颠倒的魔法（2020）

In other words, you tanked your placement exam. Like them.
他变出了烟雾 而不是火焰
He made smoke instead of fire.
她把花瓶推向反方向 而不是朝着自己
She pushed the vase away instead of toward her.
他能飞起来 但无法落地
He could go up, but he couldn't come down.
而你 不能纯粹地变成一只猫
And you couldn't be just a kitten.
所以 现在 请坐
So, butt. Seat. Now.
我还是觉得我不应该来这里
I'm still pretty sure I'm not supposed to be here.
我非常确定你就该来这里
Oh, and I'm deffo sure that you are.
为什么 因为你不稳定
Why? Because you're wonky.
还很奇怪 并且你的魔力有缺陷
And weird and your magic is defective.
这是你们来这里的理由
Yup, that's why you're all here,
不稳定 奇怪 魔力有缺陷
wonky, weird, defective magic.
我们也不知道为什么会这样
We don't always know why it happens.
我们不关心原因
We don't really care why it happens,
但出现了这些情况 学生就被分配来这里
but when it does, you come to me.
那么 欢迎来到失控魔法系
So, welcome to the School of Upside-Down Magic.
所以 失控系的意思是
So, UDM means...
失控的魔法 恭喜你 你真是个小天才
"Upside-down magic." Congratulations, you are a genius.
或者不是什么天才 至少在魔法上不是
Or rather, not a genius, at least where magic is concerned.
不过别灰心 孩子 要是运气好 你的魔法还是有救的
But buck up, kiddo! With a little luck, we'll get that fixed.
-真的吗 -不是 大概不行吧
- Really? - No, probably not.
我是说可能可以 但一般不行
I mean maybe, but not usually.
就是有可能而已 别期望太高了
Possibly, I wouldn't count on it.
但是我们还是可以施魔法 对不对
But we, like get to do magic though, right?
对不对
Right?
不 不行
Uh, no. No, we do not.
我们要在这里学习学校课程 知道吗
We study, like, school stuff here. Okay?
数学什么的 还有作业
Math and things. Assignments.
魔法作业吗
Magic assignments?
你有没有在听我说话 当然不是 不能施魔法
Are you even listening? No! No magic!
我的职责就是让你们保持高效率 忙碌和专注
It's my job to help keep you productive, busy, engaged.
我还有一项职责
It's also my job
就是做管♥理♥员♥ 在这个高雅的学院里
to be the groundskeeper and handle general maintenance issues
处理一切维护工作
at this fine institution.
-等等 你是老师吗 -我是老师吗
- So, wait. Are you a teacher or what? - Am I a teacher?
我就是个大忙人 好吗
What I am is very busy, okay?
所以请不要用这些抽象的问题来打扰我
So, please, do not pester me with abstract questions.
那我问个直截了当的问题吧 我们为什么不能学魔法
Well, here's a clear, direct one then, why can't we study magic here?
因为你们的魔法
Because your magic
是不正常的
is wrong.
所以我们才要来学校学习如何施展正常的魔法
But, that's why we're here. To learn how to do it right.
你们永远也无法学会施展正常的魔法
You are never going to learn how to do it right.
失控的魔法永远不会是体面的魔法
Upside-down magic will never be proper magic.
在圣奇学院 你们便是孺子不可教也
In the eyes of Sage, you are unteachable.
那现在怎么办
So, what happens now?
你们坐着 慢慢等待
You sit here. And you wait.
等待什么
For what?
你们的魔力自己消失的那一天
For your magic to disappear.
魔力就像肌肉
Magic is like a muscle.
如果你不锻炼 它就慢慢弱化了
If you don't use it, it will wither away,
最终会完全消失
and eventually cease to work.
然后我们会你们送回家
And then, we send you back into the world,
你们可以继续追求常人的生活
where you can pursue a life as...
当个会计 或者宠物美容师
an accountant, or a dog groomer,
或者从事其他形形色♥色♥的职业
or whatever it is people do.
你凭什么录取一帮好好的
What possible reason could you have for taking
会魔法的小孩 却要让他们像
a bunch of perfectly good magic kids and letting them go bad like,
你忘在抽屉里的香蕉一样就这么废了
a bunch of bananas you forgot in a drawer?
为了保护人性
To protect humanity.
曾经 圣奇学院对失控魔法系的孩子一视同仁
For a while, Sage treated UDMs like any other students.
直到1939年 一位名叫瑞金诺·罗伯茨
Until 1939, and a student named
的学生出了问题
Reginald Roberts.
瑞金诺是火焰系学生
Reginald was a Flare.
但他的火焰魔法只能
But he could only express his flame
通过他地下室的熔炉成功施展
through his basement furnace.
这在当时确实很有趣 但是我们并不知道
And yes, it was very funny to all. But little did we know
瑞金诺的失控魔法使他最终被附体了
that Reginald's upside-down magic made him the perfect host for...
暗影魔法
Shadow magic.
魔法中的阴暗面
The dark side to our magic.
这种魔法的存在只为引起世界混乱
Magic that exists solely to cause chaos and anarchy.
我们虽然得以制♥服♥变成恶魔的瑞金诺
We were able to overcome the beast that Reginald had become,
但也十分艰难
but just barely.
暗影魔法不能离开人类宿主而单独存在
Shadow magic cannot work without a human host.
失控魔法系的孩子就是它唯一的目标
And UDMs are its sole target.
就好比 水果上一条小细缝
Like, how a crack in a piece of fruit
使得整个水果逐渐腐烂
allows the rot to seep in.
那就是你们 你们是有细缝的水果
That's you. You are that cracked fruit.
所以 你们要呆在这里
So. You will stay down here.
你们不能练习魔法 最终你们的魔力会消逝
You will not practice magic. And your magic will die.
这个结果总比大家都遇害要好
But better it than all of us.
我想你们应该没有其他问题了吧
I suspect there are no further questions.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
斯克里夫 斯克里夫
Skriff. Skriff!
你们继续
As you were.
好的 那么
Okay. Well then,
我们开始第一节课
let's begin with my inaugural lecture,
如何在梦想被摧残之时
"How to deal with having all of your dreams crushed
在肚子里的深处把坏情绪揉成一团
"by smushing your feelings into a ball deep inside your stomach."
现在 记笔记
Now. Write this down.
第一步 把你的情绪用力挤压
Step one, take your feelings and smush them real good
变成肚子里深处的一个小球
into a tiny ball deep inside your stomach.
第一步
"Step one...
尽我所能 将我的魔力变得可控
"do everything I can to get my magic right-side up,
并成为一名真正的变身系学生
"and become a real Fluxer."
欢迎来到火焰系荣誉班
Welcome to Honors Flare class.
之所以称为荣誉班 是因为进入这个班是一种荣誉
It's called "Honors" because it is an honor to be here.
如果你们的能力担不起这样的荣誉
And, if any of you do not live up to that honor,
就会被立刻降级
you will be demoted immediately.
上课前我们先通知一件事
Now, small piece of business before we get started.
几周后 圣奇学院将会举♥行♥一年一度的创始人节
In a few weeks, Sage will hold our Annual Founders' Day,
以赞颂我们卓越的校友
a celebration of our distinguished alumni.
庆祝活动中 会有一项学生展示
As part of the festivities, there will be a student presentation.
每个系将选出最优秀的两位一年级新生
Each school will select its top two first-year students.
这两位学生将进行一场我们称之为圣奇大赛的
Those students will compete in a head to head battle we like to call
面对面比拼
the Sage Match.
每个系的胜者将在创始人节的展示环节
The winner from each school gets to perform for the alumni,
为校友们以及整个圣奇学院进行表演
and all of Sage, in the Founders' Day presentation.
现在 开始我们的课程
Now. On to our studies.
火焰魔法不仅仅是点火
Flaring is more than making fire.
火焰魔法是一种对温度的灵活掌控
Flaring is the modulated application of heat.
蕾娜
Reina!
你的评估结果很不错 对不对
You had a rather good evaluation, didn't you?
下来 你看 蕾娜
Come down. You see, Reina,
即使是最基础的火焰魔法也可以点燃蜡烛
even the most basic Flare can light a candle.
但是爆米花
But popcorn...
这就要求恰到好处的火焰控制
See, that requires just the right touch.
我们来看看你有没有这个能耐
Let's see if you have it.
我是个会玩火球的大明星
I am a flame-throwing rock star.
蕾娜 你觉得自己做得怎么样
Reina, how do you think you did?
很糟糕
Terribly.
对不起 教授
I'm sorry, Professor.
第一天上课太紧张了
First day jitters.
第一天上课太紧张 好吧
First day jitters? Okay. Sure.
你知道你有多少次第一天上课吗
Do you know how many first days you get?
只有一次 回去坐吧
One. Sit.
那么 下一个
Now. Next victim.
看看你们能不能做得比“很糟糕”好一点
Let's see if you can do better than "terribly."
我也不是特别在意啊
Not that I care,
但是我们今天会上一节像样的课吗
but will we be having like, a class today?
上课 比起出来接受一个巨大惊喜 难道你们更愿意
Class? You kids would rather sit in a classroom instead of getting out
坐在教室里上课吗