丹尼将孤独终老（2024）

老兄!
Bro!
让我也来一发
Give me a turn.
等着 兄弟
Just wait, bro.
操 哥们 老子他妈等得花都谢了!
Fuck, bro, I've been waiting for-fucking-ever!
让我试试他喉咙
Let me try his throat.
再等等
Just wait.
行吧 兄弟
All right, bro.
该你了
Your turn.
喜欢这根家伙吗 宝贝?
You like that dick, baby?
靠 兄弟 我爱死你男友的喉咙了!
Fuck, bro, I love your boyfriend's throat!
男友?
Boyfriend?
对啊 我以为我是你男友 正把我哥介绍给你共享呢
Yeah, I thought I was your boyfriend and I was sharing you with my older brother.
我还以为我们在搞兄弟会入会仪式
I thought we were doing a frat pledge thing.
说不定我们能进同一个兄弟会?
Maybe we could be in the same frat?
或许你该少即兴发挥
Maybe you shouldn't improvise.
我觉得你嘴里塞满东西时更讨喜
I think I like you better with your mouth full.
我觉得看不见你的时候更顺眼
I think I like you better when I can't see you.
好了 干脆两个一起上
Okay, that's it, two at once.
说真的 想来场真正的三人行的话 可以安排
You know, if you want an actual threesome, that could be arranged.
我连找个一号♥都费劲 更别说两个了
I have a hard enough time finding one top let alone two.
你们这群人出了名的不会看日程表 基本没啥信用可言
You as a people aren't really known for being good with calendars, or reliability in general.
我和我哥们加勒特正琢磨这事呢
Me and my buddy Garrett, we've been thinking about it.
加勒特?
Garrett?
哦他绝对是个零号♥
Oh he's certainly a bottom.
哦 你就非得当唯一那个吗?
Oh, do you need to be the only one?
有人非要做焦点不可吗?
Does someone need to be the center of attention?
很明显
Obviously.
得了吧
Come on.
他才27岁 需要个导师
He's only 27, he needs a mentor.
需要个比他年长、经验老道的人
He needs someone older who's been around the block like a million times.
比他年长又睿智的人
Someone older than him and wiser.
年长很多很多的那种
Much, much older.
我们可以玩"测试插座" 我最爱这游戏
We can play Test the Outlets. It's my favorite.
就是让你俩叠着 我挨个洞试过去
Oh you know, I put two of you on top of each other, then I just go from hole to hole
像在试哪个插座能用
like I'm testing which outlet works.
我保证把全部注意力都给你
I promise to give you all of my attention
每次他发出那种"哦 等我缓一分钟
every time he does the whole "Oh, I just need a minute.
"就一秒
"One second.
"喘口气 哦 哦 哦!
"Oh a breather, oh, oh, oh!
"让我歇会儿 哦 哦 哦!"
"Give me a break, oh, oh, oh!"
行!
Fine!
行行行
Fine, fine.
那你可欠我的
You will just owe me.
欠什么?
Owe you what?
我刚给你演了整出独角戏诶
I literally just did a one man show for you.
不知道 总得还点什么
I don't know, something.
迟早有用得着你的地方
At some point I will require your services.
丹尼 你现在每周就要用我三次
Danny, you currently require my services three times a week.
哦抱歉 你这是在抱怨吗?
Oh I'm sorry, is that a complaint?
知道吗 我来告诉你什么不会变
You know what, I'll tell you what won't be.
就是你♥他♥妈♥带给我的那些饼干
Those fucking cookies you brought me.
吃起来像粉笔混着屁♥股♥
They tasted like chalk and ass.
噢 我觉得味道还行啊
Oh, I thought they tasted fine.
大概因为尝起来像屁♥眼♥吧
Probably because they tasted like ass.
行吧 那我拿回来
Okay, I'll take them back.
哦 我早把每一块都吃光了
Oh, I ate every single one of them.
虽然你们都知道我不信星座 但显然天王星正在逆行
Now as you know, I'm not really into astrology, but apparently Uranus must be in retrograde
因为我又要迎来三人行了
because I've got another threesome on the horizon.
介绍一下杰科布和本杰明 我在软件上不小心右滑配对的一对
Enter Jacob and Benjamin, a couple that I accidentally swiped on the apps.
当然你们也知道 我本人在寻找专一认真的关系
Now as you also know, I'm looking for a monogamous committed relationship,
所以对这种三脚架局面...
so I'm not particularly interested in a tripod sit...
三角关系局面不太感冒
A triad situation.
其实我在找能当三脚架用的男人
I am actually looking for a man that qualifies as a tripod.
但既然意外配对了
But after the inadvertent match
我决定顺其自然看看
I decided to, you know, let it play out.
试试有没有发展可能
See if there was any potential.
目前我只和职业家庭主夫杰科布聊过
To date, all of my conversation has been with Jacob who is a professional house husband.
因为显然他赚的钱够养两个人
Because apparently Jacob makes enough money to cover the both of them.
你以为我会喜欢当小白脸 但整天无所事事
Now you would think that I would delight in being a kept man, but I'm not sure
可能并不会让我开心
I would be happy with nothing to do all day.
不过杰科布似乎挺忙的
Jacob seems to keep busy though.
从他今早发我的视频看 他大概花80%时间
Based on the videos he's been texting me all morning, it seems like he spends about 80%
整天都在抚摸他那根又大又肥的鸡♥巴♥
of his day stroking his big fat cock.
不过还没看过本杰明的任何照片 虽然他平时的那些还行
Haven't seen any of Benjamin's pictures yet though his regular ones are okay.
我只希望我能被他们两个都吸引
I only hope that I will be equally attracted
这才是情侣关系里永恒的问题
to both of them, which is always the problem with couples.
有事?
Yes?
什么?
What?
是你要求见我的
You asked to see me.
哦 对哦
Oh. Oh yeah.
你以前和情侣约会过吗?
Have you ever dated a couple before?
我觉得你在工作场合打听我的私生活不太合适
I'm not sure it's appropriate for you to ask me about my personal life in the workplace.
昨天你在咖啡机旁边还问梅琳达知不知道
You were at the coffee machine yesterday and you asked Melinda if she knew
霍博肯有没有打折酒店 好让你过那个精♥液♥垃圾桶的匿名生日周末
any discount hotels in Hoboken for your anonymous cum dump birthday weekend.
顺便说句三十岁快乐
Happy 30th, by the way.
好吧
Fine.
是的 我以前和情侣约过
I've hooked up with couples before, yes.
哦真的吗 集精器?
Oh really, load collector?
你当然干过
Of course you have.
我问的是你有没有正经和情侣交往过
I'm asking if you've ever dated a couple before.
我是说 有对老爹级情侣开始给我送
I mean, one of the older daddy couples started sending me
我OnlyFans上挂的亚马逊心愿单里的东西
stuff from my Amazon wishlist that I put on my OnlyFans.
这算数吗?
Does that count?
对你来说算
For you, yes.
你当时对他们俩都同样有感觉吗?
Were you equally attracted to both of them?
当然没有
Of course not.
所以你将就其中一个人 好去追自己真正喜欢的
Right, so you paid the troll in order to cross the bridge.
是啊
Yeah.
有时候你得操你的安迪·科恩才能得到你的安德森·库珀
Sometimes you gotta fuck your Andy Cohen to get your Anderson Cooper.
他们看起来喷了超多古龙水
They look like they wear a lot of cologne.
多到呛人的那种
Like an offensive amount of cologne.
对吧?
Right?
所以我担心实际操作问题 懂吗?
So I'm worried about logistics, okay?
介入一段既存关系里 你永远像是
Coming into a preexisting relationship, it seems like you would always have
处于弱势地位 比如吵架时
the weaker standing, like in an argument,
假设你和安迪同时住院
and say you and Andy are in the hospital at the same time.
安德森会先探望谁?
Like who does Anderson even visit first?
我们出的是同一场事故吗?
Were we in the same accident?
就当是吧
Sure.
那为啥我们不在同一家医院?
So then why aren't we in the same hospital?
行吧
Okay, fine.
安迪在布鲁克林滑倒摔伤 而你是因为在梅西百货试衣间
Andy slipped and fell in Brooklyn, and you got an anal fissure fucking
操个深柜已婚男搞到肛裂
a closeted married man in a Macy's dressing room.
估计会先看我
Probably me.
凭什么是你?
Why you?
因为情侣开放关系是因为彼此厌倦
Because couples open up because they are bored with each other,
但又太害怕或太老套 不敢在找到新欢前分手
but are either too scared or too old to actually break up before finding someone new.
没错 所以他们肯定会优先维护现有关系啊
Right, so why wouldn't they prioritize their existing relationship?
随时都能换个新炮♥友♥取代你
They can always just switch you out for another slut.
噢糟了
Oh no.
我可是安德森的退路方案
I am Anderson's exit plan.
他哪敢随便乱碰这个
He's not gonna want to mess with that.
再说了 按你说的情形 要是安德森没先去
Plus, in your scenario, if Anderson doesn't visit
找安迪 安迪可能会发火 说不定会主动提分手
Andy first, that might make Andy mad, and he might instigate the breakup
这不正合安德森的意
that Anderson ultimately wants.
这样他就不用自己当坏人了
Which lets him off the hook of having to do it.
最后咱俩就能在一起
And results in us being together.
咱们怎么都这么渣啊?
Why are we all so terrible?
唔唔
Mm-mm.
在座几位怕是要写投诉信的程度
Some of y'all gonna write letters about this one.