错乱人生（2020）

100.
搞定
Done.
一定是7
Got to be a seven.
不 没有塑料 我们不会往你身体里放东西
No, there's no plastic, we don't put anything inside you.
我们只是对现有部分进行修剪缝合
We just cut and stitch what's already there.
我以为塑料会让它更紧实
Oh, I thought the plastic made it tighter,
像个活生生的蛇的喉咙
like a grippy snake's throat.
我能问一句这为什么对你这么重要吗
Can I ask why this is important to you?
如果是心理问题
If this is a psychological problem,
-那... -我已经生了三个小孩
- then... - I've got three young kids.
-好吧 -我的身体被侵占了
- OK. - My body's been taken over.
我想把它争取回来
I want it back for me.
这是你的第一个吗
Is this your first?
我已经实施过几次阴♥道♥整形术
I've performed several vaginoplasties,
通常是松弛后的再整形
usually for reconstruction after prolapse, or...
这是你的第一个孩子吗
Is this your first child?
我给你点建议吧
Let me give you some advice.
我假设这是你的头一胎
I presume it is your first child.
我... 我没怀孕
Oh, I'm... I'm not pregnant.
如果我这么不像母亲 你还来这做什么
Well, what are you doing here if I'm so un-maternal.
我没说你不像母亲
I didn't say you were un-maternal.
我说你不够关怀
I said you weren't nurturing.
我是你妈 没法更像母亲了
I'm your mum. Can't get more maternal than that.
别这么往心里去
Stop being so defensive.
不
No!
我只是说你觉得
I just meant that you were finding
很难理解史酷比
it so hard to understand why Scoopy
为什么这么担心 也许
might be worried that, maybe, well,
她是考虑得多了一点
she's thinking about it a bit more.
太多了 她考虑得太多了
Too much. She's thinking about it too much.
做母亲意味着什么
What it means to be a mother.
意味着有孩子了
It means you've got kids.
就是这个 你解决了难题 谢了 妈
Wow, that's it. You've solved it. Thanks, Mum.
-我就这么跟史酷比说 -不客气
- I'll just tell Scoopy that. - You're welcome.
还有 她想要个迎婴派对
Oh, also, she wants a baby shower.
-什么 -对 她上尊巴课的时候说的
- What? - Yeah. She was talking about it at Zumba.
-真逊 -你可真是好朋友
- Lame. - Oh, great friend you are!
-我是 -那就给她办个迎婴派对
- I am! - Throw her a baby shower, then.
我唯一要做的就是吐
The only throwing I'll be doing is up.
如果我办了迎婴派对
If I throw a baby shower,
那就证明我不是时刻都以自我为中心
that proves that I don't make everything about me
因为派对的主角是史酷比和宝宝
because it will be about Scoopy and the baby.
傻了吧 各位
In your face, everyone.
另外 如果所有人都在说宝宝的事
Also, if everyone's talking about baby stuff,
那也许能帮助史酷比讨论她的恐惧
that might help Scoopy discuss her fears.
我会邀请很多妈妈 她们可以分享关于
I'll invite lots of mummy people and they can share their tips on
脐带和乳♥头♥的经验
umbilical cords and their nipples...
但我不想这么做
..but I don't want to do it.
好吧 那我让露西帮她办
All right, I'll tell Lucy to throw her one then.
-不要 -她肯定不介意
- No. - I'm sure she won't mind.
她们最近处得可好了
They've been getting on so well recently.
不 我来 她是我朋友
No, I'll do it. She's my friend.
而且露西不会被邀请
And Lucy's not invited.
就是这样 做成年人 做那些你不想做的事情
This is it, adulthood. Doing things you don't want to do
来让其他人认为你是好人
to make other people think you're a good person.
答案女士 你能帮助我吗
Mrs Answers, please will you help me?
迎婴派对是什么
What is a baby shower?
迎婴派对是一种为准妈妈庆祝的有趣方式
Baby showers are a fun way of celebrating a mother to be.
-呕 -在美国和澳大利亚很流行
- Puke. - Popular in the US and Australia.
一种宣布婴儿性别的有趣活动
A fun way of announcing the sex of the babies.
我生的是女孩
I'm a girl!
派对礼物袋又有现代新花样
A modern and fun take on the party bag.
礼物可以是婴儿实用的 也可以是给母亲享受的
Gifts can be practical for Baby, or lush and pampering for Mum.
玩"猜猜宝宝的名字"
Play "guess the baby's name",
"脏尿布" "谁能最快撕开纸质会阴"
"dirty nappies", "who can tear the paper perineum fastest?"
好了 已经够了
OK. I think that's plenty now.
带着婴儿图案的饼干
Biscuits with babies on them.
婴儿车形状的起司
Cheese in the shape of a buggy.
脱衣舞男应该穿着尿布
The stripper should wear a nappy,
身上抹满果酱和蛋奶沙司
and be covered in jam and custard.
我堕胎的时候怎么没人给我办派对
Where was my party when I had an abortion?
我戴上了我的严肃帽 因为我不想让你们觉得
I've put on my serious hat because I don't want you to think
我决心不坚定
I was being flippant about my termination.
还有 我不想让你们过分解读
Also, I don't want you reading too much into that.
我懂的
Oh, I get it.
一边看我 一边刷ins
Half watching me, half scrolling through Instagram.
莎拉·帕斯科对她朋友的怀孕态度可疑
Sara Pascoe's weird about her mate's pregnancy
因为她曾经扼杀了一个胎儿
because she once extinguished a foetus.
这两件事完全没有关联
Those two things are completely unconnected.
就是这种场所
That's the kind of thing.
宝贝们
太理想了 但上面没写在哪
Ideal. But it doesn't say where it is.
完美
Perfect!
我♥干♥得真棒
Well done, me!
有人吗
Hello!
你也在这上班
You work here as well?
总得想办法回到剧里啊
Got to get back in the show somehow.
我还真挺高兴见到你的
I'm glad to see you, actually.
真好 我也是
Hey, that's nice. Me too.
-我的故事线呢 -这就是
- Where's my story line? - Here it is.
你可以看着我乐于助人
You get to watch me not being selfish.
-我真走运 -我想订这个地方举办迎婴派对
- Lucky me. - I'd like to book this place for a baby shower.
这里
Here?
-这地方叫"宝贝们" -但并不是
- It is called Babies. - Except it isn't.
宝贝儿们
Babes, like babies.
性感宝贝那种
Like sexy babes.
你这里出租办派对吗
Do you hire it out for parties?
-最低消费三百 -行
- 300 minimum spend. - Fine.
-周日营业前 -行
- Sunday before we open? - Fine.
-我们十点开门 -行
- We open at ten. - Fine.
-那就八点 -好极了
- So eight. - Great.
你还有多久
How far along are you?
不不不 我没怀孕
Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not.
我只是... 这件套头衫很厚实
I'm just... This jumper's quite thick, and, um,
-我又生理期 所以有点肿 -我是说策划派对
- I'm due on, so I get all swollen. - With the planning.
我还需要一个蛋糕和脱衣舞男
I still need to get a cake and a stripper.
太糟了 是吗
It's woeful, isn't it?
我的子♥宫♥正为不会到来的宝宝准备着
My womb's prepping for a baby who doesn't come.
白费劲了
All that wasted effort.
就像是你在周日举办派对
It's like if you arranged a party on Sunday
结果一个人都没来
and then no-one turned up.
那你就得付300镑
Then you'd have to pay £300.
就是打个比方而已
It was an analogy.
我需要你预付全款
I'm going to need the full amount as a deposit...
以防你不省人事 不出现
..in case you flake and don't turn up.
-你会负责所有的装饰吗 -不会
- Will you do decorations? - Nope.
周日早上8点见
See you at 8am, Sunday.
早上吗
A-m?
妈的
Shit.
并不是说我看到孕妇就会想着
It's not like I see pregnant people and think,
"这有什么 我当初也可以生个孩子的"
"Oh, yeah, I could have had a baby."
我不会这么想
I don't.
我妹妹怀孕后
And when my sister got pregnant
却不知道要不要这个孩子
and didn't know whether to keep it,
这跟我的经历似乎并没有什么关系
it didn't feel related to what had happened to me.
大家好
Hello.
我没有胡思乱想
I don't wonder.
我没有哭
I don't cry.
我根本不存在
I don't exist.
这就是背景而已
This is very background.
我总是在这里 是对于你的堕胎的形象化
I'm always here, a manifestation of your abortion.