盛大婚礼（2013）

Oh, God, I was just so terrified to see you.
哦 别介意 我是说 那都是很久以前的事儿了
Oh, don't be. I mean, look, it was a long time ago.
所以
So...
是的 现在你在这儿 我才知道我有多想念你
Yeah. Well, now that you're here, I realize how much I missed you.
好吧 嘿 我想说
Well. Hey, I want to say something.
-关于这所房♥子 -什么
-This house? -Yeah?
真是太难以置信了
It looks absolutely incredible.
你们什么时候结婚
When were you two married, anyway?
哦 我们不会结婚 我不需要戒指
Oh, we weren't. I don't need a ring.
我是说 我也想要戒指 但是
I mean, maybe I'd like to have a ring some time, but...
你应该告诉他
You should tell him.
他知道 他知道
He knows. He knows.
可能还没到那个分上吧
Doesn't exactly back stroke through the deep end of the sensitivity pool.
嘿 看看你们两个人
Hey. Look at you two.
从最后一条狗死后
Haven't seen this much tail around here
我可再没这么尾♥行♥过了
since the last poochie died.
哦 好了
Oh, Well.
欢迎来到丛林
Welcome to the jungle.
我真不喜欢这个地方
I truly loathe this place.
哦 是因为在这里认识了那个钟点工吗
Oh. Is that because you've hooked up with, like, half the staff?
那是高中 再说手活不能算的
It was high school. And hand jobs don't count.
哦 天呐
Oh, thank God.
嗨 哦 看看你啊 真漂亮
Hi. Oh, look at you. You look gorgeous.
你也是 天啊 我真喜欢你的发型
Oh, so do you. Oh, my God, your hair, I love it.
-谢谢 -你能来太好了
-Thanks. -I'm so glad you're here.
-姐姐 -外来户
-Sister. -Immigrant.
-唯利是图的律师 -小伙伴
-Ambulance chaser. -Partner.
嘿 不错嘛 安德鲁呢
Hey, good for you. Where's Andrew?
-我的天啊 -你还好吧
-Oh, God. -Are you okay?
-我得坐下 -来 来
-I gotta sit down. -Come. Come.
她都已经醉了
She's drunk already?
轻微脑震荡 这会很有趣的
Mild concussion. This should be fun.
好像我们一订婚
It's, like, as soon as we got engaged,
突然他们就觉得他不是白人了
it suddenly dawned on them that he's not Caucasian.
等等 你不是白人吗
Wait, you're not Caucasian?
现在不是
Not at the moment.
那真让人心烦
Well, that's upsetting.
他们表面上好像在参加盛大的晚宴
They're, like, putting on this whole dinner theater,
演戏给别人看 装得很酷
PC act, pretending to be really cool,
但其实他们很崩溃
but really they're freaking out
因为他们会有棕色皮肤的外孙
that they're gonna have beige grandkids.
那样不是有点虚伪吗
Isn't that a little hypocritical,
鉴于你父亲被依法追究 因为
considering your father's being investigated for...
我的小公主在这啊
There's my little princess!
亲爱的 缕缕头发
Darling. A wisp.
没关系
No, it's fine.
亲爱的 你还记得科恩斯夫妇吧
Sweetheart, you know the Corns.
-嗨 -嗨 见到你太好了
-Hi. -Hi. Good to see you.
这是她朋友亚历山德罗
And this is her friend Alejandro.
-嗨 很高兴见到你 -嘿
-Hi. Nice to meet you. -Hey.
-叫我爱尔就好 -好的 爱尔
-AI is fine. -Good. AI.
-你好 莱拉 -玛芬
-Well, hello, Lyla. -Muffin.
芝加哥怎么样
How's Chicago?
到处都是美籍西班牙人和犹太人
Crawling with spics and Jews.
恭喜
Mazel tov.
我在发抖 我是说这么长时间了
I'm shaking, I mean, it's been so long.
我要跟她说些什么
What the hell am I gonna say to her?
唐 你会没事的
Don, you're gonna do fine.
我要喝一杯
I need, uh, a drink.
宝贝 嘿
Babe, hey.
谢谢 宝贝
Thanks, babe.
-她来了 -好的
-There she is. -Okay.
你好 亲爱的
Hello, sweetheart.
你好吗
How are you?
唐纳德
Donald.
你看起来真美啊
You look breathtaking.
你又胖了点
You've packed on a few.
不过肉长在了该长的地方 但是
You know, only in the good spots. But...
你 我能不能
Do you... Well, is it okay if I...
其实 我只是 我现在感觉不太舒服
Actually, I'm just... I'm not feeling so hot right now.
嘿 我想死你了
Oh, hey. I miss you so much.
噢 嘿
Oh, hey.
我真没开玩笑 我确实感觉不舒服
I wasn't actually kidding. I really don't feel well.
我真希望我们有时间聊聊
I really wish we could spend some time,
-你知道 就我们三个 -爸爸
-you know, just the three... -Dad!
我的天啊 她
Oh, my God. Is she...
你没事吧 我的天
You all right? Oh, my God.
好了 感觉好多了
Okay. So much better.
告诉我们点内♥幕♥吧
So give us the lowdown.
明天彩排晚宴
Rehearsal dinner tomorrow.
周六在家里举♥行♥婚礼
Saturday wedding at the house.
那去哪里度蜜月呢
And where are we going on our honeymoon?
越南和柬埔寨
Vietnam and Cambodia.
是啊 我们建议去威尼斯 但是我们说了又不算
Yeah. We suggested Venice, but we don't count.
因为那里更安全
Because it's safer.
还有就是 因为亚历山德罗的母语是威尼斯语
But also, of course, because Venice is Alejandro's native language.
你的名字叫玛芬(松饼)
Your name is Muffin.
是的
Yes.
我很喜欢柬埔寨
I love Cambodia.
而且很安全
And it's perfectly safe.
我知道是因为我在那住了三个月
I know, because I lived there for three months.
妈在亚洲找到了自我
Mom found herself in Asia.
什么
What?
真是荒谬
That's absurd.
-我错过了什么 -妈
-What'd I miss? -Mom.
你了解印度密教吗
Don't you know Tantra?
你是那么说的吗
Is that how you say it?
有一次 你持续九个小时高♥潮♥
You had a nine-hour orgasm once?
真的吗
Seriously?
太可怕了
That's gross.
小小的自我探索死不了人的 年轻人
A little self-exploration wouldn't kill you, young man.
好吧
Okay.
你这情况 还是少点自我探索吧
Or maybe a little less self-exploration, in your case.
-噢 -对吧 小处
-Oh. -Right, virgy?
-要开战吗 -是的
-So it's on. -Oh, yeah.
一比零
One-nothing.
-九个小时 -好啦
-Nine hours? -Okay.
都不疼吗
Doesn't that hurt?
等下 莱拉
Wait a second. Lyla.
安德鲁为什么没来
Why isn't Andrew here?
遇到什么麻烦了吗
Trouble in paradise?
就你话多
You're a peach.
他们都没空嘛
And they're all tied up.
好吧 我不明白 他在说什么
Okay, I don't understand. What's he talking about?
安德鲁搬出去了
Andrew's moved out.
他搬出去了
He's moved out?
他是不是去鬼混
Is he fooling around?
如果是 我阉了他
Because I'll tweeze his balls off.
真是个好主意
Oh, great idea.
因为那样做真是太有用了
Yeah, 'cause karmically that would make a ton of sense.
发生什么事了
What happened?
我们可以稍后再谈这个
We can talk about this later.
你们知道吗
Uh, you know what?
既然说到这了 那就说开了吧
As long as it's come up, let's just get it over with.
因为我肯定巴瑞和玛芬
Because I'm sure Barry and Muffin here
迫不及待想听听
are just dying to hear all about
关于测验 注射
the tests, and the injections,
以及过去四年我所受的屈辱
and humiliation I've so enjoyed the last four years.
-不 我们真的不 -嘘
-No, we really don't... -Shh!
亲爱的
Honey...
我们无时无刻不在吵架