成功镇凶案（2015）

Cheryl刚刚说了什么
What exactly did Cheryl just say?
她说了一些关于旅游的事情
She said something about travelling.
所以 你看过Gaga女士的遗嘱了吗
So, have you seen Lady Gaga's will?
我只想记住她曾是个多么美丽的女人
I just want to remember her for the beautiful woman that she was,
我对遗嘱一无所知
I didn't know anything about the will.
原谅我的朋友 她是
Forgive my friend, who's...
这个房♥间里唯一理智的人
Who's the only sensible one in the room.
你怎么这么跟她讲话
Listen you're talking to her like it's one of your friends.
你应该把你的玫瑰色的滤镜摘下来
You need to get those rosy tinted glasses off your face
然后问她一些问题
and ask her some questions.
她可是个杀人嫌犯
She is a murder suspect.
你想让我强硬一点 那我就强硬一点
OK, you want me to play tough, let's play tough.
把遗嘱读出来 - 行 嗯
Read out the will. - All right. Hmm.
大声读出来 - 嗯哼
Read it out. - Mmm-hmm.
但不要告诉她这是我让你做的
But don't tell her I told you to do this.
我不知道有没有人跟你讲过
I don't know if anyone's ever told you this,
但你简直是太美妙了 - 啊 别说了
but you are simply delicious. - Ah, stop it, man.
"我特此宣布 我全部
"I hereby declare that my entire
580万英镑的遗产
5.8 milliion pounds inheritance
留给
Goes to...
我的外甥女"
My niece."
我太震惊了 我完全不知道 我以为
I'm so shocked, I had no idea, I thought
她会把这些全都留给那个男管家
she was going to leave it all to the butler.
为什么是男管家
Why the butler?
他对她忠心极了 她爱他啊
Well, he was so loyal to her, she loved him, man.
不 中了头彩的人是你
No, it's you who has won the dead woman lottery.
你交了意外好运
You have come up trumps.
我们得走了 有个
We'd better be going, there's a...
我实在很累了 我真抱歉 这段时间真的很难
I'm very tired, I'm so sorry, I... It's a really difficult time.
你需要我送你上♥床♥吗
Will you need a hand getting into your bed?
不 她完全没事
No, she's absolutely fine.
我觉得我还可以 今晚 我需要一个人待着
I think I'll be OK. Tonight, I need to be alone.
但是也许明天
But maybe tomorrow.
我就当你承诺了
Well, I'll take that as a promise.
谢谢你在这件事里帮了那么多忙 - 不
Thank you for all your help in the case. - No...
你们两个都太好了
you've both been absolutely amazing.
遇见你很愉快 Deborah
It's a real pleasure to meet ya,Deborah.
你真可爱 谢谢你
That's lovely, thank you.
谢谢你 这都是我的荣幸
Thank you, the pleasure was all mine.
保重 Sleet - 你也保重
Take care, Sleet. - Oh, you take care.
记得想我 - 是 我们会的
Think of me. - Yes, we will.
你想要小点心吗
Did you want some buns?
那是给Deborah的 - 好吧
Oh, they're for Deborah. - Oh, right.
如果我不隔几个小时就喂她 她会变得很易怒
If I don't feed her every couple of hours, she gets very tetchy.
那真是有趣极了 不是吗
It was very interesting, wasn't it?
是吗 你究竟发现了什么
Was it? Exactly what did you learn?
我发现了 Meaden 你
What I learned is this, Meaden. You...
可以十分善妒
can get very jealous.
夜幕降临 谋杀犯仍旧在这间屋里
As dusk fell, the murderer was still under this very roof.
我们得待得近一点 很近
We had to stay close, very close.
好吧 - Meaden 拜托
Well. - Uh, Meaden, please,
你能纵容一下老朋友吗
would you indulge an old friend?
我不确定
I'm not sure.
我没有任何不轨和邪恶的意思
I don't mean anything perverse or naughty,
我的意思是
what I was meaning is,
我有没有跟你说过最近几个月
have I ever told you about the last few
我和我妻子Helen的婚姻状况
months of my marriage to my wife Helen?
没有
N...no.
那是你吗 那是你的声音还是床的
Was that you, was that you or the bed?
不 那是我 - 是吗
No, no, it was me! - Was it?
那简直
That was...
刚刚那 刚刚那是你 让我们继续
Was that...that was you? Well, let's keep...
行 够了 那
Yeah, well, that's it, that...
让我们先把这件事放一下
Let's leave the covers where they lay just for a little bit.
我们任由那个屁自己从床尾溜走吧
Let's let that thing work its way out down the bottom of the bed.
对了 那个故事
Anyway, the story.
对 回到我要说的故事
Yes, back to the story.
Helen再也忍♥不了跟我在一起了
Helen couldn't stand being with me any more.
我不知道为什么
I don't know why.
我落得无家可归 我住在公园的一个长椅上
You know, I became homeless, I was living on a park bench.
有一天 我正在一个獾洞旁边拉屎
And one day I was taking a shit next to a badger's hole.
那只獾 他就只是坐在那里 而我
This badger, he was just sitting there, and I was...
我擦了我的屁♥股♥ 然后我提起内♥裤♥
I wiped my bum and I pulled up my pants,
然后他看着我说
and he looked at me and he said,
"你在对你的人生做什么"(美国口音)
"What are you doing with your life?"
他是个美国的 - 对 他是个美国的
Was he American? - Yeah, he was American.
美国獾 - 没错
American badger. - Yep.
所以我重新振作起来 出去找到了一份警局的工作
So I pulled up my socks and I went out there and I got a job in the police
然后每天 我都会想到那只獾
and every day, I think about that badger.
所以三个月前我又回去看了看他
So I went back to see him about three months back.
你猜我找到了什么
Guess what I found.
一些房♥子
Some houses.
有人在那个獾洞上建了一些房♥子
Someone had built houses on the badger's hole.
然后我惨烈地开始大哭
I then started really crying
又砸了他们花♥园♥里的一些东西
and then I smashed some stuff in their garden
然后他们叫了警♥察♥ 我就跑了
and they called the police and I ran away.
好吧 呃
Well, erm...
什么
What...
这就是结局
Is that the end?
对 但是 我想说 结局是 为什么没人爱我呢
But, yeah, I mean, the end is, why won't anyone love me?
这里还有别的卧室吗
Are there any other bedrooms in this place?
没了 这是唯一的一间 - 但你通常都睡在车里
No, this is the only one. - But you normally sleep in a car,
离开床睡你难道不会更舒服一点吗
are you not more comfortable not sleeping in a bed?
好吧 我想
Well, I thought,
你平时有多少机会能在床上睡觉呢
how often do you get the chance to sleep in a bed?
而且我还把床的一半分给了你
And then I gave half of the bed to you.
现在我开始有点后悔了呢
Something I'm slightly regretting now,
考虑到你刚刚还坐在这里放了个屁
since you've been sitting here farting.
不 那不是我 不是 真的
No. That wasn't me, though, was it, really?
得了 谁闻到了就是谁放的
Yes, well, they who smelt it, dealt it.
急着否认的人才此地无银吧
He who denied it, supplied it.
我没有否认 你刚刚才否认了
I didn't deny it, you just did.
你让我变得像七岁小孩一样 - 首先 你闻到了 然后你拒绝承认
You just turned me into a seven-year-old! -First of all you smelt it, then you denied it.
这两条证据可以表明 你
These are two bits of evidence that would suggest that you,
Deborah Meaden 就是那个放屁的人
Deborah Meaden, were the one who farted...
等一下 等一下 我55岁了
Hold on a minute, hold on a minute. I am 55 years old.
然后你和一个男人坐在床上
And you're sitting in bed with a man...
我是个成年人 而且我可以对我自己的人生做出选择
I'm a grown-up and I can choose what I do with my life.
好吧 Meaden 我们是不是该睡觉了
OK, Meaden, shall we try to get some sleep?
嗯哼 - 你愿意给我唱一首摇篮曲吗
Uh-uh. - Would you like to sing me a lullaby?
不 说句公道话 你的故事挺烂的
No. No, and to be fair, your story was pretty rubbish.
这个故事以一个住♥宅♥区里的死獾
It ended with a dead badger on a housing estate
和你在别人的花♥园♥里乱搞破坏 为结尾
and you smashing things in other people's gardens.
行了 那就这样吧
Oh, well, so be it.
Meaden 让我们试着睡觉吧
Well, Meaden, let's try and get some sleep.
好的 你还有多余的枕头吗
OK. Have you got a spare pillow?
我的个天
Oh, for crying out loud.
行啊 来吧
Just do that.
谢谢你
Thank you.
噢 Meaden - 那是你放的
Oh, Meaden! - That was you!
吃完一顿丰盛的欧式早餐 我们与下一个嫌疑人见面了
'After a generous continental breakfast, we met our next suspect,
Gaga的客人
'Gaga's house guest,
退任的童子军团长 Bori Johnson
'retired Scoutmaster Boris Johnson.'
你好 Johnson
Hello, Johnson.
所以他们说的是真的了
So it's true what they're all saying
她死了 是吗
she's dead, isn't she?
不 她很好 她的身体从来没有这么好过
No, no, she's fine, she's never been in better health.
Gaga女士还活着
Lady Gaga is alive!
不 不 不是Gaga女士 她已经死透了
Oh, no, not Lady Gaga, she's as dead as disco.
我以为你说的是Enid Pickles
I thought you meant Enid Pickles,