错乱人生（2020）

My back story of exquisite pain and rejection has nothing to do
与我现在极端愤世嫉俗完全无关
with my current position of extreme cynicism.
别担心 我不是来买♥♥东西的
Don't worry, I'm not here to buy anything.
你完全不理解餐厅
You don't understand restaurants.
等等
Hold on a sec.
-给你 -你给我写了贺卡吗
- Here. - You made me a card?
-不 -你可真孤独
- No. - You're a lonely lady.
我不孤独 我只是一个人
I'm not lonely. I'm a...lone.
不过我确实让史酷比搬回来 也许我准备好了...
Although, I did ask Scoopy to move back in, so maybe I am ready...
这不是卡片
This isn't a card.
-养个宠物 -这是讲子♥宫♥颈癌的传♥单♥
- ..to get a pet. - It's a leaflet about cervical cancer.
那是什么
What's that?
我正在跟露娜说 如果没有一段感情
I was just telling Luna how it's possible to be contentedly whole
也可以过得很满足
without being in a relationship.
当然
Oh, yeah, definitely.
就买♥♥个震动器
Just get your vibrator,
然后自己修车 对不对
and, then, like, fix your car yourself, innit?
-这是个问题吗 -从碧昂丝和开始投票之后
- Is that a question? - Ever since, like, Beyonce and learning to vote,
女权就腾飞了
sky's the limit, innit?
是吗
Yeah?
我离开个五分钟 你能帮我看一会儿吗
I'm going to be five minutes. Will you cover for me?
-你说了算 -谢谢兄弟
- You're the boss. - Ah, cheers, bro.
因为你真的是老板
Actually, my literal boss.
一小时后见
See you in an hour.
那是你的男朋友吗
Is that your boyfriend?
就因为我们都是黑人吗
Because we're both black?
不 对不起
Oh, no. No, sorry.
-为什么道歉 -因为问了私人问题吧
- For what? - Asking personal questions?
我好像听到公交车来了 再见
OK. I think I can hear my bus. Bye!
他是我的前任
He's my ex.
我们都经历过的
We've all been there.
现在我们在共事
Now we work together.
-不是吧 -而且他在跟我朋友约会
- Oh, no! - And he's seeing my friend...
-不是吧 -她是我曾经爱过的人
- No! - ..who I used to be in love with.
我去
Shit, girl!
你觉得这里是什么地方
What kind of place do you think this is?
-把你的鞋从柜台上拿下来 -抱歉
- Get your shoes off the counter! - Sorry.
你有什么吃的吗
Do you have any spoons and stuff?
光脚 有什么区别吗 给我下去
Bare feet? How's that better? Get off!
小心点 她真的很难相处
Be careful. She's really difficult to befriend.
抱歉
Sorry about that.
其实没那么复杂 是吗
It's not very subtle, is it?
怎么 难道我看着这种画面要想
What? Am I supposed to look at this and realise,
"其他人都有另一半了"
"Oh, everyone else is in a couple.
"有问题的肯定是我"
"It must be me who's wrong.
"我去找个男朋友"
"I'll go and get a boyfriend."
其实我单身挺有好处的
It's very productive for me to be single, actually,
因为我可以专注在事业上
because I can concentrate on my career.
《与莎拉·帕斯科一起鲁莽》
晚上好 欢迎我 莎拉·帕斯科
Good evening and welcome to me, Sarah Pascoe.
我专注在工作上 努力拼搏
I focused on my job and worked hard.
我这些大脑化学信♥号♥♥都是事业成功得来的
I get MY nice brain chemicals from career success.
看到了吗 如果自我价值全部来源于工作
See? And the great thing about getting all your self-worth
好处在于 如果出了问题
from your job is that if it all goes wrong,
你不会心碎
you're not heartbroken.
只会很穷
Just poor.
利亚姆餐厅
我是个失败者
我叫莎拉·帕斯科 没有爱的人生令我疲惫
My name's Sara Pascoe and a life without love wore me down.
没有人要我照顾
I had no-one to take care of.
没人让我努力
No-one to work hard for.
没有爱恋
No affection.
-没有... -你所谓的人生低谷是我的工作
- No... - My job is your rock bottom?
不好意思
Pardon me.
你看起来像那个谐星
You look like that comedian.
就是我啊
I am me! Hello.
我以前很喜欢你
I used to really like you.
谢谢吗
Thank you?
你怎么不上电视了
How come you're not on TV any more?
我在啊 我就在电视上啊
I am! I'm on TV right now.
这是我的节目
This is my programme.
你们都在我的节目上
You're all on my programme!
开车吧
Start the bus.
我当主角的麻烦就在于
The trouble with being the main character
我必须得惹人喜爱
is I'm supposed to be likeable.
所以我不能再批评忠诚的一夫一妻制了
That's why I have to stop criticising committed monogamy.
你们都太喜欢了
You all like it so much.
你们都相信那些"至死不渝"
You believe all the lies about "till death do us part"
"祸疾相依"的谎言
and "in sickness and in health."
所以我就假装我也信
So...I'll pretend I believe it, too.
我会加入这个邪教 把真实的想法埋起来
I'll join the cult. I'll just keep all my real thoughts buried.
我也会跟我妹妹说她想听的
And I'll tell my sister what she wants to hear.
小菜一碟
Easy peasy.
我订婚了
你的宫颈检查
不知道这是怎么回事
I wonder what that's about.
-妈 -在
- Mum? - Yeah.
是你干的吗 涂片检查
Is this you? Smear tests?!
你们好啊
Hello, guys.
莎拉
Sara!
你觉得这很好笑吗
Do you think this is funny?
你怎么会来这里
What are you doing here?
我们上尊巴课
We had Zumba.
-是这条裙子吗 -尊巴没什么可疑的
- Is that the dress? - Nothing suspicious about Zumba.
你为什么要穿这个
Why are you wearing that?
我在支持你
I'm being supportive.
-宝贝状态如何 -你给所有人都订了涂片检查吗
- How's my baby? - Did you book everyone a smear test?
没给你订 我没有你医生的联♥系♥方式
Not you, I'm afraid. I don't have your doctor's details.
-我可以自己预约宫颈检查 谢谢你 -不客气
- I can book my own cervical screening, thanks. - You're welcome.
我帮你省了时间 好了 都闭嘴吧
I've saved you the time. Anyway, shut up, everyone.
你别添乱了 行吗
Will you stop interfering, please?
有人听到我说话了吗 我想通了
Did you hear me say shut up? I've had a revelation!
我很喜欢婚礼和它们代表的一切
I really love weddings and everything they represent.
-我真的想帮你 露西 -滚
- I really want to help you, Lucy. - Fuck off.
我会全力支持你做这个错误的选择
I am getting fully behind the terrible decision you're making.
让你们满意实在太难了
It's so hard trying to impress you.
-所以我们打算来一场头脑风暴 -好啊
- So we're just doing, like, a rough ideas brainstorm. - Great!
太开心了 完全不浪费钱
This is so fun and not a waste of money.
-妈妈掏钱 -当然 毕竟你是卖♥♥鞋的
- Mum's paying for it, so... - Of course she is. You work in Boots.
-你能不能别这么婊里婊气 -别再朝我喷酒了
- Do you want to stop being a bitch? - Don't spit wine at me again.
不好笑
This isn't funny.
我知道 我也不知道我怎么了 对不起
I know, I don't know what's wrong with me. Sorry.
-好 -我不想惹你生气
- OK. - I never want to upset you.
你不想结婚 不想恋爱
Just because you don't want to get married or do any of that stuff,
-并不代表你可以毁掉其他人的感情 -好了
- doesn't mean you can ruin it for everyone else. - All right.
你说得对 完全正确
You're right. You're absolutely right.
我闭嘴
I'll stop.
我为此喝一杯
I'll drink to that.
我可以吗
Can I?
你能上尊巴课吗
Are you allowed to Zumba?
别多管闲事
Mind your own business.
她还能怎么减肥
How else is she going to keep her weight off?
小史 坐下
Scoops, sit.
我怀孕的时候 莎拉总是在跟我说教
When I was pregnant, Sara was always going on at me.
"你不该喝酒 会影响婴儿的大脑"
"Oh, you shouldn't be drinking, it'll affect the baby's brain."
玛丽去哪儿了
Where is Marie?
她在她爸家 我没弄丢她
She's at her dad's. I haven't lost her.
又去了吗
Again?
好了 开始做计划
Right. Planners out.
这次婚礼有主题吗
Does this wedding have a theme?
-什么 -没什么 无视我 我是在支持你们
- What? - Nothing! Ignore me. Carry on, I'm being supportive.
我只想让一切完美
All I want is for everything to be perfect.
听上去棒极了
Oh, that sounds lovely.