丹尼将孤独终老（2024）

然后去找个没脑子的蠢零当精♥液♥容器
and he's gonna move on to some halfwit twink cum receptacle
那种对他毫无要求还能给他同等无承诺关系的人
who demands absolutely nothing of him and gives him that mutual lack of commitment
就是你们现在谈恋爱都追求的那种状态
that you all seem to want in your relationship these days.
所以在那之前 我会继续用他来替代我想要的浪漫亲密
So until then, I'm gonna continue to use him to substitute the romantic intimacy that I want
用那种只有在足球队菜鸟
with the kind of emotional connection you can only get between a rookie on the soccer team
和他正在经历糟糕离婚的饥渴教练之间才会产生的情感联结
and his sex starved coach who's going through a bad divorce,
因为对老丹尼来说这已经是最好结局了
'cause that seems to be as good as it's gonna get for old Danny.
所以当我最近老牛吃嫩草时
So imagine my surprise that during a recent cradle robbery,
克雷格说他也有同样困扰 你能想象我有多惊讶
Craig here told me that he shared the same dilemma.
好吧 我们开始吧
All right, let's do this.
哦 好
Oh, okay.
要点芝士酱吗?
Do you wanna order the queso?
不 我是说直接干正事吧
No, I mean, let's get fucking into it.
全都摊牌说清楚
All cards on the table.
你对伴侣有什么要求?
What do you need from a partner?
直说吧
Direct.
好 要有爱、忠诚、能逗我笑
Okay. Loving, loyal, and makes me laugh.
你呢?
What about you?
可靠、风趣、饥渴、重口味
Reliable, funny, horny, kinky.
噢你是要全盘托出啊
Oh, you meant all cards.
要修改你的答案吗?
Would you like to amend your answer?
看吧 和年轻小伙约会还是有些好处的
See, there are some things that are good about dating a younger guy.
某些方面
Some.
行吧 那改成有爱、忠诚、风趣、
All right, how about loving, loyal, funny,
还得定期把我♥干♥得神魂颠倒
and wants to fuck my brains out on a very regular basis.
只对你这样?
Just yours?
对
Yes.
很好
Good.
前菜都没点就敢提这茬 挺有种啊
Pretty ballsy to bring that up before we even order the appetizers.
反正咱们都不年轻了
Well, we're not getting any younger.
要是基本需求都不匹配何必浪费时间?
Why waste the time if we don't even meet the basics?
不过你还能年轻挺久的
Well, you will be young for quite a while longer.
而我嘛...
I, on the other hand...
幸好我最爱听话的爹系男友
It's a good thing there's nothing I love more than an obedient daddy.
好吧 我觉得有必要重申我在寻找有爱、忠诚、
Okay, so I feel like I do need to reiterate that I am looking for a loving, committed,
稳定的正经关系
substantial relationship.
我也是
Same.
但太早提到性——
And when you bring sex up too early-
这不过又变成一场露水情缘罢了
It just becomes another hookup.
是啊 我懂这套流程
Yeah, I know the drill.
但性是我生活中很重要的一部分 我得确保
But sex is a big part of my life, and I need to make sure
任何潜在伴侣都和我有相同看法
that any potential partner feels the same way.
你觉得自己算重口味类型?
You consider yourself a kinky guy?
我想你可以直接打勾确认了
I think you can consider that box checked.
噢 我开始感兴趣了
Ooh, I'm intrigued.
具体是哪些?
What are they?
通常说到这儿我开始坦白 然后你就失去兴趣
And this is the point I start being honest and you lose interest.
试试看啊
Try me.
好吧 呃 我的癖好基本都建立在幻想场景里
All right, um, my stuff is pretty much all based in fantasy.
像是小剧场、小短剧、情景扮演
It's like little scenes, little skits, little scenarios,
可能还会搭配些服装道具
maybe some like wardrobe that goes along with it.
眼罩啦 捆绑啦
Blindfolds, bondage.
不错不错 但具体是什么性癖?
Cool, cool. But like what are your kinks?
可以归类为角色扮演和束缚游戏
Call it role play and bondage.
好吧 我们换个角度来聊
Okay, let's try and go at this from the other side.
你的绝对禁区是什么?
What are your hard lines?
噢
Oh.
不打人、不掐喉、不辱骂、不见血、不玩尿道、不玩排泄物
No hitting, no choking, no insults, no blood, no sounding, no pissing, no shitting.
等等 你刚才不是说自己是重口党?
Wait, I thought you said you were kinky?
在听到你这清单之前 我确实是这么以为的
Up until this moment, I thought I was.
真可爱
That's cute.
所以你的意思是 不会让我对你进行拳♥交♥咯?
So what you're saying is you're not gonna let me fist you then?
所以如果你一开始问我 你觉得这次约会会怎么收场?
So if you had asked me up top, where do you think this date is gonna end?
我大概不会说我会坐在克雷格大腿上
I probably wouldn't have said me sitting on Craig's lap
一边唱歌♥一边看他用玻璃杯喝水
while I sing and he drinks from a glass of water.
因为这可是我的核心需求
Because that's kind of my big thing.
纯纯拳♥交♥猛一
Total fisting top.
说实话 这对我来说可是原则问题
And gotta be honest, it's kind of a deal breaker for me.
所以我本能想告诉克雷格我和沉默小鸭没话聊
So my instinct is to tell Craig that I'm not on speaking terms with the silent ducky,
但最近我总抱怨找不到
but I have been complaining a lot recently of how I can't find someone
既想认真谈恋爱又追求刺♥激♥性生活的人
who's both interested in an actual relationship and an adventurous sex life,
或许我该更开放些
so maybe I need to be a little more open.
好吧 得开放很多
Well, a lot more open.
就说我对拳♥交♥有点好奇吧
Let's say that I am fist curious.
行吧 我觉得可以试试
All right, I think I can work with that.
虽然欣赏你的直白 但能不能先暂停这个话题
But as much as I appreciate the candor, can we put a bookmark here
找回点初次约会的浪漫氛围?
and maybe try to regain a bit of the romantic first date?
当然
Sure.
呃 有点尴尬
Well, this is awkward.
怎么?
Why?
我好像从没在门口迎接过你
I don't think I've ever met you at the door before.
第一次也没有?
What about the first time?
没 我记得当时没锁门
No. I think I left it unlocked.
我跪在卧室等你进来
I was waiting for you in the bedroom on my knees.
啊对 那次确实很辣
Ah, right. That was hot.
下次吧
Next time.
你喜欢这酒吗?
You like the wine?
你试过拳♥交♥吗?
Have you ever fisted anyone?
为什么我们就不能好好聊次天?
Why can't we ever just have a normal conversation?
行 你这周过得怎样?
Fine. How was your week?
还行吧
It was not bad.
开始挺忙的 但后来慢慢就——
It started off busy, but then as the week went on it got-
天啊 太爽了
Oh my god, amazing.
你试过拳♥交♥吗?
Have you ever fisted anyone?
试过
Yes.
你喜欢吗?
Did you like it?
谈不上喜不喜欢
I neither liked nor disliked it.
我喜欢他享受的样子
I like that he liked it.
好吧 这我懂
Okay, I get that.
你会尝试被拳♥交♥吗?
Would you ever get fisted?
你♥他♥妈♥离我远点!
Get the fuck away from me!
不是我♥干♥的!
Not by me!
能靠近我屁♥股♥的只有厕纸
The only thing that goes near me is toilet paper.
连这个都...
And even that.
喂!
Hey!
开玩笑的
Kidding.
丹尼 是有人想对你拳♥交♥吗?
Danny, is someone trying to fist you?
要命
Oh God.
来用这个娃娃指给我看 谁想对你拳♥交♥
I want you to show me on the dolly where someone tried to fist you.
约会时对方提了这个要求
I went on a date and it came up.
什么叫'这事就冒出来了'?
What do you mean it came up?
你♥他♥妈♥参加的到底是什么鬼约会啊?
What the fucked kind of fucked up dates are you going on?
成年人的约会当然要聊成年人的话题!
Adult dates where adults talk about adult things!
你这辈子都不会懂
You would not understand.
我们稍微提前亮出了性癖底牌
We laid our kink cards out on the table a little early.
他说他特别沉迷拳♥交♥ 而且需要伴侣配合
He said he's really into fisting, and he kind of needs it from a partner.
他是插人那个还是被♥插♥那个?
Is he the fistee or the fisted?
插人的 主动
Fistee. Tee.
插人的
Fistee.
你肯定吃得消
You can take it.
话是没错 但我有个顾虑
Yeah, but I have a concern.
这话该怎么委婉地说呢?
How do I say this delicately?
我需不需要担心变成松弛的母牛屄♥♥?
Do I have to worry about having a blown out cow pussy?
万一我们分手了呢?
Because what if we don't work out?
我可是要重回市场的
I'm back on the market.
我现在就像个瘪胎
I have a flat tire.
会缩回去的
It goes back.
会什么?
It what?
会复原 会恢复正常状态
It goes back. It goes back to normal.
哦
Oh.