成功镇凶案（2015）

那个杀手 我告诉你他是谁 靠近点儿
The killer, let me tell you who the killer is. Come close.
我知道我了解一些
I knew I was onto something...
等着 等一下 等一下 等等我 我也要听
Wait there, wait, wait, wait, wait. I want in on this.
快好了 Lily 嘿 稍等
It's OK, Lily. Hey, wait there.
这是本初版<白鲸记> 你多久
This is an original Moby Dick. How often do you...?
现在没有人在意<白鲸记> - 听我说
No-one cares about Moby Dick right now! - Listen to me!
你说没人在意是什么意思 稍等 稍等 Lily
What do you mean no-one cares?! Wait there, wait there, Lily.
这可是初版名作
This is an original piece of work!
这是本<白鲸记>
It's a Moby Dick.
你能常常看到这个吗 一本初版的文学著作
How often have you seen that? An original piece of literature...
长官 - 这是我们历史的重要组成部分
Sir... - It's an important part of our history.
我宁愿等到Chris Hemsworth的电影上映
I'd rather wait for the film to come out with Chris Hemsworth.
他们根本 哦 Chris Hemsworth有新电影
There's... Oh, is there a film with Chris Hemsworth?
Chris Hemsworth要演<白鲸记>吗
Is there a film with Chris Hemsworth?
是的 白鲸 - 听起来很有趣
There is, Moby Dick... - That's very interesting.
我们跑题了
It's beside the point,
我们快要破案了 - 是的 快了
we're about to break this case. - Yes, we are.
我们只需要知道杀手的名字了 - 是的 我们
We just need the name of the killer. - Yes, we...
Sleet - Lily 我与你同在 我在你身边 Louis
Sleet... - Lily, I'm with you, I'm with you. Louis...
唔 我就是那个杀手 - 那个杀手
Grr, I'm the killer! - Killer!
你还记得吗 "我就是那个杀手"
Do you remember when, "I am the killer!"
Sleet Sleet 那个杀手 - 好的 Lily 告诉我
Sleet, Sleet, the killer! - OK. Lily, yes Lily, tell me!
他
It...
你简直不可理喻 你浪费了大堆时间
You are unbelievable. You just wasted a good amount of time there
我们本可以抓住那个杀手
where we could have got the killer.
我们走吗 - 嗯
Shall we go? - Yeah.
好家伙 哦 我的天呐 可怜的Lily
Good stuff. Oh, God, poor Lily.
走吧 她都开始臭了
Come on. She's starting to smell.
我觉得她可能是失禁了
I think she's probably voided her bowel.
条条大路通选美 下面登场的是 我们的嫌疑犯
All roads led to the beauty pageant. Present, our suspects -
Putin Kardashian和Brand
Putin, Kardashian and Brand.
至于Smith 他有危险的任务在身
For Smith, it was his most dangerous role yet.
是时候乔装改扮 将凶手捉拿归案了
Time to go undercover and catch a killer.
欢迎来到这场绝美标致美人之间的赛事的决赛轮
Welcome to this final round of this cavalcade of magnificence,beauty and pulchritude.
享受来自这两位名婊带来的视觉盛宴吧 Kim Kardashian
Feast your lamps on these two dollymops. Kim Kardashian...
和Fiona Brush
..And Fiona Brush.
棒极了 不是吗 第一个登场的是 Fiona Brush
Good, isn't it? First up, Fiona Brush.
评委发言时间
Over to the judges.
Brush小姐 你在一个老旧手提箱里发现一百万比索
Ms Brush, you find a million pesos in an old suitcase.
你会用来买♥♥些什么 - 哦 好问题
What would you spend it on? - Oh, good question.
谢谢夸奖
Thank you.
大概是Vladimir Putin先生吧
Probably Mr Vladimir Putin.
得了吧 五磅就能跟他睡一觉
Come, you'd probably get him for five pounds.
拍马屁大♥法♥好
Flattery will get you everywhere.
只靠溜须拍马是赢不了比赛的
Well, you won't win the competition through being flattering.
不一定哦
Well, you might.
不 一定不会 结果需要由评委们一致通过
No, you won't, it'll be done through judges marking you accordingly.
金正恩先生有问题要问
Oh, there's a question from Kim Jong Un.
"最性感的动物是什么"
"What is the sexiest animal?"
除了你们三个可爱的裁判吗
Excluding you three fine judges?
哦哈哈 她真有一套
Oh, isn't she something?
我会说 是白色独角兽
I would have to say a white unicorn.
对不起 答案是错误的
Sorry, that one was wrong.
我还有一个问题
I have one more question.
想象 如果你
Imagine, if you will,
有一份作为警♥察♥的工作
that you'd been working as a police officer,
并且在努力追踪一个连环杀手
trying to track down a serial killer.
案件线索将你带到此处 这个选美比赛
That case had led you here, to this beauty competition.
再深入一点 如有一个训练有素的狙击手
Imagine further, if you will, that there was a trained sniper
就藏在这个房♥间里
in this very room,
准备对真凶进行子弹扫射
ready to rain down bullets upon the said killer.
谁会是那个凶手
Who would the killer be?!
假设如此
Hypothetically speaking.
Vladimir Putin
Vladimir Putin.
冷静 冷静 各位
Calm down! Calm down, everybody.
放轻松 Kim 大家放松
Relax, Kim, relax, everybody.
放松点
Relax, now.
冷静 你们知道我是谁吗
Calm down. You know who I am?
他谁啊
Who is he?
是的 我是Sleet 与成功镇同在
Yeah, Sleet, I'm with Successville.
我从来没听说过你 - 什么
I've never heard of you. - What?
我来自成功镇 凶案组
I'm from Successville. Murder Squad.
我也是评委席的一员 并且
I'm also a judge on the panel, so...
这是我的搭档
This is my partner.
我是Louis Smith警探
I'm officer Louis Smith.
解释一下为什么Putin是凶手吧
Explain why the killer was Putin.
呃 在我看来 Putin有一双军靴
Well, for me, Putin had a military boot which was found
而在其他两件死亡事件中都曾发现过军靴鞋印
at two of the other deaths during the week.
并且 他强烈地仇视女性 这已经十分有嫌疑了
Also, he hated women with a passion, and suspiciously enough,
另外两名女性在他的蒸汽浴室里死亡
two other women were found dead in his steam room
现场还有美黑喷雾 够了吗
with a spray tan. Was that all right?
对 棒极了 观众们 你们的英雄
Yeah, that's brilliant. Everybody, your hero!
容我说一句 这位令人惊艳的女士
And may I say, one gorgeous-looking lady...
谢谢您 - 我认为
Thank you. - ..Who I think
也正是此场比赛的赢家 - 别闹了
would have won the competition. - Stop it!
哦 我的老天爷啊 又来
Oh, God, not again!
嘿 他来了 - 哇喔
Ah, here he is. - Wow!
谁下令射击Putin的
Who gave the order for Putin to be shot?
Louis Smith先生
Mr Louis Smith.
你穿的这是什么鬼啊
What are you wearing?!
这是伪装 长官
Disguise, Sir.
Louis Smith 恭喜你
Louis Smith, congratulations,
这次调查中你犯了一个巨大的错误
you've made a horse's cock of this investigation.
凶手是Russell Brand 毋庸置疑啊
The killer was Russell Brand. Of course it was Russell Brand.
哈 为什么
Yes? Why?
他组织举办了这次选美 是吧
Because he was organising this beauty contest, yes,
所以他可以收取参赛者的入场费
so that he could charge contestants an entrance fee...
这可要五千块呢 朋友
It'll cost you five grand, mate.
然后一个一个地把她们做掉 他就能发财了
..And then bump them off one by one so that he could get richer.
你也可能注意到他店铺里
And you might also have noticed in his shop...
有美黑喷雾啊
was spray tan.
你们要找的是穿九♥码♥鞋的某个人
You were supposed to be looking for somebody with size nine feet.
绝对不可能是Vladimir Putin 因为他穿
It couldn't have been Vladimir Putin, because he was...
44欧码
44 European size.
也就是十码 蠢货们
..Which is a size ten, you dicks!
你被解雇了
You're fired!
Russell Brand哪儿去了
Where is Russell Brand?!
肯定是趁乱逃跑了
He must have escaped in the fracas.
他是凶手啊 我的老天爷啊
He's the killer, for Christ's sake!
天呐 你让我反胃
Oh, God, you make me sick!
为什么受伤的总是我
Why am I so weepy all the time?
呃 孩子 有得必有失
Oh, well, kid, you win some, you lose some.
这就是人生 我猜
That's just life, I guess.
但是你知道吗
But you know what?
猜猜看 Kim开头的两个人 (卡戴珊和金正恩)
I spy with my little eye two Kims.
想出去浪一夜吗
Fancy a night out?
当然了 你要哪一个 - 我先选 这位
Definitely. Which one do you want? - I'll bagsie that one.
来吧 走吧 甜心
Come on, let's go. Come on, sweet cheeks.
嘿 说你呢 希望你喜欢金发女郎
Hey, you, I hope you like blondes,
厚颜无♥耻♥的变♥态♥
you cheeky little creep.
顺便跟你说 我今天整晚都穿裙子
By the way, my dress stays on tonight.
你最好是穿着
Oh, you bet it does!