬啊 想必你已经
Tough talk from someone who I guess
告诉我们一对青少年儿女 他们能搬出去了
told our teenagers they could move out of the house.
我没说他们可以直接搬出去
I didn't say they could move out.
他们必须先做到我所说的前提
I said they could move out "if."
我就知道你会设条件
I knew you'd "if" this up.
同花顺
Flush.
承认吧 你受不了他们生你的气 你示弱了
Admit it. You can't handle them being mad at you, so you crumbled.
不 才不是
No... no.
我只是找到了更好的方式
I just figured out a better way.
你看 我们不用做恶人
See, we don't have to be the bad guy.
现实可以做恶人
Reality can be the bad guy.
好消息是
See, the good news is,
我们把孩子们带到了一个残忍♥的世界
we brought the kids into a cruel world
这里无时无刻不在毁掉人们的梦想
that shoots down people's dreams all the time.
何必由我们来拒绝 明明那个可恶的蓝胖子
Why should we say no when that fat blue jerk,
也就是这个世界 可以替我们拒绝
the world, will do it for us?
你不担心他们可能接受你的挑战
You're not worried they might call your bluff
成功凑到钱吗
and get the money?
怎么凑
How?
我就是有一万四外加阿♥拉♥丁神灯
I couldn't get $15,000 by Friday
周五前也凑不到一万五
if I found $14,000 and a magic lamp.
不如叫我杰西叔叔[同名美剧主角]吧
Might as well just call me uncle Jesse
因为我有满堂红
cause full house.
同花顺
Royal flush. Ha-ha.
你知道你该干嘛了
You know what that means.
等等
Oh, wait.
动作慢点
Do it slow.
怎么回事
What's going on?
爆米花呢
Why isn't popcorn happening?
考特妮不来
Well, without Kourtney,
我们都不知道该怎么做了
we don't really know what we're supposed to do.
我们就像一帮高中生
We're like a bunch of high school kids
试图卖♥♥掉树林里
trying to sell a suitcase of cocaine
发现的一箱可♥卡♥因♥
that we found in the woods.
那件事能弄明白
Well we figure that out,
这件事也一样可以
we can figure this out.
快来 大伙儿 我们都是成年人
Come on, guys. We are all adults here.
我们能自己办到
We can do this ourselves,
也必须这样做 因为考特妮走了
and we're gonna have to, because Kourtney is gone
再也不回来了
and not coming back.
她说得对
She's right.
考特妮不在
Without Kourtney here,
我们根本不用在这待着
we don't even need to be here.
先别走
Wait. No, um, n--
至少把甜甜圈留下啊
At least leave the donuts!
小麦麦 等等
Mike-Mike? Hey. Whoa.
这是什么
What is this?
天才科学家的装备吗
Some crazy genius science stuff?
他们今天想挑战什么
What are they getting at today?
研制出能把你后背的毛发
A pill that takes the hair from your back
移植到你头顶上的药吗
and puts it on your head?
不 他们在发起一个咖啡生意
No. Actually, they are starting a coffee business.
太好了 又一个试验品 尝尝
Oh, excellent. Another guinea pig. Try this.
布莱恩 苏门答腊咖啡大受好评
Brian. The Sumatra's a hit!
我靠 难喝爆了
Crap! That was terrible.
而且我还算不挑剔的
And I'm not even picky.
我有次在沙拉里吃到只手套
I once found a glove in a salad,
我就绕着它继续吃了
and I just ate around it.
我家孩子可能很聪明 但没有常识
My kids might be smart, but they have no common sense.
他们真以为卖♥♥咖啡能挣一万五呢
They actually think they're gonna make $15,000 selling coffee?
等他们生意黄了 没钱租公♥寓♥
When this blows up and they don't get the apartment,
我就还是好人
I'm still the good guy.
没错 麦克 但你可以直接跟我说
Yeah, Mike, but you could've just told me that
不用让我喝这杯热腾腾的垃圾
without letting me drink this hot cup of garbage.
为什么我收到投资账户的
Why am I getting trade confirmation alerts
交易确认提醒了
from my investment account?
我虽然不是华尔街之狼
I'm no wolf of Wall Street,
但听上去有人在确认交易
but sounds like someone's confirming trades.
用我三年前开的账户吗
For an account I opened three years ago,
里面就20块钱 然后密♥码♥立刻丢了
with 20 bucks and then immediately lost the password?
你买♥♥了什么
What are you buying?
不知道 看上去是
I don't know. Seems like, uh...
咖啡的股权
...shares of coffee!
等等 麦克 我嘴巴失去味觉是正常的吗
Wait, M-Mike, Mike. Should my mouth be numb?
这咖啡好像把我味觉麻痹了
I think this coffee broke my mouth!
活动怎么样了
Hi. Hey, how was...
把电影院抢了吗
Stick up a multiplex?
不 没完没了的爆米花日
Nope. Popcorn Day, which apparently never ends,
给我剩了个烂摊子
blew up in my face.
就不幸灾乐祸了
Well, not gonna say "I told you so",
希望你记住我的体贴
and I hope you remember that.
我也希望你记住我们无条件爱着彼此
I also hope you remember that we love each other
并且受到法律约束
unconditionally, in a legally binding way.
你对孩子们唱白脸的事搞砸了 对吧
Hmm. Oh, and you screwed up with the kids.
也许吧
Yeah, maybe.
但顶多也就是白领犯罪
But at worst, it's white collar crime,
我见过那些监狱
and I've seen those prisons.
比我们家条件还好
Nicer than this house.
我们可以跟西语俱乐部的钱说再见了
Well, we can say adiós to the Spanish Club's money.
我们有更大的麻烦了
We've got bigger problems.
这个算法让我们亏了一千三
This algorithm's got us $1,300 in the hole.
我们需要更多现金 快想办法
We need more cash. Think. Think!
那个没邀请你参加他成年礼的犹太男孩
What's the name of that guy that didn't invite you
叫什么名字
to his bar mitzvah?
你得说具体一点
Be more specific.
扎克·罗森菲尔德 他有很多礼品卡
Zack Rosenfeld. He's swimming in gift cards.
我去打电♥话♥
I'll make the call.
扎克 宝贝 你好吗
Zack, baby, mazel!
问一下 搭理我啊 你们在干什么
Excuse me, uh, h-hello? What are you two doing?
我手♥机♥一直收到投资通知
I keep getting investment alerts on my phone.
妮可研发了一个股市算法
Nicole developed a stock market algorithm