丹尼将孤独终老（2024）

这可是他们的本质 拒绝就是王八蛋
It's who they are, which makes you an asshole.
不 这根本不是关系模式的差异
No, not a difference in relationship styles.
再加上他故意拖到他妈第四次约会
And that, combined with the fact that he decided not to bring this up
才坦白这事 完全就是情感操控
until the fourth fucking date is extremely manipulative.
要不是太失望 我真会笑出声
I would laugh, if I wasn't so deeply disappointed.
听着 我们必须说清楚
All right, so we need to get one thing straight.
我不...丹尼 我真的很喜欢你
I don't- - Danny, I really like you.
我们特别合拍
We have a great connection.
你没法否认这点
You can't deny that.
但你和别人也可能产生这种联结
But it's possible for you to have that connection with other people, too.
你肯定有过
Surely you do.
我相信你现在生活中就有不想断绝来往的人
I'm sure there are people in your life right now that you wouldn't wanna say goodbye to
哪怕你开始一段新恋情
if you got into a relationship.
而我完全能同时经营好几段这样的关系
And I am more than capable of having those relationships simultaneously.
我打赌你也是这样的
And I bet you are, too.
大多数人都是
Most people are.
他们只是自我压抑 因为社会就是这么教我们的
They just deny themselves because that's what society taught us.
我有满满的爱可以付出 也想要体验尽可能多的爱
I have a lot of love to give and I wanna experience as much love as possible.
谁会拒绝让自己体验更多爱的机会呢?
Who would deny themselves that opportunity to experience as much love as possible?
我绝不会剥夺你这种权利
I would never deny you that.
最好的关系就是两个人都感到完全满足和快乐
The best relationships are when two people are entirely fulfilled and happy.
我想你明白这点
I think you know that.
而爱 它是不会被稀释的
And love, it can't be diluted.
我不会因为伴侣数量增加
It's not like I'm going to love any partner of mine any less
就减少对任何一个人的爱
just because they increase in number.
再说了 你也知道规律
Plus, you know how it goes.
你和某人在一起 会经历蜜月期
You get with someone, you have the honeymoon phase,
然后自然过渡到舒适期 激♥情♥就会消退
which naturally fades into something comfortable, so that goes away.
可蜜月期实在太美妙了
And the honeymoon phase is awesome.
所以如果你爱一个人 凭什么要永远剥夺他们再次体验这种感觉的机会?
So, if you love someone, why would you deny them to have that feeling again forever?
想象一下 既能拥有长久关系带来的亲密感
Imagine being able to have the intimacy that comes with longevity,
又能享受新恋情带来的刺♥激♥
and the excitement that comes from new connections.
这就像鱼与熊掌兼得 我们总被教导这样不好 但为什么呢?
It's like having your cake and eating it, too, which we're taught is bad, but why?
为什么?
Why?
我不想撒谎说这事会很容易
And I'm not going to lie and say this is something that's gonna be easy.
只需要真正的沟通和安全感 这两点我百分百能做到
It just takes real communication and security, which I'm 100% down to do.
那么话说回来 这对你来说是不可接受的条件吗?
So, all that said, is this a deal-breaker for you?
我要你诚实回答 因为对我来说这就是底线问题
And I want you to be honest, because it is a deal-breaker for me.
对 你知道接下来会怎样
Yeah, so you know how this goes.
我借口去洗手间然后立马溜之大吉
I excuse myself to the bathroom and immediately head for the hills,
留他买♥♥单作为对我他妈浪费时间的微薄补偿
leaving him with the check as small compensation for the complete waste of my fucking time.
本集完
End of episode.
我们都笑得挺开心
We all have a good laugh.
就像马蒂说的 我刚燃起希望就遭遇当头一棒
Like Matty said, I get my hopes up, and then the other shoe drops.
这就是我这些年的生活 自从那个我以为
And that has been my life for years, ever since the man that I thought
是此生挚爱的男人差点毁了我之后
was the greatest love of my life nearly destroyed me.
你见识过那种生活
You've seen that life.
好吧 你见识过冰山一角
Well, you've seen a sliver of it.
我给伱展示的都是这场彻头彻尾灾难中最劲爆有趣的精华
I have shown you the wildest and most entertaining gems of this unmitigated disaster.
那些你觉得不可能是真事的瞬间
The moments that you thought could not have been real.
相信我 它们都真实得可怕
Trust me, they are all too real.
我没给你看的是所有那些放鸽子
What I haven't shown you are all of the ghosts.
所有那些不算糟糕透顶 只是无疾而终的经历
All of the times it didn't go terribly, it just didn't go anywhere.
所有约我第二次约会却在临门前取消的男人们
All of the guys who asked me on a second date, only to cancel right before
原因我永远无从知晓
for reasons that I will never know.
所有操完我就消失的男人们
All of the guys who fucked me and then disappeared.
还有所有露出真面目
And all of the guys who revealed themselves
与表象截然不同的男人们
to be something other than what they appeared to be.
我没给你看过那些伤害
I have not shown you the hurt.
没给你看过那些眼泪
I haven't shown you the tears.
没给你看过我在日记里写下终将孤独终老的生存恐惧
I haven't shown you journaling my existential dread that I will one day end up alone.
恐惧死去时无人照料
That I will die and no one there to care for me.
我还没给你看过我不得不做的退休规划
I haven't shown you the retirement planning I have to do
为那无人相助的未来日子
for the day that I need help and no one's there.
或是深夜辗转反侧 想象临终之家的场景
Or laying awake at night, imagining a state home in my final days
只有护士相伴 呼唤着早已离去的人们
with no one there but the nurses, calling out to people who are long, long gone,
无人探访
visited by no one.
好吧
All right.
试试看
Let's try.
肚子不太舒服
明天再说吧
回头见 - 拜
See you later. - Bye.
我有男朋友了
I have a boyfriend.
麦克斯!
Maxi!
你好啊 宝贝
Hello, bubba.
爹地有男朋友啦
Daddy has a boyfriend.
耶!
Yeah!
马蒂："你个骚货 今晚继续?"
换作以往任何一段关系
Well, in any other relationship I've been in,
我本该发短♥信♥给这个给过我人生最棒高♥潮♥的男人
I would have to text this man who has given me some of the best orgasms in my entire life,
"很遗憾通知你 我已名花有主 只能婉拒邀约"
"I hate to disappoint, but I'm now off the market, and must respectfully decline."
用那种刚脱单之人特有的嘚瑟语气
In that pompous way that only someone who just got into a relationship can deliver.
我还会表达希望有朝一日重逢的期许
I would convey my hopes that one day our paths would cross again.
但今天 我只需打出"遵命 长官"
But, today, I get too type, "Yes, sir."
因为我正身处既能保留蛋糕又能大快朵颐的关系中
Because I am in the kind of relationship where I can have my cake and eat it, too.
说白了 就是把我的蛋糕重新塞进马蒂那湿润诱人的嘴里
And, by that, I mean put my cake back into Matty's watering, welcoming mouth.
奥普拉说得对
Oprah was right.
鱼与熊掌可兼得
You can have it all.
马蒂：发送了位置
马蒂：7:30在这儿见面
为什么？
. 我会很饿
他是全世界最让人火大的家伙
He is the single most aggravating person
我这辈子真♥他♥妈♥见过的最绝的
I've ever met in my fucking life.
嘿!
Hey!
哦 我看到他了
Oh, I see him.
我看到他了
I see him.
哦 说不定是角色扮演剧情呢
Oh, maybe this is a role play scenario.
通常呢 我喜欢提前规划好我的小冒险
Now, usually, I like to plan my little adventure beforehand,
但这次...反正咱俩都玩这么多次了 即兴发挥也行吧
but, I don't know, we've done this so many times, we can probably just improv.
所以 选什么剧本?
So, what do we think?
哦 可以是童年霸凌过我的人突然联♥系♥我想冰释前嫌 但其实藏着秘密...
Oh, maybe childhood bully who reaches out to clear the air but has a secret or...
或者我在被敲诈勒索?
Oh, maybe I'm being blackmailed.
可能我正在竞选市议员 而他手握我新出土的性♥爱♥录像带
Maybe I'm running for city council and he's going to leak my recently unearthed sex tape
除非我跟他再拍几部
unless I make more with him.
嘿! - 嘿
Hey! - Hey.
过得还行吗?
Doing all right?
干嘛这么问?
Why?
因为这是正常人类会互相问候的话啊
Because that's a question normal human beings ask each other.
是啊 所以你干嘛突然问这个?
Yeah, so why are you asking it?
你就不能老实告诉我今天过得怎样吗?
Will you just tell me how your day was?
还行
Fine.
那你问我吗?
Are you gonna ask me?
你想让我问吗?
Do you want me to?
你小时候脑袋被门夹过吧?
Were you dropped on your head as a baby?
我为什么在这儿?
Why am I here?
哦 如果你是检测出阳性 发短♥信♥告诉我就行
Oh, if you tested positive for something, you can just text me.
这真的没什么大不了的
It's really not a big deal.
你今天过得怎么样?
How was your day?
无性病
STI-free.
谢谢关心询问
Thank you for caring to ask.
和那个家伙进展顺利吗?
Things going well with that guy?
哦 问得真巧
Oh, funny you should ask.
我很高兴地告诉你我有男朋友了
I am delighted to inform you that I have a boyfriend.
什么? - 我有男朋友了
What? - I have a boyfriend.
什么时候? - 昨天
When? - Yesterday.
查理和我整天都在一起
Charlie and I spent the day together-
你为什么来这儿? - 因为是你叫我来的
Why are you here? - Because you told me to.
你有男朋友了为什么还来见我?
Why are you meeting me if you have a boyfriend?
哦 哦 对
Oh, oh, yeah.
我们是多边恋
We are polyamorous.
我开始了人生第一段多边恋关系
I have entered my very first polyamorous relationship.
你才不想要这样
You don't want that.
嗯 我起初也这么想