错乱人生（2020）

在青春期和更年期之间 女性身体经历了
Between puberty and menopause, the female body undergoes
每月一次的从建设到摧毁的循环
a monthly cycle of construction and destruction.
一轮又一轮
Around and around.
派对从大脑中的
The party begins with the hypothalamus
下丘脑和脑垂体开始
and the pituitary gland in the brain.
一种促卵泡激素被释放 刺♥激♥卵泡
A follicle-stimulating hormone is released, stimulating follicles.
黄体生成激素的激增会触发排卵
A spike in luteinizing hormone triggers ovulation.
然后就有了
And here it is -
一个成熟的卵子
a ripened ovum.
*我的命运会是什么*
*What will be my destiny?*
*月经*
*Period*
*还是怀孕*
*Or pregnancy?*
错乱人生
第一季 第三集
我的人生完了
别扇打它了
Stop slapping it.
-你说什么 -除非你找了个我没听说过的
- Excuse me? - Unless you've got a new career
新工作 叫莴苣施虐狂
I don't know about as a lettuce dominatrix.
-我在搅匀它 -你心情不好
- I'm tossing it! - You're in a terrible mood.
我还不跟露西说话呢 就因为她愚蠢的丰胸手术
I'm still not talking to Lucy cos she wants that stupid boob job.
-打给她吧 -没门 我太生气了
- Just call her. - No way! I'm too furious.
别让我来那老一套 说"我来大姨妈了"
Don't make me be a cliche and say, "I'm coming on my period," yeah,
不过我确实来大姨妈了 所以别批评我了
but I'm coming on my period, so stop criticising me!
-哇哦 -别在我表达自己的时候说"哇哦"
- Whoa. - Don't say "whoa" when I'm expressing myself!
我不是批评你
I wasn't criticising you,
-我是想保护我的午餐 -怀孕之后不用经历
- I was trying to protect my lunch. - Is it a relief to be pregnant
月经旋转木马是不是松了一口气
and not on the menstrual merry-go-round?
天啊 妊娠激素糟多了
Oh, God, pregnancy hormones are so much worse!
这听上去是个好书名 听着像个标题
That's like Booker Prize-winning. Sounds like a title.
"是吗 很糟吗 史酷比 跟我说说"
"Really? Are they bad, Scoopy? Tell me about them."
我知道你在讽刺 但你可以告诉我
I know you're being sarcastic, but you can tell me.
也许正适合我的小说 《月经旋转木马》
It might be good for my novel, The Menstrual Merry-Go-Round.
-好吧 别介意 -不敢保证
- OK. Don't take offence. - Can't promise.
我一直在跟你说我自己的事
I've been trying to talk to you about something
而不知怎的 最后对话还是关于你的
and, somehow, the conversation still ends up about you.
继续 告诉我
Go on, tell me.
你需要谈什么
What do you need to talk about?
我猜只是...
Well, you know, I guess it's just about...
给我怀的孩子吗 怎么了
The baby we're having for me? What about it?
我做过怀孕的梦
I have dreams where I'm pregnant,
但永远都是跟猫或者一堆小狗
but always with a cat or a litter of puppies.
我生下它们之后 它们就爬走了
And, when I give birth, they scramble away.
我控制不了它们
I can't control them.
它们被车碾过 或是在篱笆底下饿死
They get run over or starve to death under hedges.
在梦里 所有人都知道我做了什么 我有多坏
And, in the dream, everybody knows what I did and how bad I was,
我甚至履行不了最基本的女性的义务
that I couldn't do the most basic womanly thing
让宝宝活下来
and keep my babies alive.
看看时间 我们要迟到了
Oh, look at the time! We're going to be late.
抱歉 抱歉我来晚了
Sorry! Sorry I'm late!
你看上去显然像这个角色 快生了吗
Well, you certainly look the part. Is it crowning?
我要吐了
Oh, I think I'm going to be sick.
更棒了 很真实
Even better. Authentic.
史酷比呢 我是指另一个莎拉
Where is Scoopy? I mean other Sara.
她不来
She won't come.
-她去上班了 -好吧
- She's gone to work. - OK.
-她应该... -她多上了一轮班
- Should she be...? - She took an extra shift.
-为什么 -为什么一个怀孕妇女
- Why? - Why would a pregnant woman
拒绝上她自己的国民生育课
refuse to come to her own NCT class?
NCT指国家生育信托基金会
她原话是说 "我不想知道生育那些东西
And I quote, "I don't want to know about all the birth stuff.
到时候了应付就行 呼吸能有多难
I'll deal with it when I get there. How hard can breathing be?
-我每天都做" -天啊
- I do it every day!" - Oh, God.
她还在否定阶段
She's in denial.
-太不负责任了 -伙计
- So irresponsible. - Mate.
我都吓尿裤子了
I'm shitting myself.
有时我觉得她们需要的
You know, sometimes I think what they need
是有个理智的人说了算 让她们乖乖听话
is someone sensible to take charge and put their foot down.
你试过吗
Have you tried that?
没 我不敢
Oh, no, I wouldn't dare.
只是一直希望会有别人这样做
I just keep hoping someone else will.
是啊
Yeah.
放松 大多数整形手术咨♥询♥都只会
Relax. Most cosmetic surgery consultations don't result
让病人更放心
in anything but reassurance.
你介意我记下几点吗 然后我们就可以
Do you mind if I make a few notes, then we can
讨论你想改动哪里了
discuss what you'd like to alter?
我带了照片可以给你看 你想...
I've got a picture I could show you. You want to...?
抱歉 我不明白
Sorry, I don't understand.
我知道我想要什么样的
I know the one I want.
我手♥机♥里存着呢
I've got it on my phone.
抱歉 我不...
Sorry, I don't...
她发给了我丈夫 他存起来了
She texted it to my husband, and, well, he kept it,
所以他一定喜欢那个样子
so he must have liked it.
恐怕我不能把你的
I'm afraid I can't just make
生殖器整得跟别人一模一样
your genitals look like somebody else's.
是我姐姐的 所以一定有家族相似点
It's my sister's, so there'll be a family resemblance.
吸气呼气就好
Just breathe for me and out.
从女性身体里接生出婴儿
Getting a baby out of the female body
就像给公交车接生一辆路虎揽胜
is like getting a Range Rover out of a bus.
不切实际又危险
Impractical and dangerous.
实际上 公交车和路虎都有可能死
In nature, both bus and Ranger Rover can die.
什么情况
What's this?
你们是基情相约了吗 被我抓到了
Are you having a gay affair? Have I caught you?
跟小史和露西可有得聊了
Bags I get to tell Scoops and Lucy!
我们要上♥访♥谈节目吗
Shall we all go on Jeremy Kyle?
-我们看了个视频 -什么
- We watched a video. - What?
他们就那么放了
They just put it on.
-我们没心理准备 -我不明白
- We weren't prepared. - I don't understand.
我们看到了
We saw...it.
不是真的
It's not real.
大多数小丑都不杀人
Most clowns don't even kill people.
不 那位女士 他们把她切开了 伤口很大
No, the lady. They ripped her open, it was huge.
-你是说《异形》吗 -剖腹产
- Do you mean Alien? - C-section.
谁演的
Who's in that?
真不敢相信女人都要经历那些
I can't believe that's what women have to do.
生育
Birth, it's...
-简直... -女人不非得经历那些
- It's... - Women don't have to do it.
我很高兴史酷比没去
I'm glad Scoopy wasn't there.
-难怪她害怕了 -她怕了吗
- No wonder she's scared. - Is she?
她怕什么
What's she scared of?
你没问她吗 你算什么丈夫啊
Haven't you asked her? What kind of husband are you?
她不想谈
She won't talk about it.
你必须告诉她必须开口 别执拗了
Well, you have to tell her she has to! Put your foot down.
这很重要 别笑了 两个白♥痴♥
This is important! Stop laughing, you idiots!
交给我吧
Leave it with me.
你可以让她放心 你生了两次孩子
You could reassure her. You've done it twice.
-你在干嘛 -缩阴
- What are you doing? - Squeezes.
你当时害怕吗
Were you scared?
我喜欢分娩
I loved giving birth.
我吃了所有他们给我的药
I took all the drugs they give me,
再加上我自己买♥♥的致幻蘑菇
plus some magic mushrooms I brought myself.
然后放松
Just let go.
让我的身体自然生产
Let my body do its thing.
我就像头谷仓里的牛
I was like a barnyard cow.
-或者驴 -好吧
- Or donkey. - Right.
就嘶叫 哞哞着把它搞定
Just braying and mooing and getting it done.
可怕的在后面
The scary bit came after.
从没真正喜欢过婴儿或小孩
Don't really like babies or children.
我怀你妹的时候想进行
I wanted to practise orgasmic birth
-高♥潮♥分娩来着 -恶心
- when I had your sister. - Gross!
不过 当然了 你父亲会错了意
But, of course, your dad got the wrong end of the stick,
-被赶出了病房♥ -我觉得我们跑题了
- got kicked off the ward. - I think we've gotten off topic.
99.