成功镇凶案（2015）

Meaden Meaden
Meaden! Meaden!
我了个去
Jesus Christ!
哦 Meaden Meaden
Oh, Meaden, Meaden!
Meaden 你带套了没
Meaden, have you got a condom?
Meaden Meaden
Meaden! Meaden!
嘿 呦 发生什么事了
Hey, yo, what the hell is going on here?
Sleet 滚出去 Minaj小姐需要卧床休息
Sleet, get outta here. Miss Minaj, she needs her bed rest.
我哪儿都不去
I'm not going anywhere.
哦 - 抱歉 Meaden
Oh! - Sorry, Meaden.
你随时都可以回来 - 别碰我
You can come back any time. - Get off me!
你也可以 Marie 这是真的
So can you, Marie, it's been real.
嗯 我觉得刚才的退场很"体面" 你觉得呢
Well, I think that was a dignified exit, don't you?
我们拿上证物就走吧 好吗
Shall we just take some of the evidence and go, shall we?
很高兴见到你 - 幸会 Marie
It's been lovely meeting you. - Nice to see you, Marie.
幸会 幸会
It's been lovely, so lovely.
下次不要等这么久 你随时都可以回来
Next time, don't wait so long, you can come back any time.
你肯定很自豪
You must be so proud.
我有做什么吗 都怪她 不怪我
What have I done? It was her, not me.
你还好吗 宝贝儿 - 我很好 Jay
You all right, baby? - I'm OK, Jay.
换完内♥裤♥ 我酝酿出一个方案
After changing my underpants, I hatched a plan.
我让Meaden把安♥眠♥药♥倒进
I had Meaden drop a sleeping draught
她认为的Gaga谋杀案凶手的杯子里
into the cup of the person she thought guilty of Gaga's murder.'
时辰已到 是时候端上加了糖和奶的正义之茶了
This was it. Time for us to serve up some justice with milk and sugar
我们孤注一掷
no going back now.
你们当中一个人谋杀了这位女士
One of you murdered this lady.
所以 凶手是这位为了Gaga而神魂颠倒 伤心欲绝的老处♥男♥
So, was it the lovelorn old virgin who was head over heels for Gaga?
还是她天使般性感艳丽的外甥女
Or is it her angelic, sexy, gorgeous niece?
还是可疑的管家Jay-Z
Or was it Jay-Z, the suspicious butler?
又或者是Nicki Minaj
Or was it Nicki Minaj,
这个性瘾女巫呢
the sex-mad hag?
Deb给我们俩也端两杯茶 端过来
Deb. Grab me and you a couple of teas as well, please. Bring 'em here.
Deborah 把茶端过来可以吗
Deborah, can you get our cups of tea, please?
当然可以
Absolutely.
非常感谢 女王大人
Thank you very much, Your Highness
让我们先举杯共饮 然后
Shall we have a lovely drinky poos before...
找出真凶
we find out who did it?
各位别担心
Don't worry, everyone,
这只是我在约会时会用的一种强效镇静剂
it's just a powerful sedative that I use on dates.
我都是滚完床单用这个
I use it after I've made love to someone.
一番激烈云雨过后我总是难以入睡
I have trouble getting to sleep after aggressive intercourse.
有人死在这儿了
Somebody died here.
是的 有人死在这儿了 那个人是Gaga
Yes, somebody has died here, Gaga,
你认为杀她的人是Jay-Z
and you believed that the man who killed her was Jay-Z?
是的 - 能解释一下原因吗
I do. - Do you want to explain why?
是这样的 我先以为是Cheryl
Well, you see, I thought it was Cheryl.
一共有三张纸
There were three pieces of paper,
其中早日康复卡片和信件上的这两个字迹吻合
two signatures matched on the Get Well card and the letter,
但我觉得你们俩有一腿
but I think that the two of you were having an affair.
我觉得他想把你从地牢里解救出来
I think that he was trying to get you out from your downstairs dungeon
我还觉得你不需要那笔遗产
and I think that you didn't need the money,
那完全是 给Cheryl设下的圈套
that was a complete, that was a set-up of Cheryl,
因为他是那个时间里唯一一个
because he was the only person that was
真正能够待在那间屋子里的人
actually able to be in the room at the time.
他上来这里 把遗嘱放进那个包里
He was up here and he dropped that will letter into that bag
伪装成是Cheryl女士做了这一切
over there to make it look like Lady Cheryl had done it.
这他妈怎么一回事
Oh, what the fuck is going on?
你好 长官
Hey, Chief.
什么情况 他怎么了
What's going on, what's that?
他喝下的是我经常使用的一种强效镇静剂 叫做龙葵
It's just a powerful sleeping sedative I use, called nightshade.
不会是致命龙葵吧
Not deadly nightshade?
我就是那个意思 长官
That's exactly what I mean, sir.
我♥操♥ 你是猪吗
Oh, fuck me. Are you stupid?
这玩意名字里就有致命两个字 你个蠢货
The clue is in the name, you pig dog!
你刚把他给杀死了 - 靠
You just killed him! - Dammit.
是谁下的药
Who administered the dose?
天呐
Oh, God!
是Meaden 长官
Meaden, sir.
不 不 公平的说 - Meaden 我觉得你已经
No, no, to be fair... - Meaden, I think you'd already...
是的 - Meaden 我说了
Yeah... - Meaden, I said to go...
听从你的指示 - 哇 哇 哇
Under your instruction... - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
我不要听这些
I don't want to hear it!
我不要听这些 Meaden
I do not want to hear it, Meaden.
是的 刚见到你的时候我就想
When I met you, yes, I thought to myself,
"太好了 终于来了个带种的菜鸟"
"Here, finally, is a rookie with a proper pair of bollocks,"
但你今天真的很令我失望
but you've really disappointed me today.
凶手是Cheryl 是的
The killer was Cheryl. Yes.
哦 - 恐怕是这样的 为什么
Oh... - I'm afraid so. Why?
因为她是唯一一个
Because she was the only one
在案发前出去旅行的人
who'd been travelling prior to the murder.
那儿有一张她在加拉帕戈斯群岛旅行时的照片
There was a photo of her in the Galapagos Islands on holiday.
是的 遗嘱是伪造的
Yes, the will was forged,
你想的完全正确 但遗嘱是被Cheryl伪造的
you were absolutely correct, but it was forged by Cheryl.
哦 - 她是Gaga夫人遗产的受益人
Oh... - She was the beneficiary of Lady Gaga's fortune.
这是显而易见的 你想得太复杂了
It stood to reason, you made it too complicated.
不可能是Jay-Z做的 - 为什么不可能
It couldn't have been Jay-Z. - Why not?
因为Nicki Minaj告诉你了 他没有护照
Because Nicki Minaj told you that he didn't have a passport.
等他拿到护照 我们就走
When he sorts out his passport, we're gonna go.
所以 他不可能出国去拿
Therefore, he could never have travelled abroad
害死Gaga女士的毒药
to get the poison which killed Lady Gaga.
你刚刚杀死了一个无辜的人
You've just killed an innocent man.
Meaden 你被解雇了
Meaden, you're fired.
仅此一次 你不是这屋里最蠢的那一个
And for once, you're not the most stupid person in the room.
我们走吧
Let's get out of here.
带她走 - 啊 那是
Take her away! - Ah, that's...
别碰我 放开我
Get off me, man, no!
Cheryl 我会等你的
Cheryl, I'll wait for you.
我会去监狱看你的 然后我们滚个床单
I'll come and see you in prison and we'll make love.
你个蠢货 - 我才不是蠢货 是你杀了他
You idiot! - I'm not the idiot, you killed him.
好吧 讲道理 我确实弄错了 - 好吧
OK, to be fair, I got this bit wrong... - Fine.
但在最后一刻 你和我
But in the last moment, you and me,
你所谓的安♥眠♥药♥其实根本就是毒药
what you call a sleeping draught actually turns out to be poison.
Meaden 这真的很容易弄错
Meaden, it was an easy mistake to make,
这不能说明 - 好了 是谁犯的错
it doesn't say... - OK, who made the mistake?
是你啊 你把药倒进 - 不 是你
You did, you put the... - No, you did.
是谁倒的药 - 你是我的上司
Who put the poison... - You are my superior.
你应该比我了解的更清楚
You should know more about this than I do.
如果你杀死的是Cheryl
If you'd killed Cheryl...
你是警♥察♥
you are police officer
你应该知道毒药和安♥眠♥药♥之间的区别
You should know the difference between poison and a sleeping drug
我对你所说的深信不疑 - 好了 我去上吊好了
and I believed you when you said that. - OK, I'll hang for it...
还有 我是这屋里最蠢的人么
And I am the most stupid person in the room?
是的 很高兴你有自知之明
Yes, and I'm glad that you know you are the most stupid person in the room.