克拉克森的农场（2021）

出去吧 回到你的拖拉机上 去管理农场吧
我现在不用开拖拉机了 我要愉快地散步
I don't need to now. I'm gonna go have a nice walk round,
“风”析土壤
anal-- "analasyse" the soil.
“风”析?
"Analasyse"? - Hmm.
That's a word, innit? "Analasyse"!
有这个词 对吧?“风”析
-“风”析 就是这词 - 不对
- No! -"Analasyse"! It is!
Analyse.
- 是分♥析♥ - 分♥析♥
- Analyse. -
为了启动我的未耕地开♥发♥项目
To get my "Farming the Unfarmed" project off the ground,
我进行了一些调查
I did some research.
我发现当地的超♥市♥ 卖♥♥的黑莓每个6便士
And discovered that my local supermarket was charging 6p a blackberry...
这意味着我的树篱墙简直是水果金矿
Which meant my hedgerows were fruity gold mines.
看啊!6便士 12、24...
Look. 6p, 12, 24...
这儿有50便士 又是50便士 那儿也有 还有那儿
There's 50p there.
Another 50p there, and there, and there.
那儿是一磅 光是这个灌木丛 就能赚30英镑 轻轻松松
A pound there.
There's 30 quid in this one bush alone, easy.
但为了让利润最大化
In order to maximise profits, though,
我需要尽可能便宜地采摘黑莓
I'd need to harvest them as cheaply as possible.
因此 相当巧妙地 我问了下能否借一台黑莓采摘机
So rather craftily I asked if I could borrow a blackberry-picking machine
看我到底喜不喜欢这机器
to see if I liked it.
见鬼 这比我预期的大了一些 伙计
Shit...
It's a bit bigger than I was expecting, mate!
对 只大了一点
Just a bit bigger!
- 你好吗? - 好 我很好 谢谢
- How are you? Erm... - I'm well, thank you.
我们有运粮车 我去让他倒个车
- We've got the grain wagon. - Yes?
I'll just back him up. If you could pull over to the right, is that all right?
你能不能把车靠到右边 可以吗?
打扰一下 伙计?
Sorry, mate? Do you mind backing up?
介意倒下车吗? 这样那辆货车就能过去了
So that that wagon can get through and go over there? Is that all right?
可以吗?谢了 伙计
Cheers, mate. Thanks.
我现在成了停车场管♥理♥员♥了
I'm a car-park attendant, that's what I've become now.
你在干什么?
What are you doing?
我在给卡车装货
I'm loading the lorry.
好吧 可它挡路了
Yeah, well, it was in the way.
- 你的农场经营妨碍了我的农场经营 - 这...
Your farming is in the way of my farming.
你的农场经营妨碍了我的农场经营
No, your farming's getting in the way of my farming.
并没有!我只是需要把这车开进去
It isn't. I just need to get this in.
- 看那个 - 什么...
Look at that!
- 你甚至都不知道那是什么 对吧? - 不知道 你在干什么?
You don't even know what it is, do you? - No... What are you doing?
采摘黑莓
Blackberry picking.
不如等你装完车 来看看真正的农场经营吧
Load the wagon up and then come and see real farming happening.
真正的农场经营个鬼
"Real" farming my arse.
好了 开始我的黑莓采摘计划吧
Right. Let my blackberry farming begin.
好吧 我意识到的第一件事 是我的拖车车宽将近两米三
Okay, the first thing I've realised is that my trailer is 25 yards wide.
如果遇到对向行驶的公交车 那公交车司机会带着一台
If I meet a bus coming the other way,
the bus driver is going to be going home
像胡子一样绑在脸上的 黑莓采摘机回家
with a blackberry-picking machine fastened to his face like a moustache.
你们可能看到了
As you can probably see,
黑莓采摘机就像一个拱门
the blackberry-picking machine is like an arch.
所以 我会先试着 采摘那些树篱里的黑莓
So I'm gonna try and harvest that hedge to start with.
首先 我要让我的黑莓采摘机
So I've gotta get my blackberry-picking machine
跨过这堵墙
to straddle this wall first of all.
这不可避免地 说起来容易做起来难
This, inevitably, was easier said than done.
来 加油
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
不 见鬼
No, no, no. Shit!
我到底该怎么做?
How on earth am I going to do this?
Ah.
没对准
No. Erm...
这根本不可能做到 对吧?
Well, it's just not possible, is it?
这样不行 我不得不向我的商业竞争对手求助
There was nothing for it. I had to ask my business rival for help.
好吧 你看到那个了吗?
Right, you see that? - Yeah.
- 嗯 - 这是拱形的
- It's an arch. - Yeah.
是的
我们必须让这个拱形包住这堵墙
And you have to get that arch to straddle this wall...
因为我们必须沿着这堵墙
Because we've gotta go all the way down this wall
- 开到黑莓所在的地方 - 好的
- to get to where the blackberries are. - Okay.
我能做到!
I can do it.
我做不到
I bet he can't.
加油 卡莱布!
Come on, Kaleb!
好的 上去了 我们挂上去了
Right, we're on. We're hooked on.
我会尽可能直着开过去
I'm gonna go as straight as I can.
有很多栅栏... 我们把所有这些栅栏弄掉了
Oh, there's a lot of fence... We're knocking all these fence posts off.
整面墙都在动
The whole wall is moving.
要是你不小心作业的话 那我们会把墙给摘回去的
We're gonna be harvesting a wall if you're not careful here.
这些黑莓最好能盈利
These blackberries better be profitable.
你看 它把整堵墙都弄塌了
Oh! That's blown the whole wall right out!
- Oh, sheee. - Shit!
糟了!
我们还要开多远才能到所谓的...
How much further until we get to what could be called...
- 等等 这堵墙没有尽头! - 什么?
Wait. This wall doesn't fucking stop!
What?
这堵墙没有尽头
This wall does not stop.
糟了
Oh shit. Shit.
- You're gonna have to back up. - I can't.
- 你得倒车 - 倒不了
不能继续往前开了 因为我们现在看不见墙了
Well, you can't go forwards 'cause we now can't see it.
我们完蛋了 对吧?
We're fucked, aren't we?
天啊 看我们做了什么
Christ. Look what we've done.
我们不仅一颗黑莓都没摘到
What we'd done was harvest no blackberries at all
还给杰拉德增加了一周的工作量
and create a week's work for Gerald, who wouldn't be able to do it
可他没法干活
因为他那天早上打电♥话♥说他人不舒服
because he'd phoned that morning to say he wasn't feeling very well.
待在原地 就这样 别动
Stay where you are. That's it, stay straight.
而且尴尬的是
And rather embarrassingly, when the people came
等人来取回借给我的珍贵试用机时
to collect the precious demonstrator they'd lent me,
我们不得不用两台伸缩臂叉车 把它抬离墙壁
we had to lift it off the wall using two telehandlers.
Oh.
更多栅栏掉了 那些栅栏又坏了
That's... that's the fence now broken again.
看那混凝土 不是吧
Oh, look at the concrete. No, whoa, whoa, whoa.
天啊!
Jesus.
好了!这是你的机器
Here you are. Here's your machine.
显然 我现在需要想一个新方法 来采摘我的黑莓
Clearly, I now needed to think of a new way
to harvest my blackberries.
但首先 轮到我帮助卡莱布了
But first, it was my turn to help Kaleb.
Whoa. That's Kaleb's new muck spreader.
这是卡莱布的新施肥机
因为是时候清理最近送走的奶牛
Because it was time to scoop up the muck
our recently departed cows had produced over the last 11 months.
在过去11个月里产生的粪便了
Oh yes!
太棒了!
味道真冲
- That is pungent. - That's good stuff!
那可是好东西!
- 你觉得这有多少? - 我觉得这儿大约200吨♥
So how much do you reckon is here?
I reckon we've got about 200 tonnes here.
- 200吨♥粪便 - 对
- 200 tonnes of faeces. - Yeah.
- 感觉一下 感受一下它的热度 - 不要
Feel that.
- Feel how hot it is. - No.
感觉一下热度 感觉到了吗?
Feel the heat.
- Can you feel it? - Oooh!
怎么这么烫?
Why is it so hot?
粪便发酵的时候 中间会变热 然后散发出来
- When it ferments... - Oh.
It just gets hot in the middle and comes out.
- 粪肥里面是热的? - 对
- That's really hot in the middle. - Yeah.
你把粪肥装进桶里时 它会沸腾
When you start bucketing that, it's gonna be boiling.
开始装粪吧?
Start loading up, yeah?
一挖斗重一吨♥
One bucket weighs one tonne.
如果是人工化肥
If that was artificial chemical fertiliser,
那得花我一千英镑
that would have cost me a thousand pounds.
其实称重秤显示...是1.6吨♥
The weigh scales is 1.6 tonne, actually.
你的新施肥机上有称重秤?
You've got weigh scales in your new muck spreader?
它可先进了 你能知道你往土里撒了多少肥料
It's the way forward.
You can actually tell how much muck's going on your fields.
我们需要知道 化肥价格太高了
That's what we need to know. The fertiliser price is so high.
现在已经装得很满了
You're pretty much full now.
是的
Yeah.
然后这机器 就把粪扔到田地里 是吗?
And then that just flings it out over the field, does it?
这么说吧 前几天我扔了一块石头 扔出去了48米
Let's put it this way. I had a stone the other day go out 48 metres.
从后面扔出去48米?
48 metres out of the back?
从这个施肥机后面扔出去48米
48 metres out the back of this spreader,
穿过窗户、遮光帘 撞到了椅子和冰箱
through a window, through a blind,
hit a chair and hit a fridge.
在哪儿?查德灵顿吗?
Where? In Chadlington?
是的 在查德灵顿中部的 西蒙的田地里
Yeah, on Simon's field, in the middle of Chadlington.
石头撞到了椅子的顶部 把所有皮革都撕掉了