成功镇凶案（2015）

你知道你怎么杀死一只鼻涕虫的吗
Hey, do you know how you kill a slug?
倒盐在它身上 - 对了
Pour salt on it. - Exactly.
你知道如果你放一块石头在一片面包里
You know if you put a stone in a piece of bread
然后把面包给鸽子 它就不能飞了
and give it to a pigeon, it can't fly?
太遗憾了 这起谋杀案妨碍了我
Oh, it's a shame this murder case is getting in the way.
要不然我很想试一试
I'd like to give that a try.
亲爱的Jamie
Sweet Jamie.
伟大的人是不会被吓屎的
Great men don't shit their pants.
去把他们拿下 士兵
Go get them soldier
把他绑紧一点
Tie him up nice and tight.
你知道我们会怎么对你吗 警♥察♥
Do you know what we're gonna do to you, policeman?
我们会把你打到失去知觉 然后杀了你
We're gonna beat you senseless, then we're gonna kill you.
这里好臭 - 任何人
It stinks in here. - Anyone that...
这里好臭 这是什么地方 产屁工厂吗
It stinks in here. What is this? A fart factory?
你♥他♥妈♥是谁
Who the fuck are you?
我是Marvin Eaglecock
I'm Marvin Eaglecock.
一个自♥由♥的麻烦制♥造♥者 来找点事儿做
A freelance hell-raiser, looking for some action.
我是个可以变成犯罪卡车的犯罪机器人
I'm a crime robot that turns into a crime lorry.
我是个可以变成犯罪卡车的犯罪机器人
I'm a crime robot who turns into a crime lorry.
我是"擎天罪" 哈哈哈哈哈
I am Optimus Crime. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
他是谁 你女朋友吗
Who's he, then? Your girlfriend?
要我给你整个新屁♥眼♥出来吗
Do you want me to tear you a new arsehole?
我可以弄在这里 那样你就能在眼里拉屎了
I might rip it there so you get shit in your eyes!
你永远不
You'll never get...
什么
What?!
你永远不可能靠近我的菊花
You'll never get near my arsehole!
你说完了吧 很好
You finished, have you? That's very nice.
你好像有点结巴
You seemed a little bit stuttery.
你紧张吗 你觉得我有神经吗
Are you nervous? Do you think I have nerves?
我确实没有神经 我只有钛做成的线路
I literally don't have nerves. I have titanium flipping wires.
看着
Watch this.
天呐
Oh, God!
它回来了 简简单单 一点感觉都没有
And it's back. Bada-bing! Didn't feel a thing.
告诉他这是你见过最酷的事
Tell him that's the coolest thing you've ever seen.
哇 这真是我看过的最酷的事了
Hell fire. That's the coolest thing I've ever seen.
我可是看过鸽子吃面包的人呢
And I've seen a pigeon eat some bread.
我看过鸽子吃包了个石头的面包
And I've seen a pigeon eat some bread with a stone in it,
它都没法
and it couldn't...
飞了
..Fly!
我喜欢他 - 我喜欢他
I like him. - I like him.
来坐下
Come and take a seat.
不好意思 坐吧
Sorry. Just sit down now.
快好了
It's gonna be OK.
我们能知道你想说什么了吗
Can we hear what you've got to say now?
你们想知道我的过去吗
Do you want to know a little bit about my past?
继续
Go on.
两年前 我还在洛斯班杜斯
Two years ago, I was in the Los Bandos.
这是 西班牙语
That's...Spanish!
说话很大胆啊 你杀了几个人
Those are bold words. How many people have you killed?
五
Five...
千
thousand...
六
Six...
五千六百
Five thousand, six hundred...
还有
and...
二十一个
twenty...one...
原住
Native....
美洲原住民
Native American Indians.
说得真具体
Oh, that's a bit specific.
是挺具体的 - 好吧 算你一个
That is specific, yeah. - All right. OK. You're in.
告诉他吧 Niall
Fill him in on the facts, Niall.
好的 我们有些麻烦
Right, well, there's been a bit of trouble round here,
你可能听说过 - 是 我听说了
you might have heard. - Yeah, I've heard.
老大 那是什么声儿
Boss, what's that noise?
喂 你 Tomlinson 去看看怎么了
Oi, you. Tomlinson, go and check that out.
嘿 看我
Hey! Look at me.
Bruno餐馆以前是个不错的小馆儿
Bruno's, used to be a nice little caff.
两道菜的午餐都花不了十磅
Two-course lunch for under a tenner.
但是Bruno他这个人一直在惹麻烦
But, Bruno, you know, he's been causing a lot of trouble.
你懂我意思吧
You know what I'm saying?
你知道那种食品卫生评级标贴吗
You know those food hygiene rating stickers
就餐厅窗户上贴着的那种
you get in t'window of restaurant?
Bruno家是五星级
Well, Bruno's, that said five.
然而 要是问我的菊花
On the other hand, if you were to ask my arse,
它会大声且坚定地告诉你
it would sayvery loudly, and in no uncertain terms,
大写加粗的他妈♥逼♥零级
that it was a big, fat bleeding zero!
哈哈 和他的菊花似的
Ha-ha, just like his arse!
他的菊花长得像个洒水喷头
He had an arse like a fire sprinkler.
行了 Niall 够了 别说我的菊花了
All right, Niall. All right, don't talk about me arse.
对不起 老大
Sorry, boss.
所以我和Tonioli先生说了句话
So, I had a little word with Senor Tonioli.
开头是"你" 结尾是
It began with a "You", and ended with,
"将会后悔的 你这个基渴的
"..Will regret this, you twinkle-toed,
叫卖♥♥意大利面的蠢材"
"Spaghetti-peddling fuckwit!"
现在这看起来终于有人受不了他了
Now it looks like someone's finally lost it with him, you know.
离我远点 离我远点 你这个恶心的胖蛤♥蟆♥
Get off me! Get off me, you gangrenous fat toad!
什么鬼 - 放开我
What the...? - Let me go.
嗷
Urgh!
哟 哟 哟 哟 哟 哟 哟
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well.
Sleet探长
DI Sleet.
我还以为是从这边的座位散发出的警味儿呢
I thought the smell of copper was coming from this seat here.
你好 Sid - 好哇
Hey, Sid. - All right.
生日快乐 老朋友
Happy birthday, old friend.
警局里的大伙给你准备了蛋糕
Some of the guys have got you a cake back at the station.
如果你能到的话
If you make it.
你的警徽呢 Sleet
Where's your badge, Sleet?
我就是给你个冷不防的惊喜
Well, I was only making a cold call,
过来和朋友们寒暄几句
stopping by to say hello to some friends.
嗯 你告诉过别人你要来这儿吗
Oh. You told anyone you're coming here?
很遗憾 并没有 - 好吧
Regrettably, no. - All right.
毙了他 - Jamie 别
Shoot him. - Jamie! Don't do it.
Jamie 你说过你的名字叫做Marvin Eaglecock
Jamie?! You said your name was Marvin Eaglecock.
咳 呃 - 怎么回事
Ahem. Er... - What's going on?
你说过你可是"擎天罪"
You said you were Optimus Crime.
你小子 你和他是一伙的 你是个条子
You know what, you're with him. You're a copper!
我和他不是一伙的 - 你是个警♥察♥
I'm not with him! - You're a policeman!
给我过来 - 你是个警♥察♥
Come here. - You're a policeman.
啊 我看到了
In fact, I see it now!
窃听器 - 对不住 Jamie
A wire! - Sorry, Jamie.
看来我们俩都完了
Looks like we're both done for.
还有Sid 虽然他一直死人样儿
And Sid, of course, but he was always dead anyway.
够了 把这俩带到隔壁捆起来
Right. Take these two next door and tie 'em up.
收到 过来吧 傻大个 - 放开我
Right, come on, big nuts. - Get off me!
你逃不脱的
You won't get away with this.
我想逃就逃
I'll get away with what I want!
你吓不倒我 Sleet 你个娘炮
You don't scare me, Sleet. You big ponce!
Jamie - 干嘛
Jamie. - Yeah.
你看周围有没有东西能帮我们逃出去的
Can you see anything that might get us out of this?
哦 那儿有把剪子 - 哪儿
Oh, there's some scissors. - Where?
就在我面前 我面前有把剪子
In front of me. There's some scissors just there.
你觉得你能 哎 等一下
Do you think you can...? Oh, wait there.
Jamie Jamie Jamie 猜猜我看到什么了
Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, guess what I can see?
你看着什么了 - 一大块乳酪
What can you see? - A big old lump of cheese.
乳酪 - 是的
Cheese? - Yes.
你准备拿这块乳酪做什么 - 当然是吃了它
What are you going to do with the cheese? - Eat it, of course.
我们正努力准备逃跑呢 不用非得现在吃吧
We're trying to escape. We don't need to eat now.
如果我们能吃了它 我们就能补充能量
If we can get to the cheese, we can get our strength up,
然后我们就能回来拿到剪子了
then we can come back and get the scissors.
好吧 那我们怎么才能拿到这块乳酪呢
Well, how we going to get the cheese?
跟着我来 准备好了没
Follow my lead. Ready?
好了 - 一 二 三 走起
Yeah. - One, two, three go.