太空克里奥佩特拉（2019）

No way, man.
我们不会再变回好战的种族了
We are not going back to our warlike ways.
我们很早之前就已经抑制住这种冲动了
We got them under control ages ago,
通过投身于这三大美德
by dedicating ourselves to the three high virtues:
人性 平静 谨慎
humility, serenity, caution...
还有谦卑
and humility.
夺回你们的星球感觉不好吗
But wouldn't it feel good to take your planet back?
不
No.
那将会
It would be...
非常好
glorious!
格兰德要碾碎他们的骨头
Gled would crush their skulls!
格兰德会消灭一切阻止格兰德的人
Gled would destroy all those who stood against Gled!
我要见血
Blood!
或是其他的东西
Or, like, something.
但我们必须去救我们的朋友
But my friends-- we have to save them!
就算格兰德想帮你
Look, even if Gled wanted to help you,
格兰德也帮不了
Gled can't.
倒不是我们希望保持平静
It's not just that, you know, we like to keep it, like, chill,
但我们只能帮部落成员
but we can only help a member of the tribe.
格兰德很守规矩
Gled isn't really a "Rules" Guy,
但这也是格兰德唯一遵守的规矩
but it's the one rule Gled's got.
等等 如果我加入你们的部落呢
Wait. What if I joined your tribe?
我觉得应该挺不错的
I guess it would be cool.
你必须接受三项试炼
You'd have to go through initiation to, like,
来测试你的三种美德
test your mastery of the three high virtues:
人性 平静
humility, serenity--
还有谨慎 知道了 赶紧的
And caution. Yeah, got it. Let's make this super quick.
你刚刚没通过平静那一关
Whoa. You just failed the serenity part, dude.
格兰德从没见过在试炼开始前就失败的人
Gled's never seen anyone fail a section before it starts.
这都有点厉害了
That's, like, almost impressive.
这次就当练习吧
Call it a practice round.
好的
Right on, man.
开始试炼
Let the initiation begin!
随便吧
Or whatever.
好吧
Ok,
这房♥间是变得越来越小了吗
is this room getting smaller,
还是我在变大
or am I getting bigger?
都不是 你只是吓坏了
Neither. You're just freaking out.
是吗
Am I?
我吓坏了吗
Am I freaking out?
想要更有效地利用时间
A more productive use of our time
那就好好想想该怎么出去
would be to work out how to get out of here.
严格来说 这依旧算是训练
Technically, this is still a training exercise.
现在真的是说教的时候吗
Is this really the time for a teachable moment?
又没有迫在眉睫的危险
We're not in any immediate danger.
我想听听你的想法
I'd like to hear your ideas.
棒极了
Fantastic.
还有别的想法吗
Any more ideas?
现在 你即将开始你的试炼
Now you are ready to begin your initiat--
等等
Uh-- hold that thought.
谦卑 未通过
Humility, fail.
接下来 你必须用智慧之球进行杂耍
Next, you must juggle the balls of wisdom, yo.
来吧
Go.
我办不到的
I'm never gonna be able to do this.
我只有两只手
I've only got two arms!
我知道
I know!
你肯定很不擅长鼓掌
You must be terrible at clapping!
我们超会鼓掌的
We are so good at this!
别拍了行吗
Would you stop that?
我还想救我朋友呢
I'm trying to save my friends!
平静 未通过
Serenity, fail.
接下来 你必须喝一杯蟾蜍茶
Next, you must drink a cup of toad tea.
但这有剧毒
But... it is highly toxic.
闻着还行
Not bad, actually.
味道还挺...
Kind of tastes like...
疼
pain.
姐妹
Dude!
我刚和你说过这有剧毒
I just told you it was poison!
你为什么要喝
I mean, like, why would you drink it?
因为你让我喝
Because you told me to.
谨慎 未通过
Caution, fail.
我们可以用金属器件
OK, we could short out the power cord
让电路发生短路 比如用布莱恩的手指
with something metal, like Brian's finger,
或者用金属器件制♥作♥钥匙
or we could fashion a key out of something metal,
比如用布莱恩的手指
like Brian's finger.
或者我们可以大声唱歌♥ 吵死警卫
Or we could annoy the guard by singing really loud
等他进来 再用金属器件攻击他
until he comes in, and then attack him with something metal,
比如用布莱恩的手指
like Brian's finger!
为什么每个计划都要用到我的手指
Why does every plan involve me losing a finger?
抱歉 我紧张的时候就会抱着一样东西不放 好吗
Sorry. Sometimes when I'm nervous I fixate on one thing, OK?
就没别的想法吗 更简单一点的
You can't think of anything else, anything simpler?
你从一开始就能这么做吗
You mean you could have done that this whole time?
道理是
The lesson is,
永远不要小看最简单的解决办法
never overlook the simplest solution.
说教时刻结束
Teachable moment over.
这道锁上有安全密钥
There's a security code on the lock.
如果我是泽科奇斯的密♥码♥ 我会是什么
If I were a Xerx password, what would I be?
奥克塔维奥征服
O-Octavian! Conquest!
布莱恩的手指
Brian's finger!
目前来看 你全都失败了
Well, you've blown it so far,
但幸运的是
but, lucky for you,
最后的考验占分比大概在百分之百
this final test counts for, like, a hundred percent of your grade.
你是说之前的试炼一点意义也没有吗
You mean none of that other stuff mattered?
有什么是有意义的
Does anything matter?
宇宙是真实存在的吗
Is the universe real?
还是只是蝌蚪化茧成蝶之前的梦罢了
Is it just the dream of a tadpole before it becomes a butterfly?
蝌蚪不会变成蝴蝶
Tadpoles don't become butterflies!
你的思维真的很狭隘
You have a seriously narrow mindset, man.
-能不能赶紧继续 -好吧
- Can we just get on with this, please? - Ok.
最后的挑战是 带回一颗
The final challenge is to bring back
美味的齐夫果 就在那边
one delicious zifflenut, from over there.
好 看着我的眼睛
OK, look at my eyes.
你要走下山坡
You go down the mountain,
渡过河流 爬上火山
across the river, up the volcano.
对
Right.
你会面对很多艰难障碍 比如恶劣天气 讨厌的虫子
You'll face tons of gnarly obstacles, like harsh weather, freaky bugs,
还有真菌之神
and the Fungus God.
等等 真菌之神
Wait-wait. Fungus God?!
更像是真菌怪物
Well, you know, he's more of like a fungus monster,
但他好像挺喜欢我们叫他神的 对吗
but he seems to like it when we call him a god, right? Yo.
我们会离他远远的
We pretty much stay away from him.
他长着大牙 脾气暴躁 诸如此类的
He's got, you know, like, big teeth, bad temper, all that junk.
是的 这趟旅程应该要花
Yeah. The journey should take you about...
六周
six weeks.
六周
Six weeks?!
肯定有更快的办法
There must be a faster way.
世界之女王
Queen of the world!
计算出了点小失误
Slight miscalculation.
加油
Way to go, man.
你刚刚一次性打破了三项美德
You just managed to violate all three virtues at once.
我已经算走运了 本来还可能更糟
That could have gone worse.
真菌怪物
Fungus monster!
咋样 真菌兄 你看着挺生气
'Sup, fungus dude? You seem mad.
蘑菇脑 在这里
Hey, mushroom brain! Over here!
对了 来抓我啊
That's right, come get me!
不会再有暴怒的真菌侵扰我们了
There is no longer a raging fungus among us.
真不错
That's pretty cool, man.
你刚刚挺身而出了
You just threw yourself in there.
到了行动的时候 我不会多想
When it's go time, I don't overthink things.
或许根本不会想
Or really think at all.
真好笑 我们也一样