错乱人生（2020）

耶
Yeah.
我妹妹请我来当伴郎
My sister asked me to be her best man
因为她这辈子遇见的男人都太糟糕了
because all the other men in her life are the worst.
那个人该是我
It should be me!
我还爱着你 露西
I'm still in love with you, Lucy!
再想想啊
Change your mind!
拜托别这样说
Please, don't say that.
-这多有趣 -我爸在开玩笑
- It's funny. - That's daddy's joke.
-这可能让她不高兴 -他一直这样搞笑
- It might upset her. - He does it all the time.
行吧 那换这样说呢
W... All right, what about this?
通常来说 伴郎在婚礼结束前
Usually the best man doesn't sleep with the bride
不会和新娘睡在一起
until after the wedding...
什么 没这回事
What? That's not a thing.
这样一来 我就可以成为
Well, all right, then I can riff on being
她遇到过的最好的男人
the best man that she ever had.
没酒了
Oh, I'm out of beer.
我去趟超♥市♥
I'll go to the shops.
一会儿见
I'll see you in a bit.
你不会相信的 以前的他会觉得好笑的
You'll never believe this, bubba, but he used to be a laugh.
而且 冰箱里还有一罐啤酒
Also, there's beer in the fridge.
独自一人 悠闲惬意
Alone. Cosy. Lovely.
读点儿自我提升的书
Reading my self-help literature.
不 我没有被过去烦扰
No, I'm not being hounded by the past.
不 不行 我在看书呢 我并没有想他
No! No, I'm reading. I'm not thinking about him.
我
I'm...
我确实想他了
I'm reminiscing.
我想见见我爸
I want to see my dad.
你不是真实存在的 而且你也没爸爸
You don't exist and you don't have a dad.
我要见他
I want to see him.
我可以给你看看他的脸书主页
I can show you his Facebook page.
你今天已经看了三次他的脸书了
You've already looked at his Facebook page three times today.
《如何骗自己忘掉前任》
你为什么会出现
Why are you here?
你是想问 为什么你能跟16岁时被你
You mean, why are you communing with the manifestation
流产掉的小孩的阴灵交流
of your 16-year-old abortion?
我的出现可能代表着 你有说不出口的事
I think I can express things you can't.
所以 你想见克雷格
So, you want to see Craig.
我得去见他
I need to.
也就是意味着 是我想见他
Which means I do.
-我愿意 -别这样
- "I do." - Don't.
他在你试穿婚纱的时候
It's funny because he dumped you
甩了你 这可太搞笑了
when he saw you in your wedding dress.
是吗
Is it?
多美啊
This is so wonderful.
这东西真不错
Lovely stuff.
就好像 我们并没有分开过一样
I feel like no time has passed at all, the time we were apart.
幸好有你 玛莎百货
Thank you, Marks & Spencer.
简直忍♥不住想笑
Can't stop smiling.
大家都这样想
Everyone's mentioned it.
我也有了新的生活
I've got a new lease of life myself.
我想是时候稳定下来了
And I think it's for keeps this time.
什么意思
What do you mean?
就是这次
This is it.
你懂的
It.
我们的性生活很和谐
It's very good, the sex.
你就像发酵好的美酒 浓郁甘醇
You've aged like a fine, wrinkly wine.
对 但我是指
Yeah, but, you know...
我们
Also, us.
我觉得 我们是时候做点儿刺♥激♥的事情了
I think we should do something crazy.
索普公园
Thorpe Park.
我们结婚吧
Let's get married.
我们去索普公园吧
Let's go to Thorpe Park.
你觉得呢
What do you think?
我们都结过婚了啊
I think we're married already.
-不 我们没有 -不是指我俩
- No, we're not. - Not us.
我和伊冯娜
Me and Yvonne.
伊冯娜
Yvonne?
我肯定跟你提过的
I'm sure I mentioned it.
什么时候
When?
我以为你早就知道了
I assumed you knew.
请你马上从我家滚出去 好吗
Can you get the fuck out of my house, please?
不去索普公园了吗
What about Thorpe Park?
好了 乖
Oh, come on, now.
别这样
Don't be like this.
我能先把蘸酱吃了吗
Can I eat my dip first?
随便你
Fine.
你不如就留下来吃晚饭吧
You might as well stay for dinner.
其实我们都活在双重现实里
So we all live a dual reality.
我们明白正确的做法是什么
Culture giving us one set of instructions,
生理却让我们相反对待
while our biology tempts us with a contradictory set.
不幸的是 就算明白这一点也无济于事
Knowing this doesn't make it hurt any less, unfortunately.
我并不是说 要原谅某人
I'm not telling you to forgive anybody.
像放飞白鸽一样
Lifting a dove to heaven.
伸手去摘橄榄枝
Reach up for the olive branch.
伸出去
Up for the olive branch.
现在举起鱼竿
Now get your fishing rods.
都举起来
You've all got one.
别忘记穿矶钓背心 关键时能救你一命
And I hope you haven't forgotten a gilet, it'll be the death of you.
是时候
It's time to...
收杆了
..catch the fish.
喂喂饱
Feed the crowd.
再撕下来点点 面包屑
Tear the loaf. Throw the fish.
来点儿面包屑 都游过来了
Tear the loaf. Where are they all coming from?
再撕点儿面包屑
Tear the loaf.
把鱼扔进桶里
Throw the fish.
都有谁在院子里
Who's in the courtyard?
划船动作 女士们
Row the boat, ladies.
哈利路亚
Hallelujah. Whoo!
手术没有坏消息吧
It's not bad news about the op?
没有 她手♥机♥还是关机 不知道怎么样了
Oh, no. Her phone's still off. I haven't heard anything.
那你想跟我说些什么
So what do you want to talk to me about?
你可以直接发消息告诉我
You could have just DM-ed me.
没必要从隔壁大老远跑过来
You didn't have to come all the way next door.
我在躲单身派对
I'm avoiding my stag do.
两天了 他还待在我家
He hasn't left my house in two days.
你总是在躲避
You're always hiding.
对不 小安妮·弗兰克
Right little Anne Frank.
真有趣哦
Funny you should say that.
我就是很搞笑
I am funny.
我是不是太笨了
Am I being stupid?
也许吧
Probably.
露西对吉姆没有感觉了对吗
Lucy doesn't still have feelings for Jim?
-据我所知 她要嫁给你了 -我知道
- Well, last I heard, she was marrying you. - I know.
但是我突然想到
But it occurred to me that...
如果我并不是她最爱的那个人
..if I was second best...
如果有些事是她求而不得的 那
If there was something that she wanted but couldn't have, then,
那这样做就不对 不是吗
well, that wouldn't be right, then, would it?
根据我的经验来说
At my old work,
如果午饭时没有烤土豆了
if at lunch time they ran out of jacket potatoes,
那来点蔬菜卷也行
I'd have the vegetable cannelloni.
饿了的人总得吃点儿 什么都行
A hungry person's got to eat. You take what's available.
这话不怎么让人放心
That's not very reassuring.
事实上 斯特凡
Actually, Stefan...
你想要一些建议 这样吧
You want some good advice? Here it is.
相信你的直觉
Trust your instincts.
它会告诉你该怎么做
They always know.
直觉给你拉警铃的时候
They go all, "Jingle, jangle, something's up," and...
你选择忽视 因为你知道你宁愿一错再错
..you ignore them because, you know, you want to be wrong.
你想要获得幸福的机会
You want a chance to be happy.
你心想 "不是吧 又重蹈覆辙"
You think, "Oh, no, not again."
我到底是怎么了